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The dress market - what a disaster

Anonymous

Of course, a truly prepared and organized YLF'er would have already found and stashed away the perfect dress suitable for things like funerals, special occasions etc - and I'll admit right up front that that is not me.

Fast forward to today , when I have about an hour to run to the mall to see if I can find something to wear to a memorial service/"celebration of life" (don't ask) party for my sister-in-law, who died this morning at the age of 62. The event is on Thursday.

I have never had success with dresses in the past few years - and today was no different. Being in a hurry is never a good thing, but I really don't have time to shop and fart around trying a million things on - especially this week! . First stop was Hudson Bay (our dept store) which was full of dresses - but they were all the same. Literally cookie cutter sleeveless fitted sheaths in 15 different patterns and colourways, and all with the Calvin Klein tag and label . Or Tahari, or Nine West. It's like a factory churns these things out just for the dept store market and keeps the price nice and low. Gross.

One or two mall stores that I tried were no better: BR doesn't even do this type of dress, and the other chain stores were full of the same sleeveless sheaths. Nothing at CM - seriously.

What is going on here? I want a fashion forward or at least current, maybe edgy , beautifully made dress NOT in some kooky dept store pattern, and NOT sleeveless. I don't want to wear a little sweaterish thing over top, which is how they merchandise these million sleeveless dresses (rack of shrugs beside them) - come on: let's play at an advanced level here stores and get some dresses in that women actually look good in. Where is the linen? Where is the silk? Where is draping, asymmetry? Where is charcoal grey? There is about one body type that looks good in a sleeveless sheath, and the majority of women don't have it.

Anyways, rant over. There is a big hole in the dress market - and if I could run my own line, I'd address this. I don't even know what I want, but I sure couldn't find it. Of course I realize that boutiques and higher end stores have more interesting dresses, but I don't live in that city.

I'm trying one more time tomorrow if I can squeeze out another hour, but I may be wearing pants instead. Grrr.

Shopping

49 replies

Latest reply was from rachylou

Peri

Veteran

I could have written this...only not as well! But I have been looking for the same kind of thing, to be prepared for the type of situation you are facing, for a few years now. I just can't find "the one". It's ridiculous.

I did try Dobbin Clothing Co, because they look like the type that would be appropriate, but the one I tried was not flattering on me. I think dresses are the hardest thing ever to fit and flatter.

For what it's worth, for the last few funerals I've been to, at least half the women were wearing pants. I would still love to find a dress, but I think you will be fine in pants if you need to wear them.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Yes. Dresses are hard - especially the casual styles. And it's best not to be in a hurry to buy a dress. They never seem to be what you want when you're frantically looking for one.

Actually, I just bought two dresses in Europe and the very best dress in Dec last year here in Seattle. Straight off the rack with sleeves, sufficient length and perfect fit. Two of them are formal. This is not the norm.

I could point you to quite a few appropriate US options online Lisa, but I know you're not interested because you need Canadian options.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I also echo, Peri. No need to wear a dress to a memorial service or funeral. Dressy dark non-flashy attire is fine.

MsMaven

Veteran

Welcome to the Dress Ranters Club. Many of us have been griping about this for years. Yes, there is a market for decent dresses in a decent price range. And in good fabrics.

Not sleeveless, not backless, not mid-thigh, not plunging in front, not little girl dresses, and not old lady dre
sses either. Dresses that don't need a card or a jacket. Sigh. Is no one out there in retail land listening?

Sounds like you don't have time to shop online, where you can filter out by style, length and sleeves.

Funerals, memorials--people wear amazing things to these. That is a whole other topic. I usually wear a skirt if I have a dark one, but I did wear pants to my Mom's funeral in '02. There was a shocked silence when I announced it to my sisters, but they both arrived wearing pants as well.

Condolences and good luck to you.

Greyscale

Veteran

Sorry for your loss.

You describe exactly my frustration with Banana Republic in the past - soulless cookie-cutter businesswear - though BR has made great progress in having a bit more inspiration recently. Unfortunately some of their best designs are online only, or limited to a few flagship locations. I do like this black silk dress though it's sold out in most sizes and not found in many stores, so I'm just linking as an example.
http://bananarepublic.gapcanad.....=404661003

I think you're describing a sort of "lowest common denominator" problem where it's financially risky for big chains to experiment, and the only designers who can afford to are brands that are out of reach for many of us. But like you said, sheath dresses aren't easy to fit, so it's not like they're a universal winner!

Thin White Duchess

You are so right! I would love to see more "advanced level" dresses in natural fibers! I snap up anything remotely close whenever I see it to avoid this exact problem -- emergency shopping is the worst! I'm with Angie above-- go with pants, I think you'll be perfectly fine.

Anonymous

Thanks Angie - as much as I'd appreciate some ideas, US sources aren't going to work as there is no time for ordering. This was meant to be more of a commentary on the state of the dress market than anything. Wearing pants, and separates is obviously the easy solution, but sometimes it's nice to have that really polished look a dress gives. I actually found a jersey faux wrap DVF-alike that fit perfectly, but I was so astounded and horrified at how big my breasts looked that there was NO WAY I was going to wear it. I was literally dumbfounded that that's what i look like in a super fitted dress. That image will be burned into my retinas for life eternal.

Anonymous

Greyscale - thanks - that is a gorgeous dress, and if I had seen it today , I would have bought it. My BR is a pretty small one , and the only dresses were way too short, or way too jersey-body con. Not what I want at all.

Runcarla

Veteran

Very sudden death and the "celebration of life" (as funderal's seem to be called these days) the day after DS#2 uni grad. Felt like I spent the weekend in the car. . I wore a black cotton sundress (Loft) that I had in my closet, and my black pointy toe flats with a simple black bag. It was stinking hot so I didn't need the jean jacket that I brought along. Wasn't happy about the jacket...but turned out I wasn't the only one.

There were a lot of young folks since it was a young person who died. Too many cocktail style short and tight skirts in shiny materials and very high heels.

Maybe somthing like the pic below?

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Anonymous

Carla - that's exactly what I did try on today, and if I looked like Ines de la Fressange, I'd have bought it. Those kinds of dresses are way too matronly on my body: big breasts (I seriously want a breast reduction , I am SO done with looking like this) and a short waist. Mrs. Doubtfire comes to mind. Thanks for the thought Sorry to hear you were going through this recently too. I only wish I owned a black cotton dress - I'd wear it in a heartbeat. Young women, when left to their own devices, wear horrible things, don't they? I have to remind mine not to wear such short rompers and dresses - and speaking of which, I'll be looking for something appropriate for her to wear to this too.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

Admittedly sleeveless, but I have her ruffle dress. Excellent quality.
Too late for you but some sleeved options.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/liza.....id=7741345

Thistle

Veteran

I find dresses very hard as I am pear shaped. I wish dresses worked!

What about a black pencil skirt and black top? A linen blend or asymmetric hemline would be lovely.

shedev

Veteran

I've been a pallbearer at the last two funerals in my family, so I wore a suit on the day of the funeral and a skirt and top to the viewing. I may need both before the next one, which I hope doesn't happen for a long time.

Deborah

Veteran

Lisa, I am sorry for your loss.

Dresses with sleeves can be very hard to find. So I emphathise.

Does it absolutely have to be a dress? I can't advise you on any particular dresses as I am in Aus, but I am wondering if you could reconsider what you feel might be suitable. You look amazing in pants and jackets so could you shop your closet for an outfit that is funeral/celebration of life appropriate and still very you? Sometimes I put pressure on myself with certain occasions that I have to wear a certain 'thing' but in fact I could just dress as normal only amp it up a bit.

Daria

My condolences..
I was actually going to post my dress shopping frustration.. Was looking for a knee-length dress that would be work appropriate, but NOT businesswear and NOT bodycon. Mission impossible!
Instead ordered two lovely denim dresses that I'm sure will be too short to wear to work sans leggings.. Oh well - cannot have it all!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

(My condolences, Lisa. Sorry for your loss).

I would have LOVED to see you in that black wrap dress. FWIW, I bet it looked incredible.

jackiec

Veteran

I'm really sorry about your loss.

You did have me laughing about your description of the Bay dresses. My girlfriend and I go through there every November just before our school has a gala fundraiser. 9 times out of 10 we both walk out with a Calvin Klein sheath dress in some colour or another, and always on sale. Always the same, we always leave it to the last minute, and we are always stuck. Last summer I picked up a great black dress at AllSaints in Vegas, and it was my "go-to" this year. When she called me for our annual "Bay" dress shopping trip I was already done (but went along for the ride).

I digress but I totally hear you. Wish I picked up another good one in the Tahari outlet in Vegas in May. I ended up getting a more colourful one, which I loved, but as of today I can't even zip the d$m thing up. Must have been on a liquid diet all that weekend....

unfrumped

Veteran

My condolences, and I rant with you. Where is the gray raw silk, indeed.

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

Sorry to hear about your sister in law, Lisa.

However, I'm equally sad to hear about dearth of black dresses. And from what I read here, it seems this is a common problem for everyone. I agree, sheath dresses are really hard to pull off. And unless you find a dress with an open neckline, a large bust looks horrid. I hear you on that bust reduction surgery...it's played on my mind for a while now!

For now, you'd probably be better off wearing pants and top, or a skirt and top (and I do hope a black skirt isn't this hard to find!). And whenever you go shopping and do see a black dress that fits well, don't wait to snatch it up!

Anonymous

Anna - thanks - that is EXACTLY what I want. And in those looks I'm ok with sleeveless. I just don't want a cookie cutter sleeveless sheath. Great label -thanks.

Angie - trust me when I tell you I looked like mrs doubtfire . I was rather entranced with myself in the mirror but only in morbid fascination.

Deborah- you're right about a dress not being necessary - I just had this vision of myself walking around in an incredibly gorgeous charcoal linen thing or another and feeling super put together. All of this doesn't really matter though does it? I think I'm still in shock that she died so suddenly. Cancer . Diagnosed only 6 weeks ago.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Sorry both about the occasion and your frustration. I am thinking a pantsuit might be the ticket.

SW Ann

Veteran

My condolences, Lisa.....
I do have to comment though, that I've been thinking about this lately (last minute emergencies,), and wondering if I were morbid or nuts for trying hard to line up 2 or 3 possible choices in the event I have to travel to a memorial service. I had been alternating between feeling as if I were borrowing trouble for thinking about it in advance and the other side, being prepared. Your "rant" on dresses, which I could have written if I were so eloquent, made me feel a little less morbid and a little more prepared. Only a little....
Again, I'm so sorry for your sad news.

Deborah

Veteran

Lisa, I do the exact same thing. I get a picture of what I want to look like/wear in my head and it can create quite a bit of stress if what I am seeing is not actually in my closet:)

I am so sorry about your SIL, you certainly must be in shock. My dad did not live long after his diagnosis and I still recall, like it was yesterday, when I got the phone call to say he had passed away. I was numb! I am very confident you have some fabulous to wear already in your closet. So try not to put yourself under unnecessary pressure and make sure you are being kind to yourself.

catgirl

Veteran

Agree, agree, agree. I have one cool black dress that I spent a lot on because it was such a HEWI. And the Alexander Wang cheaper line tee dress, which is probably too casual for a funeral.

A busty friend of mine looks fantastic in this shirt dress which can be unzipped for more or less of a V:

http://m.shop.nordstrom.com/s/.....wordsearch

Not the most edgy but definitely a good workhorse dress for her.

viva

Veteran

So sorry for your family and this loss, Lisa, and for the added stress of dressing.

I hate dresses and have had my rants as well. Count me in. I hope you found something to wear and got through it all.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I'm sorry about your SIL -- so sad.

I hear you loud and clear on dresses. Don't even get me started on how tough this is for someone who not only has a big chest, but big hips AND long legs (so most cuts are just too short). Most of what's in the stores bores me to tears. I've hung onto a few dressier dresses (with more classic fits) that still fit me that would work for certain occasions, even though I haven't worn them in a few years, for just this reason. But the last couple of memorial services I've been to, I have worn black or grey trousers with a black or dark printed blouse and dark pumps. Simple but occasion-appropriate. In fact, this is one of the only reasons I keep some well-fitting classic black and grey trousers in my wardrobe, because I don't wear them otherwise.

I wouldn't fret it if you can assemble something neutral from your closet in either a skirt-top or trouser-top combination that hits the right note. IMHO, it doesn't need to be black, especially in summer -- grey, navy, even burgundy... Good luck, and let us know what you end up with.

Anonymous

Una - I like that Michael Kors dress - despite it being more of an everyday dress. I'm going to pop into the MK store here tomorrow if I get a minute.

Thanks, all, for your kind words and for the suggestions to just go with whatever is in the closet. You're obviously right. I'm seriously lacking in dressier clothes and haven't bought anything this year other than jeans and more tank tops (lol) because I just don't like what I see in stores. There is a major hole in my closet for dressier, more polished clothes, which needs to be addressed. I need a trip to Toronto or Vancouver or Calgary again, stat.

Marilyn

Veteran

I'm very sorry for your loss, Lisa. I lost my SIL at 56 a few years ago and I don't even know what to say except life sucks really hard at times.

I'll join the dress rant club. I love dresses and I'm always on the hunt. Add the fact that petite dresses almost always work best on me and it's just dismal.
I was actually just browsing the dresses at the The Bay this morning and it's no wonder they're all on sale.....who's buying this crap!

Susie

Veteran

I am sorry for your loss, Lisa. Sadly, I have a funeral to attend too...a close friend's dad died unexpectedly this past weekend and the service is today.

I can sympathize with your dress dilemma as I find them to be challenging. A shift style works best for my apple shape and I avoid anything sleeveless. A sheath definitely doesn't work for me! And I too want a dress that works on its own, without needing a topper, because its the simplicity of a dress that I find appealing.

While I have a black suit or dark pants/dressier top that would be appropriate for a funeral, I too wanted to wear a dress. Last year I stalked an Eileen Fisher black silk dress and got it when it was on sale. The last time I wore it was last spring for my daughter's graduation from grad school, certainly a more festive occasion than today's wearing.

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