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Style-Life Parallel

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

This morning when getting dressed I had a bit of an "aha" moment. My new desire to purchase and wear clothing that is first and foremost comfortable, feels good against my skin, consists of more natural fibers, has some ease while still fitting well, and is current while not overly trendy, mirrors my personal life preferences. After a few years of overwhelming stress and some health issues, I am wanting some "ease" and comfort in my life as well.

Remember when I wore my vintage red/white polka dot jacket over my black/floral frock and my red/white polka dot high heeled pumps? That was a bit of a chaotic outfit. I wouldn't wear that now. I don't want chaos in my life and as a result, wouldn't wear something chaotic.

I am moving away ever so slightly from too much structure in my outfits. This parallels my more relaxed lifestyle and less structure at home as well. Dinner gotta be on the table at 6:00? Nope. Gonna have that glass of wine in the backyard garden and chill before starting dinner. I'm less likely to be governed by the clock these days (other than at work of course).

It's even been noted that I'm wearing fewer patterns than I used to and I notice I'm wearing more black, white and grey these days. A bit more simplicity to my style than I used to have - and a bit more simplicity in my life than I used to have.

What about you? Do you find your style and your life mimic each other? If you like color in your clothing, do you like it in your home? If you're ALGO with your style, do lots of fab knick knacks? If you're particularly neat and crisp in your style, does your home reflect that?

Dressing

24 replies

Latest reply was from Aida

deb

Veteran

I get you with the clock rules. As I have gotten older (and wiser? debatable) I find I too have relaxed the structure around me. For me it started when the kids were finally doing their own thing in high school. They were never home due to all of the school activities. Dinners then became what I wanted to eat when I wanted to eat. Wine in the garden, definitely. Business dresses and suits - out. It also helped that I changed from a financial profession to an IT profession.

Shannon, if I remember correctly, your new job is more casual than your old one. Do you think this is a large part of the equation?

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Deb - my new position is definitely more casual. It's funny - it's a higher position but in a more relaxed corporate setting. It's definitely part of the equation.

I have my black skirt suit and my pastel blue suit for more "formal" meetings and I don't suspect I'll be buying any more any time soon

Thistle

Veteran

Yep. With a toddler and a second on the way, I just don't have time, energy, or after the baby is born, budget that I used to.

I want easy, comfortable clothes. I want to get dressed and not look back or think about my clothes again. I need clothes that wash easily as I will never turn away a hug from DD, peanut butter fingers and all. And, I don't have a lot of time for clothing care. Ironing will wait, babies won't.

Variety matters less to me now. No, I don't want to keep wearing the same 5 outfits, but its okay if black trousers are a staple. I do like patterns still, but only because they hide a myriad of sins, including the aforementioned peanut butter fingers. But I only do patterened tops and I pair them with plain bottoms.

I cut brown out of my wardrobe. I decided on black, navy and charcoal going forward. Keeps it easier on me.

I am all about FFBO and probably will be for years to come. I am okay with that. I will save my creativity for playing with DD whose imagination, even at 2, never ceases to amaze me.

Ahhh, shoes. I had just started rediscovering how fun they could be. I want shoes that are fun but oh so comfortable. Comfort always beats fun if it comes to that. I have a toddler to chase after all!

celia

Veteran

Hi Shannon,
Yes I totally relate to this.My lifestyle, better yet, the way I want to live my life reflects on what I wear.
While I was only at home with DD I would wear clothes that were more dressier(for a lack of better word), my outfits were more composed all the time, because I needed to feel that I was still a woman, not only a mom, and I wanted people to understand that also. The way I dressed back then projected a trustworthy more balanced person.
Right now that I am working and I want to separate my two worlds I dress more classically to work and on my everyday life I see that my choices are definitely more boho.
My house, although I have two people who work hard for the opposite, is very much like me and the choices I make on my clothes. I like it unmessy, unclutered, without knickknacks or things everywhere, and the choices I would make for my bedroom are definitely more 'artistic' that the ones I chose for the rest of the house ( my bedroom is more private in my mind).

amiable

Veteran

I'm with you - simplifying my style and my life. Hoping it keeps me sane

Rambling Ann

(website)

Veteran

I've been slow to adopt the styles tending toward drapey, unstructured fit and I had my own "aha" moment recently but you drove it even deeper.

I have basically reinvented myself twice in the last 10 years. Up until the first reinvention, my work formula was always a structured jacket over pants and flats. Remember the "dress for success" power suit? Well that was my version for academia, and it worked to lend me some authority at my relatively young age for the jobs I had. But as I was reading your post it came to me that my job was really to provide structure to a couple dozen absent-minded and distracted professors. Those jackets were a physical reminder to myself of needed structure. I can think of one of my peers that dressed in more caftan-flowing styles and her unit was chaos. Coincidence?

I finally got tired of advancing only other people's creativity and quit, with my husband's blessing, to go off and photograph a book project. But I had a hard time spending money on myself since I wasn't bringing in a paycheck and I had a closet full of gear that was functional for 90% of my life. The other 10% completely threw me: going out to eat, vacations, DH's dress up events, and just fun things (like Aida's been posting about lately). I hadn't replaced the idea of clothes as a blunt hammer tool with something that creatively expressed myself or even were fun. I suspect I wasn't much fun then.

Now we have the farm and my clothing needs are still 90% gear. I come to YFL to figure out the other 10% (which is more like 70% of the budget.) Lately, I've been jonesing over the Eileen Fisher linen line. Your WIWs have been particularly inspirational. Yet I keep telling myself they (the clothes, not your WIWs) are frivolous, like vacation clothes. Then it hit me: my life (at least the 10% I need to dress for) is a vacation for most people, and that clothes with a vacation vibe is exactly what I SHOULD buy for myself now. When I go to the city it's to do things like shop, hang with my friends and DH's colleagues, go out to eat. Or I go neat places with him when we travel. Even here, when we socialize, this is a vacation destination town where something like that Eileen Fisher blouse and skirt would be entirely appropriate, if not overdressed. I should dump that last structured wool blazer in my closet that I kept just in case. In case of what? My non-gear life is fun, relaxed, and a bit self-indulgent. I am fun and a lot more relaxed these days and probably should learn to be a little more self-indulgent. Why can't my clothes reflect that?

I'm starting with these golf shoes, and I don't play golf.

Icon Footwear Leather Golf Shoe

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rachylou

Veteran

An interesting thought, Shannon! I think yes, but some of the correspondences for me involve ideas - that is, it's not all visual. For example, when I want tranquility, I don't go for soothing neutrals. I go for mortification of the senses with black, grey, and navy. I just have to throw that intellectual baggage in.

Haha. That is so typical me. I think I would have made a good Spartan, except I'm a weakling.

Astrid

Veteran

I've noticed some similar shift in my style. Less color, less pattern (mixing), less accessorizing. Maybe kind of extracting the essence. And less patience with fussing and a growing need to be comfortable. I wouldn't say that my life has changed that much, but my style is now maybe nearer to what I'm drawn to in other parts of my life than it was in the beginning when I started experimenting with it. My flat isn't super colorful, but there is color. I do like clean lines and a simple look, but I'm not a fan of sleek modern urban minimalism. Maybe more of a Scandinavian Style, paired down to the essentials. I plan to go more minimalist in the future with my flat, meaning purging even more stuff. I love if things are in order and I hate clutter. Oh and owning less makes my tiny appartement seem much more spacious than it really is.

shedev

Veteran

My life is about movement. My clothes reflect that. I don't like to wear things that inhibit movement. That means dresses and heels are usually out. It also means overly slouchy clothes are pretty much out too. I need my clothes to stay where I put them without a lot of adjusting. Finding the right kind of slouch for me is an ongoing challenge.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I think mine is extremely parallel - my home colors and design are very similar to what I wear, my "natural" inclination is clear in both such as at home with linen/cotton drapes in taupe, a natural fiber rug in light beach sand colors, soft, comfortable furniture, etc. I require "soothing, natural comfort" to be part of my world. I like to wear many colors I find in my garden - lavender, deep green, charcoal, taupe, wheat/flax. I have wood floors, a lot of my own artwork (natural abstracts), etc.

My home is not necessarily "minimal" but it is more minimal than many people I know. I don't like clutter but I'm not overly neat and tidy either. I enjoy a few special small art things and antiques but would never want a home full of antiques. I like my art to be functional like large herb drying baskets hung on the wall or bell jars holding daily food items used as "display" in my very open plan kitchen.

Anonymous

Shannon, when I think of some of my early YLF outfits with clashing colors and hectic pattern mixing, it's a wonder I didn't break my camera lens! I almost need sunglasses to look at some of those pictures. I still have a lot of prints in my tops, but I too am being drawn to clean(er) lines and less detail. I'm wearing almost no jewelry and *plug your ears Angie* no belts in my jeans loops. I want to feel serene on the inside, so maybe that's why my outfits have gotten calmer. My house has been the same all along. Pared down and uncluttered, with just enough decoration to keep it from looking bare (I was a stager before, lol). My brief experimentation with ALGO was just that. In the end, I returned to my roots. I see this happening in fashion-at-large and I have to give credit to Angie for ushering in this new mode du jour by her wonderful minimal example.

Lyn D.

Veteran

Nodding along Shannon.
YLF has taught me so many things, among them that comfort is key.
Most of my 'rejects' are items that require too much fuss or create tension or itch!
I am heading back towards my minimalistic style but with better fabrics and closer attention to fit for sure.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Yes, yes & yes oh & I agree with you As someone once said there is no style without comfort & I believe psychological & physical comfort are equally important. To me the realisation that "life" is in all those small moments - the feel of silk against the skin, the glasses of wine in the garden is also a 'comfort' in another sense of the word.

Aida

Veteran

Interesting! Seems to be a lot of carryover. I think for myself I try to buy pieces that work for my lifestyle, primarily in terms of fabrication and type, but beyond that I don't necessarily equate how I'm actually styling them to my life. I will happily don hectic mixes, but I am not a hectic person. I will happily wear very serene colors, but I am pretty bubbly. I will wear something minimal or something extra colorful, but I don't necessarily desire that for my home. That said, I do think that the relaxed vibe I strive for in most of my outfits DOES reflect both me and how I live. And as a mood dresser, those days where those seemingly contrarian outfits pop up usually reflect my mood. But only for that day

cheryl

Veteran

So very interesting. I seem to be more like Aida.

Dee

Veteran

Your point about not wanting chaos really resonates with me. Sometimes I feel like my life is full of chaos lately, between work and medical things, so I've actually been simplifying the things I can control, like wardrobe and my apartment. I'm on a purging and decluttering kick this week, and all of my recent outfits are much simpler than I was wearing even a year ago but I'm just as happy in them.

Cerinda

Veteran

What a provocative question!

House and closet equally heavy on neutrals. Color in accessories (art, area rugs); both incorporate a mix of vintage and modern elements. Funny, my interiors feature accent colors --maroon, cobalt-- that I don't think flatter me. My wardrobe accents run to sunset oranges, rich greens, and a certain fuchsia -- all of which I would find too too in decor.

I'm engaged in this forum to get my style and my life TO mimic each other. During grad school, I adopted a rather dull androgynous uniform: boots, jeans, tee, jacket/cardi, scarf. Yes, impression management, but it worked both for fieldwork and around the university. Now I'm sick of it, and ready for a change.

Susie

Veteran

Such an interesting observation, Shannon. I understand your desire for less chaos and more comfort and serenity.

Two years ago I went on a decluttering mission in my house and removed a lot of 'stuff.' I pared down and eliminated duplicates and unused items, from kitchen gadgets and linens to books and paper files. I certainly didn't get anywhere close to being a true minimalist but it felt good to have more uncluttered spaces. And I started to apply some of those principles to my wardrobe, even writing down some limits I wanted to achieve, like x number of sets of pajamas, underwear, etc.

And then I discovered YLF and started buying lots of new clothes!! But I've purged a lot too and plan on really slowing down on adding new things.

About a year or so ago, I wanted to add more toppers to my wardrobe. One of my preferred outfit formulas was pants + layering top + belt + jacket. But lately that isn't as appealing to me. I really seem to prefer wearing just pants (or occasionally a skirt) and a top, usually with one being more basic and the other having a bit more interest. And some nice shoes and a good bag and I'm ready to go!

I've always had more solids than patterns and pattern mixing was never really a thing for me. I see scarves that I think are beautiful and I have some that I really like but on the few occasions when I try to wear one I almost always end up leaving it off. I used to wear more jewelry than I prefer now too.

After many years of not wearing navy, I've been adding more to my wardrobe. I really have very little blue in my house...I wonder if I will end up adding it there too?

Alassë

Veteran

I think I have a fairly pared down style (for a romantic), which my decor reflects. Colour & neutrals are both represented in my wardrobe, and in interior decorating, my choices would be soothing, earthy neutrals with a few colorful nature pictures.

MsLuna

Veteran

Shannon, what you just wrote on this thread totally resonates with me. Upon discovering (through my minimalism exercise) that Comfort is Queen, I realized that comfort ties heavily with my lifestyle. I have a less relaxed lifestyle than what you've described: I'm a typical double Aries grab-and-go kind of girl, so I need clothing that moves with me, is fuss-free, and is not restrictive or too "flappy". This is why almost EVERYTHING I own has to have Lycra/spandex, is easy to slip on and off and us low maintenance. This, for me, equates comfort and I am so glad I have figured it out recently!

Beth Ann

Veteran

I think you're experiencing in a stronger, more purposeful way, a shift that is happening in fashion and in culture as a whole.

I've been rewatching Doctor Who episodes with DS. I notice in the costuming a lot more details in the costuming in 2005-2010 compared to the most recent episodes. Fashion magazines, that try to sell as much as possible, are, nonetheless showing more comfort, more pared back looks and less elaborate layering and pattern mixing. Perhaps we all need more peacefulness and simplicity in our lives? Of course, when I was at the mall last week, it seemed like a boho bomb exploded --- it was everywhere, and I was confused -- and not tempted to buy.

I feel a pull to better fabrics, more versatility and comfort, and less fuss. I do feel a pull to certain retro elements -- but then, part of that is being drawn to better quality and a timeless style.

You're looking fabulous these days, Shannon!

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

My sincere apologies for not getting back to my own thread until now - last night turned out to be a crazy busy evening. Anyway...

Rambling Ann - first of all, LOVE the golf shoes! And I totally agree with the "what if" scenario. I used to have a couple of formal dresses for functions that went with my previous job. I have no need for those now since my current position doesn't involve those type of occasions and my personal lifestyle isn't dressy. Why keep the items that not only take up closet space but space in our minds when I will never wear them?

Rachy - "mortification of the senses"...I gotta think about that one. Interesting. And you would have made a great Spartan but I can't imagine carrying around a shield all day - mind you, think of the fab shoulders and biceps you'd have?

Astrid - it sounds to me like your style and your flat are merging closer together. Like you said, "extracting the essence".

Shedev - I really like your comment about "life is about movement". I never thought about it like that before.

textstyle - I think your home sounds absolutely beautiful and even more important, warm and soothing. I bet you completely relax when you're home. And garden colors are the best colors aren't they? I often think how colors never clash in nature.

Claire - no belts in your belt loops??? Oh...for shame!

Lyn D - "better fabrics and closer attention to fit" - EXACTLY!

Caro - I feel like I'm almost joining your "comfort team" because I have always seen in your style a fabulous looking garment but also a garment that looks incredibly comfortable and the knowledge that it moves well for whatever you've got going on. You've set a great example

Aida - interesting...I don't think I've ever seen an outfit on you where I would consider it to be hectic. And yeah, I can be a bit of a mood dresser myself. Although I'm finding that to be a little less nowadays - maybe because my moods are more consistent?

Dee - "simplifying the things I can control" - so very true. There are so many external factors in our lives that are beyond our control. I'm glad you're just as happy in your simpler outfits too.

Susie - thank you so much for your reply. I'm actually heading in your direction (just doing it in an opposite order). Now that I've got my closet/wardrobe in better shape, I'm starting to tackle my house. I'm getting rid of unnecessary clutter and creating space. Just empty spaces here and there. And I'm finding it sooooo soothing.

Katie - "flappy" - what a GREAT description! I get an instant visual with that and know exactly what you mean.

Beth Ann - your question about maybe us all needing more peacefulness and simplicity in our lives completely struck me. I think that's a HUGE part of my shift (and for others as well to some degree). The world is just way too fast, too chaotic and very frightening at times. Grabbing onto something that we can control (as Dee referenced) seem increasingly important. I'm reading the book Voluntary Simplicity right now and many points made in that book are sticking me.

I thank you all so much for your thoughtful replies and giving me even more to think on

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Interesting observations, Shannon -- and the conversation is also interesting. It makes sense that many people would want a consistent, coherent style across various areas of their lives (I feel calmer just thinking about texstyle's home!) and that we might seek to simplify more in chaotic times.

I'm not sure it is true of me, though. My house decor is quite different from my wardrobe -- the colours are warm (vs. mostly cool in my wardrobe), the rooms are relatively crowded (vs. minimal, like my outfits) -- though they are neat, not messy -- and the lines are not clean and modern, because we live in a house that dates from the mid-19th century.

And if anything, my life is more complicated now than it was a few years ago -- as my style becomes ever more minimal.

So, either my style is a refuge from the chaos, or there is more coherence than I think. The one unifying factor is that my minimal and modern "urban prince" personal style seems to match my physical presence. Meanwhile, the warm and much less minimal decor of our house and its partly antique furnishings seem to fit with the house's architecture and "bones."

Not only that, but although our house contains a lot of antiques -- these are "casual" antiques -- mostly Quebec pine, with a rich patina. The kind of furniture that doesn't seem "fussy." That seems consistent with my personal style.

Also, even though our house was built in the Victorian era, it is in the Regency style, so its lines are more clean than a typical Victorian house (albeit not as clean as a modern building). The colours we have picked seemed to work for our cold, grey, wintery environment (e.g. our living room walls are dark red -- which warms in the cold winter and feels consistent with the house's period, without being a slavish retro reproduction.)

Good food for thought. At various times of transition in my life I have imagined a much cleaner, calmer space -- in particular when I was about to spilt up with my first husband, I kept fantasizing about clean, spare rooms! So what you're saying resonates. (Not that I think you should get a divorce, LOL!)

Aida

Veteran

Interesting thought regarding moods being more consistent. I do say I dress to "match my mood" but truthfully there's not much swing for me. Even if I've got a strong emotion to something, it all evens back out quite quickly. Which makes me reconsider what exactly it is I mean by "mood" as an emotional dresser. Artistic mood perhaps? Or the mood shifts are just truly that subtle? Hmm... I must think on that.