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Spark Joy?

cat2

Veteran

So, the whole Spark Joy thing has really been bugging me. In my circle it has been an excuse for UMC women to jettison everything in their purview that isn’t perfect and enter into am endless cycle of self-indulgent and ever increasingly more expensive purchases in the pursuit of Joy. I would like to propose an alternative to Joy, which is It Doesn’t Bug the Crap Out of Me. For example, the best underwear I have ever had did not BTCOOM. It fit, didn’t creep up, didn’t cause VPL, didn’t cost a fortune, and could survive the Delicates cycle in my washing machine. But to ask it to Spark Joy is hilarious. Similarly, today, I am wearing a ponte pencil skirt that fits, is in one of my dark neutrals, doesn’t make me look worse than I actually look, didn’t cost a fortune, and can survive the Delicates cycle.... I also have on a short welted sweater that fits, isn’t scratchy, is in my light neutral, and survived washing without getting all wrinkly and requiring a lot of fuss. Now, are these pieces amazing? No. But they don’t BTCOOM and so in my view are a win.

Shopping

50 replies

Latest reply was from Stagiaire Fash

nemosmom

Veteran

Ha! I can get on board with this. `Spark Joy` isn't really a measure for me, moreso the opposite.

Does wearing this cause me to feel "less" than I am, or remind me of all the "shoulds"? I should be going to the gym? I should have spent less money? I should not have bought that? Anything that causes an increase in negative self-talk, or makes me feel bad, gets the boot.

unfrumped

Veteran

Hilarious!

Actually, all those items as described would spark joy for me. MK didn’t say Cause Rapture!

But, I get your point completely. Other concepts are, stop searching for perfect- there’s “ good enough “. And Angie’s PPP test does not include Perfect, as I recall. Because a lot of that is expecting clothes to do or be something they cannot—“ fix” me or my life, for example.

And, I agree it can lead to, or “ justify “ , a lot of churn.
A practical aspect for me is to be more critical before I add something new—
not because each new item has to be perfect “, but whether I have enough or something that will serve, whether I am subconsciously feeling the item will fill a
non- wardrobe need, or whether it’s really not good enough , whether that be fit, color, quality, care, price point, and not immediately necessary, so that it will be more fun, more satisfying , to just keep that on a wantsies list for when and IF a great, good enough OR Does Not Bug version turns up. That’s because I know how the purchases I talk myself into for wrong reasons CAN cause more bad feelings than just doing without.

cat2

Veteran

That’s a perfect addition! Anything that is nervously over budget, that would look great if I had a tan, or that is a bit too short or tight or low or bodycon would get the boot as well.

Anonymous

I'm not on board with "sparking joy" for everything either. A wardrobe of dance costumes would spark joy, but I'm not a professional dancer, so I shouldn't have that as my wardrobe.

I prefer to think of my things with gratitude that they don't have problems- like it sounds like you do. Maybe it's the reverse, don't have things that rob your joy!

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Well first of all I had to Google UMC. Upper middle class, I guess. Yes, I am one of those. At least I didn’t have to Google VPL!
In general, there is a tremendous amount of self-indulgence amongst some women, but again to live without any self-indulgence at all would be sad. I do want some of my clothes to spark joy! Others to do what you say.
I don’t use it as an excuse, I am now a careful shopper and careful editor. If I am not buying things willy-nilly then it is clearer which new purchases will *both* spark joy *and* make sense.

Anonymous

I find the "sparks joy" a little much to expect from my clothing, or any clothing.
"Sparks satisfaction" is the basic requirement and " sparks pleasure or delight" the extreme.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

This is wonderful! I am acquainted with far too many people who your post describes. Whatever you label it, a life that depends on purchases to bring the joy is a sad one indeed. There are many things we buy for utilitarian reasons that later become attached to joyful experiences such that touching the item does spark joy that can never be bought. I like Suntiger’s point about not hanging onto things that rob us of joy, or drain it away painfully as well.

cat2

Veteran

Unfrumped, I like your redefinitions of why something should be added to your closet, which include not buying something to fill another need. With fashion there is that layer of deciding how you want to present yourself to the world that can bring a lot of pressure to bear to add more things, or more new things, than you might given less pressure.

Jules

Veteran

Haha I love BTCOOM!

I think "Spark Joy" is somewhat misunderstood though. It's indeed not a useful metric for measuring the worth of many of our workaday wardrobe and household essentials. But I have found that when reviewing certain clothing items I've been holding on to a little too long, and not because they are useful exactly, there is sometimes when holding the item a gut feeling of "yes, I still love this" or "no, I can let this go now". I'm an overthinker by nature and I can't force it but when it does happen, it's definitive.

The cultural meme that one can be more minimal by throwing everything out and buying new "capsule" wardrobes every season is of course preposterous...

kellygirl

Veteran

This made me literally laugh out loud. I can totally relate to the BTCOOM acronym. I appreciate those who take care in their appearance and really love to see stylish outfits but my goal on a daily basis is to look presentably polished. Most of my clothes fall into the good enough category--I just don't have the inclination for the endless pursuit or analysis when it comes to shopping. These days especially, I could wear the same thing to work every day and no one would notice.

Synne

Veteran

There is something about owning too many things, then the things ends up owning you. I agree it is silly to go though cull cycles only to purchase it all back, and then some. I am a main offender here my self!

Sal

Veteran

I do know what you mean and I do think joyful seems a bit strong for the simple socks for the walk or the raincoat. I like the philosophy of things being either useful or beautiful ( to my eye). My comfy socks are useful and my favourite dress is beautiful.

LaPed

Veteran

“Joy” as a criteria doesn’t work for me. I’m trying to get away from “stuff = joy” altogether. Stuff is just stuff; it either serves its purpose or it doesn’t. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it (or replace it). This is a bigger struggle for me with home maintenance than with my clothing: when is an “upgrade” justified, when to make do, etc. A lot of the fixtures in my house date back to the previous owners and would never be my first choice, but I’m trying to be patient and wait for them to wear out... some of it is definitely in BTCOOM territory.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I think it's about creating a stylish balance, and making the most ethical and sustainable wardrobe decisions that you can manage successfully over time.

The "endless cycle" you describe is not creating a stylish balance, and that type of purchasing needs tweaking and some soul searching.

The idea that items spark some or a lot of joy holds very true for me. The levels of joy are different. My citron coats spark LOTS of joy. My yoga capsule sparks a much smaller amount of joy. But there has to be joy.

I am thankfully not a victim of the "endless cycle". I am a careful and thoughtful shopper and closet editer. I stay well within my budget and am strict about keeping my wardrobe a certain size. Wardrobe purchases must spark joy, and make level-headed sense. I call it Organized Emotional Shopping. And am high fiving JenniNZ!

Helena

Veteran

I completely agree - some items will spark joy, others not. Sparking joy is worthy, but it's only one criteria for evaluating things.

I much prefer William Morris' famous philosophy:

Have nothing in your house [or wardrobe] that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.

cat2

Veteran

Jules, I think you just added Capsule Abuse to the lexicon.

MsMaven

Veteran

I'm with you cat2. Especially with the pandemic. Yes, I prefer cheery colors most of the time, but I don't think that's the "joy" criteria. I agree with Phoebe and unfrumped and others here. Most of the time, satisfaction is the goal. It is great to find something that makes me feel happy, especially if it's and unexpected find, but we're talking about clothes here. They do wear out and our bodies change. And then we discard.

Jules

Veteran

I read, but can’t find again, something simple but profound recently about how the obsessive quest for ‘the’ single perfect iteration of an every day item can become itself a form of excess... and I know it’s come up before here, specifically when a poster called Merwoman (I think) was doing a 10 item wardrobe experiment and said she found it more stressful in the end, making sure each item fit its role perfectly and needing to replace quickly when something got ruined. The focus itself became a burden I think.

madeline

Veteran

Organized emotional shopping. I can agree with that. I keep within my budget, buy for my real life, and try not to purchase recklessly. But there are certain items that have a high happiness factor. Even if they are just slippers.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

For me, it's "sparks satisfaction". (-:

If something is over my budget, or causes undue waste, that definitely ruins the joy, FWIW...

rachylou

Veteran

I have to admit I flat out didn’t get it. I’ve got a triple-whammy heritage of stoicism. Mother told me when I was little that my name meant Born To Suffer and I believed her, lol

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Before there was sparking joy as a metric there were the earlier generation of internet blogger/minimalists who spent huge amount of money and/or effort on the single perfect thing. But there are always those people that will take anything to an extreme no matter which bubble they find themselves.
I like Helena's quote. Useful or beautiful works for me.

slim cat

Veteran

Some pieces spark a lot of joy, some - I call "whatever". Sometimes "whatever" items become really useful completers and get a different name in the process .

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Helena, yes! That Wm Morris quote is a favorite of mine. In my head, “useful” also includes “not overly damaging to the rest of the world for the good it does you”.

Star (Lise)

Veteran

JenniNZ, your way is my longer term goal,

cat2

Veteran

TorontoGirl, I love the William Morris quote! That adds the element of functionality that I was missing in all of the MK discussions. I do also have pieces that meet the joy bar such as some of my silk pieces and some of my event wear, but almost everything else is best described as having quiet satisfaction associated with it, and I think that’s ok.

RobinF

Veteran

I agree that Joy is a hard goal to meet for me. I would much rather use the Satisfaction as the marker. Usefulness too of course to earn its keep.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Ok, I’m a fan of the idea of “sparking joy” in some sense, but not all joy is ecstatic, right? Some is definitely more aptly termed “sparking satisfaction.” And of course I like the quote Helena provided and it comes to mind often, as I have been working on our home — I’ve been cleaning out many, many stored items in the basement, most inherited and some sentimental. I’ve been trying to look at things with fresh eyes, being critical of their usefulness and whether I do or will enjoy them, but also keeping open to new possibilities for things I’ve been overlooking. I’ve been feeling remarkably peaceful around the letting go of a lot of things, and kind of enjoying the process of trying out some things in our home to see if they should stay. So I like the concept when it’s rooted in practicality and appreciation, not some impulse to jettison everything that doesn’t make the owner swoon.

cat2

Veteran

Janet, we have been through several cycles with inherited or downsized pieces. At first it was overwhelming— I had the remaining table linens from four women who loved their tabletops. I started restoring one piece at a time and using them mixed with my things when we host extended family dinners, and it ended up being a spark for family storytelling and has been a blessing, not a burden. My last holiday event included repurposing my grandmother’s embroidered bridge napkins as cocktail napkins, and her extensive glassware on the table mixed with our wedding patterns and my mom’s silver. I ended using so many things that on initial inspection I rejected as Not Me, but that over time found a use, like a burnt orange linen tablecloth that ended up being a great base for a small Thanksgiving, or an ornate candy dish that added just the right bit of eclecticism to a dessert buffet.

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