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Speaking of judgementalism and fat people...

Mander

(website)

Veteran

Yesterday as I was walking home from the post office a group of teenaged boys coming down the road found it necessary to make pig snorting noises and shout "oink oink!" at me. I was far enough away to just ignore them, rather than telling them to f-off, which was probably a good thing. I tend to get enraged and that just eggs them on.

It didn't bother me as much as this kind of thing did in the past, but it's still irritating and a bit hurtful. Fortunately it has been a bit less frequent since I moved to the UK but it made me realize I am almost always on guard for this kind of thing any time I am out and about in public. I wasn't even surprised.

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16 replies

Latest reply was from velvetychocolate

Mochi

Veteran

Oh, jeez, Mander, I am so so so sorry. Huge hugs. I have experienced that. I went through that when I was very young (it was at one point about my weight, but what was worse was getting that reaction because I was big-chested from age ten or eleven). I was so traumatized; it had a huge impact on me simply feeling comfortable and safe out in public when I was growing up. I became very self-conscious and anxious when walking past groups of boys or men. It took a very long time for me to stop feeling this way...I'm sorry in a way that the US is worse than Britain. Actually I think the bully culture is pretty strong there. I once saw a group of young boys there harrassing a middle-aged woman on the street in broad daylight in a nice part of London (cursing and throwing small objects at her as she tried to ignore them and keep walking...I was nearby and debated whether I should speak up. I didn't; none of the other adult passersby, who I assume were locals, did either, and I went down in the tube station so don't know what happened afterwards. It was surreal.)

Sorry to say this on YLF (oh, and Angie may end up reading this, so I'll have to keep it clean), but, erm, I'll just call them bratty punks and leave it at that.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Hold your head high Mander.

This is pack behaviour at its worst but split them up and they are just snivelling insecure excuses for men in training.

ETA - in relation to Mochi's point I am one of those people who steps in speaks up and my hubby is always scared there will be consequences for my actions. I once told a gang of teenage boys to 'f off out out of my shed before I called the f ing police' they ran off quickly but I was home alone with two small kids and the outcome could of been different. There is no perfect response to these situations.

MsMary

Veteran

Good grief! That's just horrible!

I was thinking about Mochi's story, and I'd have been scared to intervene, too. After giving it some thought, I think in the future if I ever encounter anything like this, I will go over to the woman and walk shoulder to shoulder with her in solidarity and help her get to safety, without directly confronting the bullies. I'll say quietly in her ear, "I'm sorry this is happening. I'm just going to walk with you until we get somewhere safe."

Glory

Veteran

Mander I am so sorry to hear of this experience. This type of pack mentality is terrible.

Gaylene

Veteran

Ugly behavior, but unfortunately not uncommon when teenagers get into a pack mentality. And you're right that retaliation can just escalate their behavior. I think you behaved with great dignity and grace, Mander.

Feeling irritated and hurt is almost inevitable under the circumstances, but I'd think of those idiots as being short more than a few screws. Ill-mannered behavior is seen by some of these dimwits as a sign of masculinity--a telling indictment of how they view the world.

I like MaryK's response; a non-aggressive solidarity with the target sends a clear message about how others view this type of behavior. It's the least that we can do when we see this happening.

Echo

Veteran

RoseandJoan put it perfectly. These teens engage in pack behaviour, but alone, each of them is an insecure, sniveling, little boy. It is too bad they don't have real men in their lives to teach them that this sort of behaviour is the opposite of being a man.

MaryK's idea is brilliant, and I hope that I will have the courage to do as she suggests when I encounter this sort of thing.

I've said it before, but overweight is one of the last areas in which bigotry and discrimination is accepted and often, it seems, encouraged. Insecure people seem to always be looking for someone to put down.

rachylou

Veteran

Whoa! Those boys were pigs. Exactly right about pack behaviour and insecure, snivellers.

They really are dangerous tho, and to themselves. Society does need to pay more attention to raising boys all the way to manhood.

Raisin

Veteran

Wow, just wow. How truly awful of them! I'm sorry they did that to you. Some people are just plain mean.

You're better then me, I probably would have went right over and kicked them (in a place that would make them cry)!

Anonymous

I am so sorry, Mander. What jerks. I'm glad you are strong and can brush it off. I worry for the people they do this to who are feeling vulnerable.

Day Vies

Veteran

I totally agree this is not the kind of thing anyone (unless they are a certified sociopath) does on their own. The pack mentality makes it so easy to do unconscionable things to other people and not think twice about the consequences.
I am so sorry you had to endure that kind of treatment but just know hurt people like to hurt other people and their behavior is about THEM not you. Don't get sucked into their issues and start having a bad day just because they're having one.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Ugly behaviour. De Vies is right it is about them not you - you are lovely:)

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

I am so sorry this has happened to you Mander.
But I am glad you feel there is a place where you can speak about it.

And I'm glad to have been able to read MaryK's view of handling the situation. How enlightening.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Mander, this brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry and so angry you had to put up with this.

And I LOVE MaryK's response and next time I see some bullying that is what I am going to do as well. It is perfect. Thank you, Mary!!!

Nicole D

Veteran

That kind of behaviour still shocks me. I am sorry you had to bear that but sounds like you handled it with class. Walk on in fabness.

Susie

Veteran

Oh that is so horrible; I despise that kind of behavior.

I LOVE Mary's recommendation and believe that is the perfect-and safe- way to respond when we see bullying or other ugly behavior.

Hugs to you, Mander.

velvetychocolate

Veteran

What an awful situation - and I'm so sorry you went through that. These guys are nothing but morons...jeez. Just ridiculous.

Sending some hugs over to you, even if they are a bit late (I'm just catching up on the forum after a few days of not being able to read or post much). Big hugs to you from me, and my silly black labrador retriever, "Gus".

Meanwhile, I *loved* MaryK's idea - and the very next time I see someone being treated badly, I'm going to try this - just walk next to the person or stand near the person being subjected to whatever goings-on are happening. Not so easy to challenge the "morons" , because as you said, sometimes this only serves to egg them on.

Mander - I hope you know that you have all kinds of YLF people from all over the world standing right next to you, even though we weren't there in person to help deal with these mean and immature hooligans.

Speaking of which, my Grandpa used to call these types of people "hooligans" and it's true. They do nothing but stir up trouble and that actually seems to be the whole purpose - these 'guys' are just hanging around, doing their best to cause problems, in any way that they can. I know it doesn't help, but if you hadn't been there, they would have come up with something else for some other person. As much as it must have hurt, I hope you know that if it hadn't been you, they'd have found some other way to cause trouble. I think that's what "hooligans" are? At least, that's what I remember from what Grandpa was saying. Just a bunch of guys trying to cause trouble.

Again - although late - lots of hugs and support your way. Never mind them - just a bunch of morons.