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Talking yourself down from a purchase

Mo

(website)

Veteran

What is your inner dialogue when considering a purchase? I have been mulling over the shiny blazer from RW & Co for days now. Sizing questions, along with return costs and hassles has had me sitting on my hands, but still itching to pull the trigger.
Then I called my credit card company last night. I am at about what I consider a comfortable limit for the billing cycle. I have not kept but one of this month's purchases (Forever 21) but have tried on no less than 4 shorts orders and have the JCPenney shirt return tied up in a giftcard. So, I told myself no buying the blazer until Gap refunds my recent return or the billing cycle starts anew. By then the sale on the blazer will be over, I found out this morning. Ah, well. Discipline has to start somewhere.
But the learning part came after all this. I started to get less emotional about the want want want of the shiny (literally ha ha) new thing and started to actually think about the item. Yes, I want shine. But . . . and here is the big but - I don't know that I need it to come in the form of a jacket. True, I've wanted a light colored 'dressier' jacket for over a year now. I just got the DP white jaquard moto, and have not had the chance to wear it yet. No, it's not shiny, and not exactly dressy, but maybe it will be dressy enough for my needs. I don't know yet. I also have my mocha chiffon colorblock jacket from last winter that's been worn once. So maybe my 'idea' of lighter dressy jacket is more an imagined thing than a need in my life. Hmm. Add to that I've put up a sign in my closet about purchases that asks, among other things, 'can you wear it now, this season?'. Umm, did I mention I'm still waiting to be able to wear the white jacket?
Do I want that shiny blazer? You bet! Do I need, and will I wear, it? Not so sure. Is the 60% off what's making me spin in my head? Probably lol.

Oh, and as an aside, I realize that jacquard, brocade, foulard, whatever you want to call it, is trending and I am likely to be able to find another shiny jacket in person should I still want one in a month or two. This is not a case of if I don't buy it now I will lose out. Sometimes it feels like that, though, doesn't it? Progress . . .

Shopping

23 replies

Latest reply was from DonnaF

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Thanks so much for posting this, Mo. I can really identify with your thought process and the pattern of feelings. I, too, have often been convinced that I "must have" this or that, only to realize when it's not available that really, it probably wasn't what I truly wanted in the first place, and even if it was, I can find a better alternative or I wouldn't use it as much as I'd imagined. And even if it's a loss, I figure a mistake in that direction is probably better than a mistake in the other direction -- an expensive closet orphan.

Having said that, it's easier to say this now that I have a fairly well stocked closet. I don't have everything I'd like but most of my true "needs" are met. And finally I've begun to identify true holes vs. wants.

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

You raised a very interesting distinction between want and need. I feel that the two have a tendency to overlap. Is is possible to want something to the extent that it is needed for one's peace of mind? I am grappling with this as well.

For what it is worth, I think you show admirable restraint when shopping and are very organized in the identification of a plan that addresses your wants/needs. I wish I had your discipline.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I agree with dianthus - you do show great restraint. I'm not so good at that as I tend to shop for "hobby" as much as for need. My real life needs are pretty minimal. I could live with just 14 or so outfits if I didn't care about variety (7 for hot weather, 7 for cool). I only wear jackets maybe 5 months of the year but I love them and tend to collect them. I at least have worn some of my favorites many, many times. But some of the dressier ones I've only worn once or twice. That's my weakness - wanting to have "dressier" things but living a very casual lifestyle. At the same time I want to up the casual aspect to a slightly higher level so I've been experimenting with what works. Sometimes that leads to more mistakes for me.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Oh, yes, Tex, I would love to buy a bunch of the pretty things I see. But, I, too, have a very casual life and realize I only have so many opportunities to wear those pretties lol. I'm also trying to 'up' my casual game but come to find, there is a certain level where you top out in regards to your surroundings.
Dianthus, I don't so much as have it all handled and figured out as much as my budget restrains me from making the rash purchase I later regret. Although I will concede the budget is self imposed and I'm sure I could afford easily twice what I buy on our household income. That pesky budget has saved me from myself more than once!
And Suz, you are right that having a working wardrobe makes it a lot easier to resist that 'must have' mentality and give yourself the time to think about whether it is a need or not. It's never easy though. Sometimes you just want.

El Cee

Veteran

Mo -- I think letting your "inner dialogue" guide you in this way is actually very smart. I know that I get in the most trouble when I refuse to give credence to that very dialogue. I am like you in that I try to stick to a monthly budget that is somewhat dictated by a billing cycle. And I always think twice about a purchase if there are any shipping charges (return or otherwise), esp. if I have fit concerns and/or do not have a history with a brand or seller. I do think that the jacket is lovely, but you may very well be on to something here: Do you really need a shiny jacket? And is it really the only thing that will fill your desire for something shiny? These are important things to continue to go over in your head, frustrating as the process might be. And -- Love that sign!

Karie

(website)

Veteran

Great post, Mo! Sometimes when I order things, they arrive and I forget what it was I ordered...guess I really didn't need it that badly after all...

carter

Veteran

I am such a sucker for a sale, but I've made too many less-than-perfect purchases because items were on sale. I hate to pay full price, but I have to say that my most loved/worn items in my closet are things I bought for full price. For me the key question when pondering a sale item is, "do I love/want/need this item enough to pay full price(something I hate doing)?" More often than not, my answer is "no". If it's yes, i will happily buy and consider the sale price a bonus. Still a work in progress, but it has saved me many emotional purchases.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

For El Cee - the rest of the sign

It is interesting what goes on in our heads surrounding the 'do I buy or don't I?' questions. At least we are asking the questions instead of buy buy buying! he he

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jayne

Veteran

I swear you are in my head, I have little notes like this in my evernote wardrobe wish list...tee hee

I find I gt very obsessed and alot is from a picture or seeing something in the store. I have a wait and see first step, if it bothers me I try it, and alot of the time, since the wait and see builds the thing up to a golden grail, when I try it, it seldom lives up to perfection of the image in my mind. Has been a great way to limit buying, wait and imagine, and the item never meets expectations later. Note, this only works half the time so the other half I end up buying. Guess that was not where you were going with this?

Anonymous

I do this ALL THE TIME. Even the same about the whole credit card business. AND, when I think I can't have something I want it more. It's really pathetic. Plus not one time that I got that one thing that I just had to have has my life fallen into a place of serenity.
In my mind "well, I've been looking for exactly this FOREVER and look...it's on sale. got-to have it. Once I buy this I don't need or want anything else...EVER. I will be perfectly content."
But then I start obsessing over something new.

Alassë

Veteran

I enjoy reading your thought-provoking questions/discussions, Mo. I'm not sure I have anything to add - I agree too much with your turmoil over "I want" vs. "Will I really wear?"

Scarlet

Veteran

All I can say to this is, I 100% get the dialogue. I hope you find your shiny shiny for a great price at the right time!

shedev

Veteran

I also admire your discipline. I'm hoping to start some kind of shopping plan next year. Maybe a 24*12. I tried and failed this year, but after the big purge I feel I might be ready.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Shedev, speaking from experience, I think that's a reasonable goal. In 2012 I bought 57 items. This year I'm at 28 and debating about 3 more purchases.
Hoping to get down even less next year (18). I think playing with all the numbers helps it be more like a game for me and feel less like deprivation.

EDIT: and if that still sounds like a lot considering my shopping plan I've been sharing, I should mention it includes bras, all accessories, some lounge wear that borders on casual. Everything but sleepwear and socks and panties.

Gail

Veteran

I am trying to retrain myself with the "do I really need " . Lately this has been working more often than not which is a good thing as half the time I get home and I have something similar .

catgirl

Veteran

One word: yes.

Mrs Moo

Mo, I think about this a lot too and have noticed a few things... If I think I can't have something, like it'll sell out before I can get it, it makes me want it all the more... If there were loads of the said item I'd probably not want it so much! It's the perceived scarcity that sets me off.

On those occasions where I don't cave, and then the item sells out, I realise I'm not really bothered after all and possibly escaped a mistake. And then I notice that this is the best time to analyse why I thought I wanted it in the first place, once the want has worn off. I'm rambling, it's late, I hope that made sense

jenanded

Veteran

I am still reeling from your wardrobe maths and since that post still have one outfit not worn... and that is just casual clothes. Work clothes area still more than half not worn. SO though I have been wanting more things I have gone to my closet and reminded myself of what does not get worn... you have THE best Insights Mo!

Anonymous

You are singing my tune, Mo! I have a constant inner dialog going on about the next purchase. I love your point about being able to wear it now. I think that's why shopping in the Spring and Fall works so well, because you're in between seasons. One of Nina Garcia's books had a really good list of questions to ask yourself (similar to yours). I liked it so much that I copied it down in my notebook:

Is it on my list?
Do I already own something like it?
Can I alter something I already have to give me the same look?
Where will I wear it?
Do I really need it?
Of course I want this now, but what did I want when I left the house?
What will I have to forgo because I spent money on this?

As for that last question, I just had to ask myself that this morning. I brought home one pair of riding boots, four silk blouses, three bras, four pairs of earrings and some no-show footies from the Rack the other day! Everything is going back except the boots (pending Angie's approval), one bra, one pair of earrings and the footies. Because if I don't return 60% of my purchase I won't be able to shop at the SoCal meetup!

Anonymous

You are so wise, Mo.

Sharon

Veteran

I remember someone on the foum once wrote "You don't need to own every pretty thing in the world", and that has always stayed with me! I do, however, find myself wanting a lot more things than I need or could use. Like Mrs Moo, I find the desire passes if I give it time, but every now and then there is an item that I regret missing out on. The difficulty is in predicting that before I drop the dollars!

shemarie

Great topic and great questions, Mo; and Claire, I'm adding yours to my list too! I have a very similar constant stream of running dialogue going at all times and have to be so careful that I'm keeping it in my head and not arguing with myself out loud in public!!

DonnaF

Veteran

Mo;

I really, really admire your self-discipline as well as your analysis. I keep looking at the heavy tweed sweater jacket I bought at NAS and go back and forth over whether I should return it. Where I live, it is only now starting to get cold enough to wear it. At least with Nordstrom, I don't have a deadline for my decision.

I am still sorting though what I really wear and why vs. what I don't reach for and why not. I don't buy too much for a fantasy life, but I might still buy for some fantasy version of myself.