styles to try or not-

always trying

we have all heard women saying things like I could never wear that, that color does not look good on me, etc. and on this board lots of things like big calves, too short, wrong body shape, etc. Since YLF I have been re-thinking some of my I can't wear's, and also getting older changes things a bit. However I do not let age stop me from trying styles I like.

I love bulky knit sweaters, but don't wear them as with my big shoulders I look like a linebacker. BUT I am thinking of trying an oversized ___something like photo 1.

another style I am liking is Angie's higher shaft booties with below the knee skirts-maybe I can try this as I have big calves, but my legs are longer so maybe it could work. Photo 2.

One thing I did the last couple of years was wearing ankle booties with at knee dresses and skirts. This I will not do again, as with my big bowed calves it really calls attention to them,even with black opaque tights.

Do you think we, as women, are realistic about ourselves as to can and can't wear or do? Most of the can't I hear are by older women. seems you younger folks have a much better perspective.

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10 years ago

Dressing

13 replies

Latest reply was from Maneera

kerlyn

Veteran

Well, I don't know if I could speak for most women in their mid-40s, but I know my perspective has changed a bit in the last few years. After exploring fashion a bit more and discovering YLF, I found I really liked the idea of JFE. I used to rely on bootcut jeans and fitted tops in the hopes of elongating my legs and flattering my shape. But after a while I craved new silhouettes that felt more current, and that included skinnies and longer, drapier tops. Also, I thought I couldn't wear ankle boots with skinnies or skirts, because it would shorten my leg. But guess what I wear all the time now? I know some styles may not make me look as tall or slim as I might like, but they just feel more current or edgier. So I certainly think there are trade-offs. Am I being realistic about my body and my attributes? Maybe not, but I'm having way more fun with fashion than ever before!

I don't think I've answered your question very well, but I do think experimenting with styles that you think you can't wear is important. If you love the look, you'll probably find a way to make it work for you.

10 years ago

Anonymous

Well, I think a lot of the 'can't' comes from knowing yourself and what you like, and that sort of comes with age.
But I think just being on this forum definitely encourages a lot of experimentation.
I wear oversized sweaters over skinnies/leggings for myself even though the sweaters sometimes are borderline overwhelming on me.

10 years ago

Anonymous

I agree that the "I can't" is more prevalent as we age. Not a given frame of mind, but probably more common.

Are we realistic about ourselves? No -I think that most of us see ourselves as very different than we present to other people . I gain 20 lbs and my friends are doubtful of this and claim they can't tell. I look in the mirror and can tell you exactly where each one of those pounds are. You claim to have bowed large calves. I bet if you hadn't pointed that out, I may not have noticed. Sure, we are dressing ourselves and see ourselves in minute detail every day of the week, but I think that only exaggerates our view of ourselves.

In a flowy, good quality sweater, would you really look like a linebacker, or would it just enhance a good strong shoulder line...which , by the way, is very sexy and makes clothes hang really well off of the body.

I think if there were some magic formula to take what we think of ourselves and reduce it by about 50% , we'd be much more creative dressers and not so hemmed in by our fears.

10 years ago

Jenn

(website)

Veteran

I really try to replace the word "can't," both in my thinking and speaking. It's easy to say, "Oh, I can't wear short skirts," but that's neither true nor fair and, frankly, I think it can come across as simultaneously self-deprecating and catty. I mean, sometimes it's true, I can't wear a size 2, but I absolutely can wear a mini skirt. Who's going to stop me?

If I see another woman who's sporting a trend that's not 100% flattering on her, I'm more likely to be impressed she's wearing something she loves and making the effort to be current, than judgmental that her outfit isn't perfect for her body type. I may be going through life blissfully unaware of all the judging eyes criticizing my fashion choices, but so long as I'm happy, I really and truly don't care. I probably couldn't have said that 10 or 20 years ago, but now? I have confidence in my own judgment, and if I'm unsure, I'm confident enough to ask for advice.

So, I guess what I'm saying is... if a new look appeals to you, absolutely try it. "Can't" can often be a lie you tell yourself. You've been dressing yourself long enough that you'll know if it's right. And if you think your mind might be playing tricks on you, that's what we're here for.

10 years ago

LaPed

Veteran

I was thinking about "can't" recently too. Ten years ago when skinny jeans weren't uttery ubiquitous, everyone said "I can't wear those!" Now people are saying exactly the same thing about wide legs... guess what all those "can't" people will be wearing in a few years? It's always easier to say "Oh, that only works on tall/skinny models" than to take a risk and try something new. (Of course, thanks to economics, only as a style moves into the mainstream will it become available in a wide enough range of sizes to accommodate everyone...)

Honestly, I am of the opinion that just about anyone can make just about any look work, but some looks will be easier for certain body types than others. Often it's a matter of figuring out just what it is you like about the style you're looking at, and then figuring out how to incorporate it in a way that will feel true to yourself.

E.g. I know drape-y tops aren't ideal for my body type, but I do have a couple and enjoy wearing them because the color, fabric, and construction are wonderful; I just have to be more strategic about what I pair them with than some people might.

Figure-flattery can play a role in your decisions, without being the be-all end-all factor.

10 years ago

Bonnie

Veteran

I live in a community where everyone dresses very conservatively and I have a much more adventurous nature. I want to fit in but I also want to have fun with what I wear. I'm older but I like the new styles and I'm the only one in skinnies and boots and flowy tunics. I don't wear styles just because they are fashionable, but only if I think they are flattering. I agree that younger people have more interest in new styles and are willing to try them. Love the two photos - especially that sweater.

10 years ago

lyn67

Veteran

La Pedestrienne had a good point, and I would wear nr 2 in a heartbeat! In fact...I think I have done it already, with my own kind ofs:-).

10 years ago

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

My FAVOURITE working with client moments are when they end up loving something that they thought they could not wear - and they can with panache. It's all about finding the versions of the items and a way of combining the outfit that works best for the individual person.

10 years ago

always trying

Veteran

Thank all of you..wonderful responses. this is going to be a season of trying new things, wearing old in new ways and making it all more fun!

10 years ago

L'Abeille

Veteran

Like kerlyn, I think I have become a MORE adventurous dresser as I have gotten older. Partly perhaps because as the decades roll on, I realize anew that the (fill in despised body part here) shape (legs, waist, hair...) that I wish I had now is the same one I despaired of 10 years ago. I used to worry that my legs were too short and stumpy... compared to models and my DH, perhaps, but as my shorter-than-me friends pointed out, not compared to most people.

I have let go of the idea that flattery only means emulating an hourglass with disproportionately long legs. I no longer fear to draw attention to my big feet with red or leopard print or masculine-shaped footwear. I wear Breton striped tops (to death) despite my wide shoulders and less-than-stellar midsection. I wear flat shoes and ankle booties with midi skirts and culottes, and I don't see them as leg shortening. sorry if I have gone off topic but this is a pet peeve of mine...

10 years ago

Marie

Active Member

Older woman here.......Good post. I've been doing the "can't" thing since I was 18 & was in the best shape of my life.

Thankfully I ditched that a few yrs. ago when my eldest daughter moved to Hawaii.

After a few visits of "I can't show my saggy underarms" & "Hell no to a bathing suit" I now dress for the weather & lifestyle on my frequent visits, sleeveless tops, bathing suits, shorts, etc. I am sooo much more comfortable & happy & my darling little granddaughters are too!

10 years ago

DonnaF

Veteran

Yes, I am one of the older women here who grew up with a lot of *can't*s and much body shame. In my day, girls and women in general were much, much thinner so it always takes me a bit aback these days as I see heavier gals wear revealing clothes with so much assurance and pride. My self-image is that of a chubby gal, but my size has remained approximately the same for the last 45 years -- a P2/4 which used to be a P6 before size inflation.

Since YLF, I've become more personally adventurous, but many of the more interesting styles don't come in Petite sizes and won't work with my proportions and I don't always have the energy to track down a zillion versions in the hope that one might work. Sometimes, yes. It is so-o-o-o much better for the budget that I'm short and have uber fussy feet!

I might still stick drapey things on my Wish List and even buy them to try if they go on sale, but I still know that nothing makes me happier LOTS of structure like the denim shirtdress I just bought for full price no less. I am also looking forward to buying high waisted pants when they go on super discount because so many women have a poison eye and hurting tummy for them, whereas most pants are too loose in the waist for me. Horses for courses, as Angie said.

10 years ago

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

I admit that when I joined YLF, I had a lot of pre-conceived notions of things I CAN'T wear. I turned 32 this month, so I'm still pretty young. I was painfully aware of my curves and my larger-than-normal bustline. It governed everything I wore - the neckline, the drape, the length, the fit and more.

I'll have to agree with Jenn here though. Over time (thanks to YLF), my eye adjusted to JFE and I felt it freed me of my restrictive style. If I see a woman wearing something that's not 100% fashionable but she still looks happy & comfortable in it, I'd probably admire her style too. It's only when a woman is wearing something modern & trendy but looks visibly uncomfortable or self-conscious, does she stand out and others notice the silhouette may not be 100% flattering. I do think that in the end, a great outfit is all about how you feel, what you think, and how you project yourself with your sense of style.

I still love lady-like structured clothing but now I don't think of them as my *only* option --- just ONE of my many options.

Now I often sport higher neckline. I don't always bother with waist definition. I haven't worn heels in ages because if I'm going to be honest; I never was comfortable in them. I've found that fit & color can play an important role in changing your mind towards a silhouette.

10 years ago

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