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The art (?) of aging in the workplace.

LJP

Veteran

It seemed to happen overnight, but then again it really didn't. I looked around the other day and realized that there are only 3 people in our group of roughly 50 employees that are older than me. And one is the CEO.

When I started this job 5 years ago, I wasn't even the oldest in my department, never mind one of the oldest in the building. There were a couple of men in their late 60's , a woman a few years older than me, and one my age. Two nurses were older too. But of course through retirement, and the workplace nightmare that COVID dealt us , people left. If you didn't need to work, it was a good time to quit/retire and most of them did . I'm kind of the last person standing outside of the other 2 in management .

According to one of the finance people, the job market has completely changed, and no one my age or a bit younger is looking for a part time job or a secondary post-retirement career. It's all young people , which is a whole other issue. Anyways, I still have to and want to work for another couple of years and it's becoming more important than ever to remain relevant beyond just my skill set (which the young people don't even come CLOSE to matching, lol) . In a building full of younger people, many of whom are in their 20's still , I don't want to stand out as one of the old people. But neither do I want to look like I'm dressing and doing hair and makeup for a TikTok video .

If I didn't have to work, I know for a fact that my wardrobe would be much different, and more in tune with my style goals. I'd probably not colour my hair anymore, and makeup would be much less of a consideration. But I'm front facing, dealing with 00's of people a day, under overhead spotlights and other lighting travesties , and being au naturel is not a great idea. I have to project energy and competence, and have to be able to run up and down stairs and in a out of a massive fitness area hroughout the day without looking like I can't keep up.

So in addition to being obsessed with health and my middle-of-the-road fitness level, I worry about not looking tired and old. And not dressing that way. Can any of you who still work and are of a certain age relate to this? (I'm turning 62 in a couple of weeks - holy mother of god how did that happen?) I'm still wearing Vans, joggers, Birkenstocks, cropped flared jeans, but also patent flatform sandals and silk tanks and crepe pants . All over the place, really. I keep my hair current, but is it? I wear makeup but is it too gaudy? I'm a bit freaked out , if you didn't notice.

All thoughts and advice welcome.

General

41 replies

Latest reply was from Cee

Bijou

Veteran

LJP, I had the joy of working with a colleague in the last 5 years of her career (she retired at 70) and she was THE most valued employee in the entire organization. Her knowledge, competence and ability to get things done with the minimum of fuss - not to mention her fun and vibrant personality - meant that age was never an issue. You are that sort of person too...it comes through in your posts.

Gaudy is a word that would NEVER apply to you. Your hair and make-up is always beautiful and you have a great eye for fashion. The saying "Keep Calm and Carry On" comes to mind, as I really don't have anything constructive to say regarding making changes.

I have thought that you look like Jane Fonda, and she always looks so fit and healthy that even in her 80's she would not be out of place at a fitness centre.

Irina

Veteran

In my office most of the people who were 60 or close to it, retired.

On my team we had the biggest number of employees over 50 - 6. Now only 3 left, I’m one of them. In the whole place, we have close to 300 and probably less than a dozen are close to retirement age. Also, mostly they are in the management.

It is known that I’m a grandma, so there is that. I something pleased in a silly way that some of my outfits are trendier than of my younger coworkers. Tells you something about me. And them
I don’t want to work anymore, I plan to leave and hopefully soon.

Advice, hmmmm. I’d say, ignore it, IRL I would probably choose a different word, one that probably is not acceptable in public
I’m sure, young people don’t notice us, the middle aged. And I like it.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

First, I want to say that anyone as meticulous as you are about your hair, makeup, jewellery, and really every detail of the outfit could not possibly look irrelevant, ungroomed, or uncaring.

Having said that, I hear you. The fitness business is probably less forgiving in many ways (or more anxiety inducing) and having worked in that field during my 50s when almost all my colleagues and managers were younger than me (and all were fitter than me!) I certainly felt some of this.

But look at it this way: would they have hired you if they thought all the negative things about you that you fear they might be thinking? Seems unlikely. And you have only gained in skills since signing on, so you are probably more valuable to them now than you were then!

As far as fashion is concerned, I'm betting you are probably one of the more fashion-aware people in your company. At least if I can go by my own experience. You face restrictions in what you can wear at work, which is frustrating, but I'm betting you find ways to make it more creative and interesting than most, and luckily, you can wear black better than a lot of people, so it still flatters you and fits your overall style persona.

I'm with Bijou...it's okay to keep on keeping on. Just be yourself. Yes, there will be days when you feel your age (and then some) and worry that you are looking drained or whatever. But energy and engagement are more important than age itself. Ok, not to everyone (the 20-somethings are probably going to see you as ancient no matter what.) But they are as likely to be wowed by your style and wanting to be you when they grow up as they are to be dismissing you.

slim cat

Veteran

In my place of work there are some people that are around my age
( 57... when did that happened - lol ) and many more younger, trendier, with less family obligations and a bit more $ to spend on themselves.

I worry from time to time how I look compare to them, how easy they chat and smile and carry on. It feels a bit different for me - sometimes I have trouble smiling like I have no worry in the world except to cater to the customer' wishes and whims ( many whims... ).

You look modern, stylish in black clothes, perfectly groomed, confident.
I think it's perfectly natural to feel a certain concern from time to time - but really it's more in our heads. You are fine - so "keep calm and carry on" like it was already said .

I do plan to work until unforeseeable future - no real alternatives right now. Not sure if I should tell you that I do freak out from time to time, loose some sleep and wonder about my future.

Dee

Veteran

I work only occasionally now, on-call at a college library, with students in their late teens, and profs and support staff, mostly in their 40s to late 60s.

I’m one of the oldest in my department, turning 63 this year, I remember talking fashion with a 30-something colleague once and she mentioned that I always looked well put together. I think that’s a compliment but it doesn’t necessarily mean fashionable either. It’s funny seeing these teens all so dressed a-liked that I have a hard time telling them apart, or maybe its just my age too. I know they don’t notice my fashion choices, but that’s no big deal, I dress for my own satisfaction.

I think you always present yourself in a very current and cohesive way LJP, and I think its terrific that you care about your appearance and what’s happening in fashion, I think it helps to keep us relevant and shows that we are not out to pasture yet.

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

I’m “only” 44 and already I’ve started to have that experience, of looking around the conference room and realizing I’m the oldest person there! Or the subway car, or the cafe….. It’s a disconcerting feeling, I agree.

Anonymous

You have great style with awesome hair and makeup

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LJP

Veteran

To clarify : I’m not worried about being fired or encouraged to retire . I’m in a union , so that can’t happen . And I’m extremely valuable to the entire company as I know more about how the business runs , how to manage our service desk and how to deal with 70 yr olds post-heart attack than my 22 yr old university student colleagues do . I’m not concerned with how they view me - I’m their official work mom;)

What I do think about is how to be true to myself while keeping up with a younger workforce and younger clientele . And to look energetic and upbeat even when I so don’t feel it anymore .

LJP

Veteran

And Suz you’re right . I can’t see how I could be taken seriously providing information and motivation in a health - based business if I wasn’t at least half -way fit. Our management team is a mixed bag of people who have never worked out a day in their lives ( or at least don’t appear like they have ) and those who take it more seriously , but they aren’t front-facing.

Peri

Veteran

I say the art is to own it. What's wrong with being one of the people there who have been alive longer? You are to be admired for being fit and healthy and plenty stylish enough to represent the best aspects of your (our) age group.

When I was in a working environment in the reverse position, one of the youngest people there, I just knew everyone was so much smarter and wiser and more experienced than I was. I thought they knew everything and I felt so insecure and naive, while furiously trying not to show it. I looked for mentors all the time. How do you know that all those younger workers aren't admiring you and hoping you'll help them figure out their confusing lives? Remember, these are the people who think "adulting" is so wickedly difficult they turned it into a verb so they'd have an easy way to complain about normal routines. I'd bet at least half of them look up to you even if they haven't said so.

NancyW

Veteran

You are aware of what is current and you incorporate it with a deft hand. Your make up is always so wonderfully sharp and you get the details right with your accessories. So when you are having a hard day, just don’t look in the mirror! From my experience as an older worker, you are more appreciated by the interesting younger people than you know.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Yes I have been in this position both while working at the thrift store and working at a non-profit. I am/was not the oldest person in either case but old for my position and facing many younger people. Honestly, I find younger people less challenging to face than people my around my age (57 next month) or older. Younger people either do not pay all that much attention to me (nor I to them) or else tell me they wish their moms would stop dying their hair like me , whereas more contemporary women often give me the competitive once over and I feel judged. I think you present as a fit, together, stylish sort of person and the young ones that pay attention will see you as a role model (for their mothers )!

Sally

Veteran

I work in a job with an aging population....30% of teachers are over 50. I"m 51 and a lot of my teaching friends are in their 60s and over. I don't really notice the age because they are so much fun and very interesting. There is also a lot of mixing across age groups as well. We invited a 20 something student teacher out to the movies with us the other day. I think I might feel differently if I worked in a different environment. Every now and then when I find myself talking to younger people, I think wow I'm so much older than you and I wonder if I address appropriately for my age (my teenage son says "you are not going out in that are you?).....it would be very hard for me to change though. Sorry I'm not much help. I guess the main thing I want to say is that I don't notice a big difference in overall energy levels between different ages, unless they are very elderly and frail. Younger people often have families etc which makes them feel tired (or they are caught up in their dramas), and older people seem to have gotten over all that, if they have kids, they are probably grown up so they have more time. You probably look more energetic and upbeat than you feel.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Well, yes, I am in the position of being the second oldest in our very small team of 2 receptionists, 2 family doctors, 2 practice nurses, one practice manager and one business manager ( the latter two actually cover 3 practices not just our one). One receptionist who does 2 days a week now is actually 70. I am 62, colleague is 60, nurses are 58 and about 55. As you know I do not dye my hair or wear any more than the most minimal makeup.
Despite that I am blessed to be complimented on my fashion choices at least once every week. Not by young people of course, usually, although occasionally even they do. Women much more than men. Men compliment shoes occasionally. I feel totally comfortable with how I am perceived in the workplace. It’s my competence and expertise that matter.
I do understand that because I was the owner up until just over 18 months ago when I sold the company but continued to work, that makes my position somewhat different from yours?

Janet

(website)

Veteran

You’ve gotten such great responses already!

I’m not in a traditional workplace, so I can’t relate to the specific concerns you have, but I do get it. I realized last night, greeting a couple hundred visitors to my studio on an art walk, that I am now the second oldest artist in the building, which is weird to me. I feel like it was not so long ago that I was by far the youngest person hired as a DJ for one of the radio stations where I worked, at 21! How did I go from youngest to near oldest so quickly!

But on the flip side, I have come to realize that I am viewed more authoritatively these days by a certain professional community that calls on me for judging competitions and giving educational presentations. The point being that being (and yes, looking) in a time of life of “wisdom and experience” (my dermatologist used that term instead of “age” and I like it!), can be a benefit. We can’t fight it, so let’s own it, as Peri says!

From everything we see here, you present yourself in a very appropriate, current way. Your grooming and style are so good, and seem to true to you, that I would really not fret it. I would say lean into it. If there is something you feel you’d like to change (embracing a new silhouette, changing up the hair, adopting a new favorite accessory, etc), I think that can help us continually reevaluate and evolve, without reinventing the wheel so to speak.

I’m trying to do the same myself, as I have let go of the hair dye (still questioning that sometimes), and am trying to do my best to take care of myself so my health and energy levels stay as good as they can be. I figure the rest follows.

Anonymous

Fwiw you definitely don't look tired, gaudy, or like you can't keep up to me! I like hearing how you bend the dress code

In my current job, I'm the youngest by a couple years, though I was the oldest at my last job (inc older than my boss). I'm fine either way, as long as people get the job done and don't micromanage me. What bothers me the most is that people my age are grandparents :/ When did That happen??

DH's coworkers otoh, are all (or nearly all) much younger, and he says he feels old when they don't get his pop culture references. That's what ages him, not his looks.

gryffin

Veteran

Lisa - as you know I'm 63 and I'd like to work another 7-10 yr. It took me a long time to get this good at my job and I feel like I am in my prime. On looking the part, I think you always look amazing. I have let my hair go natural and for me, I think I wear less make up now than I used to because it's more flattering on my skin type. Sunscreen the only must. I think the fit of clothes is the most important thing. But I think the thing that keeps me relevant is passion, which you, of course, have in spades. Since I've taken the deep dive into wellness research, the up side of covid, my DH and I are thinking of getting our functional medicine certification. So I'm passionate on counseling patients, in addition to the derm stuff, but diving into the gut microbiome and wellness in a more holistic way. I think it's as much a mental game as physical, when you yourself bring vibrancy, curiosity, passion, compassion, wisdom and energy and beam that out at the workplace that's the thing that really makes us shine. That's the legacy. And walking the talk, exercise, diet, peace, stress management, when we live the path it shows on our face, our smile, our bodies and that's what makes every thing we do special! GL awesome girl, just keep putting yourself out in the world!!

Brooklyn

Veteran

I don’t have this problem anymore because I work exclusively from home and for myself. And the only meetings I have are by teleconference. It actually can be quite lonely and isolating, but that’s a whole other issue!

I do experience something similar when I go to the city, where I used to work, and realise most people are younger than I am. Sometimes I feel self conscious about what I’m wearing because my style is a bit out there. At least for someone my age.

So I try not to second myself. Or worry too much about what other people might think. I’m sure that there are lots of people here who think my look is gaudy and OTT. So what? I’m enjoying fashion. A lot.

FWIW, I think you look “with it” in a fashion sense. Sharp. Not tired. Not gaudy!

But you should own your look. If you are happy with your style, that’s enough.

Helena

Veteran

So echoing all the encouragement here and fwiw I'm am always more trusting for older professionals to comment on my fitness because when I was 26 I could roll into the gym with a hangover after eating McDonald's brekkie and look fine so I'm instantly suspicious of the youths lol.

For what I think is the practical part of your question, I do find some of the tips and tricks on YouTube for "mature makeup" can be super helpful ... In particular some of Bobbi Browns content, Wayne goss and even the good old what not to wear Carmindy highlighting technique all help me feel a little more fresh faced when I've got the blahs.

unfrumped

Veteran

I worked in a situation where professionals often worked well past 70’s, surrounded by students and newly-minted professionals, so there was a lot of variety.

But now have good friends in their 90’s, so kind of seeing my possible future— both what to hope for/ emulate and what praying to be able to accept.

From style standpoint, I think you have a great advantage in having good sense of your own style ( changing though it may be) good taste, fashion sense. So almost a super- power compared to average, I’d say.

I have noticed in myself as I try to evolve style, outfits, or just get dressed for something, that I am subject to moods, to comparing myself both to impossible photos and to street style. Actually most street style here is pretty ho- hum , bad even, so it’s a treat and not really dismaying to see someone really put- together.

Anyway I wish I were just naturally super confident or super “ who cares” but I’m not. I do find that I have a number of silhouettes that I feel quite good about and yet there may be nothing trendy there at all ( but some items are definitely NEW, so, not dressing in mothballs) and my current approach is to just lean into that and realize I’ll second- guess at times because that’s just me.

I’m wearing way less makeup but still more than most of my group who mostly wear none. I like “ minimal for me” eye makeup but interesting no longer use any foundation or even blush ( except some “ occasions” ) though I could surely use pinker cheeks.

I can see how in harsh work light/ fitness center, you might want to have more “ healthy glow” ! And having fun, as it were, In trying new products that give better results.

So that’s all rambling. One thing for not looking or FEELING so old, or tired, is, get enough sleep. This is so much easier as empty nester and my DH is still working, so he needs regular bedtime, else I might on my own stay up too late.

another thing is , “ active footwear”. Whatever it takes to give a sure- footed, effortless bouncy stride. For dressy occasions, that can fudge a bit. But at work I’d be sure your footwear really supports that healthy, active stride. As I recall, you don’t have too- fussy feet, so you have more options than I do, so by all means push the style quotient when you can, for the right comfort level.

And don’t forget the old adage ( pun intended) of being a good listener/ asking about people , in this specific context I mean talking with “ younger people “, can make one seem “ so interesting “ to others! But in addition, I find it’s great to get outside myself, to then chat with DH, oh , so & so is going through this, or doing that. And also I learn new about new things I might want to do.

Joy

Veteran

Seeing lovely ladies older than I am that still work, I see old hair styles being a problem. You keep,yours youthful. I see the importance of exercising. It is use it or lose it. A biggy these days are tech skills.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

LJP, you project great style, have a youthful attitude, keep up with what is current in the world, are good at your job, and are fit, and healthy! You lucky fish. The younger folk need to worry about keeping up with YOU and your daily standards! You inspire more than you give yourself credit for.

Btw, my late Dad wore Birkies till he was 89

Jenn

(website)

Veteran

I once asked my 22yo son if he thought my outfit was cool. He scoffed and said, "I mean, is that what you want? To be cool to 20-somethings? WHY?"

rachylou

Veteran

Omg. I had a ‘girl’ at work - a mother actually - guess my age at 10 years plus. Lol! Insulting! At least all my co-workers scoffed and laughed. It was more embarrassing for her tbh. And after all, I remember being 25 and guessing my 30 yr-old boss was 55! Ahaha! One’s ‘age’ has a lot to do with one’s authority. The more responsibility you have, the more prepared you should be to be considered old.

Anyways, bakeries are interesting places. Very physical but not a place where old people are uncommon. They’re kinda like hardware stores. Filled with the sort of people who’d die if they stopped working, and much respect is given to them - they’re the only people who know anything.

I do think it’s important not to be ossified. You don’t want to be ‘the old woman’ or ‘the old guy.’ We had a guy like that, who was younger than me. Didn’t last long. What that meant was, he was cranky. In that way, fashionwise, honestly, I think one should go ahead and participate in some of the workplace trends. Or set them. And to go ahead and show your form - not skin, of course, but your form. Sometimes older women become invisible because they hide, to be brutal.

… but how you talk is probably the most important. Work with high school kids, talk about high school. As if the memory was fresh, because those are the sort of memories that always stay fresh. The pain of high school lasts forever! Lol!

… ok, one more story. I’m working with quite a few home boys and girls. Of an incredibly wide age span. Absolutely nothing has changed. The area high schools are still the same. The It car is still the same (Volvo). The country club is still weird. And the neighborhoods where you shouldn’t drive with a busted taillight and the cops are bored have not changed one bit. Except the price for prom tickets is beyond scandalous…

kkards

Veteran

I have a lot to say.
I am by far the oldest in my office. I will be 60 this summer and the next oldest person in my division is 50, but the majority are late 20s to mid 30s, and every year we bring in interns (barely 20yo) and recent college grads. I am very aware and attuned to how I look/am perceived vis-à-vis the age issue. Like you I want/need to be viewed as relevant and up to the task.
For me, on the fashion/appearance side, that means leanings hard into my style, but with tweaks and updates to show that I know what’s trending and current. So I’m not going to wear a cropped top, or oversized skater jeans, but I have retired skinny jeans/jeggings and tunic tops. I’m going to wear blazers only when balanced with more casual items, like joggers or sneakers so that I don’t look like I’m still channeling the “dress for success” era. On the makeup front post Covid, I’ve stopped wearing it, but pre I was one of the few women in my office who did wear makeup. And it’s a large part of why I continue to dye my hair. It’s definitely an art, and I have no great advice

Sal

Veteran

It’s an interesting and very real topic. I agree with kkards practical ideas but I don’t think your style is an issue- you are modern and current.

At work we go from 22 to 75 - mostly men - mostly engineers. Dress ranges from good to appalling. Some are in uniform. The things that make the younger people frustrated with the older people are more when there’s the ‘ millennials have it easy’ or ‘when I was young we all ran around outdoors’ etc type of discussion. Laughter and appreciating the music and taste of the younger ones helps I find. I love hearing
About their weekends- concerts, adventures - I feel it’s really positive to have a range of ages.

LJP

Veteran

Thank you all for the thoughtful comments ! Lots to contemplate here . As I sit at my desk hiding from my 23 yr old co worker ;).

DonnaF

Veteran

At least in the US, older folks like me are being hammered by the stock market crash that resulted in a 30% loss in my retirement savings plus high inflation. I’m wondering if your work place isn’t seeing job applications from older people due to the intimidation factor of your industry. I would assume there would be an extra heavy bias toward younger workers whether that’s accurate or not.

This is pure ageism, but I would trust a mid-Millennial on up to a Baby Boomer over a Gen Zer. I don’t think you have anything to worry about appearance wise. But assuming they use fluorescents for lighting, can you persuade Maintenance/Management to use warm white instead of cool white which makes everyone look green and sick? Even the younguns.

At age 70, I am fortunate to work in a field that doesn’t prize youth. I just learned, however, that overseas clients are expected to retire at 60. Luckily, they never see what I look like; it’s probably hard enough for them to handle that I’m female.

April

Veteran

Mr. A is 66 and very keenly feels his age in the workplace (he's the CEO, so it's not about rank.) At 59, I feel it less, since, as a homemaker, no one but me cares how I look or, honestly, how I feel about that. I am - in the words of the great Canadian singer-songwriter Arlene Bishop - the amazing, the incredible, the invisible woman.

I did the "COVID grow-out" in which I stopped coloring my hair at all. I adjusted to this annoying meno-body as best I could. I take LMA's advice on clothing since he's very stylish but also says smart things regarding clothes like "Never be uncomfortable!" I cope with the need to use crutches and therefore never wear anything but flat shoes.

Not sure any of this is helpful. My best friend from high school is job hunting at 61 and feels strongly that she (a natural platinum blonde who is very smart and competent) can't let herself go gray because she "doesn't want to be dismissed any more than I already am." When I counter by saying, "Well, make them stop dismissing you," I get the "you don't understand" response, and that's no doubt true.

<Sigh> I'm with you, LJP - no one seems to have this completely figured out.

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