Stuck

Melinda SF

I'm in a fashion rut and need some help. These are my dilemmas, and while I've learned a ton from all of you and Angie, I feel stuck.

Can you give me some ways to break my logjam?

I am an inverted triangle with large breasts (36H). (so I now wear darks on top, light on bottom, etc)
I am tall, with long legs, and a shorter waist (probably normal, but the breasts make it look short). Yes I do have solid and good undergarments.
I am a runner, so I am having a hard time finding jeans and pants that fit my thighs. So my current workhorses are white/light colored boyfriend jeans with dark sweaters, tops etc. my go to outfit is white jeans, either straight leg or ankle from NYDJ (small waist, big hips), with a low espadrille or sandal, and a navy linen blazer, one button from the Gap, or a nice no collar peplum blazer in black I bought from Calvin Klein. I also liked a stretchy oilcloth black button down from Saks, and a some soft, drapey long and 3/4 length tops in darker colors layered with a tank to drop the waist. That I am hoping can help you grab on to what's working. I cannot wear belts out, because I feel like it makes my bust like enormous, but I have to wear them with pants, or my pants have to have a drawstring or they fall off.
But I am BORED.
As a soft summer, black just doesn't look great next to my face, which leaves me with mostly greys and navy up top.
I want to find a good tuxedo jacket that will be fun to wear, but can't seem to locate one that will accommodate my large bust size (41 inches), but a 31 inch waist(this is where I'd make an exception for black)
I have a pile of straight leg chinos in my closet in various colors which I've taken to wearing with a denim jacket that fits well, a fun t-shirt, a scarf, and fancy tennis shoes (like cole haan leathers, etc) because high heels make my feet hurt (I have a high vamp and wide feet with low arches, so I truly cannot wear a lot of heel or even super flat shoes for too long). while comfortable, I just don't feel girly in this outfit, and I'm a bit bored.
Skirts make me feel a bit exposed, and I know panty hose is out of style. Also: chafing. I do use creams and spanx like things underneath but they don't feel comfortable. Can also be cold in SF.
I work from home mostly (tech marketing) but need to go to client sites. I feel like those white jeans may be getting boring to them too. Yet chinos feel too manly, the skirt feels too exposed, and a wool dress pant feels too matronly.
I have a beast of a time finding wide leg trousers in a length that I need, which is probably about 35".
Pointed shoes often hurt my feet.
Soft fabrics are important when next to my skin
It's usually cold here in SF, I repeat, so layers are a fact of life, even in summer. I am usually wearing cashmere year round.

Am I making any sense? What am I missing?

thank you in advance for anyone who dares to wade in.

10 years ago

Dressing

23 replies

Latest reply was from Melinda SF

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

I think you should post a couple of photos of looks that work for you, and maybe one that doesn't. It would be easier to offer comment.

10 years ago

Melinda SF

Active Member

I will try to do this. it may be a day or two.

10 years ago

Anonymous

First off , I can relate. I have a similar body type I think (although shorter and a little smaller ). I share your concerns and frustrations and will have to think a bit before I comment more. As Umlilla suggests , post some pictures so we can see more of what works for you.

10 years ago

Robin

Active Member

Question: What do you think would make the outfit you described in your seventh point feel more girly? Or, put another way: what feels ungirly about it to you?

Your reply

10 years ago

Meow

Veteran

So lots of constraints (I'm an Engineer so think like this). Constraints are a good thing! They narrow down the infinite fashion possibilities! Finding a silhouette that works for you (which it sounds like you have) is half the battle. Most fashionable icons wear a "uniform" - a tried and true silhouette. They vary the colors or accessories, etc. but they know what works and looks good on them. So I agree with others - post some pictures so we can analyze.

10 years ago

Summer

Veteran

You already seem to have a good grasp of what suits your body shape and colouring, but I can relate to your need to add variety to your look. This is something I struggle with, also.

For now, all I can suggest is to add bottoms in some of your light/medium colours - maybe some of your mid blues or a lighter wash denim? These would still fill your need for lighter bottoms, but would not show the dirt quite so much as white.

As others have said, if you can post pictures you will be sure to get the constructive help you are looking for.

10 years ago

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

Agree with everyone here. I wear a 34F bra myself at 5'4", so I know that a large bust literally "defines" your wardrobe choices and style. I try a lot of tricks to visually minimize my bust as I'm starting to wear light colors on the top (i love dark colors but they do get boring) so I'll share somethings I've noticed and made use of.

1. You don't have to wear only dark tops. Lighter color tops with small print does a wonderful job at camouflaging as well. Infact, based on the print density and color (for example a red print on white or a navy blue print on dove grey) prints sometimes work better

2. Branch out with dark colors. Black, grey and navy are staples for women like us. But deep red, dark green, purple and burgundy also create a slimming effect. Go for saturated hues but branch out with colors.

3. Dove grey pants are a great alternative to white. Fadded blue boyfriend jeans rolled at the hem will balance out top and bottom. So will flared jeans and bootcuts. If you have comfortable heeled ankle boots, flared jeans will really suit you.

4. You should try flared skirts that end just below the knee. These will really balance your top and bottom half. A printed skirt and a top in the darkest hue from the print should be fun and playful.

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10 years ago

Sal

Veteran

My sister shares a similar shape to you and she looks wonderful in tunics and leggings or fitted ankle pants. Dresses might be harder to fit but a shirt dress or the perfect draped dress could be a great addition.

I wear opaque tights or occasionally hose or lacy tights. Perfectly acceptable in the right colours.

And welcome!!

10 years ago

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

I feel your pain too. It sounds like I am similar. I have broad shoulders, wear a 30G bra, am an hourglass shape, very short-waisted, and at just under 5'5", have a 32-33" inseam. Oh and I also have long thin flat feet.

One thing you didn't mention is the necklines for your tops. When you have a larger chest and shoulders, it is really important that the neckline be more open to break up the space.

Maneera gave you great advice on color and pattern and I would like to add that using stripes that are angled or varying in width to balance is also a great trick.

I bought a few pairs of wider straight leg pants last year when the skinny was slipping a bit from top billing and they were very rare in that they were a bit too long for me. That would make them the right length for you. I believe they were Anne Klein and JNY suiting pieces and the legs were fairly straight and wide.

I believe other posters have mentioned that BR has longer lengths for more casual pants but in my experience, full length suiting pants are cut with a 35" or so length.

I will watch for a pic to provide more comments.

10 years ago

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Thanks for the run down - it's a goodie. I'm with Ummlila's suggestion. Once we see your style through outfits, it will be easier to help you add newness to it, as well as offer suggestions on how to track down those HEWI's.

10 years ago

Elizabeth P

Veteran

I am also an IT with a largish bust. My favourite silhouette is a long (low hip or tunic) top, with slim bottoms. You didn't mention tunics and leggings - this could be a great option for you. The BR Sloan ankle pants are one of my favs... comfortable, professional, slim but not tight. And I think in the US you can get them in long.... maybe?

Maneera had some great advice, but I disagree with the flared skirts - at least on me, straight or pencil are much better.

I also disagree that you have to wear dark colours on top. I wouldn't worry about this at all, and just go with colours that flatter you. But necklines are CRITICAL, as Cheryle said. They need to be wider, or lower, to break up the space.

Have you tried the "column of colour" idea? This is very slimming.

Asymmetrical hemlines on your tops can also draw ones eyes away from the bust.

I also wonder if you could try layering pieces a la Deborah....

And yes, it would be great to "see" you! I think the fact you have articulated your "issues" so well means you've got a good handle on things and you'll find some great options for you in short order.

10 years ago

unfrumped

Veteran

Great post!
Will leave the IT advice to the IT's- some great stuff so far.
I do recommend Retail Research in stores, being very adventuresome, look inside the box( not so much your formula, but brands, colors, how things look on the rack).
Analyze what is wrong with chino's-- is it field- chino color, bad fit, too stiff? If so you might find s more modern version such as BR gray colors, tapered, more dressy sateen fabrics. You could probably rock some of the upscale track pants. Knit Blazers often have a soft shoulder that does not add to IT and is casual but polished, sometimes alsoore feminine.
Agree with branching out on colors, too. Many times there Is a "cooler" version of a color you don't think you
can wear.
Good luck !

10 years ago

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

My suggestion is to take a look at Angie's Ensembles as starting point. Which ensembles do you feel attracted to? (You don't have to like every single piece in the ensemble, just something in it.) Of these, which ones would suit your needs as described above (climate, work at home, occasional client meetings)? Try not to get constrained by details like, a specific neckline or skirt length etc. Once you've identified looks you'd like to achieve via Angie's visually-rich ensembles, we can help you come up with how to make them work for your body type.

For example, let's say you like this recent ensemble, featuring gray, white and animal print. You already have the white bottoms. Maybe you even have a light gray tunic. If you didn't have some animal print footwear, that would be one item to add to a list (animal print is so versatile, it goes with everything due to the cool black, white, and warm brown -- my animal print pumps are more versatile than my black ones). Have you tried track pants? They might be a great new item to add to your wardrobe, especially if they are made from a silky more upscale fabric, perfect for client meetings.

10 years ago

Gaylene

Veteran

My suggestion would be to start by figuring out 2-3 silhouettes which appeal to you. For example: boyfriend jeans with a loose banded top; drapey 3/4 top with slim ankle pants; tailored jacket with straight-legged pants; slim, knee-length skirt with long, boyfriend cardigan--whatever you know flatters your shape and fits your lifestyle. If you can, try not to focus too much on pattern and color at first. Look at pictures of the silhouettes you favor to see what kinds of shoes and accessories work best with them.

Once you have some ideas about your "uniform", start playing with items in your closet to recreate some of the looks you see in pictures to find which versions give you the highest happiness factor. If you have time, go to a few shops, and, using your silhouettes as a guide, start experimenting in the dressing room. This is the time to play with color, pattern, texture, and layering. Take pictures of your experiments to post here or to reflect on later at home.

Defining and limiting my silhouettes (which you've started to do) was a big breakthrough moment for me. Setting boundries forced me to concentrate on the details of an outfit instead lof looking for a "magic" fix. I also challenged some of my notions, like dark on top/light on the bottom, once I realized how texture, cut, and pattern could be employed to balance my body.

10 years ago

Melinda SF

Active Member

You are all so helpful, thank you! I will post some pictures in the next couple of days as I wear this stuff.

What is a HEWI? (sorry I missed this acronym!)

To answer some of the questions asked:

Robin: I am not sure. I was plus sized for so long that I feel a bit adrift about what I like and what looks good on me. Being plus sized I was constrained about what I wore, and didn't think much about it, just focused on finding stuff that covered. Kind of tragic, I know. But I'm working on it. Here's how mind is in a circle on this: my hair and glasses are great, very cool. much more jewelry competes with the glasses. so I'm left with a color on top or bottom and maybe some shoes. But most shoes hurt my feet. Scarves, good. have lots of those. I feel when I wear a print, or a bright color on top that it's like wearing a sofa. So I am not sure what to do.

Summer: Yes, I'm starting to look at some lighter blue blue jeans. I LOVE, LOVE my Gap Boyfriend Jeans, with the lighter cuffs. they fit perfectly and I can wear them with a lot. I'd do anything to have those in a zillion colors but the "boyfriend" cut always seems accompanied by distressed denim and a narrow color palette.

Maneera: I prefer color near my face, but then I feel stumped about what to put on the bottom besides white jeans and boyfriend jeans. Bright colors often feel so garish on the bottom, so I have to wear something dark to balance on top or hide my tush. I like grey pants. I bought a nice pair of straight legs which I wear with a grey leather tennis shoe. I bought some lighter "acid wash" ankle pants in a pale grey but I hate them. (flashbacks to the 80s, not sure why, just doesn't feel "right"). Also, I'd love to try flared hems, but I am having a devil of a time finding flared jeans long enough to suit me, plus I will need to find a shoe and heel that work for those, so that is a barrier for now. Ideas most welcome! I do enjoy tube skirts that have horizontal stripes on bottom, wearing other skirts in lighter colors, but so far have no idea how to wear shoes with them other than tights and and a low heel.

Kiwigal: OMG I do love wearing leggings and tunics and I have absolutely embraced dropping the waistline! BUT any color other than black makes me tremendously self conscious about my butt and making sure it's covered. I have a few boyfriend sweaters, tunics etc that I do wear; and I'm worried about looking like an ice cream cone. I love the white legging/tight capri look I see in places like J. Jill but in reality I feel like a huge house when I have them on. I especially love to wear ankle pants with tieks flats or an elegant wedge espadrille or sandal with a modest heel (flat sandals very bad for my flat feet). I bought some booties per this side but they're all almond toe....

unfrumped: re: what's wrong with the chinos: per se, nothing. I love the way they fit (LL Bean's soft washed version, not the regular kind, they have a nice brushed feel). they stay on without falling off. they are the right length with tennis shoes or flats. Loafers feel a bit too dressed up. I think I need help expanding my thinking on tops with them, beyond t-shirts, cashmere v necks, and casual denim or oil cloth coats. Because I like to drop the waistline, I feel stuck about what to put on top that isn't a cardigan, t shirt, or v neck sweater. A tunic's line feels odd with a full length straight leg pant. Maybe it's just my untrained eye?

common comments: yes, I do have a few asymmetrical tops, and I have long boyfriend cardigans in a few colors. now I wonder if I'm just being weird!

Honestly I think the biggest issues are:

1. find a tuxedo jacket that works for me
2. find a shoe with a heel I can live with and get flared hem bottoms
3. how to style straight leg chinos without tennis shoes; i.e. what kinds of shoes or tops should I consider that aren't a tshirt and a v neck sweater-or cut them mostly out

I will also take coco's suggestion and show you some looks with my "comments/concerns." Give me 2 days on this to collect some thoughts. I will be back!

and again, thank you so much, community for your support.

10 years ago

Melinda SF

Active Member

Angie's comments on chinos in this post echo mine EXACTLY. I feel exactly the way she does.

"Although I adore clothing with an androgynous integrity, I have never gravitated towards chinos. I usually find the stone versions cold, overly casual, a little too “combat-inspired”, and slightly frumpy."

because I have short, pixie hair and funky glasses, I have a similar style problem that angie has, this look, which worked when I had longer, softer hair, gets too masculine for my taste, very fast.

I may have solved the problem myself. one or two pairs of chinos for comfort only with tennis shoes on a weekend and NO MORE. time to ditch them as a wardobe staple.

I'm a very curvy inverted triangle but an inverted triangle nonetheless with a masculine haircut and the chinos just push it over the edge.

More to come. I think cargos, checks and patterns could work....

10 years ago

tulle

Veteran

I have no special advice for a tall IT, as I am the opposite, but when I read the words "big pile of straight-legged chinos" I thought, no wonder you're stuck--and bored! Have you checked out the fine woolen collections carried by J. Crew, Ann Taylor, and Brooks Brothers? In your climate, the so-called "4 season" wools actually can work year 'round. You'll find businesslike and fashionable pants, jackets, dresses and skirts that would work well for meetings with clients. Once you have a few basics in workhorse colors that flatter you, you can add sweaters, blouses, & cardigans in interesting accent colors. I think you'll find that a few good-quality basics can make a huge difference.

10 years ago

Melinda SF

Active Member

Tulle: Unfortuately I'm not a super slim IT. in Brooks brothers I'm at a 16, their largest size pant. In other places I'm a 12. I do shop at talbots well. I think the key is I have to find a low heel that can work with a looser pant and also stop wearing straight leg chinos and go for slim leg ankle pants instead as the default silhouette.

Also I work in tech, so frankly anything too expensive will not get worn or if worn, will be too matronly unless I can see a better way to funk it up. I'm in the land of fleece,hoodies, etc and wearing brooks brothers almost screams about how old I am.

10 years ago

Anonymous

re: "

I think the key is I have to find a low heel that can work with a looser pant and also stop wearing straight leg chinos and go for slim leg ankle pants instead as the default silhouette."

I think this is a really good plan. You don't want stuff that makes you feel unfeminine!

For heels, could you do an open-toe heeled sandal which would minimize/eliminate the toe pinching?

You can wear heavier weight stockings with your skirts/dresses in the winter. I think this is an on-trend look (although somebody chime in if it's not!).

Mixing up textures is another way to add interest.

For the colouring stuff, I don't think it's necessary to be so strict about the colour of the bottoms. For example, as a summer, the light grey up top and black bottoms would look pretty good on you!

I'm looking forward to seeing your pics!

10 years ago

SandyG

Veteran

I would pull out all the stops and collect and wear really funky footwear, like Fluevogs. They really loosen up your look.

10 years ago

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

I can't help you with brands that carry your size because I dont know many USA stores, but I can help with the shoes.

Like you, I am not comfortable with high heels. I love looking at them but 'looking' is pretty much all I do. My feet hurt in heels. After I read that Angie says even a small heel counts as heel, I was determined to find low heeled shoes that might just create the right proportions but also keep my feet comfortable. While I do have several low heel (1-1.5inch) pumps for formal wear, I prefer sandals in summer.

I recently bought these sandals at Zara. The block heel makes them very comfortable and since they are open, my toes are happy too. They look very sleek yet modern on my feet and I wear them with everything - including my flared jeans. If you look closely you'll see that they 'look' higher because the heel shape starts right at the top of the sole, not the bottom. In reality, they are as good as flat shoes....so look for something like this?

As far as flared jeans are concerned, I always have to chop off ALOT to get the right hem for me( and often the dramatic flare gets cut off). I have jeans from Marks & Spencer's (they have a sculpt and lift series and all my friends who worry about their bigger/wider butt love these because they fit fabulously) and I have jeans from Dorothy Perkins. They both needed to be cut quite a bit for me. But my best friend who is 5'10" loves these jeans and needs no alterations, which means they are the right length for her. She has endless legs with a short torso and long legs. She is also a size 16/18 in pants, but looks phenomenally great in the M&S jeans.

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10 years ago

Janet

(website)

Veteran

It looks like you've gotten some good feedback, but I wanted to add a welcome, and see if I can help on maybe one or two points. I'm not an IT, but I have a short waist and long legs, and runner's thighs (or at least that's what we'll call them, in the interest of being kind to myself, although these days they'd more properly be called cyclist thighs :-D). I don't know if you listed your height or inseam or if I missed it, but I had good luck with the long-length versions of Lucky Brand flare jeans that I picked up last fall (I'm not really tall, 5'7" and with about a 33" inseam), but my legs are long enough that I have trouble finding pants and jeans in sufficient lengths to wear with anything but the flattest shoes, and I prefer at least a little bit of a heel. The longs in Lucky were long enough that I actually had to hem just a little bit to wear them with a 2" heel. The regulars were too short for me unless I was in bare feet. So I recommend giving them a try. The thighs fit well, and the rise was not too high (something that can be problematic for the short-waisted!).

I also don't think you need to restrict yourself to only white or light colored bottoms, any more than I need to restrict myself to dark colored bottoms (although I often do that, since I carry more weight in my hips and thighs, as an hourglass with pear tendencies). I find that low-contrast outfits from head-to-toe really help create a long, lean, proportional line, and as others have pointed out, the right neckline on a busty top half can make all the difference (I am a 30E bra size so I get it!).

But since you mention wanting to wear darker shades on top, why restrict yourself to black, grey or navy? What about burgundy, emerald green, or a more vibrant cobalt blue, etc., depending on your coloring and how those colors look on you?

I have a very casual style, but I don't love chinos either, so I totally understand you there.

10 years ago

Melinda SF

Active Member

took a pile of pictures today only to find out the camera had bent cf pins so it can't send the photos to the computer.

awesome. will upload once I find a cf reader....

10 years ago

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