Telling a Child Their Pet Has Died

Deborah

Hi Girls,

We have just found Master 9's blue tongue lizard dead in its enclosure. He had all the proper things and DH was checking on him regularly in the heat but when we checked on him today he was "gone".

This is the first pet we have had die so this is I guess one of those significant moments. We are planning on sitting with Master 9 later (he has a friend over at the moment) and simply telling him the truth. We do have a faith and feel that will bring some comfort, but he is a sensitive little kid and I know he is going to be upset.

I know many of you will have been here....Any advice?

xxxDeborah

13 years ago

Off Topic

13 replies

Latest reply was from Jjsloane

Isis

Veteran

I am sorry; this is very hard for kids. My kids are older teens/early 20's and through the years we've been through the loss of several pet rats, a cat, and a couple chickens.

One thing that helps (the parents) is to look at this as an opportunity to share a life experience that is meaningful.

We always had a small funeral in the backyard , told our favorite memories about the pet, and made a marker for the grave.

My sympathies; this is a difficult but important experience to share with kids.

13 years ago

Mochi

Veteran

Deborah, not sure how helpful this would be (child is girl instead of boy; pet is puppy rather than lizard) but I read it just recently and found it very meaningful, at least as an adult, and you may find a seed there to help you.

http://lissarankin.com/hold-tight-or-unleash

13 years ago

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Well, my parents didnt' have a very good way of doing it, so I'd advise not doing it like this...

We didn't really have pets growing up, but my sister's best friend died (she had been ill for a long period of time). My dad turned to her and said: "Stacey is dead. But that's a good thing." And didn't say anything else about it ever. I think she's still traumatized (she's 24). But as I grew up I sort of figured my dad probably didn't have such a good grasp on what to say.

Anywhoo, not a good way to do it.

13 years ago

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I would say the most important things are honesty & allowing him to feel okay about whatever it is he feels. I'm sure you will manage it well.

13 years ago

pil

Veteran

I'm so sorry Deborah, it's always hard to lose a pet. My oldest son was probably 12 when we had to have his guinea pig euthanized. While I'm sure *he* felt he couldn't allow himself to cry at that age he was still a little teary eyed. I hope Master 9 feels it's ok to cry if he needs to. You too, for that matter.

13 years ago

Deborah

Veteran

Ladies thank you so much for your advice and encouragement.

We had years (his and mine) and we talked about what was special about Spike and we prayed for him and entrusted him into God's care:). Despite the upset Master 9 did seem to move on quite quickly suggesting maybe we could get a dog now:)

13 years ago

Kari

Veteran

Deborah, when I was very young we didn't have pets yet, but my grandparents had a fluffy white cat, Tigger, that I ADORED. I even had a stuffed animal that looked like him. Anyway, I remember that Tigger was the first animal or person that I cared about that passed away, and my parents were very gentle but matter of fact about explaining his death. They also read me the book The Tenth Good Thing About Barney, which does a beautiful job of helping children understand that it's okay and normal to feel sad after the death of a pet.
http://www.amazon.com/Tenth-Go.....0689712030

13 years ago

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Very sad and not easy. Wish you luck. Sorry about Master 9's lizard

13 years ago

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

So sorry to hear about Master 9's loss Deborah. Losing a pet is not an easy thing. For my son and the various pets he's had over the years, we just went with honesty, a prayer for the departed and a wee funeral. And we let him grieve as little or as much as he needed.

Sending hugs.

13 years ago

Anonymous

Sending more hugs. I can't remember much trama over the death of snakes my boys had...more when one was loose, but getting another pet helps adults and children..

13 years ago

Inge

(website)

Moderator

I am so sorry to hear you lost a sweet pet, Deborah. And thank you for the update, I love that you talked about what Spike meant to you, and I've no doubt Master 9 knows you are there for him when he feels sad and upset. *Hugs* for the entire family!

13 years ago

Lyn D.

Veteran

I am sorry about this death Deborah- all pets become part of the family, and it is sad when they 'go'.
I have found these times to be good for letting children see that it is O.K. to show emotions. Often it is the adult that feels it more acutely- we are the ones that do most of the care, feeding etc.
I hope your holiday will take his mind off things, and maybe a new pet somewhere along the line. Now he is a bit older, he can play a bigger part in the care, especially if it is one that requires walking and grooming.

13 years ago

Jjsloane

Veteran

I have been there very recently. One of our beloved cats did not return home from the vets. My DS was most attached to him (he's now 8) but since he was an outside cat it took awhile for him to notice the absence. I sat him down and told him the truth. I told him Joe got sick, I took him to the doctor, but he was too sick to be cured. I'm also sad and missing him, but we were lucky to have him for the time we did. He was sad, he built a Lego tribute (lego cat, flag with cat's name on a plate) and we purchased a tribute plant for the garden. He has had a few periods where he was sad again, but I totally believe they deserve the truth and can handle it.

13 years ago

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