Swapping with our daughters - YouLookFab Forum

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Dressing

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Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Swapping with our daughters

Adelfa

Veteran

A couple of members have mentioned lately that they share clothes with their daughters. Suz's daughter gladly receives hand-me-downs from Suz, while DonnaF wears clothes of her daughter's and hopes this doesn't get her into MDAL territory.

My daughters have happily worn my clothes for years. And I'm likely to coast off of their shopping prowess and pick up items for myself that they have bought for themselves. (We live in different corners of the country, so we're not seen together.)

What's going on? Are all of us having an attack of MDAL? Have you looked at Suz's WIW posts lately and seen her restrained elegance? What about our daughters, are they really frumpy dressers? I know mine aren't.

This is making me wonder if fashion is just different now, with far less age stratification than perhaps there once was. Take an outfit I saw my daughter in--kelly green dressy cropped pants, 3" heeled pumps, and a handpainted silk top that tied in the green while venturing into purple and turquoise. The pants are J Crew, the top is Anthropologie, the pumps are Ann Taylor. She looked wonderful. I would wear that outfit. And a 70 year old could wear it. There's no age except that of the person who's wearing it.

Do you swap with your daughter? Does she get your clothes, or you hers, or both? And why do you think this works?

Dressing

17 replies

Latest reply was from Adelfa

Kalli

I don't have a daughter but I read an article about this recently. I think blogs and the Internet have really influenced the daughters of today. They now feel fashion is accessible when it didn't used to be when I was younger. There are tons of role models and fashion seems to be large enough to accept all styles.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Haha! My daughters are too small to (yet) steal my clothes but they are constantly stamping them with their invisible stamps and claiming them for when they get older. I had never taken them seriously though until reading this though!

Anonymous

I thought if I started going for more sophisticated cuts in neutral colors that my wardrobe would be safe from my daughter. Not so! She still steals my clothes and looks every inch a lady, even at the tender age of 16. I try to keep out of her closet though, unless I'm borrowing back something I've passed down to her, lol!

adorkable

Veteran

My mother typically wants nothing to do with my clothes, and I'm just about 30. I take about a quarter of her castoffs - we are the same size but very different shapes, with very different coloring, very different taste, and very different lifestyles. We even live in different climates.

I tend to like her skirts, jackets, and sweaters. Most of my dresses were purchases of mine, though, and we don't often like the same cuts of tops. (She generally wants to minimize her chest at all costs, while I'd rather define my waist and look slimmer overall.)

That said, I only own a good suit because it was a hand-me-down from her.

Eliza

Veteran

This is a great topic. I am re-discovering fashion more lately, while my six foot tall 24 year old daughter attending grad school in a major fashion city has to be coaxed into seeking out a single pair of versatile black pants and hates to shop. She will pragmatically find job seeking clothes when the time comes, but she won't enjoy the process the way I do when on a fashion mission. I think most of her peers have more fun with clothes than she does. That said, I do respect what she spends her time doing and we had no teenage angst over taste or budgets.

Our heights and bone structures preclude much sharing of clothing, but she has been known to borrow some of my accessories.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

My 21 yr old daughter is currently using fashion as a wall to separate from me, the more I cared the less she did.... She says college makes her too busy. However she loves boots and heels and wears them out! We both share a love of Calvin Klein dresses, which she now owns several of thanks to recently taking two new ones I bought for myself but offered to her thinking she would wear them more for events she had coming up her senior year... She recently completed an internship and I think she liked dressing better! Hoping to get her a new wardrobe this summer as she prepares for grad school... she has been slowly moving out of the t-shirt and jeans phase... I keep joking her about all the Phd graduates who appear on "What Not to Wear" because they buried themselves into college and have no idea how to dress for a career.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I am blushing at your compliments!! Restrained elegance - wow. I will take it!! Thank you!!

I feel I need to add a disclaimer about my daughter, though. The only things I've passed down to her are jeans, and BF jeans at that! (well, also a pair of straight legs, but you get the idea...)

She is a real tomboy and would probably be insulted if she thought she was dressing like me.. For a year, I had her taking my YLF photographs, hoping some of my love of fashion might rub off, but no. I do think she developed a more critical eye, though. She certainly let me know what she thought of my productions (and she was often right.) Finally, I got tired of the comments and got a tripod, LOL!

To your point, though, I do think there is less stratification than there was in the past. As Angie points out, it's all about HOW you wear the trends, and a younger girl will wear them differently than a grown woman. My daughter (13) wears those BF jeans with a Roots hoodie and hiking boots. I wore them with a white button down shirt. So there is still variation between generations, but it is more subtle than in the days when teens wore saddle shoes and their mothers wore gloves and hats to go shopping.

In the future, if we stayed a similar size and had similar taste, I'd have no problem swapping with my daughter -- as long as we were both mindful of who we are.

Debora

Veteran

Aldelfa, I think you have a point about there being far less age stratification than in the past. My 28 year old daughter has been known to raid my closet. Right now she has my dressy black quilted shoulder bag (borrowed for a cocktail party TWO months ago),and I finally just gave her my black Ecco riding boots since she was always asking to borrow them on every visit home. She was getting more wear out of them than I was! Even though our styles are very different, vintage for her and modern classic for me, she will occasionally borrow a top or two when she is home. I can't fit into her clothes, but I have no problem at all wearing her scarves and jewelry!

Anonymous

Very seldom, if ever. She borrows workwear and more dressy items from me for interviews and more formal events, but I never think of asking for her stuff (with the exception of this Jeffrey Campbell wedge sneakers I got for her at a steal, which I want to wear after today's post). We have completely different styles. Hers is more earthy, I am more urban. I think our tastes converge at some point, but we have even bought the same shoes twice, so we don't have to inconvenience each other, despite being the same shoe size. We share a lot of custom jewelry and she has full access to my bag and coat collection, since they are in a shared closet. I do borrow a couple bags from her, from time to time. We also take each other's hand me downs.

Echo

Veteran

I would guess that many of the members here would be perfect examples of being role models for their daughters.

My DD is too young for us to either share clothes or to imitate one another, but each time I wear a dress my DD says, "Oooooh, mommy! You look so pretty!" She is not at all fashion conscious except for the fact that she prefers brightly coloured, comfortable and flouncy clothing. She refuses to wear jeans of any sort and prefers leggings and dresses or tunics (which allow her to feel fancy and still hang on the monkey bars at school).

She is currently 8, but I doubt we will ever share clothing (clothing influences, maybe). She so far takes after my DH, who is quite tall. I imagine that by the time she is wearing juniors or ladies sizes she will easily be 6" taller or more than I am. Indeed, she is almost into ladies sized shoes already!

DonnaF

Veteran

Well, DD & I don't exactly swap clothes since we are opposite body types and well, I AM 40 years older after all. She does lust over some of my sartorial extremes like my blue suede booties, and I like the work clothes (AT outlet dress, Express pants, lined Target fit & flare dress) and BR pea coat I bought her since they are of higher quality than the F21 she has a tendency to buy. And I did give her my DV blk & white Dalmatian-ish boots that I bought at Brass Plum which is the Nordie teen department. Other than that, I think it is the jeans jackets and leather jackets that are more cross-over items. Our skirt/dress lengths are radically different, as are how body con they are. For job interviews, I would try to lend her my clothes if she didn't pack appropriate ones.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Oh, pfffff. There's nothing I wear that could not be worn equally well by a 20-year-old, and I certainly don't dress like mutton. (Although there are some looks that are worn by 20-year-olds that might look a bit juvenile on ME, but that's another category and anyway my daughter's only nine, so no temptation to steal from her just yet).

I think the lines are blurred between the generations now, and honestly, I don't think it's a bad thing. Anyone with sense and taste can see what's wildly age-inappropriate, but if a hip granny can wear jeans, a tee shirt, a nice blazer and a fanstastic pair of heels, there's no reason why I can't. And if my daughter, when she's 20, has stuff I want to borrow, then maybe I will . And if she wants to steal my stuff, I'll let her. Maybe.

JAileen

Veteran

Well...I don't have a daughter, but I have a 25 year old son who loved a 35 year old down ski parka of mine and borrowed it frequently! It seemed like it should have been uncomfortable since he's a lot taller with broader shoulders, etc., but he really liked its 70s look. I finally just gave it to him.

jayne

Veteran

My daughter is very very trendy and is quite clear with me that I am not to dress like her. We do share necklaces and shoes, mostly she borrows mine, but I will wear her necklace today. Actually I like that she is setting down a line between her style and mine because I have a tendency to want to try everything I see and now I judge looks by being in the daughter category or not and finding it easier to leave certain trends to her. I don't have a well trained fashion eye so I use above 30 bloggers to figure out which looks are ok for my age.

Adelfa

Veteran

JAileen, that's funny! I have a 30-year-old down jacket too. Maybe my (hypothetical, future) grandson will steal it!

Anonymous

No clothes, but mom has given me unused skin care products unused make-up.

Adelfa

Veteran

that's cool, pnm!