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The Power of a Bad Photo

heather.enhui

So much for the body positivity in my comment to Angie's Pat on the Back post... Monday at work our multidisciplinary team took photos for our hospital news account and when I saw the photo I went to a pretty bad place. "I look enormous!" "All that recent work I've been doing on eating healthier, cooking at home, and biking to work everyday has had no effect!" "You have let yourself go!" "You have no idea how to dress yourself."

I was standing at an extremely unflattering angle and my clothing choices that day were not quite right, this I can clearly see from the photo. It may be the all time worst photo I have ever seen of myself. (Friends have verified that it is indeed horrible.) I know that I look better in person and that I often look awkward in photos. I also know that it doesn't really matter at all what size I am, as long as I am healthy, but that message doesn't easily pass through to my brain's judgment center. I moped all afternoon and cringed when I saw my colleagues sharing the post all over social media.

When I started this job three years ago I was severely underweight and not at all healthy. The previous year had been spent as a patient at this hospital where I work, undergoing cancer treatment. I lost 15 kg over that year, and my hair as well. Over time I slowly reached a healthy weight - my lifetime goal weight, in fact, and my hair finally hit my shoulders. Then treatment side effects and complications led to severe illness, including ICU admission, and months of recovery. I had to stop exercising. I gained weight (hello hospital lobby bakery!)

My conscious brain is constantly telling me that I am amazing. I am doing great. I am back to biking. I am cooking the foods that I know my damaged system can tolerate. I am making excellent choices for my health and happiness. I am shopping for clothes I LOVE and are truly me and am building capsules. My inner critic is shrieking, however. HOW can one photo cause me to throw all that positive thinking out the window? And on a lighter note, any advice on how to strike a flattering pose?

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17 replies

Latest reply was from heather.enhui

mamacandoit

Oh how I feel for you! I have this one photo that my naive DH had enlarged on canvas and i look like a milking cow (bad day to go braless but i didn't know photos would happen). To make it worse he hung in on the living room wall and put it in photo albums sent out to relatives!!!

The thing to remember is that photos are incredibly deceiving. If you look at the greatest historical lies they are usually backed up with "photo" evidence, some of those photos were tricked but others were just misleading without even having been tampered with.
That photo is not YOU. It's a photo and obviously whoever took it doesn't have very good photographic skills bc a good photographer makes sure the photo's subjects are distorted.
Your body is AMAZING! it's been through so much and is out-of-this-world amazing to have fought through those illnesses.

I'm going to suggest something brave: go somewhere nice with some trusted close friends and take some photos of yourselves. I guarantee you will have some amazing shots that will just make that first photo irrelevant.

heather.enhui

I've been thinking more about this and wanted to add that while my clothing choices might not have been totally right in this instance, I also have to accept that if I do choose to create a JFE silhouette, it may be that I will not conform to the current standards of dressing to look tall and thin. I think I forget that the look I am going for these days may photograph differently then looks I've worn in the past. I've moved on from slim fit silhouettes but I really haven't taken many photos in my new looser fit styles. This may be another reason I was shocked by my appearance.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh Heather! Man, I go like that into tailspins...especially when my boss tells me the latest personnel problem. I totally cannot focus after he tells me this stuff.

The brain is an amazing thing. The conscious brain is not at all in the driver's seat ever. At best, the alligator brain has space enough to take a little input from the rational mind. Totally effects what we see. Because the alligator brain is all for jumping to conclusions. And it really just overworks itself on anything that even tangentially touches social matters. I've read when you think you're doing and thinking nothing - like watching tv - your brain is actually off in a corner calculating social positioning. My current theory is to try and catch, faster and faster, the alligator opening its jaws to snap. Haha. Yeah, will get back to report on that one later.

...Oh and one so does have to practice posing in the mirror like a teenaged mean girl. 3/4 to the camera, chin forward and not too high, shoulders back but don't stand too straight up and down, head tilted for your best side... Lol. I wish I'd started earlier on this in life...

Oh, and of course, it's Murphy's law you'll always have to take a photo when your hair is bad etc etc.

rachylou

Veteran

Actually, that's a good point about style and photography. I mean, you go to a photoshoot and look at the scene from behind...you will see a lot of jimmy rigging.

Bijou

Veteran

Congratulations on everything that you have achieved this year. You definitely are awesome and so is your body - I'm glad that you rational brain is not letting you forget that. As for the photo, it is a shame that the photographer did not check it with you because that is not how you look. Everyone has had bad photos taken of them (even professional models). Personally I hate photos taken of me from down low pointing up at me - it widens you in the most unflattering way. Photos taken side on, tend to look the best.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

This first photo is only 1 of many photos that are "bad". This next photo is the beauty power sexy vulnerable capable stunning beauty that I feel that I am. I feel like I had a hard time seeing me. That same voice in my head. This same unflattering real life photos don't tell the whole story.

I'm not the beautiful person that gets asked out by someone. I'm not that person who men will turn there heads to look at like my beautiful best friend. I know my place and situation. I host a rebellion everyday agnist the images as an onslaught of things that tell me I'm not good enough.

I call my good good friend who pours into my spirit that I am more than enough. I used to be a size 8 now I'm a plus a size 18. I understand that the camera can tell us a truth or a lie.

I'm did this professional photo shoot with no make up and no photo shop because I want to see the beauty that is me. To remind me of who I actually am.

Can 1 photo send me into a free fall of doubt? Yeah sometimes. Can another like these place me back on track ? You bet your life. My photographer got my vision and my beauty. He saw me. Now I'm one of his muses. He did my photo shot for free and was kind and had patience. Now he shoots me from time to time.

Sometimes people see us sometimes most times people don't see us. It is how we choose to see ourselves the matters the most.

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viva

Veteran

Oh god, I could have written your post. I seem to be able to maintain a pretty positive self image until a picture is taken. But pictures seem to freeze in time all of my worst fears, whether it's body type or lack of style or age or just general mood. I can think of maybe 3 pictures in my adult life that I REALLY love, that show me as I see myself on my best days: pretty, stylish, reasonably fit. Everything else? UGH. I have no advice, except try to let that bad one go. I have looked terrible in every group photo ever. Staged group photos are the worst. I just try to banish them from memory.

But I will say that my favorite photo of the last 10 years (below) will be enough to carry me for a long time. It was one in a multitude of photos that my husband took rapid-fire one day, while I twirled around to show the fringe on a top. Because I was having fun, I relaxed, and it was most definitely NOT the first photo of the "shoot."

Given everything you have gone through and all you have accomplished, you deserve to have a picture of yourself that you love. And maybe you will be like me, that one great one will be enough to overcome all of the ill feelings that will inevitably arise with all the stilted bad images that are likely to be taken in the future.

If you can get dressed in an outfit that you really love, and have a friend take a bunch of pictures of you, outside (good lighting!), while you are moving (more natural!), ideally talking to you while snapping (laughter! fewer false poses!) -- you will probably get one picture that you love. And like me, you will use it for years as your touchstone for positive self-image.

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Suz

(website)

Veteran

So sorry you're feeling low about this, Heather. Your body is amazing and has taken you through so much! But I get how demoralizing it can be to see yourself the way the camera catches you. Disorienting, too, if you thought your outfit was good and you felt great in it (until you saw the photo.)

All of us have seen shots of ourselves that we'd rather destroy. My thoughts on this are the more pictures you take, the more you recognize that a picture is just a picture, it's not the essence of "you" but a representation of angles and planes in a certain moment. Taking photos for this site has helped me a lot that way. Of course I usually pick the nicest ones to throw up for review, but I used to cringe even at those when I'd look back at them. Now, not so much. They are what they are.

And, as others have said, setting up a shoot with a good friend or even treating yourself to a professional shoot might help. Take back control over your own image and show the world your true strength, resilience, and power in your poses.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Oh wow, you have been through so much. Well I can tell you not to be hard on yourself, etc. but in this case I think commiseration may be more helpful. For every picture of myself that I can bear to look at there are many more that must be deleted immediately to save my mood. Looking good for the camera is a skill that can be learned but no one looks good in every picture. Really.

Chris987

Veteran

Wow Heather, you are quite a "health warrior". Congrats on your tenacity in working through all the health issues and coming out in a much better place, I'm sure it was not easy and you deserve a HUGE pat on the back for that which is much more important than fashion accomplishments.

I think we all know in our rational brains that the essence of who we are (our soul if you use that concept) is NOT the same as our hair, our clothes, our body, or any photos taken of us......but it still stinks to see a photo of yourself that does not look good, or to have a bad hair day, etc.

RachyLou you are SO right about that damn alligator/reptilian brain. We still need it once in a while but the rest of the time it just wreaks havoc.

LaDeonna once again you nailed it...what we think of ourselves is what matters most.

Suz - yes yes take back control of your own self-image. Such terrific advice.

Very uplifting postings from everyone....

Ledonna N.

Veteran

You so inspired me today. More than you will every know. Your journey is amazing. You are phenomenal, wonderfully and fearfully made.

I usually have a lot of words but I'm just gonna say thank you.

lyn67

Veteran

I can so relate, but you have always to remind yourself you are already a hero after all that much to fight for your health!
I can shoot myself some great picties in the mirror but unfortunately no one else can do the same IRL and this leads me to a philosophical question:- then which is the true image of me??? But decided consciously to always go pretending I'm the one from my best self shots-and the others will be thrown in the ocean!:-)

Still, I fear like death my 30yrs high school reunion on this weekend to come...:-((

Anonymous

I really relate to Vivian's comments, and then her suggestions. I won't even suggest that my own experiences with self doubt come from a similar place to yours - serious, serious health issues put you in a different category of experience. But I know EXACTLY what you mean,or I think I can empathize with that sick feeling. I have it every.single.day of my life - imagining how I look in my mind, then being so shocked to see reality in a store mirror, or a window reflection or in a group picture. All I can say is - there are more women who feel like we do, than not. But back to viva's comments - bang on .

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

One time I read something self help related that said to feel free to trash any old photos of yourself that you didn't find pleasing - but now that everything is digital, that's not really possible.

I imagine most of us have had many bad photos taken (if we are the judge at least). I used to feel very uncomfortable having a photo taken. I think I got over that by realizing and reminding myself each time that pretty much everyone else may not look their best in the photo either. And the point of the photo is not how flattering it makes us, but how it captures the memory of a particular time, right?

I try to relax and have fun when someone points the camera at me these days. I'd rather be caught with a bad hair day and a smile or even funny face than with a bad hair day and a frown. And as for looking larger than we want, etc. - well that's all about camera angle, body angle, clothing, etc.

If I were taking a planned group photo I guess I would be a little pushy and be sure the photographer is in a good position (not looking up at the group for example, but looking slightly down or at the same level) and maybe ask to see the digital images before the photographer declares they are done and see if everyone agrees or not, if not, it's worth it to snap a few more pics. I also have been known to change positions within the group as my right eye is nearly blind and I don't like having that eye facing the camera as much as the left because I can't see when the photo is going to be snapped.

To get more comfortable, take a bunch of pics of yourself to practice smiling for the camera and various poses if you can.

Anonymous

Bless your heart! I know exactly how you feel. It can be depressing if you let it. I have nothing to add that others have not said, other than to keep on keeping on with your diet and exercise. It will pay off sooner or later. I have the same battle, and I totally get it.

Gigi

Veteran

Boy, have I been there! Like Lisa said, you're feeling great about yourself and your outfit, and then you get a glance of yourself in a store mirror or a window and feel "ugh." And you come crashing down.

I think it's important to note that we are people, not just images. We have personalities. We smile. We laugh. We listen to others who need a shoulder to cry on. And the list goes on and on. A photo captures just an image, one instant--not the person we are. So much is missing! We're not just a two-dimensional thing to look at. But this gets really lost in our appearance-centered society.

I like to watch makeup videos on YouTube quite a bit, and I've noticed that when I push the Pause button, the person is often caught in a very unflattering pose or with an unflattering expression. Even people who are incredibly beautiful can look awful if caught at just the right moment.

heather.enhui

Thank you all so, so, so much for your kind comments and insights! Due to the time difference I couldn't respond in real time to your comments, but I appreciate each and every one of them. I'm loving the idea to get outside and take a bunch of photos with a friend; the next sunny day I will do that, a touchstone image really resonates for me. Ledonna your pics are so fabulous I am just blown away! And thanks for sharing your pic too, Viva. Just beautiful!