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Style rut

anchie

Veteran

I have been feeling down lately, so maybe that is the reason why I am not finding joy in getting dressed anymore. Or maybe it is that I am craving a change. I used to be all about change. I used to change my hair style and color few times per year. I had pixie, I had long, I had layers, I had straight, I had perm. Red, blond, black, brunette, highlights and lowlights. My style was also all over the place and I never stuck to the same color pallet. And not just style, I was also quick to change jobs and move countries. But now it is the longest that I lived in the same city, had a same job and the same hair style. And I am getting antsy. Changing job is out of the question but maybe some other changes would satisfy those cravings. I was also thinking how different people see me differently and that it seems to be all about first impressions and at what stage they firs met me. For example, my husband and I met when I had a very casual job and was in a rock chick phase. Whenever he sees me now in my business outfits he would jokingly say that I have sold my soul, that this is not me, and he is happiest when I wear jeans and most casual outfits. On the other hand, a good friend of mine that I met when I was in business bombshell phase is still pointing to me a sheath dresses saying that they are so me and that I should get them. I don’t have a heart to tell her that I haven’t worn a dress like that for almost a decade. And it is not that she doesn’t see me - we work in the same building and have a standing lunch date. And you, dear people of YLF also probably have a impression of what is and is not my style too
I was trying to analyze what is bothering me the most. I think it is repetition of the same formula. I don’t do make up lately, and I wear the same bag and same Ecco sneakers. And my hair is also the same every day. I don’t wear jewelry and don’t use any other accessories. So it is only 3 pieces dressing - I have to choose just a pants, a crew neck sweater and a blazer every day. And it doesn’t require a lot of effort or creativity because most of those things mix and matches and I can make a lot of different combinations. But it still feels the bloody same. And my casual dressing is even more simple - jeans and a sweater. There are also factors that are limiting possible changes, like that I can’t color my hair because of allergies, that I have to wear some kind of business outfit to work and that I can’t wear lot of shoes due to my back injury.

Sorry for unwinding all of this on you, and for being so long and naval gazing. Do you have any words of wisdom for me? Any feedback much appreciated.

General

33 replies

Latest reply was from

unfrumped

Veteran

I understand how the same silhouette even with different blazers etc could feel the same.
Do you have one favorite different silhouette you can identify and make a few outfits from SYC and see if you like tgst as much as the pants and blazer?
Maybe a midi skirt and boxy sweater? Or a dress over leggings or tights? Just random ideas for thinking.

Minaminu

Veteran

I wouldn't purchase more clothes now as you seem to be confused which route to take. If you have some spare time, maybe it would be a good idea to try various outfits that you would normally not mix, maybe by swapping the trousers with the skirts that you already have .

If you wnat to jazz up your look, maybe accessorising could be the solution. A scarf on the bag or around the neck would certainly jazz up the outfit. Costume or statement Jewelry could also help, i.e. A nice bangle/bracelet. Youtube has so many tutorial for hair, a pleat or a ponytail could also help to change the look. And make-up (even minimal) can make big changes!

Anonymous

It's my experience that these feelings are very common .Especially among women over, say, 40, 45.. Life does get tedious and repetitive at times, and I've also felt the way you do . I've had many jobs, I've changed my hair more often than most people and always have a vague feeling of restlessness. I think clothes and style end up being an easy target as something to focus on or blame.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I understand feeling like your style has become one-note — I’ve had that feeling in the past, and I’ve had other times when I feel a little too “all over the place.”

How about combing through some resources (Pinterest, magazines, fashion blogs) to see if anything appeals to you. Save some images in an inspiration file on your computer or phone to see if there is a spark of something that you feel you want to channel. Some combination of pieces or styles, a different silhouette, even a change in how you part or style your hair?

From where we sit here at YLF, your style seems quite classic because we mainly see your workwear, and I notice that you’ve recently incorporated a lot of the same colors and pieces that work so well for Angie, perhaps because your recent weight loss means you have a shape more like hers, and also because she always looks so great!

But it sounds like you’re grappling a bit with what feels authentically you, while also fielding helpful (or maybe not so helpful) advice from people who mean well but may not really understand where you are now.

How about a little virtual window shopping? Don’t worry about being practical, just see what appeals to you, and take time to identify why. Is it a color you’d like to try, a style you find unusual or appealing, a combination of items you wouldn’t normally wear but admire? See what cues you can take from that. The point is to have fun, take it lightly, and explore.

Does that make sense?

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, I also want to comment that your very first sentence is important. I rarely feel like my style is on point when I am feeling emotionally stressed or down.

Perhaps focusing on something completely different from wardrobe may help lift your spirits and give you a new perspective. Something creative or active perhaps?

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Anchie, as others have said, these feelings are common. We have all felt them at some point. The pandemic year is particularly stressful, which compounds these types of feelings. You are still recovering from debilitating back pain, and rebuilding your wardrobe after weight loss. Lots going on. Very understandable.

Hang in there! Try to be patient. It will pass....

Practically speaking. Here are 5 quick-fixes to break up the daily work outfit repetition:

CHANGE UP:

sneakers with other sneakers (I do that daily)
bags with other bags (I do that daily - guitar straps too!)
hair with a new style
apply make-up
outfit creation energy! Pull together new looks with what you have.

Then go to my style rut post and do your homework properly. Soul search. Take your time.

https://youlookfab.com/2015/12.....style-rut/

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Totally get how you are feeling and reiterate all that has been said above.Just a suggestion but why don’t you move the focus away from your appearance and brainstorm how you would like to live in an ideal world.l realise that a lot of what you come up with may not be possible but you might start to see themes appearing in which case can you think of an achievable way to fulfill that aim.
For example you mentioned being a rock chick when you met your husband.Was that just your appearance or was it what you did/were interested in at that time?Are those things that you are still interested in and would like to do now I.e.like learning to play the guitar
l think that once you are living your most authentic life you will find that your style will follow.
Of course this may not be the case at all for you and it might just be a style rut plain and simple.ln which case ignore me and do what Angie said!

nemosmom

Veteran

I totally get where you are coming from, Anchie. When you are so accustomed to constantly changing - whether it's hair color or location, it feels stifling to have everything be the same all the time. The pandemic only amplifies the sameness.

I was nodding along with everything said above - maybe another creative outlet would help? Collecting Finds of fantasy purchases, or creating a mood board of looks that interest you might help.

Are there any pieces of your former style self that you would want to bring back into your day-to-day looks? Maybe you can add back some rocker chic - if you miss her. You may have grown and changed, but you are still the sum of all those parts, no?

Maybe try a 10x10, pay-it-forward, or similar outfit creation challenges would help you. I would give those a try before you throw it all out and try to start over.

Helena

Veteran

Anchie, you've got loads of great suggestions here. The only practical one I can think to add is to revisit your foundations -, whatever those are for you (for me when I get that rut feeling, it's about taking the time to style my hair (or get it cut/coloured if needed), do my nails, wear makeup even if I'm not going out ... and other self-care matters like exercise, drinking water, etc.)

I also think if there was ever a time to give yourself massive amounts of grace, it is most certainly now! The world is completely bonkers. You are allowed to be in a slump; we're all wading through mud to some extent at the moment. If we didn't feel a little off kilter, it would be weird. Be gentle with yourself. You are sensational! Sending huge hugs! xx

anchie

Veteran

Oh, guys, I have been reading your responses many times over, feeling better knowing that you understand how I feel and being in similar situations yourself.
@unfrumped - exploring different silhouette is something I was thinking about but not yet sure which way to go.
@Minaminu - you are right, I should not be shopping for new clothes while I am feeling so uncertain and undecided. Playing with what I have is better solution for now.
@lisap - yes, life is especially tedious and repetitive at the moment with not many things to look forward to. I would go through this periodically my whole life, and then I would break a relationship, quit a job, move to different city or continent, have a baby, renovate apartment or at least change a hair color. But now none of it is an option:)
@Janet - concentrating on wardrobe is for me probably just a distraction from deeper issues, but at least is something I have some control over. You are right that you see mostly my workwear which is not really my authentic style but drven more by external factors. I was recently window shopping at Zara looking for cheap pick me up and was drawn to the most outrageous things, but then my practical side prevailed

Anonymous

It can be hard enough to figure out the components that will express the ever evolving self that you are right now without having people you love unintentionally try to drag you back to yester-year.

They love you, they love to look at you but wanting to see you dressed as you were might be at least a little because it makes them feel as though they are still back in that time that they may think was better somehow?

It's really sweet that they have such lovely memories of you as you were, and precious for you but I think you might be letting this type of input keep you stuck.

anchie

Veteran

Angie - yes, this year was particularly bad, with pandemic, my back pain and family members health issues causing lot of stress. Those 5 point are all good ideas that will hopefully make me feel less repetitive. I have paused my wardrobe rebuilding because I am unsure and uninspired. I don’t want to buy more of the same, but not sure also what else.
Cardiff girl - it is great idea to revisit some old interests and hobbies, I definitely have more time now, because I have lot less social obligations. Living in an ideal world- funny but that is often a theme of conversation between me and my DD during our daily walks.
nemosmom - I think you found what I am missing - a creative outlet. And also some of those challenges can give me a push, great idea. Have to think about it.
torontogirl - I must admit that looking at your recent posts gave me food for thought and prompted some of my questions. Even though your outfits are relatively simple, I noticed your hair, makeup, and little details that make all the difference and that I was missing or ignoring.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

I hear you that the life changes you've made in the past aren't options now, but I'm sure you can find other ways to shake things up in your life. Especially now that your daughter is old enough that your job as parent is largely an advisory one. That's very different than it's been in over two decades, since your son was born! So you don't have an "empty nest" quite yet, but things are indeed changing.

Style wise, you've gotten some good ideas here. I think different footwear will make a lot of difference to you, and maybe a couple of pieces (not a huge haul) that are different cuts from what you have now, so you can throw them together with pieces you have and change the whole formula.

But it sounds to me like you want to change your routine in some other way. I've been saying forever that I want to learn French or Arabic or play the recorder. You're at a point in your life that you can add in that sort of thing, or maybe volunteer somewhere. If I were to start with the recorder, I'd probably step up the Baroque elements of my style. Who knows how your style might change if you add something new to your weeks?

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

ps: I think we were writing at the same time.

anchie

Veteran

Phoebe - there could be something in it - comments like my husband and my friend make do make me wonder if my former me was better in some way and if I am in the right path. I am usually not very sentimental and don’t like looking back - it is what it is, we cannot change the past and we can only go forward.

anchie

Veteran

Fashintern - omg - you are so right! Yes, I have been raising small kids for more than 2 decades and my role is changing now. I may be lost at the moment and haven’t established any new roles yet.

Joy

Veteran

Is there a color or accessory or silhouette you have mostly ignored in the past that you could play with now? In the past I wore lots of brown, then got rid of that color. Now I am trying to find my best shade of brown. It is more difficult having silver/grey hair, but my eyes are brown. It is a challenge. I wear earrings every day for the fun of it, and often bracelets as they do not get in the way of a face mask and will be harder to wear with coat and jacket sleeves later into fall.
It may be fun to rearrange your closet or storage, your furniture or get a new rug. Get new placemats and napkins for fall or to have for the holidays. Good luck. We have all been there, especially lately.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

You articulated so well the restless and frustrating feeling of being uninspired while craving inspiration. I understand very well the disconnect between your self-image - which comprises all the stages of your life - and the feedback from those around you that see only part of you. The suggestion to tweak small things is a good one, and I will join you at Angie's style rut post. It has been a very challenging year indeed.

rachylou

Veteran

FI’s point strikes me as salient. There are various points in life when it’s time to take a more conscious look at who one is now, what one does these days, and give the ol’ wardrobe a nudge. I, at least, always lag in true awareness after things change. I know I’ve moved or gotten a new job and yet I don’t. Or that I’ve gotten a dog, for a light hearted example. It took wearing a couple of shoes into the ground on a single dog walk and then a few more weeks of walking around in a suit and some random sneakers late at night to make me think ‘hmmm.’

Jane

Veteran

I can sympathise with how you feel. These are tough times.

I would be as kind and as accepting as you can to yourself, move slowly and gently until you can feel your way through this will phase.

Star

Veteran

My style always skewed Rock Chic and/or a bit quirky in my teens and 20's, that is my music of preference too. In my 40's I realised my style was all over the place and I did not feel authentic. My work clothes never felt like me. I started returning to my rock roots but only in small doses. I call it Classic with an Edge. It works for me. The edge is in he details and accessories mostly.

Synne

Veteran

I echo what FI is saying. To me you have ARRIVED with your style, no need to fix what isn't broken. Maybe the change you are craving can come from somewhere else? New workout routine, new music, new food challenges, voulenteering, and other things already mentioned.

RobinF

Veteran

You have already received some really great advice - I may steal it! I go through the same thing once in a while and right now some of the pleasures like travel and social activities are not possible so it's harder to snap out of it. Sometimes for me it's just because it is the end of a season and I'm tired of the clothes I have been wearing for 3 or 4 months. It's true as our roles change it can sometimes be hard to know how to adjust and still feel authentic.

I love the idea of a new creative outlet, maybe remodel a room or take up a new hobby? Sounds simple but sometimes simple is what works.

I'm off now to check out the "out of a rut" post.

Christina F.

Veteran

I think you have ton of good advice above--I can't add to it. But I will say it's so hard right now, and I think its totally normal to feel as you do. Clothes are usually an area where we can exert control over things, so it's natural to want a change when so many other things feel the same, all the time, right now.

Star

Veteran

Me again. I was wondering about your allergies that prevent you from dyeing your hair. I was getting a burning scalp from dyes and I change to ammonia-free dye. I actually prefer it as it washes out slowly instead of growing out and gives a gradient look which is really nice in the warmer months, so I just touch up roots only the whole summer.

anchie

Veteran

Lots of food for thought and some great ideas.
There are two additional factors that I just realized that could be also affecting how I feel.
First is that my wardrobe is currently on the lean side - anything that is older than a year is way too big. So there are no hidden treasures or old favorites to play with.
Second is that my morning getting ready routine has changed drastically. Before pandemic my husband would take our daughter to school with the car and I would take public transport. I would start getting ready for the day after they leave enjoying peace and quiet, drinking my morning coffee and having some cherished me time. But now I don’t want to take public transport and we leave in the morning all together. So instead of having relaxing ritual I now have stressful rush. Most days I forgo makeup, accessories, hair styling and bag change just because I run out of time

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Wow, what great insights.

My son’s commute to school is about 45 minutes, and the trains are quite full. I just got him masks with filters (FPP2) at the pharmacy. One that can’t be washed cost €4.95. Because he only wears it in the train, he will use it for a week. It took a bit of discussing, but they ordered another one that can be washed. It cost €16, and a 3-pack of replacement filters was €10. Those seem like small prices for keeping him safe. I would say the same about your morning routine—a filtered mask would be worth it if you can get back to that time to yourself.

I’m scratching my head a bit about the lack of “extras”. It sort of reminds me of my recent dilemma of not having scrubby old clothes to wear when doing grubby work. That isn’t the sort of thing I packed for an overseas move, and I haven’t worn anything out sufficiently yet. (Some opinions about that may vary, I know, lol). I know your daughter sometimes raids your closet; does hers have hidden treasures that could take the place usually occupied by old favorites for you? Or can you pull a Synne and raid your husband’s closet?

nemosmom

Veteran

Lack of "me" time can certainly throw a wrench in things!

Sal

Veteran

You have had great advice Anchie - I don’t have anything more to add but a virtual hug. I don’t like to wish time away but I won’t be sad at the end of 2020!!

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