Lyn, so sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. Sending every healing, confidence-building, calming, focusing, memory-boosting, articulation-activating vibe I can think of your way!
Looking at your WIWs, I used to think, 'She looks so smart and confident and upbeat always; must be so put-together in her head as well as in her wardrobe' --- I guess I'm trying to say that you've clearly been dealing with your mind-body vagaries pretty well, to have been such an inspiration! Yes, life's put a few spanners in your works yet again, but the positive I suppose is that you will be out of the 'what-if' woods in a few weeks rather than a few months.
I'm also so glad to hear you have medical support through this --- too many of us have struggled too long with this disease on our own, at a time when our brain is *not* our best friend, nor even itself.
Don't be hard on yourself when you can't *make* things work out --- I find, from my own experience as well as friends', that those of us prone to depression are often the 'responsible people', who think if something goes wrong it is their fault and even if it is not, it is up to them (their 'responsibility') to make it right somehow. Be wary of that trap. It is clear with your graduation road-blocks, for example, that this is bureaucracy at work and nothing in your control. I DO know how hard it is to relinquish what feels like control when your own mind seems to spin scarily out of control; but try and make the distinction of what you caused, what you do actually control, and what you think you did and think you should be able to control...
One last, very simple thought. I'm sure as a medical student who's seeing a medical professional you will already know this --- but I recall on my darker days I often lose sight of this in the fog, and can do with a reminder. So...! Make sure you take time each day, even just 10 minutes, to do ONE thing you *used* to enjoy. It doesn't matter if it active or passive --- if sitting in the sun with a cup of tea is what you used to do, that is still *doing*. It also doesn't matter that you don't feel like it, or didn't seem to enjoy it while depressed. Sometimes the old pleasure pathways require a revision and reawakening. IMPORTANT: Try not to avoid this in this crunch time, with your exams ahead, thinking there will be time later. NOW is when you need it most and it will do your brain some good. This is critical self-care!
((((Hugs from a distant stranger who has long admired your focus and verve from afar))) I'd be so proud to have someone as driven and bright as you for my doctor, the more so because I'd be confident you know what struggling towards health feel like!
