Speaking of aging and feeling yuck... - YouLookFab Forum

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Speaking of aging and feeling yuck...

Suz

(website)

Veteran

May I please gripe for 3 minutes?

So...I had to have another gum graft. Yup, again. I had the last one right before YLF turned 8. Despite impeccable oral hygiene and the cleanest teeth my dentist has ever seen, my gums are thin, and oops! There goes $2,000. Boom.

And right now I have a big fat bruise all over my face and I look like someone walloped me.

I am also trying to grow my greys out. This is the 2nd or 3rd time I have dallied with this. I do not get any help from hairdressers who keep saying it is "too soon" even though on the front I am pure silver. They don't want me to "look old." Or "feel old."

Right now I feel like a fraud, with my gucky gums and brassy blonde hair. White would be more honest, honestly!

So, I'm thinking of cutting it all off really really short. I like pixies and I am really sick of my long side bang -- it does not work on me the way it does on Angie or Deborah (though I know they don't have the same cut) -- my forehead is so high that it actually emphasizes the length of my face and I think I'm better with a textured pixie. But why can't they just dye the rest white/grey and then I can do away with the pain of having pewter and brass hair? They won't. Say they can't. So how come people on the internet do it? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk5nZaBekDM

All right. Rant over. Thank you for humouring me.

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78 replies

Latest reply was from Deborah

Jane

Veteran

Ohh. I'm sorry to hear about your gums and your really disappointing experiences with hair dressers. I'm feeling for you. Keep on keeping going, keep strong.

I'm sure your gums will have been far worse if you hadn't been taking so much care (well done you that you did).

A super short hair style may well be cathartic - sort of like a clear statement of a new stage of your life, accepting of your new colours and style.

I hope you get your mojo back soon x

rachylou

Veteran

I've not heard of gum grafts...am sure I'll need that too along with a full set of teeth. Rest up!

Anonymous

Oh no, not another beat-up face (I'll keep you company there)! So sorry about the gums, but no doubt the graft keeps you from losing teeth, so you've got to do it. We can't have a toothless Suz running around!

I've always wished I could wear short hair like you do. Those cheekbones are to die for! A new fresh cut could be just the thing while you ponder what to do about the color. I really think with your features and bone structure, you could pull off just about any cut you want, and the color will follow. Keep us posted on what you decide. You could always go green like rachylou....

RobinF

Veteran

Isn't it the pits getting old? But the alternative.....

I think you'd look great with a pixie, go for it! I've thought often of growing out my gray, good for you. It does seem more authentic doesn't it?

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

(((HUGS)))

Suz, let me start by saying that you are beautiful inside and out. I'm sorry about the gum graft, and wish you a speedy recovery. The bruises will go away. Rub arnica gel on them.

As for the hair - I hear you. I was VERY frustrated with my in-between fringe length and wanted to hack it off many a time. I did persevere and I'm glad I did. That said, I do have a small forehead and my specs keep my fringe out of my eyes. I am going to encourage the shorter pixie cut for you though, because it's the best way to introduce the grey more evenly. And you'll look adorable. Make an app asap.

(((MORE HUGS))).

Diana

Veteran

I had two gum grafts last year at age 35. Like you, ive always been told o have great teeth, they're white and very healthy but I've had receding gum lines since my early 20s. It's just genetic and nothing to be done about it. My dentist said that big, white, pretty teeth (his words) tend to go with shallow gums. I'm glad we have the opportunity to be able to treat the problem. The graft process sucks though so I'm sorry you had to go through it!

I think you should try the silver hair! I could see it looking really striking on you, and if you hate it it's easy to dye back, especially on short hair.

Anonymous

The arnica that Angie mentions really works well for bruising. I'm taking it in pill form--they dissolve under your tongue. It's a homeopathic remedy that my surgeon recommended.

Karie

(website)

Veteran

I think you'll look super cute with a short pixie cut. Have you consulted more than one hairdresser on the color issue?

A gum graft doesn't sound like a very pleasant experience. Hugs to you, my friend!

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

Aww Suz...hugs to you. The gum grafts sounds like no fun. Painful & Expensive! (Ugh!) But you've got to do what you've got to do to keep your teeth and gums healthy. I'm sure the bruise will heal very soon and you'll be back to your chirpy self.

I also encourage the new hair change. Go silver & go short. And tell those stylists that you're proud to wear your age like a badge...there's nothing called 'too old'. So you can't 'feel old' just because you're going grey! My husband is 36 and happily going grey!!! If you're comfortable with the idea - go for it!

Thirkellgirl

Veteran

I think you'd look wonderful with a shorter haircut! As someone said, you've really got the cheekbones (and chinline) to carry off very short hair. I'm sorry about the gum graft, that sounds just awful. Is this a one-step thing or is it going to be a miserable process?

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oooh, I sympathize fully on the gum procedure. I've not had a graft, but I had some intensive scaling and treatment for pockets seven years ago -- and it looks like I'm due again, even though I am religious about brushing and flossing. Some of us are just cursed with problematic gums. I hope you heal quickly!

I agree that with your lovely bone structure, you can carry off a short pixie or whatever haircut you feel best for the transition! I don't know what on earth I will do when it comes time to embrace the grey, because I don't have the kind of facial structure that looks good in short hair (plus I have a tiny little pinhead and short hair only emphasizes that!).

It sucks to have those times when you feel generally yucky with things like this, but know that it will pass, and even now you are a beautiful, talented and inspiring woman who is much admired.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Thank you all so much for your sympathetic replies. I don't like to complain but it's hard to feel fab under these circumstances. Especially since, in addition to the surgery, I also have a cold! No doubt I'll feel a lot better in a few days.

Thirkelgirl, thank you for the compliments. Thankfully, it is a one-time thing -- at least in this location. No doubt it will happen elsewhere another time. Fortunately, the one they did two years ago "took" extremely well and is holding up, so I do respond to this surgery very well.

Maneera, you are right, healthy teeth are truly important and I am glad they can do this; far better this temporary suffering than the long-term effects of losing teeth.

Karie, I've now consulted with two hairstylists. They both say basically the same thing. "Oh, it's too soon...you are going to feel old...it's not really as grey as you think, only in a few spots...and no, we can't dye it grey...here, let's put in some more highlights..." UGH. If I knew of a hairdresser in Toronto or Montreal who specialized in grey I would go there, frankly...

Xtbay, thank you for the kind words -- I know you have had your own woes of late! I will take your word on the Arnica and hunt some down. And although I might not go green, I am seriously considering pastel pink or purple or blue....

Diana, I take some comfort from knowing I am not the only one who has gone through this, though I wish you didn't have to do it. They told me there's really no predicting about it...thinner gums make it more likely. Everyone gets it with age but some sooner than others. Sometimes it's due to trauma in the area.

Angie, thank you so much. I will pick up the arnica gel and make an appointment for a few weeks from now to get a shorter pixie. You are right -- that way I can test out the colour of the grey a bit more and see how I feel. Luckily I like short textured pixies so it's not that big a deal. If I hate the colour it comes in I can always dye it again. I am pretty sure I'll like it, though. My brother's has grown in silver and it looks excellent on him. We are very much alike in colouring and appearance overall.

RobinF, thank you.

Rachy, feel glad and hope your dentist never mentions them to you!!

Jane, that's exactly what I was thinking -- just cutting it off would feel cathartic. It's not that big a change for me anyway since I have been wearing it short for 5 years now and most of my life before that, too. Just not super short.

Gail

Veteran

Sorry to hear abut the gum graft I'm sure that was no fun whatsoever.
I think that you would look great with a short pixie cut. If you do that can you just let your color grow out by itself or is the color you have now too dramatically different ?

Aziraphale

Veteran

Just chiming in to offer sympathy about the gums. I've had nothing but trouble with my teeth and gums, despite a lifetime of excellent oral hygiene. I need my first gum graft now. I've just got a referral. And I'm 43. So you're not doing too badly.

Can't offer specific suggestions about the hair, except that I'm sure it can be done, so maybe try another stylist? I think a pixie would be very cute on you. And I love grey/white hair.

Anonymous

Oh Suz. I know those days all too well - in fact, I'm quite sure most of us do. I had to google gum graft, and oh yuck, what a nightmare that sounds like. If it's not one thing, it's another though at our age - good luck with the healing process.

As for your hair - I've had the same response from my hair stylist, who is a colour expert. But then in the next breath she's showing me her new colour charts from Schwarzkopf that feature tons of gorgeous new grays and silvers. She did say that of course it's not impossible, it just has unpredictable results. What you could consider is changing the colour of the blonde to read as less "brassy" (your words , not mine, but I totally know what you mean because mine can get that way too ) buy going an ashier colour , which blends well with greys and adds some depth to the base. It actually is less brassy too, which I find helps a lot in summer when you get sun exposure on your hair . And then let the grey blend in with your ashy blonde base, and gradually highlight/lowlight until you get more growth. And yes, cut it off!! You have the perfect little face for a full-out pixie. And it's only hair - seriously. If you change your mind again, then let it grow. In the big picture of life , hair is the easiest thing to deal with

p.s. I actually stopped colouring my base and have highlights put on my natural hair colour - and I prefer a good 1/2 inch of root to show to give it some depth. Otherwise I look really odd. Anyways, having my natural hair colour as a base is proving really easy - I now only have to highlight every few months or so. I keep threatening to let it go grey, but my stylist insists I don't have enough yet - otherwise I'd be doing it right with you.

Anonymous

Oh Suz, I'm sorry about the surgery, and the cold on top of it. How miserable. I hope your family is taking good care of you.

I can only empathise on the health woes, but I can offer advice on the hair: go pixie. I chose to ignore all the naysayers who advised against going grey, but I *did* believe my hairstylist when he said it's not an option to colour match the grow in. I have a friend who tried it because she wanted to keep her long hair. It was a disaster. They had to strip her colour using a very harsh treatment. Her hair was fried, started breaking off at the scalp, and (many misspent $ later) she ended up cutting it all off anyway.

I do *not* have the bone structure for a pixie--you most definitely *do*--but I still went that route and I'm glad I did.

My grey hair ages me, of that there is no doubt. But I am my age, and the idea of fighting against it has never appealed to me. I have never been happier with my hair than I am now.

Lyn D.

Veteran

Suz I sort-of know what you have been through with your gums-
my DD just had 2 done due to her Orthodontic treatment and overly strong lip muscles! Not fun, but so important for the longevity of your teeth!
Also the hair, I think you will look fantastic with a shorter 'do' whatever the colour. I always think that with blonde hair the grey/silver hairs blend-in, and will make your eye colour 'pop' beautifully.
I hope you are feeling better soon as I miss your Fab outfit pics

Eliza

Veteran

Suz-all good wishes your way. Sorry for the graft ordeal. Miserable stuff, especially with a cold. Mend well.

You rock a pixie and should do what works for you. Since you always look great, you must have a wonderful stylist. Yet, seeing a local color expert may give you peace of mind as you anticipate your grow out. I have friends who have found a consultation helpful when the regulars were stumped.

Your rant is understandable. Sometimes it all hits at once. Hang in there.

BrieN

Veteran

I am sorry to hear about your gum surgery. It sounds painful. And it sounds hard to deal with post-surgery as it's not like you can not eat until it's healed up. I wish you the speediest of recoveries.

I can't comment on the hair situation-as previously mentioned, I am a complete hairdo ignoramus, but with your lovely facial features, I imagine you can carry off any length haircut.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Thank you all so much.

BrieN, and also for those who are facing gum surgery themselves, it does sound painful and horrendous but honestly, despite my complaints, it is not that bad. I had a fabulous surgeon -- truly, he is so gentle. I have a high pain tolerance (so your mileage may vary) but there was less pain or annoyance in the surgery itself than in my regular cleaning. However, I do have a good imagination, and can easily visualize what they are doing in there....

This time is actually not as bad as last time. The bruising is worse, but last time eating was much harder as it was my front teeth. This time it is on the bottom and all the work was on one side. I should be much better in a few days. I am eating soft foods now quite easily and who can complain about an ice cream diet for a day?

Eliza, I think I'm going to do a search for Montreal / Toronto stylists.

Lyn, right now I don't feel it is easy for blondes...but I hear what you are saying. It is a less obvious skunk-stripe at least.

Aliona, I LOVE your hair. I do not think it ages you at all. Not in the least. I don't think grey will "age" me, either. It may make me look my actual age. (I am edging on towards 60...not there for a few years, but...) Anyway, I take your advice seriously. Perhaps I can chop it short and simply leave the bits of dye that are there for now (this will be the hardest part for me) but have them cut off as I continue to keep it short -- it might be all over (the grow out to only my own colour) in 3 months or less. And then I could consider styling.

Lisa, thanks. I know you *get* these appearance woes, though the issues may differ the struggle is the same. I have in fact been going "ashier" every time for my blonde. They can't take it any more down, ha. The trouble is, it looks great in the salon but turns brassy really fast. It may have something to do with our extremely hard water in Kingston. Or it may be my natural tendencies coming through. Though my skin tone is very cool, I was actually born a redhead and hairdressers are forever saying, "Wow, your hair pulls red." In fact, this most recent one (a redhead herself) was all for trying to get me to go red instead of grey! NO WAY, said I. I was a redhead for part of my 30s and while I loved the look of red, I loathed, loathed, loathed the maintenance. Even on my then super short pixie (think Karen Kain) it was a nightmare to keep it from fading. Ugh.

I'm not colouring my base either any more. But on the front it is mostly silver. So I don't have a "skunk stripe" or dark roots. I have a silver stripe with a brass body. That is, leaving my base colour does not give me depth; it gives me fadeout. I probably need lowlights instead of highlights, except I'm so silver they would look weird, too. I think I just need to go cold turkey.

Elisabeth, I am so sorry you need this procedure, too. But see my comments above and if you want more info when it is time, please do PM me. It is not as bad as some of the web sites say, but you don't want to give a public appearance for a week or two after you do it, LOL.

Gail, it's hard to say. I have a lot of silver in the front and sides of my hair but it is darker behind. At the moment it's mostly my natural colour in behind.

Janet, I read that you might have to have some gum work on your thread. Ugh. Thank you for your sympathy and kind compliments. I am very lucky that I like pixie cuts and have worn them off and on most of my life; it does make this an easier issue.

deb

Veteran

Your poor mouth, hang in there, Suz. And, I vote go for the cut. It may make you feel better.

Gaylene

Veteran

Teeth are important, so there it is... Colds and bruises go away after a few days of rest, so be patient. Growing old isn't a disease or a problem unless you turn it into one. But hair--that's where you get to be the boss.

Do YOU want silvery hair? If the answer is yes, figure out how you want to handle the interim stage--the pixie sounds totally doable since it's not a venture into the unknown like colouring might be. And if the mix of tones isn't to your liking, add a coloured steak for a few months to distract your eye. Call it a summer fling. And roll your eyes at anyone who implies grey hair is aging--show them pictures of Una to reinforce your point.

And eat ice cream while contemplating how good the future will be if you get past the next few weeks. Honestly, I like being in my sixties; it's way more fun than most people realize...

JAileen

Veteran

I'm so sorry about your gums. I hope you feel better soon.

Re hair: of course hair people don't want you to do it. It affects their bottom line! Mine talked me out of it for years. I finally said I was going to do it with or without you. She decided to stay on my team, and actually was very helpful in the transition.

catgirl

Veteran

Suz, I am so sorry you're feeling down. Teeth and gum issues are the worst and I have nightmares about dentist visits.

I'm going to suggest you just go grey and see for yourself. People have no idea what they are talking about sometimes. I think you're stunning and will be even more so with shorter hair. And I don't feel old AT ALL because of my hair, truly. I do for other reasons, but grey weirdly makes me feel better and defiant somehow..

kellygirl

Veteran

Argh! Aging is the pits. I hope that the bruising goes quickly and that you find a solution for your hair woes. You never look anything but beautiful and polished whenever I see you post--if that helps even a tiny bit. Sending you a virtual hug!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Thanks, Kelly -- you are a sweetheart.

Una, jeepers, no wonder you feel defiant. With the flack I am getting about wanting to go grey, it really is a defiant move. People don't realize that they are actually making me want to do it more with their nay-saying. Ha!!

JAileen, you're right -- hairdressers don't want to lose money. Though I am up front about being willing to dye it blue or pink so you would think that would give them some hope?

Gaylene, thank you...I do believe you. When I'm not feeling sorry for myself I am happy to be at this stage of life with my health and energy intact.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Oy Suz, that sounds awful. I had a deep gum cleaning a few years ago and that was bad enough. Focus on your gorgeous new grey pixie to be. I can see it. I totally understand what Una says about defiance - it is still a contentious issue. Yes it reads older. But younger people love it. They knew we were old already.

Anonymous

Suz - check out bagandaberet on Instagram . She has a blog too . We need to have this hair .

catgirl

Veteran

Suz, rebelling against the norm was probably my main motivation. Okay, and laziness. :). But it seems a little crazy to me that people try so hard to talk others out of not coloring. I commend my stylist and also Fabbers for being supportive and helpful instead of just insisting that fighting the grey is always the right choice. And SO MANY people have told me how inspiring they find it - it's kind of shocking, actually.

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