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Dressing

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Special occasions

Like the Season

Yesterday, Lisa at Privilege quoted a piece of advice from Alyson Walsh (That's Not My Age) on dressing for special occasions:

“…when effortless style is the aim, special occasions can be a bit tricky…It’s always better to take the comfortable option – in all senses of the word. The aim is to feel like yourself on a good day, and not get too gussied up…. Keep it chic and simple. If you want my advice on dressing for special occasions, it’s this: don’t buy anything new. Occasion wear is dead.... Take the less is better approach…”

Here's what I take from this: When in doubt, keep it simple, comfortable and true to your style.

What's your philosophy on dressing for special events? And is occasion wear really dead?

Dressing

37 replies

Latest reply was from 3style

bj1111

Veteran

i underdress by one degree. i'm usually in a cocktail length dress at most.

i do have to host a black tie /optional event. i would like to source a red silk satin smoking suit. i may need to have it made.

Anonymous

They're very few and far between but when I have a truly formal event I have to buy something new because it's been so long since the last one that I gave away whatever I wore last time long ago.

For special occasions I usually buy at least one new item which I can then wear again fairly soon. My style is generally casual so it's especially important that my clothes fit well and be as fresh and unworn looking as possible. I dress to please myself and to show respect and new is not overdoing it.

Actually I think there's something a little alienating about this statement Assuming that these women want to be on level with their contemporaries and that they don't need to buy because their day wear closets include designer wear I'm guessing they're not doing much cleaning up after anyone, including themselves.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I haven't attended a black-tie affair in a while but if I did, I'd have to buy something because I don't own a suitable outfit. Cocktail parties I can do with what's in the closet, theatre outings, dinners, funerals, weddings....but not a truly formal event.

But in making my purchase I would tend to cleave to my usual preferences -- I'm betting the dress would be blue, for instance. Or I'd get a version of le smoking. So in that sense I agree.

Anonymous

THIS is great advice. I used to panic buy whenever I had a special occasion. THIS was a a recipe for disaster. I never dressed authentically and was always terribly uncomfortable.

Liz

Veteran

I guess this advice works, if you have a fully stocked closet that covers special occasions. But my closet isn't stocked like that, so I'd probably have to buy something.

Sal

Veteran

I actually love special occasion dressing!! I have a few styles that work for me and have quite a bit of variety - both old and newish. I have little to no call for true black tie dressing but for weddings, special dinners or birthdays or other occasions I look forward to choosing an outfit and the accessories. I guess it is not too far of a stretch from my everyday life but elevated in fabric details, usually wearing heels, more carefully applied makeup, a better blowdry, and often a bit more bombshell or flamboyant or even pretty.

Gaylene

Veteran

I’ve been thinking about the quote since I read it yesterday. For me, the key phrase is “when effortless style is the aim...”

Sometimes, I WANT to look like I made an effort instead of always defaulting to a comfortable option. Hearing someone say “occasion wear is dead” saddens me since being surrounded by others who also have taken the time and effort to get gussied up plays a role in the specialness of the occasion. People watching at an opera opening night is a delight BECAUSE most of the senior crowd still make an effort to dress formally. Happiness isn’t always about dressing down for comfort or opting for the bare minimum.

On the other hand, I do think Allyson’s point about not panic buying is valid; occasion wear ought to be a delightful change from regular wear, not something that forces a person into wearing clothes which make it impossible to enjoy the special event.

rachylou

Veteran

My goal is to have fun. I say: Dress to the Nines. Baby!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I feel a bit alienated, too, Isabel. Because my daily regular wear is definitely not suited to formal occasions!

But, I do understand the suggestion that we should stick with what works. Runcarla's formal wear is a great example. I hope she'll pop on and post the photo. IRL, she wears button down shirts and jeans or jean skirts or pencil skirts really well. Her style is basically modern classic with some "pretty" and some "sporty" elements. So for a formal event she got a fabulous silky button down and a taffeta-like skirt (sort of a Carolina Herrera look) and it was perfect on her -- classic, crisp, feminine, yet a bit sporty -- exactly like her regular style except amped up.

binkle

Veteran

I think these are wise words to live by, but...
I have so few special occasions, that I love buying a new piece (or two!) if possible. I mean "few" as in years apart, so I might have a big change of weight or style. But yeah, I can't really justify buying too much stuff that is just going to sit in the closet. Good idea to keep it simple!

Aquamarine

Veteran

What Gaylene said!

Carla

Veteran

Though I have a minimalist closet, I do have a dressy capsule that covers most events, including black tie. My capsule is black based and predominantly separates for mix and match-ability. The capsule consists of:

Black halter style LBD
Black full leg long velvet trousers
Black slim ankle pants
Black velvet jaquard leggings
Wool/silk pencil skirt (black, white silver)
Ivory silky button down shirt
Silver foil long sleeve t-shirt
3 lace tank tops (blush, navy, French blue)
Black silky bomber jacket with floral embroidery

My style is classic with a strong sporty element and this carries into my dressy capsule (t-shirt, jacket).

Some of the items from my dressy capsule cross over into day-to-day wear. I've worn the velvet trousers to work and the silver t-shirt with white jeans and silver sneakers to Sunday brunch! I do not mind being the dressiest person at an event, and would rather err on the side of being MORE dressy rather than LESS dressy. I see it as a sign of respect for the occaision.

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Anonymous

Ditto what Gaylene said. Mostly, it is sad when people don't look like they have made an effort and go too far to the comfy side. I find that, I like to get new shoes and maybe accessories to feel up to date, but a long dressy shirt will take you to various venues. So will a Le smoking or tux outfit. I doubt they ever go out of style and are great for events in cold weather.

Like the Season

What a lovely capsule, Runcarla!

Echo

Veteran

Gaylene put things perfectly. The idea that everyone wants to look like they didn't make an effort is ridiculous. I actually take pride in looking like I made an effort, and realistically, we ALL know no one woke up looking the way they do (well, usually), so why the pretense? Special occasion clothing can convey respect for the venue, the occasion and other patrons, and that's worthwhile.

anne

Veteran

Another one who likes dressing up! I like my special occasion dress and where else am I going to wear a one shouldered dress?

jussie

Veteran

I think it depends on what kind of occasion it is. I agree that feeling like the best version of yourself is a worthy goal, and being comfy is super important! I don’t think occasion wear will ever be dead though. However I really like the fact that there’s so much freedom now that we can pretty much wear what we like to most parties and events. I usually enjoy getting dressed up for a wedding or suchlike. Part of the fun. However when I was younger dressing for nightclubs was stressful because super tight, short dresses were never my style so I felt a little daggy.

3style

Veteran

Growing up in Chicago in the late 1970s early 1980’s every winter the streets would be filled with stressed out women rushing around to special events in their real fur coats, nylon stockings, and stiletto sandals! I’m pretty sure that particular version of formal wear is dying out, if not already dead. So in the sense that impractical regimented style is passé, I’m agreeing with her observation.

However, special occasion ritual clothing has existed pretty much since people began to form structured communities. I love looking at ancient Egyptian beads and Native American headdresses, for just a few examples.

Ritual clothing has always existed, and the natural order of things is that it will always evolve.

SarahD8

Veteran

Runcarla, your formal wear capsule is an absolute inspiration. Versatile, stylish, suits your individuality to a T. It’s exactly the sort of thing I hope to assemble one day.

FWIW, Runcarla’s approach is how I interpreted Alyson Walsh’s comment — the idea that you would have a set of dressy clothing that you could mix and match and sometimes combine with your “regular “ wardrobe to hit different registers of formality. By “occasion wear is dead” I think she means that you are no longer obligated to buy A New Dress for every Event that must be from the Occasion Wear section. (This interpretation somewhat influenced by the fact that I followed Alyson’s blog for a while and this was very much her approach.)

I mean, if you enjoy shopping for a new dress or what have you for events as they come up, obviously, go for it! Every time I have tried to do that it has been an abject disaster.

BrieN

Veteran

She lost me at "effortless style"
That entire quote rubbed me the wrong way.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Well, the one time I really bought something new and expensive was for a truly formal "ball" in 2013 when black tie was specified. The dress has not been worn again. I did choose to do that, could have managed with something else that was not full length but I did feel better and happy to meet the brief. I would still fit the dress should something else crop up.
I was and am well aware that I was lucky/blessed to be rich enough to happily pay $350 for a new dress for that occasion. But I also felt that I don't usually buy new for weddings, don't dye my hair, have cheap haircuts etc and must easily save $350 quite quickly due to those other factors. Some choice is involved on what feels important to each of us.

Like the Season

Thanks for the thoughtful responses, everyone.

I should have mentioned in the original post that Alyson was responding to a question about how to dress for daytime events -- wedding showers, graduations, brunches.

Does that change the way you view her advice, or do you have the same reaction?

Sal

Veteran

For me there is a balance between:

feeling/look special/elevated,
my budget
my ability to wear clothes again
feeling like myself

There are not many special occasions I buy a dress specifically for - and with the exception of one bridesmaid dress and one wedding dress I have worn all my occasion wear several times (at least five times). If starting from scratch and feeling unconfident I do agree elevated versions of your usual looks is a really good starting point as Carla showed.

anne

Veteran

Like the season - yes thanks for that clarification. I must admit I for one answered rather hastily!

Indeed, I would be very unlikely to get anything new for those sort of events ie wedding showers, graduations, brunches.

And evening with daytime weddings, I have tried to get dresses that I could wear for other things.

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

I am totally in awe of Runcarla’s amazing mix and match assortment of dressy wear!
I have a terrible time with dressing up, even for a dinner date. I seem to default to clothes that look too business-like.... blazers etc. Then I realize I want to look sexier, so I put on a short dress and feel ridiculous. I must try this idea of wearing one’s normal preferred styles or cuts, but in dressier fabrics.
But what about the idea of showing more skin? How does that fit in?

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Yes it does change my view for daytime events. The "ball" dress was for an evening event. For weddings and graduations I pick something nice I already own. When I come to be MOTB though ( possibly late 2019) then I probably will want a brand new outfit. There should be plenty of time to choose.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, yes. I must say that changes my thoughts. ‘Dress nice’ is good enough for such occasions. But VERY nice. And school children - I’d say they should get a special outfit for their graduations, like Echo’s daughter.

Liz

Veteran

Yes, that does change my view. In my circles, especially, those type of daytime events do not call for super dressy clothing. I have plenty that would work just fine.

Carla

Veteran

Happy as I am with my dressy capsule, I do have a 'wardrobe hole' to fill before it is complete. I would like a 'happy' day dress for daytime celebrations on sunny warm days. Though black ankle pants, a coloured lace tank, and strappy sandals would work just fine - it could be a little somber. Also, I do find that I am wearing a lot of jeans or trousers since I retired, and I am craving a dress!

My one day dress (I did say I was a minimalist!) is looking a little tired. Also, I don't really consider it 'dressy'. I almost pulled the trigger on Angie's BR high/low midi eyelet dress - but it wasn't quite me. Since we are in the midst of a great dress season, I am optimistic that I can fill that particular wardrobe hole!

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