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tainted love

Mochi

Veteran

I have a question about random remarks about something you're wearing.

Do other people's opinions have the ability to ruin an outfit for you? Something you already own and love or like a lot. Just with their offhand remark. I'd specify that these not be people whose opinions might generally be considered important such as husbands or BFFs.

I noticed that on the YLF FB page there were much more critical remarks about Angie's midi blouse than on here (stuff I don't agree with, but nonetheless could see as someone's valid opinion...and simply stated without bad intent).

Does it ruin the outfit for you afterwards, or at least create a permanent association? I guess it's a measure of one's unswaying confidence.

Dressing

23 replies

Latest reply was from biscuitsmom

Claudia

Veteran

My mother. I am 51 and my mother is 77. Yet her opinion and comments cut like no other, and will send me into a tailspin of self doubt. To her credit, she is often right. But yeah, I know the feeling of having something tainted by a comment from someone who really shouldn't matter all that much.

Deborah

Veteran

Mochi I saw those FB comments today and they were kind of jarring. I don't mind differing opinions but I do like to see them delivered with kindness, tact and sensitivity.

And no if I'm happy with an outfit or item of clothing I don't mind what random people think. Fact is fashion and style is so subjective and an opinion is just an opinion.

Kim

Veteran

To be honest, sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. I think it really depends on my state of mind at the time.

If I"m *sure* I love something then no comment can take away the fun of it. If I"m a bit hesitant or trying a new style for me and I'm not dead sure I can be swayed by negative comments. It can ruin a piece for me, but I try hard not to let it. After all, I bought it because *I* love it. I try to remember that their opinion is often colored by their own perceptions. Their own "poison eye" can be the reason they are commenting. It's *their* problem, not mine.

ironkurtin

Veteran

It depends on who says it and how much I respect their opinion. The clueless boys at work I ignore. I guess I'm pretty lucky in the people whose opinions I value most don't couch criticism in a negative way but admire an item then make suggestions or say how they would wear it ("Oh that would look so awesome with X!". "You're gorgeous! I'm dying to see you wear that with Y!")

I did have one lady comment on a white coat I owned - she asked if I worked for Clinique. Sorta took the shine off for the day, I admit. This was years ago and I haven't bought a slim white coat again since.

April

Veteran

I can be seriously thrown by the realization that an item is being seen differently than how I saw it. For example, as I have discussed here in the past, I once wore micro-net hose to work (*seriously* micro, you could barely see the texture) and someone asked me with a leer if I were having lunch with the (male) principal.

Ick. Never did that again.

As far as whether an outfit is ruined for me by someone else not liking it? Hmm. Possibly. Especially if it's SO, or someone else whose opinion I respect.

modgrl

(website)

Veteran

Depends really. My husband told me one of my favorite black sweaters made me look like I was amish. Straight into the donate pile. People here told me that dress with booties doesn't work for me last summer, I didn't wear the combo for a year.

Sometimes I am very conservative and sometimes I really push my style. On those days I expect some mixed reviews. If I didn't get those, I wouldn't be pushing my style far enough.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

I used to let random comments completely destroy my confidence in an outfit. Through YLF I have developed a bit more assuredness regarding my style choices thanks to everyone's feedback. I guess I've learned here that if I'm going to put myself "out there" then I have to expect a certain amount of criticism.

Diana

Veteran

Like IK, I just ignore the clueless boys at work. To be fair they don't ever say anything mean, they are just trying to be funny by saying things like "you look like a leprechaun," etc...

The one thing that does give me pause about an outfit is if random strangers make comments about how sexy I look (not just catcalls, because some men will catcall anything with boobs and 2 legs, but more targeted comments). I know many would take that as a compliment but it makes me utterly and completely uncomfortable. The only person who is allowed to tell me I look sexy is my fiance. =P

Anonymous

Actually, I get so confused when people try to tell me things in a "nice way" that I prefer brutal one liners. I often catch myself allowing the person to finish, then I would remark something like: " Sooooo, I guess you mean you don't like it?".

Whether I would stop wearing or dislike something I used to like, it all depends. Sometimes comments have merit, and that merit is independent of who is saying it. If something sucks and I agree, it gets tossed or donated. Sometimes, I just shrug my shoulders and keep on going 'cause I still like it.

I do get affected by people's opinions, just not in this realm. I really don't take this fashion thing too seriously at all. It's all so easily fixable. you know? You can always do better with tomorrow's outfit!

I am sure that Angie appreciates all comments, positive and negative.

rachylou

Veteran

People don't dare cross me. They know I'm cutting edge and they're out of it. Ahahaha!

rute

Veteran

It depends on the person! My hubby and mom have a great eye, so I value their opinion!

Aziraphale

Veteran

Not often, because people so rarely make insulting comments about my clothes. Even if they think it, people are generally polite, so I never hear about it. But once in a while I'll get a comment that makes me see an item in a way I didn't before, and it will put me off that item. For example, I used to wear a sun hat, mainly for practical reasons, that I thought was cute in a "paleontologist out on a dig" sort of way. Then someone called it my "middle-aged-lady tourist hat" and that pretty much ruined it for me!

Mochi

Veteran

Oof, that's cold, Elisabeth. I think I wouldn't worry much about a hubs remark, because his sense of style is not great, and he also jokes a lot. But the "maternity blouse" remark in regards to Angie's midi blouse struck me somehow. (I personally thought the "Amish" comment was hysterical...but could see it being discouraging at the wrong moment).

I remember a salesgirl, no less, telling me back in college that a coat I was trying on made my chest look "humongous." I can't remember whether I bought it or not! I know I loved the style on other women....

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Nancy, I just answered your question on Elisabeth's thread

The maternity comment came up in the blog comments too actually.

Anonymous

Wait, is calling something "maternity like" wear an insult or derrogatory?
I used that term on Janet's thread yesterday. You know, English is not my first language so I screw up from time to time. If so, I am sorry!

ETA: Mochi, why is it calling a blouse, a maternity blouse, off putting?

Jamie

Veteran

I'd have to say that people's comments do affect me, even though I'd like to say they don't. I've been trying to figure out my best styles/looks and trying new things lately, and not all of them have been successful. I think I'm pretty good at filtering, but we all have feelings. When a comment stings, it just stings. And sometimes, I have a hard time disassociating the comment from the item.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Lol Mochi, the comment wasn't cold in context, actually -- it was funny. And from a certain standpoint, the hat DOES look touristy.

And yes, I think we're on the same page about the facebook comments. I had noticed them, as you did, and I see we are not the only ones. It's OK to have opinions (lord knows I have them!), and lots of them are valid...but delivery is key. And there's that little maternal voice in my head that still goes, after all these years, "If you don't have anything nice to say, just say nothing at all". We can't all be in agreement all the time about fashion choices. Take Sally McGraw over at already pretty. Like Angie, she posts pictures of herself all the time, as part of her bread and butter, but unlike Angie, I'm often not a fan of her choices. We have very different preferences when it comes to things like colour, pattern, matchy-matchiness -- even hairstyle choices (I used to just love her wild curly hair! and then she cut it off into a much less flattering 'do, imo). But still, you have to admire both of them for putting themselves out there in an effort to inspire us and help us with our own fashion choices. And Sally screens all her comments before posting them, which tells me that she probably gets rude ones all the time. I just think it's sad when people lack manners, I guess.

MsMary

Veteran

I was thinking hard about this and it's funny, because in every. single. other. area. in my life, I am about the most sensitive, thin-skinned, insecure, heart-on-my-sleeve girl you could ever imagine encountering.

But my clothes? Remarks by a random stranger? Heck, if I like my outfit I like it and some random stranger isn't going to change that! I honestly can't remember a time when even a unanimous panning by YLF has ruined an outfit for me if I really loved it. Case in point: My beloved gray wide-leg pants. There's not a ton of love for them even here on YLF, but I still wear 'em and still love 'em and still feel great in 'em. People have different taste and I love my taste! LOL

There have been times when I've gone back and looked and agreed that maybe something isn't quite up to snuff, but that's not what we're talking about, right?

Jonesy

Veteran

I know what you mean, Mochi. I agree with a lot of what Kim said, essentially "it depends." If I am on the fence about something, or feeling slightly self-conscious about wearing it, and someone makes a negative crack, then I am more likely to take it to heart and let it bother me. If I feel confident and perfectly myself in something, then all the negative comments in the world don't put a dent in my happiness :).

cciele

Veteran

What Jonesy said!

Fashion is soooo subjective. I want to wear what I want to wear, but yes, people's opinions sway me too. But often not

JR

Veteran

Yes, it depends on who says it, how much I respect their opinion on fashion matters, how much I love the article in question, and why I chose it in the first place. If I'm uncertain about something, comments affect me more.

On the whole though, I'm pretty confident about who I am and how I dress, so it doesn't affect me a lot. And I'm not in the workplace anymore and my friends are not the type to be nasty. Even when I was working, my colleagues were not the type to make snide comments, so I've been lucky that way.

Family members sometimes get a wee bit uncomfortable with my choices, and that's when it gets interesting... And more complicated.

christieanne

Veteran

I had the opposite experience just the other day that encourages me to go outside my comfort zone. Took my new-ish black and white stripe breton-look a like knit tunic out of closet and paired with slim leg black jeans and tan/w black cap toe ballet flats. My husband thought I looked "polished" and a co-worker told me I should wear stripes more often.
I was in fear that morning of looking wide as a house due to the stripes but needed a comfy outfit for day's work. Got to say that those two random comments made me feel super!

Been a while since I had a negative comment (usually it's my mom and my hair but she has backed off for last few years) but in general, I think it's easy for posters on web to be thoughtless and they don't realize how things read vs. how they would be said in person.

biscuitsmom

Veteran

I have trouble re-wearing certain items Ive worn on a sad occasion (funeral, visiting someone terminally ill. etc) I just cant shake it and usually end up donating the items...no one near me is 'style-conscious' so I dont hear bad reviews, even when I KNOW something isnt working:( Frustrating when you know it, but dont know WHY!!! I dont know how to upload pics and DH is NOT a good teacher, unfortunately, or I'd be bugging the hell out of you people to find out 'exactly' what Im doing wrong!