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Teenage attitude adjustment

TraceyLiz65

(website)

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My almost 14 year old homeschooling child has developed a crappy attitude and is groaning every time I speak to him. Yesterday I brought out a Tai Chi dvd to try to redirect this moody behavior after a rough start he did well then got impatient and gave up. I pulled up guided meditations on You tube and after trying out a few he listened to one he liked for 3 times. A much nicer child emerged and I even got an "I love you". Today again a much better version of himself is present!

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16 replies

Latest reply was from Isabel

rachylou

Veteran

That's nice to hear. I think learning to meditate, to observe the rise of impulse and emotions (as differentiated from feelings) are excellent skills.

That said, 14 you say? Buckle up, Tracey!

kellygirl

Veteran

I'd have to strap my 12 year old down to get her to watch a dvd. I don't know whether it's hormones or what but I'm expecting her head to start spinning a la Carrie any day now. Good luck. Hope the meditations continue to help!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

14. Oy. I know it well. (My daughter is also 14). I am going to try her on a meditation CD....if I can get her to focus long enough to pay attention to it. Thanks for the tip.

Anonymous

There's an iOS app I like called Smiling Mind -- it's meditation geared towards kids and adults.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

When I was 14 I found mathematics very soothing. I'd put on my headphones and did pages of math. It helped my anger and aggression.

nancylee

Veteran

Oh, I remember 14. They're loving and needy one minute and act like they don't know who you are are the next.

Sounds like the meditation might have worked. IMHO, the best way to deal with this age is to be there, to listen, and to just ride the waves of emotion.

Good luck! You can do this.

Deborah

Veteran

Meditation sound like an idea. Sometimes when things are getting a bit much and DS (11) is crossing the line I will sit down with him and we will just spend a few minutes praying together. We will both pray and I find this has a very positive affect (on both of us).

April

Veteran

I have a 17-year-old, and sometimes if he's speaking overly negatively towards me (rare, but not unheard of), I can help him back on track by just telling him what he's doing. "You're talking to me in a way that makes me feel like you think I'm an idiot. Please stop doing that." Teens are notoriously self-centered, and letting them into your experience of their behavior expands their viewpoints a bit.

Anonymous

Wishing you the best with your son, Tracey. That's a moody age, kind of like the terrible twos all over again. Try to limit video games and such. It's an age where they seem to get addicted and then don't develop social skills. It gets better if you can keep a tight reign for awhile. He may do better for his father or other male at this age.

Anonymous

I was going to suggest leaving some military boarding school brochures around the house, but the other ladies are much wiser! Good luck.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

This child has the great advantage of being my youngest as my oldest is 27... He is child number 4 and son #3! Talking to him about how he was treating me did no good. Thanks so much for the comraderie and letting me know I am so not alone in this!!!!

When my daughter was this age we had the most fun with a t-shirt I bought that said, "Feeling Witchy" If she snapped at me I just snuck into her room when she wasn't there and left it on her bed. She reciprocated if she was upset with me and then we couldn't walk past each other without giggling. We used it for about 4 years before she decided it was done.

I have to say DS was extremely insightful today and brought up those insights to me...I do think these teen years are about a push a pull much like Nancylee pointed out... If redirecting is good for a two year old, why not a teenager...

Glory

Veteran

Well let me say that I am super impressed that he would try the Tai Chi and then a meditation. I have a 13 and 14 year old - sigh! I cannot imagine that I would be able to have them do either of those things!
Alicat - hahahaha Military boarding school brochures around the house - I LOVE that!

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

Glory, I must say this son is very unique in that he was born with a strong spirtual wisdom. From the moment he could talk, brought memories of heaven, now talks about people's auras, etc... this was all self driven and not at all our speech... He once at age 8 was literally tearing around the room when he suddenly stopped looked me in the eye and told me " You and I had a heart connection when I was in heaven" got this pensive look on his face and continued,"but you don't always have a heart connection with your mother, Ashley (DD) and Nicholas(DS) have a heart connection too." A short time later he told his father he was forgetting heaven, but he wasn't worried as that is what is suppose to happen... So for him to embrace Tai Chi or meditation is more innate in him and not me trying to push against the grain...
With my oldest son, I put him in Kickboxing... He was quiet, yet angry and needed that physical aggression to get out somewhere and it worked wonders...A confidence booster and this introvert went on to sign himself up for a Debate team and Public Speaking... could have knocked me over with a feather when this occurred!!! He is still introverted but working on a Master's in English with goals to teach college level and pushes himself to face his introverted nature.

Hil

(website)

Veteran

I think meditation is an amazing art to teach kids.

It's something I have been casually instilling into my kids since they were little. I'm a doula so my catchphrase is "just breathe". If they're upset, worked up, can't sleep, I encourage them to slow down their breathing, count slowly down from 10, go to their happy place. Last year my son went on his first school camp. I was thrilled to read in the diary that he kept that on the first night when he couldn't sleep, he meditated to calm down.

deb

Veteran

My son at this age got very involved with the church. He went to Mexico several times to help build 'stuff'. It helped so much to have a youth pastor that was in his early 30's and Jake looked up to him. I was a single parent and do not know what I would have done without this additional help.

Isabel

Veteran

Yeah, it is hormones. It is particularly bad in girls. Our pediatrician gave us a "talk " about it at the physical. My 11 year old is starting to get annoyed at everything.

Our school social worker recommends the following book for parents of girls around this age ( I assume it would work with boys ) :

Get Out of My Life : But First, Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall ?

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