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Speaking of Style: Feeling Lost

cobaltblue

Veteran

All the talk on the UWP, bombshell, and related threads has prompted me to jot down some of my own confused style musings. I feel a disconnect between where my style has gone and what might really suit me, but I have no idea where to go from here.

I think I can acheive a good look with short hair, dark/bright colors, and androgynous pieces. If I keep going in this direction, I'd be aspiring to join Angie and Suz as an Urban Prince. I've been wearing a lot of skinny jeans and button-up shirts!

But skinny jeans aren't comfortable or practical for chasing my toddler, digging in the garden, etc. Other cuts of jean make me feel frumpy.

The style I've been exploring is truly best suited to urban living, I think. My life is NOT urban though; I'm more at home with cattle and chickens than with the city rush. I'm also an artist/writer/musician - sometimes I feel a disconnect sitting down to weave at my loom dressed as an Urban Prince, like I've got on a costume.

Maybe most importantly, I don't identify as androgynous, although and maybe especially because I've always been a bit of a tombly. I'm very happy to be and look female - I think that becoming a mother and being pregnant now for the second time has intensified the yearning to look a little more traditionally feminine. Despite this, I'd never be happy covered in ruffles or dripping with jewelry. Makeup and painted nails are likewise beyond uninteresting to me.

So I guess I'm a strange mix and just can't find the inspiration I need to define a new style direction. I'd like to wear more dresses and skirts, comtinuing to bare no cleavage and cover at least part of my knee. I still want fit to be tailored or heading towards slouchy. I don't want to add more jewelry than the occasional necklace or bracelet for days when I'm feeling fancy and don't plan on baking bread, messing with yarn, getting muddy, or any of the things I norrmally do. Maybe I want to grow out my hair for a while? The problem is that all this would, I think, put me on high-speed rails back to Frumptown. Most of my friends live there, and they're beyond happy doing their crunchy thing with flowing skirts and hair. But... Would you all miss me if I moved to a commune and grew a fe-mullet?

Help! I need ideas and inspiration for a new style direction. Or maybe I need to be told that I'm having an early mid-life fashion crisis.

Becky (typing on a phone - please excuse errors or omissions)

26 replies

Latest reply was from Astrid

amiable

Veteran

You and me too Becky - And I think this is probably a healthy part of our style journey - grappling with definitions and who we are style-wise, as well as who we want to be style-wise.

I, too, am probably an Urban Prince - and dress a lot like you from your description. But I aspire to farm life and have 5 kids. So the ideas of "Urban" and "Prince" make me half-smile, half-wince. At the same time, I find that I DO like the style of those labeled "Urban Prince", and if I tweak it to be on the woodsy/farmsy side of their style, it probably will fit me well - I'm not sure.

You mentioned that skinnies aren't comfy for your lifestyle - maybe size them up to be more slouchy?

Anyway, I know that's no help - just wanted to say that I'm glad I'm not the only one on this journey! Let's enjoy the ride together!

Anonymous

Rustic Prince? Bucolic Prince?

I have two kids, and I like slouchy skinnies as my MOTG outfit. When I am outside in the garden, I wear bootcuts generally!

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I hear you Becky - I read with fascination so many style epiphanies here but for me, mine seem so tiny. Like I'm wearing better belts with my jeans and t-shirts now. woo-hoo. I did find a description recently that feels like me which is California Casual. I have long blonde hair, love to wear jeans, sandals, sometimes boots and rarely need to dress up. I guess I just need to continue to search for the more perfect shirts and blouses that go with those jeans. Part of it is being willing to spend the higher $$$ to test new things. Like button downs. I have 4 or 5 great looking button downs but they are not all that comfortable to wear. Maybe they are too tailored for me but I feel like they are "stiff". It's too hot to wear silk or poly so cotton or blends of cotton are my only real options. I thought i had found a perfect white shirt a few months back but it makes noise when I move my arms and that drives me crazy. I still want a perfect white shirt darn it, is that too much to ask?

So, I know, I haven't helped you here but maybe offer some moral support.

I'll be watching this thread with interest too - thanks for starting it.

Anonymous

Texstyle, I have come to the same realisation about shirts. I really like button downs, but HATE the crisp ones. I have found the Banana Republic soft wash ones to be really nice.

I think California Casual is a great descriptor!

amiable

Veteran

Me too Ceit and Texstyle - I realized just yesterday that if my button-down shirts were soft and flowy, and didn't get all crinkly and wrinkly, that I think I'd really like them. Now I'm watching for soft flowy button downs to try the theory.

cobaltblue

Veteran

Amiable, yes it sure is hard to identify as a prince when there's somebody doing somersaults in my abdomen. Makes me feel like a poser!

Ceit, I guess my skinnies are always on the slouchy side. I guess my problem with being active and working in jeans is less the cut of the leg and more how they bind across my midsection or try to slide off my nonexistant booty when I bend down and then stand up repeatedly.

Anonymous

Ah, then you need to find the right jeans! I have a couple pairs that are amazing and don't shift at all. Others have the same problems you say -- keep searching, you'll find the right ones! I have a nonexistent booty also, so I know about that problem!

Tex - try the Soft-wash Oxford from BR!

Liz

Veteran

I can totally relate! I like being a woman and looking like one (no desire for menswear or stomping or urban streets or war or studs or hardware or military or tough). But I'm not ruffly or glam either.

Something about your description made me remember a statue of a prairie woman I'd seen somewhere. I googled around and came on this amazing collection of statues. See if any of these photos and descriptions resonate with you (even if you want to bypass the bonnets and prairie skirts!).

http://www.pioneerwomanmodels.com/

rachylou

Veteran

Do you weave?! I've done some weaving. I wish I had room for a loom...

How about *folksy*? I've been racking my brains this morning for a fairy tale - I know there's one out there - with connotations of a "humble prince." Noble blood, raised in a cottage, untouched by Machiavellian theory...

cobaltblue

Veteran

Liz, thank you for that link! Woolaroc museum is about an hour from my house, and I've been there many times. That is the kind of woman I at least want to be, tough, self-reliant, but still maternal and feminine. Not sure how to translate that for 2013, though.

Anonymous

I think you just have to go for it! Archetypes didn't just spring up on their own, there had to be people doing and refining I think it is whatever you say it is!

ManidipaM

Veteran

Becky, as I was saying on my thread, you sound like you're saying what I was thinking exactly an year ago!

I recall asking myself how it is that I buy clothes that aspire to an urban aesthetic when I have consciously preferred to move to a suburban row-house with vegetable garden and bread-baking oven; when I also keep falling for the (diametrically opposite?) folksy-ethnic aesthetic, verging on boho and definitely bohemian; when the only polish I prefer to apply is to my vintage brass and copper cooking pots. Why do I crave the pencil skirt when spend most of life sitting tailor-fashion on the floor?

So, keeping that in mind, a few thoughts from the last 12 or so months: Is it possible that you are more Urban Earth Goddess or (Nature) Sprite than Prince? Think of the urbanite eco warrior who grows vertical gardens of hydroponics-fed veggies and has a couple of chickens and a goat in the allotment down the street. Is that more your speed? Considering the adjectives I've been juggling on my own style description thread, I think the reason you don't favour the femme while not advocating androgyny either may be that you are much too 'organic' in your femininity to level with either end of this artifice. Both are more extreme role play, whereas you are more down-to-earth, almost neutral in the gender role.

I know that I have a sort of ambiguous relationship with the idea of me as tomboy --- think Maria from The Sound of Music (she climbs a tree and scrapes her knee, her dress has got a tear... she sounds tomboy-ish, but does she *look* it?). Do you perhaps relate to that too? It's possibly more a version of the feminine that is subversive/earthy-organic than cultivated.

In Kibbe terms, maybe you are a 'Natural' --- perhaps even a Soft Natural.

To the matter of actual clothing choices, I find often that one way to diffuse the tension between preferred sleeker silhouette and up-to-the-elbows-(and-knees) practicality is to find garments of a more modern fabrication.

Rather than skinny jeans and slouchy skinnies in conventional fabrics, perhaps skinny ponte pants and harem pants with built-in 'give'? Or the closer fit/less relaxed boyfriend jeans (a la Tanya, Janet, Mo...)?

A skirt that is a tulip shape, or has flare without gathers, or involves wrap and drape might be more restrained than the ubiquitous 'boho flow' while being easier for scrambling after a tot than a knees-together pencil skirt?

Last year, I thought I hated the restrictive feel of button-downs, as others have also said above --- until I realized I was fine if it was a soft rather than crisp fabric, with possibly a bit of stretch and slide built in. On the other hand, T-shirts often seemed like throwing in the towel --- but Angie's suggestion to try knit tops that are NOT T-shirts in a couple of her blog posts made a lot more sense to achieve a tailored aesthetic without the starch.

And if my jeans are going to slide or gap around the midriff and a belt is too corsetry-like for the daily scrunch and stoop and squat, then I'm going to have to tuck my tops in, or in hot weather, wear a tunic length. Better still, make that a tunic with leggings or jeggings or ponte skinnies!

Long story short: We're in this quest together. And we'll keep searching till we find our Goldilocks style-wise.

Astrid

Veteran

Angie just called me a Bohemian Prairie Girl and I think that's the descriptor I've searched for all the time. I definitely like feminine looks and feel feminine, but for me it doesn't mean ruffles and bling either. It's more of an undercurrent to the look, I'm not sure how to say it. That's the girl part, the more traditionally feminine part. Prairie is the country/preppy ... influence. Which is sometimes a bit androgynous, but not too much. Always practical and grounded, but still feminine. Bohemian is that bit of unexpected for me and I don't understand it as boho, for me these two are a bit different. Manidipa explained that much better than I ever could in one of my older threads.

I like what Ceit says, you have to find a definition that works for YOU! If it doesn't help you to focus and hone in on your style it is the wrong descriptor.

Sara L.

Veteran

California Casual is a good description of my casual style during the summers. Not so much in the winter so it doesn't really apply right now. I like to wear loose tanks, baggy shorts, wrap bracelets and twist my hair into sloppy updos with little braids. I'm not sure how my hair will work next summer since I chopped it off a few months ago.

Liz - I have similar style descriptions - not girly but not masculine or androgynous either. No ruffles or lace but I do like jewelry.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

Ceit, thanks for the heads up on the shirt, I noticed they said it is "enzyme washed" so that made me search a bit - I would like to rescue my stiff shirts if possible. Anyway, I learned that there are enzyme based laundry detergeants and fabric softeners that might help so I'm going to try and see. I already tried baking soda once but it only made a very minimal difference. For me the softer the better - I never iron my daily wear.

Astrid - I like the Bohemian Prairie Girl for you - it does seem to fit, though you are a bit more tailored sometimes, it seems to fit your personality.

Astrid

Veteran

Texstyle, I think I know what you mean about the tailored, but for me that's part of the 'girl' part. So to speak.

cobaltblue

Veteran

Astrid, Bohemian Prarie Girl may be moving in the right direction. I love your style.

Manidipa, thank you so much. I'm thinking I may need to ditch the Urban descriptor altogether, but Sprite is perfect! My husband always tells me I have elven ears. Just having that word has given me a lot of direction. I was thinking that going bohemian/earthier would also mean growing out my hair like Astrid's lovely locks, but a Sprite might wear organic, bohemian looks but sport a super-short pixie! While my hair is pretty short anyway, maybe I'll just got even shorter there (it will grow back if needed), and I can find the balance I need in a shift of clothing.

I'll keep thinking on this. My husband would love this shift. He's fusty professor who happens to shop at J. Crew by day/slim lumberjack in his off time. He finds it difficult to dress in a manner complementary to the Urban Prince, and that bugs him even when I look great. He feels the need to change the way he dresses to "match" me.

amiable

Veteran

Texstyle - I recently read (on pinterest, maybe?) that washing clothes in vinegar softens them considerably. I can't find the pin again though

Desmo April

(website)

Veteran

Have you heard of the company Prairie Underground?

http://www.prairieunderground.com/index.html

I'm not sure if the company suits your style but I think the name makes a great style description. Underground could work for you artistic side and prairie for the non-urban, casual side.

cobaltblue

Veteran

I sometimes put vinegar in the "fabric softener" compartment of my washing machine to add softness, especially as I line dry everything. Just watch out for washing linen with vinegar - it can "burn" the fabric, or so I've read.

Cosmo April, I will check out that brand, thanks!

tarzy

Veteran

Just wanted to chime in that I totally relate. Angie just proposed "Earthy Urban Chic" for me, so I'm jumping in and exploring what the hell that really means.

I expect I'll get it a bit wrong at first. I think all of these terms have slightly different meanings for all of us - but that's okay. I'm just looking for something to keep me on track when I go shopping. I have the same conflict between comfort & style, so it's interesting to explore exactly where my perfect sweet spot is - which I'm sure will be different from anybody else's.

I think exploring the words helps a lot. (But then I'm a writer, so I respond to words.) Don't be discouraged if you can't come up with something right away - I've been on this journey for a few years now, and I'm still changing, refining, and learning!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

So are you at Prairie Sprite? I like it!!

Gaylene

Veteran

I think it is OK to take a few style archetypes for a test drive, so to speak, to find out if they work in practice when you get dressed. For example, maybe try being a Renegade Prairie Sprite for a week or two, knowing that you can drop and add adjectives--or even move on to another style archetype--as needed. Listen to your instincts, figure out what outfits give you the highest happiness quotient, and go from there, Cobaltblue.

Thinking back, I've been an Urban Warrior Queen for quite a while, even if I couldn't quite articulate it. I've played with the Euro Chic and the Streamlined Modern groups, and both of these fit to a point, but neither of these style descriptors could quite capture that combination of sophistication, confidence, and rebellion which so captures my imagination.

cobaltblue

Veteran

Prairie Sprite, maybe! Now I need to schedule a great new Sprite-ly haircut.

amiable

Veteran

Ooh! what a fun picture - Prairie Sprite!

Astrid

Veteran

I totally think that a very short pixie can work with a style like this. Can't wait to see what you discover!