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"So long, it's been good to know ya?"

Beth Ann

Veteran

I have purge issues.

For example, I felt guilty for donating a cute "Bodenish" skirt that I'd had for at least 8 years. It wasn't worn out, still fit, but it's A-line was a little dated, and it didn't play nicely with the rest of my wardrobe.

Now, I don't believe in rules that require you to get rid of anything you haven't worn in a year. Within reason, I keep items that I wear rarely if the happiness factor is high. So why, oh why can't I say goodbye (sounds like a song lyric).

Case in point: this BR outlet blouse that I bought a year ago. I LOVE the fabric, and the colors make me happy. But the shape of the blouse is fussy, and it actually has a tie that wraps. The charmeuse slips around, even with a cami, and worst of all: it seems to fight my curves and is hard to mix with the rest of my closet.

I should also mention that I have a lot of woven, patterned tops (1 more yesterday) that look great and mix and match far better.

I paid $17 dollars for it, and yet I feel insecure about donating it. Sheesh. Why?

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Dressing

26 replies

Latest reply was from Tina.b

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Sometimes I talk to my clothes.

"REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU RODE UP MY LEGS AND EMBARESSED ME?!!!!" I toss it into the donate bin and don't look back.

Maybe you should talk to the blouse and be mad that it slips around and is super fussy?

Sarah A

Veteran

I hear you! I just drug crap out of the holding zone the re-evaluate. Riddle me this... why will i give something to my sister but not donate it to charity? Obviously I'm not wearing it... or i wouldnt offer it to my sister but why cant i just let it go then?

ETA: I also have a clothes for sewing projects box for loved patterns in cuts that dont play well. The will someday become ???? well something, i dont know.... an accent inset or cloth handbag or something whenever i get around to sewing again....

Deborah

Veteran

Beth Ann I struggle in the same way...sometimes. I am really not sure why. I think that even though I may not be wearing something and may not even intend to wear it again, I might still like and appreciate it, and that makes it harder to part with. Passing items on to friends makes it easier, because then at least I get to visit. Now having said this I have been majorly purging this past 6 months and my wardrobe is the smallest it has ever been...and I LOVE it! You can do it! It's a pretty blouse but I am not sure it works with your current style. BTW I bought two summer blouses last year and wore them like crazy...I haven't worn them this summer but am reluctant to pass them on...but I think I will:)

rae

(website)

Veteran

Ah, I SO hear you! I was struggling with this not too long ago... sometimes I just don't want to admit I made a bad purchase. :T I like Lyn's idea of vocalizing the issue you have with the top!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I gotta echo Deborah, one of the most liberating things is admitting when an item isn't you and letting go. It makes for a much happier closet. I had the worst time purging. I haven't really changed size in 20+ years. And I never thought of how clothes would date. I figured if it fit, I should keep it. Ugh.
Let go. Set yourself free.

MNsara

Veteran

Well, you're not alone in this separation issue. I do the very same thing, and when I read your explanation, I wonder if it's because 'something' about it still really appeals to you (me).

It might be the colors, or the pattern, or the fabric, or the feel, or *something*. But overall (the total of its sum parts), it's not getting worn and should go.

I like lyn's approach, but can't say every item I SHOULD let go of has actually let me down.

I think it's harder when the issue is that we've moved beyond that stage/style. It's not that it's a bad stage or style, just that we've evolved beyond. Maybe that's the hardest to let go of and donate. . . ?

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I am afraid I'll be no help whatsoever.

I have the opposite kind of purge issue.

When I am emotionally done with an item I can't get it out of my sight fast enough. Which is fine, I suppose...but I'm always in danger of purging perfectly good items that simply haven't come into season yet!

And for me, what's difficult is staring at something in my closet that I don't actually wear. I hate it! If I haven't worn it in a few months (and it is not a special occasion wear item) then its days are seriously numbered.

Strange, isn't it. These tendencies seem very deep seated and no doubt express profound things about our neuroses that we'd probably rather not know!

Mochi

Veteran

I think you may have trouble because the colors are really nice for you. As well, general guilt feelings about getting rid of something that's still "perfectly wearable." But your heart's not in it. I read that if purging is too traumatic, put it in a bag and keep that inside your closet for a while. It's like a way to ease into purging.

Beth Ann

Veteran

Thanks for the support! I do keep garments in "holding" storage when I'm unsure. I'm guessing I might have 40 garments in there! I'm a girl who needs options and variety. Still, sheesh!

Lyn: I talk to plants when I put them in the garden, so talking to clothes shouldn't be much of a stretch! Perhaps I should act out a scene of someone discovering a like-new BR top at Goodwill, having just lost their job. Imagine they wear it on a first date with the man of their dreams.........Go big, or go home!

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

... or wearing that smashing BR top to the interview for the job of their dreams

Deborah

Veteran

Beth Ann prior to YLF I would say I had a similar amount in "holding". I used to fold them and pack into those large plastic storage boxes. Now after almost 2 years here I have about 3 things on one of those tubs, along with a couple of items waiting for alterations. As Mo said, it is so liberating to lighten the load. I used to go into my closet looking for something that wasn't there (as in something I didn't own), now I walk in and look for and see what I have...it's wonderful.

deb

Veteran

I say, close the eyes, hold the nose and throw, right into the purge pile. This top just does not seem 'you'. Maybe it was you before I met you on YLF, but not so now.

Adelfa

Veteran

I'm a big advocate of having some kind of holding area for stuff that's not working now, but that for whatever reason I'm not ready to let go of. When I find it later, almost always I'm okay with moving it on. (And if not, I just let it stay there out of my way.)

Mander

(website)

Veteran

I have this problem big time. I still haven' t figured out why I get so emotionally attached to clothes that are just not that exciting and never were -- it seems to be a combination of guilt at having spent money on them, even if it wasn't very much; sadness that I have gained too much weight to wear some favorite things, disappointment that an item I took a chance on didn't fit well, general unhappiness with my appearance, "gift guilt", and so on. Plus, I still haven't really figured out what kind of style I *want* to have and how to get it, so I'm generally a bit lost!

I have slowly been improving, though. I sent off a big bag of stuff to the thrift store just after New Years, and I have steadily been selling odds and ends on eBay. It's not a big money maker or anything but I like to think that the people who buy them are like me -- having a hard time finding stuff in the shops but finding a better selection on eBay.

Irene

Veteran

I feel bad purging as long as the clothes are in good shape. Even if I don't like them, even if they are dated, and even if they don't fit me anymore after losing 30 pounds. I paid for them and it hurts to let things go. I think it's cultural though: we don't thrift that much in Spain. There are some thrift stores but it's not that popular, and therefore it is not common to give clothes away easily unless you have money to buy new ones every season.

krishnidoux

Veteran

Oh, my! Do I know this too! And I have also been the opposite as well, throwing things out too soon, which is not helping my case.

It seems you are doing all the right things: keeping some things in storage before a final purge, removing an old item for a new one, and listing what doesn't work with something you consider purging. And what you like!

This BR blouse: you like the fabric, but all the other elements are enough to drive the sanest girl crazy! My say: don't give it away, keep the fabric for what it is: fabric! Can a scarf or a breezy sleeveless top be made out of it? If you don't dare do it, then give it to a tailor, they can do miracles. Of course if the tailor's price is too high, then why not really exploring yourself with a more simple project. My mom always keeps a box of unwanted but nice fabric clothes for projects, and it is so nice to go through it when feeling the crafting itch. Plus, if you like the colours, you might want to keep it as reference for when you get new items.

Anyway, if even you who love it found it hard to wear, don't you think it would be hard to wear for anyone else too? Wrong was done to this fabric I say, but one day you might do it justice. This girl does wonders with old and ill-fitting garments and post the results online:http://www.newdressaday.com/

And Lyn, LOL. Too funny.

Anonymous

I'm in the same camp as Suz; I love a good purge. But even so, sometimes there are a few things that are "right" about the garment (that's why I bought it in the first place) and that keeps me holding on to something that's just meh.

Usually the color is nice and the fabric is natural, two things that are hard to find, so I'm reluctant to give it up. But lately I'm more in tune with what's really "me" and if the cut or print is not in line with my newly found style persona, it's easier put my finger on what's wrong with an item. I also gave myself permission to get rid of things that I knew were "off" but that I couldn't explain exactly why. (Growing up, "it's not my style" was not an acceptable reason to not wear something!)

A week or so ago I took the entire lot of clothes in hidden storage and dumped them into one of those huge donation bins in a parking lot. I had already selected a small capsule of my favorite and most sophisticated looking clothes (winter and summer) and kept them in my closet, so I knew I had enough to get by.

For each of the offending items in hidden storage I asked, "Would I buy you again right now if I encountered you in a store? Do you blend in nicely with the colors and prints hanging in my closet, or do you take my color scheme in a different direction? Did you ever make me feel even faintly ridiculous when I wore you? Are you uncomfortable or fussy, too young or too old? Do you flatter my *flaws* and show off my assets? Do you speak to who I am as a person and how I want to present myself to the world?"

Every item in my hidden storage was offending in some way; that's why it was in there. So out they went! And I'm not sorry, not one bit!

Nadya

Veteran

I love how Lyn* talks to her clothes! Maybe we should start a clothes shaming thread to help ourselves purge. It reminds of how one of my favorite knitting designers started this tongue-in-cheek blog:

http://yarnshaming.tumblr.com/

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Claire, I love the way you talk to your clothes!!

LOL about "not my style" not being an acceptable reason to get rid of clothes when one was younger. No kidding. I can just imagine my mother's face were I to say that...

But it's really brilliant how you are bossing your clothes around now. I aspire to such strict standards.

krishnidoux

Veteran

Nadya, thanks for the link! Great blog!

Beth Ann

Veteran

Suz: I like the way Claire's bosses her clothes, too, and Lyn!

Also, Claire it's helpful to know I'm not alone. I know you take a frugal approach to your dressing, so your willingness to "break up with your clothes" is all the more meaningful.

As a Diva, bossing thing around should be second nature. "Look, here's the deal: Everyone in this closet pulls his own weight. Oh, and by the way, I'm the boss, and it's your sole purpose in life to make me look good and feel fab. Everyone clear? Everyone?"

Beth Ann

Veteran

P.S. Nadya: Love your idea and your link!

lyn67

Veteran

Love the color and shape, but if it's making you troubles, I say let it go:-)

moira

Veteran

That shirt sounds like a troublemaker.
Time to go.

Mia

Veteran

Unless something is dated or worn out I have a struggle to let go. I think it is guilt feelings for me.

For a long time I just kept things until they fit the criteria above but some years ago I developed a new system. I do full closet edit in Jan and June. Anything I have decided I likely won't wear again goes in holding area and then to consignment when the next season rolls around if it is still there. Anything dated or worn out goes direct to charity, garbage or recycling.

I still agonize over this process so will try Lyn's tip and be the boss of my clothes not the other way around

Tina.b

Veteran

I seriously may have to start talking to my clothes. And my shoes, those I really need to purge. "Pretty red shoes with the bows, why are you so tight? Why are your heels so unreasonably high? Why do I love you, even though you hurt me?"