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The downside to posting pics

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Like the chicken and the egg argument, I'm not sure which came first...my wavering self esteem or a few of my recent WIW pics, but I know that I'm not feeling good about my body the last couple of weeks.

I'm short and fat - I know that. But there are a few outfits as of late that just seem to scream it out loud to me and it's really messing with my head. I can feel good in an outfit and think it looks good in the mirror but then I see the photo and all those good thoughts go flying out the window.

I try to work at lengthening my leg line but get tired of struggling with this sometimes and just say "to heck with it" some days...even my fishbow shoes today are bumming me out because they make my legs look stumpy. As for tucking, I'm ok with it in some instances but in others, forget it. I know logically that tucking into my twirly A-line skirt today would have helped in the long and lean area, but there's just no way I'm exposing my tummy that way.

Photos help in showing what's not working with an outfit and provides all YLFers the visual aide for them to provide helpful feedback. So how do I get over this?

General

44 replies

Latest reply was from biscuitsmom

citygirldc

(website)

Veteran

I struggle with it all the time because I'm not sure if it's the outfit that's making me look that bigger or the angle I'm standing or my own body.

Lately, I have to take breaks from YLF because feels like I get too obsessive over what people say which sometimes backfires and has a negative effect on me. Plus I tend to overthink an outfit when I see myself in a photo, so I end up changing. Does this make any sense? Sorry if I don't.

And NO you're not short and fat. You have a great wardrobe now all you have to do it make it work!!

Ana

(website)

Veteran

I know photos can help us figure out what works and what doesn't in an outfit, but they're not foolproof. I don't totally buy into the idea that a photo will tell us "the truth" of what we really look like. The angle of the photo (influenced by height of person taking it), the lighting, the quality of the picture can all conspire to make us look worse than we really do (or you know, better too). For instance, my husband is much taller than I am, so I have to make him crouch down to take my photos or else my legs look very short (well, shorter than they really are, heh). And colors in my outfits are often much more vivid and pretty than the way I see them turn out in the photos. It is what it is and I figure I can't do much about it.

Anyway, I haven't noticed any particular outfits or photos that I think make you look "bad" at all! I think you always look great, Shannon! I don't want you to be too hard on yourself. : ( You might just be experiencing a disconnect between how you are used to seeing yourself in your reflection and the angle/lighting/quality of a photograph. Honestly, unless the person taking your photo has a great camera, great lighting and really knows what they are doing, I would go with how you see yourself "in real life" over a photo. But like I said, I think you've looked great in all your WIWs that I've seen, and I always love looking over your creative outfits.

Mochi

Veteran

Ah, Shannon. It is tough to be short (and I'm not that much taller than you) and not stick thin. You are decidedly not fat or even chunky, but it's so much harder to look lithe when the proportions are fighting against it. I won't go ahead and say you're just having a bad couple of days and the clouds will lift, but I honestly do think your outfits are adorable and you really dress to your body's strengths brilliantly. Hope others here will have much more constructive and helpful comments than I.

Mona

Veteran

Shannon, your post is so timely. I was thinking about the same thing for a few days now. Seeing myself in full length photos is such a revelation. I am quite surprised sometimes how the outfit or my body looks in the photo. Like Ana and cityigirl said above, a lot of factors influence the photos. Dont let it get you down. We love seeing your WIW's and little stories behind them. Also, keep in mind when people look at you, they are admiring your outfit and how confident you look carrying it. When you look at yourself, you are usually worrying about how your body looks. We all are like that.

MsMary

Veteran

I'm so sorry to hear this! I truly have been thinking that each and every one of your outfits -- not just the outfits, but the photos, and YOU in the photos -- is more fab than the next!! Really!

That said, I totally get how you feel! Not long ago I went through a phase where I felt like every. single. photo. I posted made me look like a gigantic hag. I was getting super bummed about it but I kept on posting and lo and behold it went away. But just now I went back through those photos and I STILL think I look like a gigantic hag in all of them! LOL

I'm pretty sure that's not going to be very helpful, but at least please know you're not alone!

soobee

Veteran

Oh wow, this is post is so timely for me - I've only just returned home from seeing a dietician! My GP sent me as a last resort before gastric banding When I was younger I controlled my weight with exercise, now I have all of these "age related" issues which prevents exercise, the latest one being an "age related" damaged ligament in my right foot - now I can't even flippin' walk!!!!! So I know where you're coming from Shannon, and believe me, I feel your pain. However, when I see your photos I don't see what you do. I see an extremely chic, modern and confident woman with *the* most amazing smile, and I'd love to spend some time hanging out with you. Your outfits are just devine. I certainly don't see you as fat. And being tall isn't always what it's cracked up to be either. I am tall and I do like the fact that in photos my outfits look better because of it, but IRL sometimes I'd just like to blend in, rather than being this giant "Amazonian" and having everyone notice every move I make! I think that we all look at our photos and zero in on what we perceive as our problem zones. Sure, you're not a bone thin super model, but no way would I classify you as fat. You're a normal sized woman with a fantastic smile and outstanding dress sense. Go easy on yourself!!

catgirl

Veteran

Sign me up! I just took pictures of myself in a possible new bathing suit (no intention of posting them here, just because I'm now co-dependent on the camera). Let's just say it's going to take me a long time to recover from that experience, along with the size of bikini top I had to order.

The first thing I notice in your pictures after your fab outfits is your infectious and irresistable SMILE! I can't seem to smile in pictures... I promise I'm not so gloomy in real life.

modgrl

(website)

Veteran

I have to agree with MaryK! Your outfits have been getting better and better. I love that you push yourself outside of your comfort zone and are always willing to try something new. You look like you are having fun with fashion every day. I used to stress out about getting dressed every day because I felt like I didn't have anything that was flattering or in style. I started posting pictures here because I really felt like I needed help and I didn't have an eye for what worked at all. I get what you mean though. It can take a toll when something that you think works gets skewered here. But it took that for me to realize the way I was dressing really wasn't working for my body.

Jonesy

Veteran

Shannon, you are so not alone! Pictures can do funny things to our bodies, and it feels very vulnerable (at least to me) to put yourself out there in photos for everyone to see and comment on. I sometimes fret over posting or not posting, so I truly admire you for posting as often as you do, and I agree with others who have noted that your style and your WIWs seem to be getting better and better.

In complete and utter frankness, I think you have totally hit your style groove lately and I am consistently impressed and in love with your outfits! Truly. Also agree that you have such an infectious smile, and your stories about your thrifting, your adorable hubby, etc. are just too charming :). Your personality and warmth really come through here.

Diana

Veteran

First off, Shannon, I agree that your outfits have been awesome lately!

While I think that photos are a useful tool and great for sharing with us here on the forum, I think it's important to remember that they don't tell the whole story! The camera angle is only one of many angles that people IRL see us at! How an outfit moves is another important aspect that is lost in translation. I find that certain things, like flowiness and motion of fabric, do not translate well at all. Also, things like small jewelry and small patterns are often not visible in photos - but, for example, when someone talks to you, they focus on your face rather than your whole body so something like a delicate necklace or pretty printed scarf will get noticed.

missvee

Veteran

Well you're certainly right when you say that taking (and posting) pictures can lead to an excess of self-examination and I agree wholeheartedly with the others here who have said that pictures DO lie based on distance, angle, lighting and so on. I'm also wondering if the change of seasons has anything to do with your malaise. I live in the 'frozen North' too and I felt I had just got into the swing of winter dressing and now I'm scrambling to find some more spring-like outfits. I can't seem to remember what worked last year and what I needed to buy for this year. And in your case, you're really trying to hone your style by trying different looks - I admire that and I think you should cut yourself some slack if not every look is worthy of a spread in Vogue! You consistently post interesting and flattering outfits and today's was no exception. We all have to 'dress the body we have' and I know that sometimes that can be more a chore than a pleasure, but believe me you do a far better job than most people.

catgirl

Veteran

okay, I just have to add a quick funny anecdote... In NOLA my sister took a side view photo of my profile kissing my baby nephew. Well, my NOSE! I guess I don't often think about how, er, long and hook-like it really is.. I was so appalled to see it from the side, and I screamed out, "Oh my god, I need a NOSE BRA!" We about fell over laughing at that later...

Yes, self-image is an ongoing struggle.

Rest assured you are a beautiful sassy style icon, Shannon!

Jonesy

Veteran

Here's my not-so-funny anecdote: When I saw the pics from the Chicago YLF gathering for the blog post, I was so appalled at one of the pics of me that that was all I could think about. Just horrified, and yet I couldn't look away, like an accident or something...For a while it actually overshadowed all of the warm fuzzies I had from the replies to the post. Eventually I had to let it go, but let's just say that I can relate :).

rae

(website)

Veteran

Shannon, I think most of us have a love-hate relationship with pictures of ourselves! FWIW, I've thought you've been looking extra lean lately, with your awesome dresses and yes even the pants!

I cried at every picture I saw of myself from age 12 until... gee, it can only be about 3 years ago. Seriously. I had no idea about body or face angles, clothing tricks for figure flattery, or anything. My mom would develop a roll of film, and I'd cry at how ugly and fat I was... yeah, I'd *love* to be that size now!

All I can say is it gets better, slowly, through a combo of the clothes, the poses, and well... desensitization, lol. Silly, but true. *hugs* Please don't stop posting, whatever you do!

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Please know I'm not fishing for any sort of compliments or asking anyone to not be honest with me about my outfits. I truly do want HONEST feedback and if an outfit doesn't work, please let me know - I don't want to walk around looking like I got dressed in the dark! And nothing anyone has ever said about an outfit has caused me to feel this way AT ALL. It has nothing to do with that. It has to do with my own perceptions of myself and my body.

Ana - I do think you're right in that photos don't always show an outfit and how we look in it the way it is IRL. That's what's bothering me.

Mona - you are sooooo right that I tend to always focus on what my body looks like, especially anything negative. I used to do that all the time and then worked on getting past it. For some reason, I've started doing that again.

MaryK - you in no way resemble a gigantic hag! You did make me giggle though.

Diana - I truly appreciate your insight on how outfits look and work IRL compared to a still photo. It does help to remember that outfits translate so differently IRL. This really applies to the new slouchy silky pants I just bought - I think it was those photos that kind of pushed me into this mental state I'm in now. The pics truly horrified me - I was convinced I was a 5 foot blob in those pants. And yet I know they looked good IRL and Dianthus was with me and agreed. That's when I doubt myself - the photo says one thing and the real life version says something else.

Thanks for the laugh Una! And I love your nose!

Rest assured, I am still having fun with fashion and enjoying pushing myself a little in terms of style. I'm still going to post WIW regularly because it allows me to express myself and I learn so much from all of your comments - please continue to keep them real. I guess I'm just having some sort of "crisis of confidence" (as Una had put it in her post) and I'm sure I'll get over it.

I can't thank you all enough for your kind words - sorry to be so high maintenance!

Amy

(website)

Veteran

Photographs can act like fun-house mirrors sometimes. I totally know where you are coming from because I feel like that sometimes too. Check out how weird the pictures posted below make my proportions look. In some, my legs are like stilts. In others, they appear short and/or it looks like I have a GIANT head. Yay!

The camera's a good tool, but it's flawed. I know what I know and I'm NOT a bobble head.

Shannon, for whatever it's worth, what comes across to me in every. single. one. of your pictures is your vibrant personality, and creative and lively fashion sense. I really admire you and wish I had even an ounce of your flair!

Try to shake off the sad feelings and keep in mind, tomorrow's another day!

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Transcona Shannon

Veteran

(posted at the same time Amy)

"Fun house mirrors" - boy, have you got THAT right! That you for your reassurance - you're a sweetheart! And you're right - your proportions do vary in the pics you added so I appreciated the visual reference.

Jonesy

Veteran

Re. those silky, light-colored pants: There is something really diabolical about fabrics with any kind of sheen in pictures. Those sorts of fabrics just amplify or grow somehow in photographs; I am totally convinced of this!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Aw, Shannon. Big hugs!!

I agree with all those who have said that you are REALLY hitting your style groove, and your style is brilliant and I love it and I want to copy all your outfits ASAP and I also wish I could hang out with you all day because your wonderful smile and personality are just so infectiously fun!!

I also agree that photos do NOT always tell THE truth. They may tell A truth....but in real life we often look quite different. In particular, in real life we are animated! And animation is part of human beauty and charm.

My daughter is almost my height and my husband is much taller; like others have mentioned, I have to ask them to crouch or else people tell me I'm NOT wearing heels when I am wearing them (my legs look SOOOOO short!) When they crouch, I sometimes wonder if my legs are then coming out looking LONGER than IRL (which still isn't long enough, if you know what I mean...) and in any case, I often wonder if I'm getting an accurate representation of proportions, period. But I still feel I learn something useful from the photos, and I try to sort of put my mirror image of the outfit and my photo image of the outfit into a blender in my brain; I figure that in actual fact I look somewhere between the two.

You are a truly beautiful and stylish woman. We are lucky to share this space with you.

Emily

Veteran

Shannon, I have never looked at your pictures and thought "There's a short, fat woman!" I always think, "Wow, she looks so happy and stylish". All of your outfits that I've seen are flattering to your lovely figure! And I don't think you're fishing for compliments - I feel that way too when I look in the mirror. I don't know how to get over it either, but hopefully if you hear enough times how wonderful you look it will be as true for you as for the rest of us.

Sunita

Veteran

Shannon...every time I see your pics, I think "Wow! That woman sure knows how to dress!" Seriously, your outfits (esp. recently) are amazing!

The 2nd thing I think is "She has an amazing smile and looks full of verve!" I'd love to meet you IRL.

I'm pretty sure most (all?) of us are sometimes horrified by our pictures. But what the camera (while useful for generating feedback on YLF) is completely different from how you are perceived IRL.

I tend to use my pictures to eyeball how things look on me in terms of coordination and fit. The former is especially important to me since I'm trying to push my boundaries. I do my best to keep in mind that the picture is only an approximation of how I look and how I will be perceived in that outfit. Attitude, especially confidence, has so much to do with sartorial success!

Meredith1953

Veteran

Shannon,
I have loved all your posts. In fact yours are among the first that I try to comment on. I love your style and think you have grace and wit. You are definitely in tune with your look and are perfecting it. I think it is possible to get so hung up on trying to look thin and tall that we we can not develop the style we are meant to have! You look great in your posts. Does this mean every outfit makes you look tall or thin....no....but you look like a gorgeous witty, sassy sophisticated lady. Don't go changing......I love the way you look tonight.....

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Jonesy - note to myself: don't take photos of shiny clothes: they make me feel bad!

Suz - I guess I need to start using my brain blender!

Meredith - your comment "I think it is possible to get so hung up on trying to look thin and tall that we we can not develop the style we are meant to have!" has really resonated with me. Thank you for your wisdom...and your song lyrics! (lol)

Again, let me say how wonderfully warm and kind you all are in providing me your thoughts, wisdom and reassurance. It means the world to me.

Jem

Veteran

I needed to sign in to say that I'm sorry you are feeling sad today. One thing I like about YLF is that it shows how awesome women can look in all shapes and sizes. Unlike the popular media's view that you can only look one way. I'm always awed by how amazing you look day after day in your pictures. Heck, I barely get out of my yoga pants alot of days. You have great style and seem like such a nice person inside as well! That is a FAB combination for sure! Hugs!!

Sona

Veteran

Shannon: it is such a struggle.For me when I tried new silhouettes that just did not work : i finally said: I know what looks good on me and no matter what who says about tucking a shirt in: I look like a beached whale and FEEL like one when I do; ergo I am not doing it again. So perhaps I'm less cautious to try new trends as others are but might try a modification knowing my own body's limitations.

Someone also pointed me in the picture angle horrors although fun house mirror sounds so much better.

If something feels off take a days break from posting and maybe retry your outfit on your own and then post? or heck jsut not post for a few days. I know that both posting and not posting can be therapeutic for me.

Don't know if i'm helping but you are on a marvelous journey striding along trying new things and tweaking old things: not many of us have the courage to do so in public.

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

I believe I am the only one here that has seen you IRL and I can say with complete honesty that neither short nor fat are adjectives I would use to describe you. You are vibrant and alive and friendly and energetic.

I have been watching your style evolution on YLF and have seen you go from cautious to daring. You are trying silhouettes that you didn't think could work and you are looking great in every one. You have developed the ability to take an inspiration picture and turn it into your own look. Most important of all, you are making fashion fun not only for yourself but for the rest of us who are living vicariously through you.

You did not look short or fat in your slouchy pant outfit. You looked fabulous!!

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Thank you Jem and Sona - I so appreciate your input.

In the last half hour, I decided my pity party was no longer welcome! So I did what any YLFer would do and went and played in my closet!!! I've put together a few new and different combinations that I feel pretty good about using my rubric - the outfits that follow my rubric the closest are always the ones that make me feel the best. While doing this I figured out the crux as to why I was feeling badly about a couple of recent outfits:
I'm trying new things out, stretching myself stylistically - this can make me uncomfortable which leads to doubting my choices. I love the new slouchy pants and I love my twirly skirt. I just need to let these two new silhouettes sink in and become comfortable with them. A few tweaks to make them "Shannon" and I'll be fine.

Please forgive my mini melt down. Let's move on, shall we?

Dianthus - a special comment to you my new "real life" friend: thank you. I remember you telling me when we were shopping that you don't lie to people about how things look on them and that you will always be honest. Therefore I am totally trusting what you are telling me. And I appreciate it...HUGS

Makrame

Veteran

Something that noticed lately, though - I used to hate seeing myself in photos. For whatever reason I would always look worse in the photos than in the mirror, the clothes did not fit right etc. After I started planning my outfits with the help of picture-taking (and WIW posts), I suddenly started feeling more photogenic - in other words, I looked better in the random pictures taken by other people than before. I think it had to do with using self-timer pictures to weed out the outfits that looked OK in the mirror but totally did not work for me. So I think there is an upside to all of this picture-taking angst.

BTW, I often take inspiration from your posts and you do have the most infectious smile.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Shannon, I know wrote want to move on, but I want to say that I totally connect with your feelings. When I first look at a bunch of WIWs I take I am always crushed. I have to look at them several times before I can reconnect my self image with the person in those photos and a few more times before I can even consider posting. I think it is very natural to hone in on our self defined sore points and forget that nobody else is focusing their eyes like we are. I love your WIWs, think you have found a great style groove and you are really a major source of inspiration for me. (OK, so I am not so good at moving on.)

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