Love your hair! Your outfit is very cool mad men like. Sorry you were a bit disappointed with the party, I bet the ones that came had a blast.

There is so much of wisdom in this thread!

Day vies - I seriously admire the way you mix colors and your out of the box style. You look lovely.

My true friends are those who have been there for me in times of need. And I can't think of anybody except my mum! We have a bunch of friends who do turn up at every event we organize and we turn up for every event of theirs. But they are there to share a laugh or crack a joke. When it comes to serious life matters I am not in a state to trust anyone but myself and my immediate family who only have MY good in their mind. No jealousy, no vengeance, no gossip.

AND I have found talking to *strangers* the BEST therapy. Strangers on a forum are so much more nicer than people in real life! Day Vies ..... atleast now you know who your real friends are .... so your party isn't something you should regret about ... it was a blessing in disguise

Day Vies, I've had a couple of eye-opening experiences like what you've gone through. It was really hard for me to realize that people weren't investing themselves in a relationship the way I had been doing. On the other hand, I have been blown away by the kindness of friends and neighbors...and even complete strangers both as my father was dying and during the aftermath. There is a lot of good in people. It's just so darned hard figuring out when people are simply going through the motions and when they are truly invested in being a good friend, neighbor or colleague. And then there are simply the flakes who mean well, but just can't get it together to do what they say they are going to do.

I sympathize -- and admire you for keeping your chin up and rocking that party hair and gorgeous outfit.

Anyway, I will be toasting you from afar!

Love this outfit and your hair. I don't have any worderful advice, just a recent observation. My husband's company owner has a beach house with 8 rooms and tried to fill it for Labor day weekend party and didnt get enough people. Instead he threw a local party at his house and only a small group showed. I guess I just want to say it can happen to anyone.

Love, love your outfit. You make colors sing!

So sorry for your disappointment on the party. After some years of party planning I now expect a percentage of people that replied yes will not show. It still hurts and I end up with too much food.

I have found that there just aren't that many, what I call "genuine" people, who actually mean and do what they say. I believe that genuine people seek each other out. I can now spot the non-genuine ones and have fun having casual conversations with them but I know when they say "we are going to have you for dinner" it's never really going to happen. The ones that will drive a few hours just to see you are real. To me it's as if the real ones have a different kind of heart & soul built into them. You are blessed to be one of the kind hearted in the world!

First, Day Vies, your outfit and hair are absolutely, positively stunning. The dress, the colors, the necklace and boots...they are just perfection on you. Seriously. You know what suits you and you completely own it. I so wish I was there in my fashion journey...I still feel clothes wear me, instead of the other way around!

Second, I'm so impressed with your revelation. Thanks for sharing. It's clear to me that it was most definitely the so-called "friends" who missed out, not you. I had a similar experience several years ago. I've always been the overly loyal, available, "if-nothing-better-comes-along" option, or the one who everyone could rely on in an emergency or in a panic, a crutch until someone better happened by, but never a priority. Not that I'd ever refuse to help someone who really needed me, of course, or turn anyone away, but I needed and wanted to have as true, close friends others who are just plain real. Just authentic. And who let me be the same. I learned while I can still try to treat everyone, close or not, with love and kindness, that it's okay to limit those I allow into my "circle of influence" in order to protect myself emotionally. That lesson has been such a blessing. Hoping your revelation brings you the same peace!

You are so stunning Day Vies! Love your outfit and how smart to layer a colorful blouse under the black sheath. It's like colorblocking at its best! Your hair is gorgeous as usual and you look radiant. I'm sorry so many people didn't show up. That is so annoying. At least you know who to concentrate your valuable time on! Congrats again on passing the bar!

I so relate to your revelation DV and I am so glad you shared it. I try and focus on the handful of genuine and close friends I have rather than the numerous acquaintances with which I have very little in the way of meaningful interaction.

Your outfit is just mindblowingly gorgeous.

Thanks, you've reminded me of the true friends who came across town after another commitment for our daughter's party last year. It was a small party with families I didn't know yet (new daycare) and it was really lovely to have them. I'd forgotten that. The same party has gotten a bit out of control this year and I was half considering not inviting them (to be fair I was going to have them for a separate get together). But clearly us and our kids' parties are important to them and they need to be invited not dropped for more 'convenient' friends!
Thanks

i always had a small close group of friends, because even in my school days, it was clear that there were friends and there were "friends". and now with the advent of social media, its so much easier to keep up, and yet not know at all what is happening in someones life.

anyway, i think this is my favorite of all the outfits you have posted. FAB! love it!

Hugs DV. I can't believe how people can say they will turn up and then they don't. I think it's quite rude and you have every right to feel disappointed. You really find out who your true friends are on such occasions. As for your photo, I think it's fabulous. I love the autumnal tones with the gorgeous black sheath and high boots, you look fab, you are fab!

I agree 100% on this with you. I find that something about inviting people to your house to share food is very intimate and most of the people are afraid of it. I have had people cancel on me last minute and I can't help but feel disappointed and rejected.
The fact that you are already planning another party soon shows me that you are already over your disappointment. Can I please be invited to the next one?

DV you look fab as always.
In some really odd way I felt so uplifted by your post. I think I have spent years sweeping exactly those feelings you have so artfully articulated under the rug without honouring or acknowledging them. When I read your post your experience was a complete moment for me as well! I am sorry to hear that some of the invited people didn't attend and celebrate with you. I know I would have been giddy with excitement to have been invited. Hugs to you xo

OMG, this outfit is perfection. I'm faving it. Everything is perfect, the fit, the colours, the boots, the hair...

I missed out on the party story. One thing I learned about *events* from being president of the Catholic Students Association in college - you just schedule them and then say *whatever* - and keep doing it. It's always one half dozen or the other.

I simply love your party hair. And your whole outfit is gorgeous. I know you love jewellery, but to me this necklace is not only about wearing what you love, but it really finishes off the whole thing so nicely.

There was a lot I wanted to say when I first read your thread, but it boils down to what you said yourself "I'd fallen into the trap of thinking that my definition of friend is the same as everyone else's". I am really sorry you had this disappointment, I know it hurts. The good thing is it helps sort out who the real friends and people worthy of your time and effort are. The older I am, the more I take care who I spend my time with. No apologies.

This is why YLF isn't just a group of people showing-off their outfits- that would be as inconsequential as flicking through a magazine to kill a few empty minutes.
Also why I spent a fair chunk of my time here- to interact with lovely, intelligent and thoughtful ladies like you.
Those no-show guests are missing more than just your gorgeous outfit DV!

Gorgeous printed top under the sheath. And great insight about "friends". unfortunately true one's are hard to find. And I feel the older I get the harder it gets to meet people. It's a shame that interactions don't have much meaning anymore. It's become generally accepted to be fleeting with people, with sharing thoughts and even with being present itself. I always see people on their phones, in a store, at the mall, in the movies and when I sit down with someone often they are not 100% present with the conversation. And letter writing and even emails are more and more a thing of the past.

Ornella - I couldn't agree more. The older I get it seems the more careful I've got to be with who I spend my time. You're right no apologies.

Lyn D. - you make an excellent point. Right before I joined YLF I was really feeling the lack of having "girlfriends" My best friend relocated across the country and there just wasn't anyone I could hang out with to discuss a range of topics with -- including outfits. YLF has filled in that gap. I think it's fascinating that a group of accomplished smart women have gathered together around fashion to discuss a range of topics beyond clothing.

Lisa - I'm with you. I wonder to myself when I see two people sitting at a table together but each staring into their respective phones, what's the point of sharing a meal if neither of you is present. Oh and since you brought it up -- people not being present in my presence is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. I'm here in front of your face and that other person you're texting is somewhere else, as a result I think I deserve more of your attention. Paying more attention to a phone as opposed to a person is just rude.

OK, I'm feeling really old now, because I can't fathom being with someone who was more interested in texting another person than in talking to me when I'm sitting across from them. That's just bizarre--and more than a little sad. And since I'm into medieval punishments, I'd suggest some time in the stocks for these transgressors, with their smart phones placed just outside of their reach where they could see, but not touch, them.

Gaylene - Oh, I love this idea. I think the phone should keep buzzing, beeping, or ringing just to make them believe that they're missing out on something "important"

I'm sorry that I missed this earlier.

First, huge congrats on passing the bar!! That is such an accomplishment and awesome news!

Second, you - again- look amazing. It's a beautiful way to wear your dress. And your party hair is gorgeous!

I would have certainly been hurt, and annoyed too, that some people didn't show up when you were expecting them. That's just rude. I'm glad that you were able to see the silver lining by enjoying the company of those who are genuine friends.

I can relate to what you said also ... great revelations; every relationship is a learning experience, even the bad/shallow/barely qualify ones ...

you look fantastic!

Well, I'm glad I happened upon this thread. I've been sporadic on the forum lately. What a great outfit, just spectacular on you! I agree with Lantana, the necklace is brilliant with it, as are the boots.
Thanks for sharing your epiphany. I am not a big party-giver, but I do enjoy entertaining family. They are always good about RSVPs, too!

And congratulations!!!! You are awesome, passing the bar exam. I've seen people struggle with it, and I'm so impressed and happy for you.

Firecracker -- I think I'll reserve my parties for just my family moving forward. Everyone else can meet me an a restaurant and pay their own tab.

Ah, my dear, this resonates with me, as I, too, tend to want a deeper connection with people I consider friends! My hubby and I have hosted a holiday cocktail party a few times through the years (3 or 4, skipping a few years when we were in school), and in general attendance seems to have more to do with what other parties are going on than anything else. Last year I guess there wasn't much else going on that weekend, because we had a stellar turnout (17 people in our tiny townhouse!). The previous year I think we had 5! LOL...I have learned not to take it personally and instead just consider that for the folks who choose to come, even if it was only because there was nothing else going on, at least I was able to provide them with some joy for an evening and hopefully making some new connections. And, when attendance is low I just try to remember that for my GOOD friends who did come, at least we were able to spend that time together and become even closer...In both cases, I have learned not to over think my party planning, because if I make everything perfect and the party gods are against me then I am very disappointed. Even when I don't over plan it's still a little stinging when people don't show, I will admit. I have never been one to be center of a social circle, so it's intimidating to boot, because I always feel like I can't gauge if people are the types of friends who will show up or not. I do hope you'll still give some of your friends a chance to show up again because you never know (and I'm a big fan of second chances). But I do agree that maybe giving them that chance on their own dime is a good idea. (-:

DV, i would so ride on your bus. you sound like you are going to fun places that will fulfill you in many more ways than the past few stops have.

Enjoy the journey and the companionship! yay for DH.

I love all your outfits and this one is beautifully put together as well. Thank you for sharing your relevations with us. You expressed so perfectly what I've been feeling about my own circle of friends. Your metaphor about the bus is great. For me, it's been important to figure out the differences between acquaintances and real friends and the difference in expectations between the two. The small circle of family and friends that I know I can count on are worth more to me than a bus load of superficial acquaintances.

Hello Day Vies,

I don't know you at all, but reading your posts about the people who didn't show up at your party makes so sad. You have just achieved something truly significant, something that took an enormous amount of work. You should be celebrated, but unfortunately the world doesn't work that way.

I've been in your position and can say that you will be lucky if you make one true friend about every ten years. You are much younger than I am so this may not seem like nearly enough friends, but I can assure you that they will add up over time. So don't worry about those people who didn't show up for you. You will be fine if you are selective about your friends, and if you don't let those people who blow you off get you down.

In the meantime, you have fabulous style! I hope this gives you some pleasure.

Book me a seat you on your bus... please! DV I love your analogy and how you have processed this. For those of us who are relational and value quality time spent with those we care about, this is a life changing revelation. The number of people who are closest to me, who I can share openly with and honestly with and who I want to do life with is very small, but those relationships are very fulfilling.

And I echo what the lovely Lyn D says above. This community has proven to be a place of real depth of relationship that I never imagined when I first visited.