someone I don't know well passed away - YouLookFab Forum

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someone I don't know well passed away

Mochi

Veteran

A woman I've only met twice, and never had an online relationship with either, but she was from a community I used to be involved with. One woman who was her friend told us only about six weeks ago that she was starting chemo and could we send her well wishes and healing vibes? I can't believe that she is gone so quickly after that.

As I said, I really barely knew her but I'm feeling really upset and unbalanced from this news, and very, very mortal. She was 57. I think I've been sheltered from death most of my life--parents are healthy, apart from one friend I've been lucky with friends too. I think now I'm entering an era where this is going to become more and more commonplace.

I'm going to do my second hard workout today. Feeling completely out of sorts.

Thanks for listening and I hope I didn't upset anyone.

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14 replies

Latest reply was from Isabel

JulieJohn

Veteran

Sorry, Mochi. It's funny how some deaths hit home harder than others. I hope the workout and subsequent endorphins help you feel more grounded. A big hug to you across the miles!

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Big hugs to you Mochi. It's a tough one to deal with for sure - a bit trite but I just try to make the most of the time I have & remember I am one of the lucky ones to have made it so far with the relative ease I have in my life.

Mochi

Veteran

Thanks, Julie. I feel like I'm being self-indulgent in a way, since she was barely an acquaintance. It's just been a weird day even before I heard the news.

Raisin

Veteran

Sorry to hear this Mochi. It's a very strange feeling when you realize there is a thin thread between what we are, and death. It hits many of us in unexpected ways I think. Seeing several family members die in my childhood, and spending a large part of my adulthood working around death, I can tell you at some point you learn to accept it and mourn for others, but hopefully feel renewed spirit for the life you have now. It's not self indulgent for you to feel bad about this. I just hope it doesn't get you down for too long. It does make for very, very strange feelings, and a jumble of thoughts though, doesn't it? Hope your'e feeling at least a bit better now!

deb

Veteran

I am sorry, Mochi. I hope you feel more 'up' soon.

Hugs!!!

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Awwes, give yourself some time, it's a very difficult period after someone dies, even if someone is very distant from you. I think it's part of being a person and our innate drive to stay alive and keep everyone else around us alive - it's just a very strange concept to grasp that someone isn't around anymore.

I've been pretty lucky in my life and I've kept most of the people that are dear to me; but I have had a close friend attempt suicide and one of my sister's friends died during surgery. It's just another one of those "life experiences" I guess.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

We are never prepared for death. It makes sense that you are feeling out of sorts and mortal. Hold your loved ones a little closer, Nancy. xoxo

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, no. I don't underestimate the power of a person to touch us, even from the briefest meeting. Or never even having met. When my father died a hundred strangers showed up the funeral I swear. He worked in a hardware store and met many. Maybe some would be affronted at the presumption, but it really struck me how we are effected so greatly by the smallest things.

catgirl

Veteran

So sad. My friends at Mayo just found out some bad news (which I don't feel up to sharing right now) and he's 54... It's hard to cope with even when you don't know someone well. Every day is precious. Hang in there.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Mochi, it sounds unsettling and far from self-indulgent. Hugs to you.

It's sometimes the fates of strangers that hit us harder, I find --- maybe because they are sort of 'fixtures', people just there on the periphery of our lives and we've *never* really suspected they might be more 'movable' than, say, a picket fence. Or maybe it was a friendship that might have been but never got around to (something about that one person really resonates with you). Or perhaps just that we are even less prepared for them to move on than a close dear one (where at least we all, deep down, have some fear of/anxiety about their loss, even if not consciously and daily confronted, and even if it is more about abandonment than death)...

Hil

(website)

Veteran

Hi Mochi - I hear you!

About two years ago, one guy I had worked with years and years before commited suicide and another died of AIDS.

I hadn't been particularly close to either - we were simply colleagues and work friends at best and I hadn't seen either in an age, but their deaths really upset me.

I also felt a little drama queenish (is that a word?) and self-indulgent being so upset by their deaths. I think the thing that got me most was that I was the same age as these people and the realisation of your own mortality can come as a surprise.

Mochi

Veteran

Thanks, all. I think one little sentence from the email got me: "She enjoyed receiving all the notes, texts, memories, prayers and messages." And that it happened so quickly. (Maybe she had the disease when I met her two years ago...she seemed healthy and of course did not mention anything.) I can wrap my mind around having a year to go through the stages, but less than two months after going through aggressive treatment.

Thank goodness (apart from my dad's cousin about twenty years ago) I haven't had to deal with suicide. No matter how little I knew the person, that would totally devastate me.

Anonymous

Oh I'm sorry and I know exactly what you mean. Part of my struggle with my grandma's terminal illness has been to mentally prepare myself to the fact that she will be gone, really soon. I seem to forget it, almost as if I see her doing well and I just go back to normal life. I don't know how to deal with death, at all.

Isabel

Veteran

Mochi, I am sorry to hear this. I do think that a big part of it is the suddeness and randomness of it all. And when you have a connection, any connection, it is easy to see yourself there.

Be good to yourself.