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Style after baby - a review

Liesbeth

Veteran

This post is not really a question, just some introspective thoughts on my style journey from the last two years.

Next month we will celebrate my son’s two year birthday (so soon!) and I’ve come to a realization. I’m finally ready to accept that - despite my pre-baby efforts to define a timeless personal style and invest in quality garments - I’ve still had to replace about half of my wardrobe after dear son was born.

Some of my problems with overshopping last year were definitely emotional: it’s been a turbulent period. But some of it I now realize, had to do with a failure to recognize how much my body AND my sartorial preferences were changing. I was shopping without knowing exactly
where either of those two would end up. I don’t feel guilty about it: I needed something to wear, if just because I couldn’t turn up in joggers at work, and I also craved a style injection. I didn’t shop haphazardly: I actually read a book reco from the forum and looked deep inside. (Perhaps too deep, into abstraction). I made mistakes and spent good money on items I don’t wear. I also spent money on items that I do wear, sometimes more than expected. You win some, you lose some?

So all in all I’m coming to terms with how long it takes, and unfortunately (especially from a sustainability point of view), how much trial and error it takes, to rebuild a wardrobe when both your body and your style preferences have changed. And it’s not abnormal for them to have changed in three years time (pregnancy included)!

I finally feel like I’ve found my new style direction and have a working wardrobe of essentials to match, see some in finds below to get a general idea. What’s left now is to wear the heck out of it and add as I find elements missing. And… to decide on what to do with high quality items that I no longer enjoy wearing, like skinny jeans and sweater dresses that used to be staples. I know most of the advice runs towards
selling/donating, but I am personally leaning towards long-term storage in our garage. By now I know styles and preferences come back around but great fitting quality pieces can be expensive and hard to find….

I’m even back to snapping the occasional WIW (the fact that we now have daylight before and after work helps). So stay tuned if you’re interested in seeing my new style direction take shape...

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Collarless Peplum Denim Jacket

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Dressing

24 replies

Latest reply was from Liesbeth

Mainelady

Veteran

Your post is reflective and thoughtful. What you wrote makes perfect sense to me. We all evolve and change over time. Sure, you made some purchases that ended up not being part of the new you. That happens. You also began to discover your new style and that often does mean some trial and error. I am so happy for you, knowing you have defined your current style and have a wardrobe to work with and build from. I look forward to seeing some WIWs!

rachylou

Veteran

Yes! I want to see!

It’s so true what you say. Change is the only constant, they say. And I know I am certainly slow to catch on. I held on to formal dinner wear a decade after the last die-hard in my family gave it up. I have a closet full of office wear and I haven’t darkened a corporate office door in what, three years? Lol.

And it should be said, now that I’ve come to terms that I don’t need office clothes... now I’ve started putting in real desk time at the bakery. Like I’ve got wear a dress, no hair net needed days. Whole days! Lol. Joke’s on me!

Anonymous

Yep-that's one big reason for the slow shop! Life is too changable-work, body, activities-and what works perfectly one year seems all wrong a year or two later. Many people talk of wardrobe building (self included) like it's a static thing. Do once and done. But it really needs constant reevaluation!

Synne

Veteran

I am looking forward to following your style journey! I have some of the same struggles.. older, wiser, changed sartorial preferences, etc.
I have thought about long-term storage myself, but I'll only save the really, really special and unique garments. Like leather goods etc. Don't know how well polyester and elastics will hold up after time. And wool and silk have their own challenges with storing..

LaPed

Veteran

This is some great reflection you've done. It's so frustrating getting dressed when you have a baby or small child in the house. Stuff doesn't fit, stuff gets ruined, the stuff you want is constantly in the wash... and your kid is perpetually outgrowing clothes too, so you're in a never-ending cycle of buying the next size up!

I've found the forum really helpful in figuring out my style. It still involves more churn than I would like, but I'm getting better about that. Once you have a little base of stuff that fits well and goes together, the pressure is off and adding stuff becomes less stressful and more of a fun puzzle.

And I know what you mean about it being hard to post WIWs in the winter. My mirrors are too dark in the morning, and when I get home in the afternoon I feel too dishevelled!

RobinF

Veteran

I also get frustrated by the purchases that I think will be workhorses but for some reason just don't get worn. Sometimes I end up wearing them a year or two later so I hate to be too quick to donate, but other times they hang in my closet taunting me for years. I still haven't quite figured out my style and I think that is one reason I like to hang out here and see everyone else's style, it helps me to refine what I like for myself.

SarahD8

Veteran

I think it's very common for having a baby to provoke a style shift (partly because it provokes lifestyle shifts and, yes, body shifts). That was certainly true for me. And I think it's also somewhat inevitable that this process involves some trial and error.

It sounds like you are coming towards a more cohesive sense of your new style now, which is great. You mentioned on Brooklyn's thread that you identify with some of the 40s elements that she was posting about (albeit not exactly the same ones she is picking up on). Looking at your finds I see slouchy trousers, menswear-inspired shoes, tailored blouses in fluid fabrics: "40s Tomboy," to my eye.

Re: storage, my strategy is to prioritize storing items that belong to categories that are hard for me to shop for/fit -- especially pants.

Looking forward to seeing your WIWs!

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Having a baby is a massive life shift let alone style shift.You are bound to feel different after this life event and that will be reflected in your style tastes.I totally endorse a storage space for hard won and perhaps expensive items.l have things that are many years old that come back in to rotation,l don’t think you need to purge everything if it’s not worn currently.Its time may well come again.

Liesbeth

Veteran

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. I know, in hindsight it seems ‘duh!’ that you style evolves. But with the amount of soul-searching and wardrobe building I did before baby, I must have thought I had insured myself against that ... Lesson learnt
And liking 40’ies tomboy actually!

Lesley

Veteran

I had three kids (5 years in between the oldest and youngest) so when I tacked on the time I was pregnant or changing shape after pregnancies, I hit a place when I was done having kids where my wardrobe felt like it was coming out of hibernation from 7 years prior! And obviously some fun things were just never going to fit again. I just tried to ride the wave and coast on a lot of what I had during the back and forth, but afterwards it became gratifying to get rid of a lot of stuff from the "before" and really embrace more of the now, since, girl, you are truly a different person when the dust settles from having kids!

Gretchen

Veteran

So glad to see you are taking the time to be thoughtful about your approach. Having kids is a major life change, and makes you rethink a lot of what you relied on as so many of your interactions change.

I vote for storage if you really think you will come to liking it again, it's unique, or hard to find. I find that when I pull things out of storage, in many cases they just look "old" to me - I remember who I was and what I was thinking when I bought the piece, and in many cases that's not who I am now. So yes to storage but be judicious!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I found YLF after coming my twins turned 2 (12 years ago). Coming out of the blur of early motherhood is definitely time for a style overhaul as many have said above. Take your time and we will be happy to see what happens next!

Joy

Veteran

Style during pregnancy and baby years is so hard. The news is that you are not done yet. Toddler years require a certain dress code that can get grubby and allow you to get up and down for floor play..

jussie

Veteran

I found almost all my clothes got stains on them during the baby period, so a great deal of it needed replacement whether I liked it or not. Plus my bust disappeared so all the dresses didn’t fit anymore lol.
Glad you’re figuring it all out I love your green tips.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

If you have the space, storage works and can save you money and time down the road. Just don’t forget about them.
Also consider whether items can be mixed in to your current wardrobe now or worn for special occasions.

nemosmom

Veteran

I think I lived in yoga pants for almost 3 years post-baby! It’s perfectly understandable that your style choices and fit will be different as you come out the other side of toddler-hood! Be kind and gentle to yourself during the process.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

I vote for storage if you have the space. Your needs, tastes, and body will be different for a while, but they may return and you may enjoy pulling the “old you” out. Or you might roll your eyes at that old stuff and get rid of it. I think it’s nice to have the choice.

About babies being messy, etc—I dutifully packed a diaper bag with a change of clothes and 5 diapers, enough for a whole day. I can remember one time that I needed the extra clothes. By then he was 3 & I didn’t have them along. We have recently enjoyed an old video. He is 2, fully clothed for a cyclone. It is drizzling and we are on the porch. At the start of the video, I encourage him to go get his ball. He peers out at the rain, then runs away in terror, lol. He was never one for messes or puddles or squishing things between his fingers. So don’t resign yourself to years of dungarees just yet (unless dungarees are your thing)—you never know what your kid is going to do!

Liesbeth

Veteran

Thanks for sharing your own stories, they do provide perspective :). Fashintern: great story. That won’t happen here though, we’ve had many occasions for clothes swaps already ranging from explosive diapers to tipping over a cup, smearing everything with whatever’s on his sandwich, falling in the mud, to somehow having managed to put the diaper on twisted (ok that one’s on us :)). So we know why we keep an extra set packed at all times!
Jussie: yes, what’s with all the stains that don’t wash out??

rachylou

Veteran

...Ok. I have to say something here: no little baby can compete with my own clutziness. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve spilled coffee down my front trying to check my watch... *I* am the reason I can’t have nice things...

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

My second is 6 months old, soon to be 7. I found I was more prepared for the style shift, but it still happened. Less of a shift than happened with my first, but I also changed jobs this time around (I changed jobs right before I fell pregnant, but then was mostly navigating maternity wardrobe which is a whole other ballpark). My new work is very casual so that's a big shift as well, especially since i tend to prefer dressy. But dressy is almost impossible with a squishy tummy, two littles, the boob-access requirement of nursing/pumping, an hour commute each way, and an environmental norm that is squarely against dressy (and mostly male to boot!).Oh, and did I also mention the sleep deprivation that drives me to comfort over style?

That said, I have been able to find a bit of stride in my dressing. I've made mistakes, too, mostly in the form of items I love that don't fit my lifestyle or my shape; echos of a time now gone.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

That’s very poetic Jenava- “echoes of a time now gone”...it’s like a fairy story! It is over 22 years since I last had a baby, I was 35 then and 58 now. Ageing and style is like peeking around lots of corners and seeing new vistas. Some of them look a little familiar, like hints of your old style and what you always liked. Some of them are a surprise and some ( like body changes) are a shock. But if you get used to it, it’s all good and you can look behind to see where you’ve been.

Brooklyn

Veteran

I can see the 40s style in your finds. Very Katherine Hepburn, who of course was super fab. I also look forward to your WIWs

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

And I will add; nothing gives you a sense of time passing and your own mortality like watching little ones grow! It's mystical and terrifying all at once.

Also, for me, I've decided to wear spanx my midsection/if my midsection ever firms up. It just helps things fit in the waist better (something I never had issues with no matter my size until kids).

Spanx On Lace High Waist Briefs

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Liesbeth

Veteran

Jenava: yes, it’s definitely hard to adjust your style to so many things at once. I imagine spanx can help :). For me the problem is more ibs (caused by stress and/or hormones probably) related so I don’t want anything tight around my belly...
Jenni: thanks for those beautiful words. I do imagine ther are many more such changes underway. This was the first major one in a loooong time, and it quite shook me.