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The Change

shiny

Veteran

Unfrumped's sleeveless thread got me thinking about The Change (Menopause) and I thought I'd start another thread about that. I would love everyone's experience, observations, wisdom and tips about dressing a changing body type, especially one prone to hot flashes. Please include beauty tips and anything else you want to contribute here.

I just dropped my kids off at college this weekend and today is officially day 1 of Empty Nest. I am 47 years old and not sure if I'm Peri-menopausal or what, but I would not doubt it. I have noticed a distinct change in skin tautness, particularly recently. The skin on my face isn't so bad (thanks to Lancome, hee hee) but I'm having more surprises with the skin elsewhere.

I am more or less graceful and okay with the aging skin part -- it's the hot flashes I am having more trouble dealing with right now. I keep saying it's been a hot summer here in Boston and that's why I haven't worn my cardigans or denim jackets, as in years past. But I'm not so sure that's the only explanation. For example (and this happens more nights than not), last night I was awoken several times because I had sweated through my nightgown and my sheets and was just too hot. Despite AC ramped up to 71. Despite bedside fan straight in my face.

And just now, as I was replying on unfrumped's thread, I realized I was doing it again. I switched earlier into a cotton chemise because I felt hot. It's 71 degrees in the house. And I am sweating through this chemise! I am burning up all over, but not sick.

I've mentioned this on several threads already, but my number 1 issue at the moment is finding shapewear that is made of cotton, not synthetics, so I can wear it without dying from the heat. Surely some manufacturer has thought of this, for the aging market? Just when I need shapewear the most, I am having hot flashes and can't stand synthetics against my skin. Sigh.

Feel free to use this thread for any Change-related topic you want, I would love to have any suggestions on how to deal with hot flashes, from a fashion perspective, particularly the shapewear issue.

Thanks!

Dressing

39 replies

Latest reply was from

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I started experiencing night sweats at 35 - boo. I looked into wicking fabrics back then and that's part of the reason I love modal sleepwear. Softness is the other. I'm on oral contraceptives and so I don't really know if I'm peri menopausal or not but I do know I can't imagine shapewear and heat going together. I'm not sure cotton would be better than synthetics, though. For instance, my running wear that is wicking is all synthetic. Cotton gets to be a heavy, soggy mess.

Anonymous

Shiny, you are perfectly normal. I'd suggest 100% cotton sheets if you don't already have them. I also find that the thinner, less thread count sheets are the best for summer. The heavier high thread count ones seem too warm. I'm covering and uncovering all night long. Since menopause, I finally gave up wearing anything at all on my body in bed. It's easier to control my temperature that way. I know, TMI, but you might try it.
I don't think that anyone realizes ahead of time what hot flashes are like. It's your internal temperature that's going crazy and it's so hard to control. One wants to tear off their clothes. Stress makes it worse as does alcohol.
This is why I need to wear sleeveless things and scoop necklines even when they are not flattering. I've always run cold and needed to layer on until menopause hit. Now I'm wondering if it will ever end.
Shapewear...I mostly give it up in the summer. If I can bare my arms and have moving air hitting me, it makes a big difference.

Anonymous

I'm sure this is around the corner for me too. No symptoms yet, but it's keeping me from buying any real investment grade clothing, that's for sure. I know my body will change in shape and maybe size, and maybe I'll finally stop running cold!

As for the shape wear, would it be an option to skip it but switch primarily to wovens for their structure? I can't imagine struggling to get into a slimmer in the heat. If I wasn't sweating before, I would be after!

shiny

Veteran

Mo, I've had hot flashes since my early 30s as well, though the doctor said they were probably more related to hyperthyroid and assured me back then I was decades away from menopause. And those hot flashes came and went and were brief and not anywhere near as frequent or persistent as what I've been experiencing lately. I am not on B.C.; I was taken off of it over a decade ago because I had a stroke on the pill. Still regular as clockwork.

Agree about cotton getting to be soggy but I figure the wicking fabrics are for exercise, not for sleep and daily wear? And yes, I love modal too. Actually the best sleepwear I have right now is a silk chemise. Or nothing at all!

I swear it's quite comical because DH will be shivering under the down comforter, in long PJ's and long sleeve tee... and I'm wearing barely nothing or nothing, kicking off a sheet, and have a fan running full blast in my face, and wandering out to crank the AC up even higher...

shiny

Veteran

Joy, you said you are wondering if it will never end.. how long has it been? EEk, I'm afraid to ask! I keep telling myself, "Don't worry, you are burning up calories so go ahead and have some sweets... " hee hee. You describe what I'm going through, perfectly. I am heating up from the inside. And ripping off my clothing. Thank goodness I work from home.

I felt bad this weekend, touring daughter's new campus in the heat. I was burning up... kept dropping suggestions, "Let's see that building!" Because I was seeking AC. Daughter and DH accused me of sounding like my mom. I guess I couldn't keep my crankiness hidden. But I get cranky when I'm too hot. I was dressed sparsely enough, not any different from them... it was just... TOO ... HOT.

BethL

(website)

Veteran

Hi Shiny, I just turned 50 a few months ago, and I have night sweats, too. My problem is that I have really bad migraine disease, and I take a lot of medication for that, including some to help me sleep, so I don't wake up until the hot flash is over, and then I'm soaked and freezing. Most of the rest of the time. I run very cold, though I occasionally have a hot flash during the day. Modal is one of my favorite fabrics for sleeping; I've gotten some cute sleepwear at the Gap. There's also a company called wildbleu that makes "hotflash" sleep and loungewear, and though their stuff isn't exactly sexy (not at all), it's very, very comfortable, and works spectacularly. I've found microfiber undies, like Shimera at Nordstrom, to be more than okay. I haven't seen anything cottony with tummy control, or like shapewear, though. Good luck; I know how miserable it can be.

deb

Veteran

I went through menopause in my late 30's and found that excersizing really helped. I ran several miles every day and did weights. Oh, and lots of stretching. Somehow this helped regulate my body temperature. On hot summer nights I would speed walk the neighborhood, jump in the shower, and then slept very well. If I did not do this, I was miserable. My waist did not start disappearing until I had to have a hysterectomy when I was 51 but they had to take my overies and I think that increased the body changes. My skin is now dry where it used to be oily, so I use a good moisturizer. Clogged pores still seem to be an issue, though. I cannot take estrogen because I had a stroke. I have friends that ordered from this site. Maybe it might help you stay more comfortable.

http://www.menopausenights.com/

catgirl

Veteran

My doc just told me the typical age for menopause is 51, because I was complaining about gaining weight, night sweats, blah blah. I'm 46. She said I'm not there yet at all, and that's making me dread it. Mostly I have no strategies yet, I'm just grumpy about the whole thing.

shiny

Veteran

BethL, yes most of my sleepwear is Gap modal. Or cheap cotton camis + boxer shorts. I have several sets so I can swap out in the middle of the night if I wake up all drenched. My best sleepwear is 100% silk VS chemise that I've had forever and somehow continues to survive the wash and dryer. I will check out Shimera and Wildbleu; thanks!

Deb, I was dx'ed with fibromylagia a few years ago, after a couple of decades of issues for which nobody could ever find a cause. What this means is that I have had to face the reality that my body just cannot handle the level of exercise (weight training, running) that my mind thinks it can. This has been very difficult for me to face, the fact I will never ever run a marathon, and that I have had to give up running even 5K's, because inevitably I get a slight injury and it sets off the fibro and I wind up sidelined in agonizing pain for months on end. The best I can do is gentle exercise -- yoga, walking, very light jogging with no concern about pace or distance. I am good as long as I do about 50% less than I *want* or *think* I can do. It's been quite humbling -- for someone who used to run and lift weights -- but it is what it is. I totally hear you about the oily skin going dry. It's weird: my skin feels oily (certainly sweaty) but it sure looks dry!

Gaylene

Veteran

As someone who is, more or less, finished with that part of her life, it doesn't last forever, thank goodness-- and it is nice not to have to deal with periods and birth control anymore. Although my DH still teases me about the winter night when he looked over, and there I was with all the covers tossed aside and an arctic wind blowing through the window. Ah, relief!

But seriously, here are a couple of things that helped me get through:

Always dress in layers. I usually wore a sleeveless, silk or cotton knit top under my jackets and cardigans so it was easy to take off the outer layer and still look presentable at work. High necks, long sleeves, and heavy fabrics were not my friends during this period. My sister was given a small, folding fan as a joke by one of her girlfriends, but she swore it saved her more than once at work and on social occasions. I kept a small fan in my office that I could turn on when I needed a breeze.

Throw a few blotting papers into your handbag and use them if your face gets too damp. It also helps if you keep your makeup light and simple so that it is easy to do a quick repair after you blot your face.

My sister and her hubby have a king-size bed so she opted to use two twin comforters instead of single king-size one, Hers was quite light, while he could snuggle under his heavier down one. My hubby and I switched sides so that I slept nearer the window. I also found that wearing a short, lightweight chemise at night was more comfortable than PJs.

It's important, I think, to eat right and drink fluids. I like a glass of wine with dinner, but, for me, more than a glass seemed to bring on the hot flashes. I think eating a well-balanced diet and keeping up a daily exercise routine also helps with the mood swings. If nothing else, you stay in shape and feel better about yourself.

The first place I noticed skin changes was on my neck, so I started using a heavier moisturizer on my neck which helped keep the skin more supple. I also found that it paid to experiment a bit with products since my old favorites sometimes made me feel greasy or made my skin break out. I also threw away all of my mineral and powder makeup which seemed to give me an ashy, cakey look.

Finally, it pays to keep a sense of humor about the whole thing. If I started to get cranky, my husband would stand up, click his heels together, and salute me saying "yes, my captain!" It never failed to crack me up and both of us would end up laughing.
My sister and her friends called themselves the "glow girls" who were "hot, hot, HOT!"

And don't be afraid to tell your family when you need to find that AC. RIGHT NOW!!!!

shiny

Veteran

AG, around my 45th my OB/GYN told me he was sure I was at least a decade away from menopause. I asked how could he possibly know, without running any tests? Without blinking he said, "the condition of your skin." Now, yes, he sees hundreds of women. And yes, I do look young for my age (baby face). But c'mon! Anyway I haven't seen him since.. eek, that reminds me; need to make an appointment!

All I can say is that *I* see a huge difference in the past two years. I don't know if he'll notice it. If he just looks at my face, which has never been without sunscreen since my 20s... but that's not the skin I'm talking about.

And if I'm still years away then how do you explain these freakin' hot flashes? They are misery.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

I work in the Women's Health Program at my hospital and am also in full blown perimenopause so hopefully can share a bit of information.

Technically, you have reached "menopause" when you have gone a full 12 months without a menstrual period. The stage prior to that where you experience hot flushes, night sweats, etc. is "perimenopause" and that can start anywhere between 30 - 45 years of age. Everyone is different and not everyone experiences the same symptoms.

Symptoms can include hot flushes, night sweats, mood swings, itchy skin, acne, weight gain (particularly around the middle), forgetfulness, increased facial hair and thinning hair on your head. I personally have experienced all of these except for the balding.

Don't let anyone tell you you're crazy when you can't remember something - the "menopausal fog" is very real.

I have chosen to go through "the change" without HRT (hormone replacement therapy) but that can be helpful to some and should be discussed with your Gynecologist for more information.

Natural remedies which have helped me tremendously is red clover and soy. If I drink my soy milk every day, my hot flushes are few and far between. I also took Red Clover capsules when the night sweats were really bad. Caffeine and alcohol are also major triggers for hot flushes and so I limit those. I can have two cups of coffee in a day and be ok - if I have that third one, I'm in trouble.

Wear breathable fabrics as much as possible (cotton, linen, silk) and layer. This is why I almost always wear a blazer over top - I can take it off when I get hot and then put it back on when the chill comes afterward. Sometimes, that blazer goes off and on 20 times in a day!

When the night sweats were at their worse, I kept a basket beside my side of the bed with a couple of t-shirts and knickers in it and would change in the middle of the night when what I was wearing would become damp from the sweats. That stopped for me about a year ago (I'm 49 now).

I hope I've given you some helpful information and whatever you experience, you're not the only one! Every woman goes through it and every woman survives it!

shiny

Veteran

Gaylene, thank you! I have employed all these strategies, including the twin comforters (winter strategy: DH gets the thick one and I get the thin; in summer he gets the comforter and I sleep with just a sheet or nothing at all). And, I am on "Hot Flash Fan" number 3 (personal size, on my nightstand). I burned out the first two from overuse. When I have had that fan running in dead of winter with the bedroom window wide open, I've chased DH into the guest bedroom... because whereas I am having hot flashes, he is having anemia so he bats for Team Freezing Cold all the time.

deb

Veteran

It is the perimenopause where all the bad stuff happens. Once I hit true monopause, my body calmed down. I read the Christiane Northrup book, The Wisdom of Menopause and it helped me understand what was happening to my body and what to expect. Shiny, I am sorry to hear about your fibromialgia. I wonder if that has certain effects on the way a body goes through the change. Or even the meds you might take.

Deborah

Veteran

Shiny thank you so much for starting this thread. I will be reading all of this with great interest. I am 47 and I think I have had one hot flash a couple of months ago. Coming up two years I go I had a hysterectomy and one ovary removed. I have no idea what to expect or when. I have been reading up particularly on dietary information and natural remedies as I have no intention of using HRT.

DonnaF

Veteran

Deborah, and all you younger gals out there:

Not all women get hot flashes or hot flashes for prolonged periods of time! I had less than a month of *warm* flashes, and night sweats lasted maybe two weeks. I run very cold so almost nothing makes me hot. During peri-menopause I developed a rare autoimmune disease (and took prednisone for a prolonged period of time) so who knows if that was a factor. [With the prednisone, I had NO seasonal allergy symptoms!]

My shape has changed; I suppose it is hormonal: Even more of a pancake butt, less waist -- but waistlines STILL tend to be too big!!! The good news is that my fat arms have gotten thinner, but maybe that is because they are less toned? I can't grip any more, so can no longer hold weights.

Now that I'm 59, I seem to be developing osteopenia and have gotten .75" shorter, so I'm down to 5'1". No falls, but a recent x-ray show old pelvic fractures and a possible new one. WTF?!? I've been exercise walking 1 hr/day/6 days/wk for the past 7 years or so, but that weight bearing exercise doesn't seem to have made much difference, or else all that prednisone more than a dozen years ago eroded the bones; I know it did my teeth no favors.

We're all different, and I'm thankful that I was basically spared the hot flashes. But like Shiny, as of this week have an empty nest. My trusted wardrobe adviser is now at college. DH has suggested I (learn to) take photos and send them to her. But that's what this forum is for. Must buy tripod. Must learn to use new camera.

nancylee

Veteran

I think everyone's experience is different. I'm 50 and definitely perimenopausal, but I know women my age who are full-fledged menopausal. I started getting some first noticeable symptoms when I was about 47-48. Hot flashes haven't really been a big problem during the day (it's probably only happened a couple of times), but I have had night sweats off and on. Mood swings were more my issue, but acupuncture has really helped me there. That, along with regular exercise, yoga, meditation, and not overdoing alcohol have made the passage easier.

I can't stress enough how much acupuncture has helped me. I have been almost asymptomatic since I started about one year ago. If you can stand needles, I highly recommend.

It's really unfair how this time coincides with so many other difficult changes (like the empty nest *sob*), but there are ways to make it less grisly without resorting to HRT. I also recommend the Christine Northrup book. It makes the misery make more sense.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Oh thank you for starting this thread! I was just thinking about this myself. I am 46 and feel like my hormones have gone haywire. I haven't had hot flashes, but my period has become erratic and with it all sorts of related PMS symptoms. I just told my husband that I have been in PMS for 6 weeks! I wish I had some wisdom to add but mostly what I have is commiseration.

cciele

Veteran

I am learning so much from this thread! I keep wondering when I will hit perimenopause. My doctor said the age when it starts often runs in the family. I guess I should ask my mom when it hit her

Anonymous

I started having night sweats at 30 and they continued and are still going on at 49. The only differenced is at 30- 48 I only had night sweats the night before my period started. I didn't start having hot flashes in the day time until after my periods stopped. I have not had a period for 1 year 8 months so I am officially menopausal.

I started using natural progesterone cream in my late 30's and still use it. I find my hot flashes come when I am mentally stressing about something. I can shorten them if I stop and breath.

For night I don't like my sweaty skin sticking so I wear fitted workout pants that are made for moisture wicking and a sleeveless tank, this works best for me. I use all cotton sheets and a down comforter and cotton blanket. I toss layers on and off as needed.

In the day I live in sleeveless tops (often no bra) and add a cardi on and off as needed. Staying hydrated helps too. I usually have one coffee in the morning, caffine is bad for hot flashes so is alcohol which I still have during dinner, pretty sure I would have less trouble if I gave up the caffine and alcohol but one has got to live a little. : )

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I'm 47 and have had a couple of episodes of night sweats, but it's been a while, and no hot flashes during the day. I'm still on a predictable cycle but it's less predictable than it used to be -- things are starting to change. My skin is definitely showing a difference in the last few years. .

My perimenopausal symptoms are being complicated by fibroids, and in the coming months, my doc and I are going to meet to decide on whether a hysterectomy is needed. The number (7!) and size (the largest is the size of an orange) will probably dictate that hysterectomy is the way to go. I just want to keep my ovaries if possible (doc thinks I can) so I'm not forced into early menopause.

My sister was done by the time she was in her early 40s, and my mom had a full hysterectomy at 45 (endometriosis, and now I wonder if she had fibroids as well), so it's hard to tell what's in store for me. Neither had much trouble with hot flashes, etc, but mom took HRT for years.

Thanks for bringing this up. It's been on my mind lately -- I'm definitely a little anxious about the surgery, as I've never had surgery in my life -- but the whole "change" thing starts staring you in the face when you reach a certain age, and it's a little disconcerting.

MNsara

Veteran

I need to come back to this tomorrow - a lot of your words really resonate with me and I'm so glad you bright this up, Shiny! I can't tell you how many times I wish I had my wise YLFers to commiserate on this journey! (Not quite really a 'style' journey, yet such a major aspect of our lives is bound to affect us in *many* ways!)

But, here I am at 54+ still seemingly firmly in perimenopause! I guess some ladies need to be on the far end of *the change* to create that average age of 51.

In the past year I REALLY see physical changes that I don't think I can undo with a little more exercise or a little less calories. I'm okay with it, but still feel caught off-guard.

Ginkgo

Veteran

I went through the change at the "average" age of 51/52 and the hot flashes were pretty frequent for several years after that (I'm now 59). I deal with it by keeping the covers partly off me at night, and trying to keep the temperature not too hot, as it seems that there's a tipping point where I just lose it. Cooking dinner for example, I start roasting along with the meal! Although the hot flashes have decreased to a few times a week rather than per day, I've noticed that I no longer wear turtlenecks during the winter in our cold house --- so it seems my thermostat has been reset to some extent. And I concur with the advice about vigorous exercise being a big help.

It seems that it takes several years after menopause for the full blast of hormonal change to hit you; I suddenly aged a couple of years ago around age 57, my skin is beginning to wrinkle and sag despite facials and creams, and even though I'm still slender I began to get a roll of fat around my waist. Cutting out processed food from my diet and walking a lot more pretty much took care of that.

Meanwhile, finding YLF and dressing better is making me so happy that I can deal with all this --- we're fortunate to have made it this far!

deb

Veteran

Janet, I know fibroids can be very painful so I am sorry you are going through it. I had stopped my periods by the time I was 39 then in my late 40's I started hemoraging again. It was awful. They tried cauterizing my uterous first and it helped for a few months. The biopsy done with the cauterization showed I had adenomyosis so the only solution was the hysterctomy. I was so glad I had the surgery! I felt so much better, the pain and bleeding stopped. I did not realize how bad I had felt. They also fixed my bladder while they were in there. I got a two-fer so it was a double blessing.

Fruitful

Veteran

I'm not at that stage of life yet but for anyone interested in natural approaches to menopause, I love the book (New) Menopausal Years, by Susun Weed. I get a lot out of it for other women's health (and general health) issues and will be turning to it for menopause advice when the time comes.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I couldn't put it any better than Gaylene:) It does pass ( for some women very easily) & the emotional strength one gains from the process makes it an amazing experience. My friends & I used to call hot flashes "power surges".

Aziraphale

Veteran

I am reading this thread with keen interest. I haven't hit perimenopause yet, but it's probably coming in a few years. Lots of women are having symptoms by their mid-40s, or so I'm told. And I had crazy night sweats for weeks after the birth of both children, so I have some idea of what's in store for me.

What are the benefits of toughing it out without hormones? And my mother-in-law has all these hilarious but horrifying stories about weird stuff that happens, er, down south. She says all her friends are in the same boat. Frankly I'd always thought I would beg for estrogen and take it as long as they let me, to help stave off such effects.

Patty

Veteran

Great thread Shiny!
I don't want to jinx myself by talking about still being normal at 49 LOL---but reading your real stories here sure is helpful --thank you all!

sarah

Veteran

Wow, what a fantastic thread! I'm 48 and don't have perimenopausal symptoms (yet), altho I'm on OCs. But my body is definitely changing in major ways (my metabolism has slowed to a crawl, barely). I will add this thread to my faves, to come back to again and again.

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