The Cool Factor - YouLookFab Forum

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The Cool Factor

krishnidoux

Veteran

I want to share with you a reading I have been doing that is having an unexpected positive impact on my style journey. I picked up the book The Cool Factor https://www.amazon.ca/Cool-Fac.....157965648X . At first I didn't want to spend the 40$ it costs, but now I'm glad I did. It's packed with fun ideas that are more about how to wear stuff rather than what stuff to wear. The women featured are all in my age bracket, and are all sublimely, effortlessly stylish. Most don't wear much make-up and display slightly unkempt hair but emit this deliberate, impertinent poise with what looks like natural elegance. In the book, all this is dissected quite precisely, which prompted me to look again at my own wardrobe.

I realize I might have been dwelling in a style rut for the last year or so. Part of the explanation is the fact that I will turn 50 in 2018. Unlike the changes of adolescence, this time every milestone has to be resolved by self love and acceptance of loss. I am sure many of you know what I mean.

This reading is infusing a more than welcome new breath to my style. It's more about mojo than about looks, which is the direction I want to take, and I think the only winning one. I am stepping into a new phase of life, it's like a new level in a video game if you will: new challenges, but also more exciting. When I was younger, I felt I had to decode everybody else's rules and play by them; this time around, I feel I am making my own rules. It's as liberating as it is scary.

Here are some style changes this book have inspired:

- Wear my silver jewelry, and pile it on! For me, this strategy works. I am blessed with a type of body that works well with adorning my wrists with ridiculous amounts of cuffs. I find it offsets my (relatively) enlarged biceps and shoulders I get from being a mature woman who works out. Wrists are a new area of my body I am discovering.

- Leather tights - I already owned a neglected pair of simili-leather black cigarette pants I had been lucky enough to find at Winners a few years back. It was slowly creeping its way to the donation box but is now back in my drawer.

- Unexpected combination of very strict and very delinquant in the same outfit yields to sure winners.
Examples of strict: classic blazers, pencil skirts, button downs, suits...
Examples of delinquant: runners, tees, rolled-up anything, non-matching earings, socks in heels, ripped anything, knotting shirts and tees, rocker tee, rebellious jewelry, you get the picture.

There are many more ideas in the book. To me, identifying with "cool" seems to be the ticket out of my rut. What I am liking of this experience is the unexpected pull of inspiration I got, and the fact that no further expense is generated, since it encourages me to wear what I already have in a new way.

Book Club

43 replies

Latest reply was from Angie

Joyce B

Veteran

Thank you for the recommendation, I will check it out. Being encouraged to wear what you have instead of buying more is a good direction and making it fun is even better.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I've heard of this book before (maybe here in YLF) but haven't read it. Might take a look - Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed reading your thoughts too about turning fifty and moving into the next phase of your life.

Anonymous

I enjoyed that book too - glad to hear it resonated with you . She has an interesting blog too - iwanttobeher.com

krishnidoux

Veteran

Thanks for that link Lisa!

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Your look sounds very cool, indeed! But I have one question--"offset" sounds like de-emphacizing your biceps and muscles, instead of showing them off. Am I understanding you correctly?

krishnidoux

Veteran

Yes, Fashiontern, I know this sounds silly, but if there is one thing I have a little bit more of a hard time with now that I am nearing 50 are my upper arms. I work out a lot, so it's not so flabby, but it has taken a general bulkier shape that doesn't suit me... I have always had a more "petite" look, and while my legs were curvy, my arms and shoulders were daintier, even when athletic. Weirdly, with hormonde, my upper torso and arms have grown. I realize other women want this, and it's not in itself undesirable. It's just that for me, it's a contributing factor to my feeling lost at this point. I hve always associated with a certain style that went with a certain body type and now I have to find myself with this new body shape.

Marilyn

Veteran

Thanks for the share, krishnidoux. This sounds like something I'd enjoy as well. I like the sort of effortless cool girl look.

This 54 year old understands how you feel. My daughter always says, "but you look young". But there's more to it than that, you know.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Got it. The point is finding what suits you, so I'm not criticizing. It's just, as you say, that built upper body look is sought after by many women (especially once Michelle Obamas became known), so I wasn't sure that I understood you. I don’t think Angie likes built upper bodies either—she has commented in the past on trying to deal with broad shoulders or something like that.

Style Fan

Veteran

Thanks for the recommendation. I have heard of the book but I can not remember where. Maybe it was here on YLF.

rachylou

Veteran

Ooh. This sounds great. Inspirational!

The Cat

Veteran

Sounds interesting, krishnidoux. Thank you for the recommendation.

And lisa p, thank you for info about the blog. I will take a look when I have more time.

kerlyn

Veteran

I loved hearing your thoughts on this, Krishnidoux. I'll have to check out the blog and the book.

I also feel that my style may be changing a bit, or maybe I'm just trying to find where I fit in. I'm in my late 40s; and after losing a few pounds and a summer with lots of running and strength training, I'm leaner than I've been in a while. I find myself shifting from a more feminine, boho style to a slightly more tomboy style. Not sure if it's how the clothes fit or what. I just find myself liking a slightly slouchy boyfriend jean (although not too baggy or oversized) with a semi-tucked pullover and some cool boots. It seems so much more simple than what I'm used to wearing, but I'm liking the ease of it! I think I'm craving "cool" too. And I just don't feel cool in peasant blouses, flowy cardigans, and ornate dangly earrings. Instead I've been wearing my boyfriend jeans or skinnies with simple pullover sweaters, a leather cuff bracelet, and my handmade leather earrings, a large silver hoop, or a chunky labradorite stud. And always a big silver statement ring on my right hand! Add a chunkier style boot, like my moto boots or lug sole hikers, and I'm good to go.

Gosh, sorry to ramble on! I just relate to what you said so strongly! I hope you'll post some WIWs so we can get a visual of your style evolution. Sometimes that little spark of inspiration can be all we need to move forward!

Deborah

Veteran

I would love to read the book, it sounds interesting and is obviously great for some ideas on changing things up. One question tho, I always think of 'cool' being something that is almost organic or inherent. Can we learn it??

krishnidoux

Veteran

Deborah, I certainly think you can!

Jazzy Dance

Thanks for this review! I've just gone to Amazon and downloaded it to my Kindle for a long travel day coming up.

I'm turning 40 in 2018 and have felt the need to present myself differently. What was adorably hot-mess when I was younger no longer looks that way. My goal is to enter my 40's with a higher level of polish and self-regard than my 30's.

All my 50+ friends tell me it's the most liberating and freeing decade of them all. I hope you enjoy your first year of your 50's and that it's exciting, memorable, and all on your terms.

krishnidoux

Veteran

Jazzy, hank you for this input! It sounds you are in a transition too. I hope this reading can inspire you too. I like how you describe a certain younger look not ageing well. I have been through that too! I found that before 40, I could pull off the hipster/thrift look in a cute way; afterwards, not so much anymore. That's because as I aged, there was less of a contrast between my (then fresh) face and the retro, old school clothes.
Thank you for sharing what your 50+ friends revealed to you. It is very uplifting to read. It certainly is also in line with what I am experiencing too so far.

krishnidoux

Veteran

Kerlyn, I am happy if I pointed you to something with this. It was my initial intent! What you describe about your style, it shifting without your complete consent, reasonates with me too. You tell so well the way it happens. I also had a strong boho vibe along my style journey in my late 30's, and dropped it completely in my early 40's (around when I started visiting this blog!). I know exactly what you mean. I think part of what you are experiencing might be directly related to your new body shape. You are discovering new silhouettes relative to your new build and new proportions. Do play around with new styles because you might be pleasantly surprised. When we lose weight, chunkier accessories become more flattering. Anyway that's what happens to me for sure. I recommend also playing around with footwear, it can really change the whole look.

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

I liked Andrea Linnett's book too, though I don't follow all the ideas. Her blog is one of few that I read regularly.

Also, I need to buy leather pants.

Sal

Veteran

This statement from Jazzy Dance is true for me too

What was adorably hot-mess when I was younger no longer looks that way.

Fun to change it up a bit too!! Sounds like you are on the right track Krishnidoux!

Runcarla

Veteran

Ines de La Fresange has a new book out and in a promotional article described the juxtoposition of what you call 'strict vs delinquent'. She suggested mixing high end with low end to avoid 'looking old' - her term, not mine - and uses as an example wearing sneakers with a business suit.

Angie and other fashion bloggers have explored the concept of juxtoposition as well, and the role it plays in being fashion forward. You can sign me up as a fan, as well. The jean jacket or leather moto over an otherwise classic or dressy outfit, pearls and pointy toe shoes with jeans and a T, etc.

FWIW, my 50's have been fantastic! (I'm 57).

krishnidoux

Veteran

Runcarla, I'm glad to learn this, it's encouraging!

Had heard about I.d.L.F.'s quote about high end and low end, but hadn't made the connection with coolness. In fact, I always mix expensive, classic items with cheaper ones but it not always leads to an outfit being cool or funner to wear. Maybe I'm doing it wrong?
I am intrigued now and certainly will go check her book out now.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Ditto Sal and JD

Scarlet

Veteran

You remind me now that I actually have that book, but when it came I didn't have time to read it, and it got lost in the shelf. I will pull it out again. Good to read the ways in which you have found it helpful. I am still hanging on to my thirties just, but I can already understand what you mean about the aging process. I work with young people, twentyish, and for many of them it seems they barely make it out of pajamas and slippers. I think to myself, someday, my friend, you are going to need to learn to get dressed. Looking forward to checking out that book again. I always liked about Andrea Linnett that she seemed more about defining a personal style as opposed to the trend of the moment. I remember in the Lucky book that she advocated clogs when pointy-toed high heels were the only way to go, officially.

skylurker

Veteran

Interesting, I’ll have to mull this over. My first impression is that I’ve never been cool and I’m not sure it would be a good idea to start now
With my body becoming sloppier and shapeless, I crave more structure and strictness (and coverage, of course).

approprio

(website)

Veteran

So I've been mulling this over and I'm coming to think that the very concept of cool is rather shallow.

For instance, when I ask the question: is (...) cool, or am I cool enough to wear (...), the thing I have in mind is likely to be something absurd (a monkey backpack) and the overall effect will be anything but. On the other hand, people sometimes tell me I'm cool, whereas I think I'm a bit awkward and dorky and not cool at all.

Maybe NZ fabbers can put me right on this, but I read somewhere recently that in Maori culture, to say someone is "cool" is perhaps the worst insult you could level at them, because it implies they're trying to be something they're not. I would never have thought to use the word pejoratively, but this struck a chord.

When I try to define cool, and really pin it down, I find myself coming around to something quite superficial. If I were to meet someone fitting that description, I think I'd be looking at someone who's so hung up on how they look to others they're not expressing themselves effectively.

However, if you asked me for a single quality that defines great personal style, I'd say authenticity. Are any of my more stylish friends genuinely cool? Honestly I don't know. Probably not. Do they express themselves authentically? Most definitely.

krishnidoux

Veteran

Scarlet, so funny! I know what you mean about working with younger pple and feeling a disparity with regards to attitudes towards dressing. I too work with younger colleagues and have noticed that those closer to 30 seem to experience a sudden put-togetherness shift, especially in the young mothers. And I remember going through this too at the same age. I have to check out the Lucky book you mention.

Skylurker, what I took away from this book might not be what speaks to you in terms of how to wear your clothes. I feel it really is a question of how we are in our heads towards our body, our style, and finding that opportune outline that will bring us back to who we feel we are. And for you it might be working on structure, angles of clothing, proportion of pieces one against the other maybe, since you mention a need for structure. (I so understand this feeling BTW!). I find you very cool if it's ok for me to say this. I like how you play up your amazing long, lean silhouette and elegant shoulders with blazers and pants. For me, I needed a make-under and that's what I registered from this reading.

Anonymous

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LaPed

Veteran

Hah, Scarlet and Krishnidoux, I am that young mom, early 30s, trying to figure out how to look put together. The trick is making it feel authentic, like approprio says. Authentic is an over-used word, at least in the US (especially in the world or education and pedagogy) -- but I do think it is apt when speaking of style. This is making me think of Radhika Jones, the new Vanity Fair editor, getting snickered at by the Conde Nast folks for wearing tights with a fox print. I really need a pair of fox tights now. I think she out-cooled them with her twee bookishness. They're secretly jealous of her.

krishnidoux

Veteran

Approprio, your comment was missed by me earlier. I realize that the word "cool" might mean something different than what I understand, This might be because we use it in French (esp. in Quebec French), to designate something desirable, positive. But I see the way you describe it, "cool" sounds like something that could pit people one against another. As in, you have it or you don't. And when you don't, you're automatically UNcool, automatically ugly and bad.
But that's not how I saw it... for me, it's a way to describe this positive vibe that comes from a person's poise and appearance, when this person is real and gives off an air of being onto fascinating projects even when these projects seem completely outside of what's in fashion, or what is usually done. This "poise", if you will, doesn't come from a specific item worn, but rather from the combinations, not only of clothes together, but also of clothes or accessories with the wearer. For me, everybody has their own personal cool. Sometimes, because life changes so fast, because we are so sollicitated, we kind of become alienated out of our own cool, and then, it's not that we are uncool, but we can't quite find it. What inspired me in this book, (and it could have been another book too, ultimately), was that it offered practical basic methods, like pathways, back to our own personal coolness. I so agree with you on authenticity. In the end I think we are saying the same thing.

La Pedestrienne, could it be that you are experiencing a paradigm shift (to borrow a word from the world of education and pedagogy )? You bring up a very good point: staying true to oneself.

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