Sorta OT: Do you ever feel "all dressed up with nowhere to go"? - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Sorta OT: Do you ever feel "all dressed up with nowhere to go"?

Tricia

Veteran

I've been having a blast since I started taking more interest in style - I now have a closetful of great clothes, I've rediscovered some of the old "edge" my style used to have...but sometimes I get sort of down because I feel like it's all being wasted. I love my job, but it's not a very social office, and my work (writer/editor) is pretty solitary - so I'm basically sitting at my desk all day, and it wouldn't matter if I were wearing pajamas. Then I come home and change into yoga pants so I can get two rambunctious under-4s fed and bathed and into bed, and then I go to bed myself. And on my days at home, half the time I don't end up going anywhere except to the grocery store. We moved to VA about three years ago and we're so busy with work and the kids that I don't have as many friends as I'd like. And the friends I do have, we're all so busy so we don't get out as much as we should. Sometimes I wonder - what's the point of spending all this money and time on how I look?!

Anyone else ever feel this way? Want to cheer me up?

General

39 replies

Latest reply was from malcontent

Beth

Veteran

Tricia, I definitely know what you mean. I've been working on my casual wardrobe, but at the same time much of my casual time is spent working on the house (we're renovating) or hanging out in the barn. And then I go back to work on Monday, where I'm wearing my boring non-fab clothes.

We don't have children which gives us more flexibility, so I've been working on DH to go out more so I can wear my fun outfits:)

Now, I don't know where in VA you are, but if you're close to Richmond, we could go out to lunch and look fab together!

agrace

You wrote so well exactly how I feel a lot of the time. I do not have a job outside of the home right now so I really, really the majority of the time do not have anywhere to wear my wonderful outfits that I come up with. I was recalling how it was perfectly acceptable in college to dress up to go to class (at one school I was at) and then of course in various jobs I have had the dress code has been different - my most recent one was very dressy and I had a lot of fun dressing up so much every day. To some that would not be fun but I absolutely loved it. So yes, I can identify with what you are saying. I don't know the solution! Especially on the days like today when I go absolutely nowhere, we were at home all day long and I guess it really didn't matter what I wore but I do feel better as a person when I am presentable. However, there really are not very many places currently for me to dress up and look fab!

Tricia

Veteran

I guess the upside of no one at work caring what I wear is that I have license to be a bit creative...but then, like I said, no one really cares. Heh.

I'm glad I'm not the only one!

(Bethw, we're in Northern VA.)

JennyK (NC)

I started to respond to this and ended up writing a LOT of stuff that I decided I shouldn't post.

I want you to know that I totally relate to what you're saying. It can be disheartening to put significant time and money into your appearance and feel like no one notices.

Keep posting your outfits here for us though. We'll notice and we'll cheer you on!

taylor

Veteran

I was just talking about this with a co-worker today...All dressed up and nowhwere to go....story of my life, and why I dress up where ever I go:) to different degrees of course, but that is just who I am. We agreed that we just don't like the way we FEEL otherwise.

Carole

Veteran

Tricia- Just today I got dressed up in a skirt and tights and the whole nine yards and went to Costco! I was thinking while I was there that people will assume I'm coming from work or something more important than "nothing". But, I feel like if I don't begin dressing this way now I won't have the wardrobe and be ready when something more exciting comes up.

By the way here is my picture from today for my trip to Costco,

http://i561.photobucket.com/al.....C03368.jpg

Maya

Veteran

I feel like that all the time. During the past several months, I got a lot of snide remarks from my parents about why I'm getting all dressed up to do groceries. It was one of the few opportunities I had to get dressed at all!

My life is insanely boring for a soon-to-be 26 years old. I haven't accomplished many of the basic things I should have by now, and it gets depressing to the point of many teary nights. When I was 21, 22, or even 24, it seemed ok to live at home and not have a job. Now I just feel like a failure and a loser, not to mention a huge burden on my parents. I would not wish a child like me on any parents, let alone my own!

But I have to say that maintaining my appearance has me feel a little bit better and offers me something constructive and creative to do. I don't want to feel or look like a slob. Anyway, I think more people appreciate my appearance than I might realize. Not everyone is going to be so explicit about it. And at the end of the day, it's about me. *I* feel happier and confident when I look my best, so it really doesn't matter if anyone else notices or cares.

Maya

Veteran

Carole, I love your Costco outfit! How fab! That is exactly what I meant about getting dressed up for the grocery store.

Tricia

Veteran

Carole, you look great!

JennyK (NC)

Big (((HUGS))) to both Tricia and Maya (and anyone else who needs it!).

For me it's particularly important that I get dressed when I'm feeling down. Even if I can't even manage to get to the market, the act of getting dressed, doing my hair and putting on makeup helps keep me from dropping farther into the hole.

Mellllls

Veteran

I have those days too...I think everyone does. But it will be worth it when you have the perfect outfit for the occasional date night, big work meeting, or holiday gathering.

Tanya

Veteran

I also feel like this all the time. a lot of things Maya said could be applied to me as well.

The only place where I go to is the my lab for crazy hours every day, and nobody really cares how I look there ( or anywhere else for the matter). So I do dress up for it, although it is usually just casual/smart casual, nothing really fancy, I already stand out a lot as it is. I do use every rare opportunity of doing something friends/going to dinner etc to dress up as much as the occasion will allow without feeling silly.

At the end of the day, I do it for myself, beacuse I feel the best that way.

Carole, I love your Costco outfit!

agrace

I actually think this is a very interesting topic that one could really go into a lot of detail about...it used to be that people dressed up 'just to do housework' or go to the market. Not so very long ago, you were looked at strange if you went to the grocery store in anything less. Now, I feel often times the American culture is so slovenly that one feels they must apologize for merely being presentable. Last week, I wore a simple black sheath to a pediatric appointment with a turtleneck underneath and tall boots, and I felt fine. I didn't feel overly dressed but the thought occurred to me that I probably could have worn yoga clothes and it would have been fine. I for one would love to see a bit more formality enter back into our everyday lives. Something my grandparents have always done that left an impression on me is that they always, always dress for dinner. They might have spent the day at home together all day (they both worked from home as business owners) but they would make a point at the end of the day to shower, dress up and then have a drink and appetizer somewhere pleasant outside (weather permitting) or inside by a nice fire. They did this simply for themselves. I think there is much to be said for that (or at least I tell myself that!)

I would really like to hear what Angie thinks about this too!

shana

Veteran

I feel like that often. But then again, I used to feel worse when I was dressing all shlumpy like the other people I see around town. Even if I'm just dressing up to go to the grocery store, at least it makes me feel good about myself.

agrace

ps. Maya, you are so hard on yourself! You are doing so many things to get to where you want to be professionally....which says so much!

taylor

Veteran

Maya...I could write a page on the struggles of your generation. You are smack in the age of my children . My 26 yr. old son has gone through a very similar experience as you...he lost a business that he had since he was 21 and a house he bought at 23, he lost it all:(...needless to say, like you he is a high achiever, and set high goals. And he was always able to achieve them.

Anyway ...you could never be a burden to your parents, they may not say it, but I was secretly glad to have him home for awhile again:) You are struggling because you *set that bar high* and this economy is the worst your generation has ever seen, you are not able to utilize your education.....hang in there, no one blames you. Things will get better eventually

If dressing up each day makes you feel better and more confident....continue to do so, whether people notice or not....")

Anonymous

On another thread, I expressed my frustration with the casual portion of my wardrobe. I tend to dress in my MOTG outfits for most of my activities...running errands, teaching classes, meetings, church etc. But I also spend a big part of my day in "casual" mode and up until now, I have neglected it terribly. I'm finding that the casual portion of the wardrobe has been my most challenging to figure out. I DONT want to look like I am a) heading to a yoga class or b) just back from hiking from my hut in the mountains or c) wearing my husband's free t-shirt from the blood drive. When I dress in the frumpy stuff I have for that portion of my life, I feel very bad about myself. But after reflection...that part of my life IS important. Yes, maybe I don't have anywhere to go, but I do interact with many, many people and they look at me while I am in my casual clothes. I actually do most of my informal socializing during that period when I walk to the kids school and mingle with the other moms. Neighbors do knock on my door when I am at home doing my chores. I do see people when I dashing over to the mailbox.

So what is my point? Dressing for yourself is important. Knowing you are put together, even in casual mode, you will feel better about yourself. When I am dressed, I feel more confident when chatting with the teachers as we pass in the hallway. I feel more confident when yakking with the other moms about the daisy scout meeting. I want to do it for ME.

shiny

Veteran

Carole, I adore your outfit! What a great cardigan.

Okay, I have a different viewpoint on this - and it's a topic I have thought about A LOT. My kids are teens, yes I'm a MOTG but I'm beyond that age where I can only wear washable, practical stuff. And, I work nearly 100% from home, so I don't even have that excuse to get dressed. And yet still, I do.

My view is this: how you dress - the clothing that you gravitate towards - is a hint about what you want your life to be like someday. It's about where you are going, if you allow yourself to embrace it. Yes, if you have 4 year old children or you're young and just starting out with not much clothing budget, you can't quite drop everything and live that life tomorrow. But it's a clue to the path your life might take some day, if you allow yourself to follow it.

Carole

Veteran

Shiny, good point! I tell my kids and anyone else who is looking for work or just beginning their career path, to "dress for the job you WANT" not necessarily the one you have.

Agrace- you make another great point-anything goes and is acceptable anymore, we could wear jeans everywhere for every occasion and it's perfectly acceptable. That is certainly easy, but it is very boring and not very creative. I spend lots of time trying to make my home look nice, decorating, painting accessorizing and it makes such a difference in how much you enjoy your home, or your yard or your patio, etc. I do the same with meals and table settings, lighting candles and using beautiful plates and glasses. Why wouldn't we want to do the same for ourselves?

cyan45

wow, this is a great topic! although i do have a private teaching job, my day usually doesn't start until ~1pm. until then, it's tempting to wear pajama/yoga-ish clothes...especially when helping out with my sister's 2 young children!

i agree with others that it helps boost confidence (even when no one is looking)...i assume you mean people you have relationships with, vs. perfect strangers?

like others have said, i guess it is a way to respect oneself and others, especially when doing business (even if it's the grocery store!)...also, i have noticed that people treat me a little differently as a result.

case in point: i had my first facial last week (thanks to a gift certificate), and although it was in the morning, decided to dress smart casual despite my later work schedule...i always feel a little nervous meeting anyone for the first time anyway. the owner commented how nice i looked, since many of her clients show up in sweats.

perhaps due to my very limited budget, dressing nicely (and buying smart) gives me the confidence that a large account might otherwise provide. of course this is superficial, but i confess it has worked for me

MNsara

Veteran

Great thread with a lot of insightful ideas being expressed.

I think most of my thoughts were voiced by others here, so I know I am not alone. Remember Angie's recent blog on why people choose to dress stylishly? It seems to me its bundled up with our respect for ourselves and our respect for others.

agrace - your grandparents practice is charming. Makes me wonder if today's pace would even allow someone that sort of mid-day routine. . .

carole - your outfit is awesome and inspiring!

maya - (((hugs))) to you from a mother who sees what a tough time this is for young people. I'm so glad you got your internship and hope it can provide an outlet for you in multiple ways. Keep dressing yourself well, it's an important part of taking care of yourself.

(((hugs))) to each of you who wonder 'why bother'. There is very little encouragement these days for dressing nicely and very few places where we couldn't just wear any old jeans and Tshirt. We need to encourage each other and I really believe it makes our own little world more aesthetically pleasing.

Sara R.

stylemama

Very interesting topic. I definitely know this feeling. About a year and a half ago I started a part-time job at a retail clothing store. Before that I had been a SAHM for 3 years. One of the things I loved most about working at the store was that I had a reason to dress up. I wore skirts, dresses, nice trousers etc. for most of my shifts. It was so much fun to play with style and be noticed for it. And to help others do the same. It just never seemed appropriate to wear those outfits in the rest of my life. These days my work outfits are often a bit more casual and more closely match what I wear on-the-go because I've stepped up the outside work style. I still struggle with the super casual at home clothes - much like Marlene, I don't want to spend ANY money on those. Yet I notice that what won't pass for me at home passes for many people in the library, the grocery store, etc. in my town. VERY casual. Still, I'm with most of you - I feel better when I look good, so I keep making the effort.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I see things differently. We ALL have places to go and dressing daily should be a fun routine. If you don't pay attention to how you dress daily, where will it all end? You'll be in lounge wear 24/7 before you know it. Do not over think this situation. It's not complicated :0)

BLESS YOU CAROLE. You look killer in that outfit and you win the next YLF award for being extra fabulous.

Lena

I live in a casual town and I used to feel like this often. Still do.

Carole, high five! I dress up to go to Costco all the time. In fact, I've heard through the grapevine that some people who work there kind of expect it now

Shiny, you make an excellent point!

Maya, I've been there, and I totally understand how you feel. Hang in there.

Hee, sometimes I think my closet is forcing me to actively seek opportunities for socializing and dressing up! And this is no small feat because I'm an introvert

On a more serious note, recently I've been dealing with something with my extended family and I go to a medical center on a weekly basis. Let me tell you, it's a very old building and a grim place all around. Plus the architecture and interior design are criminally depressing. I dress smart casual most of the time, and yet I stick out a lot. I also make sure I always look approachable, even if I don't feel like it inside.

rute

Veteran

oh.. I'm sorry you feel that way! Dress for yourselve not to be seen, even if no one sees it, you will always feel good! You can also take a small walk during lunch hour, see the sites, the people, the stores and then you have your family and believe me even you kids (who seem not to noticed) love to see their new mom!

Louise

Veteran

Hugs to everyone. I'm with rute i dress for me to make myself feel good. And believe me ladies the kids DO notice. Just the other day a little girl at work said to me ' when i grow up i want to dress just like you. I want a pink dress like you had on yesterday' To take it in context this child really struggles with learning so for her to have recalled what i wore yesterday is a BIG achievement. I think as well it will teach kids to have a pride in their appearence who knows they might one day be president and you'd hate for them to wear sloppy clothes and say 'well this is normal isn't it this is how my mum dresses' x

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

In my office, people tend to dress very frumpily, so when I started stepping it up and wearing dresses and more stylish clothes I felt very out-of-place and I couldn't see much purpose to it since all I did was sit in my cube all day. Then I started getting lots of attention for it, some good and some bad, but I also started to notice that OTHER people were also starting to look nicer and try new things themselves.

Now I do it mostly for me; it's a lot of fun creatively for me in the mornings, and I simply LIKE when I feel good about myself. My job is still the same and I still spend most of my day tucked away in my cube with no one to really appreciate the work I put into my outfit, but I don't care. I get recognition for it on my blog, here at YLF, and from my husband, and most importantly, dressing nicely pleases and satisfies ME.

I think about wearing gear and yoga pants and whatnot to the grocery store as the modern equivalent of wearing curlers and a housecoat. When I was a kid, my grandmother ALWAYS changed out of those before we went to run errands; if she saw someone still wearing curlers at the store, she would tsk to me, "What, they have someplace special to be later?" It just wasn't done, and people who did so were considered to be tacky, and a little low-class. That snobby New England thing has stayed with me even now; I can't even go to my 8am Saturday-morning Weight Watchers class in my yoga pants! I did it once because I was going to the gym after, and I felt self-conscious and lazy the whole time.

yublocka

(website)

Veteran

Hmmm I totally get where you guys are coming from with this thread. As I tend toward the more casual end of the dressing spectrum I often feel a bit slobby. And like Tanya, work is where I spend most of my time. And truly no-one cares what I wear there except me, so I try to make it something that makes me happy. I do think its kinda sad that the most dressed up I get is to work, instead of going out, but it is what it is!!

Tricia

Veteran

This turned into a great thread! Thanks for all your input, everyone!

I wanted to clarify that I don't wear yoga pants out of the house unless I'm going for a run! I do take off my "office" clothes when I get home so the kids (they're 1.5 and 3.5) don't get them dirty, and I often put on my loungewear then, but that's it. I'm home with them on Fridays and I always at least wear a more casual MOTG outfit if we're going anywhere at all.

And I am enjoying dressing up for work in the mornings - it's fun!

I really like Shiny's point about dressing for the life you want someday, not necessarily for the one you have right now.

12