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Shopping frustration

anchie

Veteran

I know I mentioned all this already on couple of other threads but my frustration is building up and I need to vent
I am going through very unsuccessful wardrobe rebuild process and need your wisdom, commiseration and encouragement.
I lost about 15 kg since beginning of the year, which is more than 30 pounds and it is about 2-3 sizes on my frame, depending on the fit.
Spring and summer I was still in transition phase and I managed it somehow by pulling items from holding zone, wearing skirts and dresses that were more accommodating to weight changes and getting few cheap items from Zara and likes to get me through.
But now that fall and winter season is approaching and I am finally at my target weight I am in dire need of new wardrobe. I am down to 3 pairs of pants - navy (part of a suit) and plaid that I bought recently and an ancient black pair from holding zone. No winter skirts to speak of, and maybe one dress. I haven’t assessed my winter blazers yet, since temperatures are here still in 20C and I am still wearing my summer blazers. Sweaters are sort of ok - they don’t fit that great around shoulders and under arms but since I used them for layering that would have to do for now, not a priority.
I concentrated on bottoms, got 2 pairs of jeans and started looking for a pants. And that is how my frustration started. I am online shopper and first I tried my usual route - but it was disaster. I could not get it right- sizes were wrong, cuts were wrong, I didn’t like color or material in real life. I did keep one pair - the plaid micro check even though the color was not perfect. I started feeling guilty for all this waste from my order and return cycles, and decided to try shopping in B&M stores. Well, for a month now I have been spending every Saturday shopping which I haven’t done in years (small kids and different priorities). I even checked shops on work days when I had errands close by. And it was so unsuccessful, I just don’t understand what I am doing wrong. I have been walking among racks and dismissing everything based on color, feel of material or shape on a hanger. In all this time I maybe tried 5 pairs of pants. I remember only 4 but it could have been fifth somewhere. And I didn’t buy any of them. Now I feel defeated and don’t want to go back to shops any time soon. What to do next? Not sure how many outfits I can make with this 3 pairs of pants and if I have any blazers that go well with them (well except the new navy suit). Maybe that would be the way to go, just have few outfits ready from what I already have? It will probably get very repetitive very quickly though.
Thanks to all who managed to read to the end and apologize for being so long winded.

Shopping

37 replies

Latest reply was from Joy

Dreika

3 pairs of fall/winter pants really is a small number and I totally get your feelings of frustration and concern that it might not be enough. Especially since you can’t just wear jeans to work. Pants are the hardest clothing item to fit imo and so many are cut strangely or are in uninteresting colors/patterns. Don’t know why is that. Have the feeling that this wasn’t the case few seasons back.
What I started to do in this situation is to focus on the fit and silhouette and be open to colors. I decide which silhouette I want to wear and if I manage to find it (which is not an easy task on its own) and it fits right I buy the pant regardless of the color. Well, almost. If it’s a pattern that I really don’t like will still pass the item. But my point is that in order to find things that I like sometimes I put colors as second priority. Especially if I’m in need of the item to fill wardrobe hole.

Jane

Veteran

Hello Anchie, I do absolutely understand this. I went through a weight and shape change last year, lost about a stone / 12 lbs and it made so so much difference. But it took me a long time to understand how to shop.

I would find one store that has clothes that seem to work for you now; for me it was Boden. Then I stocked up on a few items that I knew could work. I tried every size, even those that I didn't think could possibly fit. It turns out in some stores I can wear quite for me, teeny tiny, sizes - I am not boasting but it just turns out that way. When something doesn't look right now, I go up and down a size.

I would also be carefully thoughtful about shopping - look at everything - even things that you think 'no way'; a few lbs up and down can make a good bit of difference (I know that you know this -

Do you need a friend to shop with for a bit, to take the strain out of running in and out of the changing room? Can you find a store with a nice SA? Can DD provide support?

I was impressed with your TK Max purchase. I found it very good to shop there last time I went (I go about once a year); I went with friends, who simply loaded up their trolley and we each had 10 or 12 items and we just tried on everything and showed each other. Fun, but intentional.

Wish you were closer! I'd love to go shopping with you! CardiffGirl, you and I would make a great YLF meet up!

anchie

Veteran

Dreika - good idea to not concentrate on color so much. Maybe that was a problem, I have been eliminating too much based only on color. And this season seems especially difficult for pants shopping for some reason.

Jane - so much wisdom, feel better already. I would love to go shopping and have YLF meetup with you and Cardiff girl - and that could even be possible- my son just left on Friday for his last year of study in London (he wanted to be there for fresher week ugh) and I usually visit him at least once per year and I also have a conference in London yearly.

Toban

Veteran

I think you should continue to be picky with regards to color and material, but how it looks on a hanger is often misleading. Sometimes it is simply not our season for color/fit and we have to work harder than usual and have slim pickings. Some seasons it all works great.

As much as I prefer in store shopping, I am now almost exclusively an online orderer because my fits aren’t available in store.

I also tend to have a small wardrobe but will invest in good quality as a result and would be comfortable with three fantastic pants and a couple pairs of jeans that fit perfectly. After my weight loss it has taken substantial time to rebuild my wardrobe but I love every piece I’ve got now.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

What a frustrating payout for your success! Please don't let it deter you from whatever you are doing for your health.

I zoomed in on your comment about cut. We all have body parts where we hold more fat. Then when you lose weight, it doesn't all go proportionately; some places lose more than others. So things that didn't work for you before might be winners now, and your old favorite style/cut in a smaller size might not be right anymore. I'd suggest reviewing your new shape and guidelines for how to dress that body type, then take a day when you don't intend to spend any money, just to try on all the styles, to see what's out there and how it works for your body now. Then, once you've gotten a better idea of what kinds of shapes in clothing fit your new shape, you can go back to the idea of buying.

Good luck! You have fantastic style and we'll all be happy to see what you're trying.

anchie

Veteran

Toban - I should go back and read your posts on your wardrobe building, remember it was a great read, so informative and helpful. And you could be right, maybe 3 bottoms could be enough for now. Maybe I should concentrate on more variety on top.

FashIntern - that could very much be the case. Last time I was this size It was 12+ years ago and many things happened since then. Pregnancy, gravity and couple of yo yo diets. I could be the same size but not the same shape. I was not good with exercising, still have a lot of fluff and high percentage body fat. I am probably stuck with styles that used to work for me. I don’t even know what my body shape is now.

kerry

Veteran

Well, congratulations on your weight loss! I hope your shopping frustration hasn’t gotten in the way of feeling proud of this accomplishment.

I’m sorry you’re feeling frustrated at a time when you could be having fun rebuilding your wardrobe.

I was going to ask who were your favourite retailers when you were last this weight but I see this was sometime ago and yes things have probably changed a lot.

It seems there are certain cuts of trousers that you feel frumpy in. Is this what you are encountering most in B&M stores when you pass by the hangers?

FWIW, I find shopping B&M stores very inefficient when I can’t do a reconnaissance online first.

How about Boden?

NancyW

Veteran

Toban’s guidebook for wardrobe building will be a great resource for you. Also, Angie’s advice to look to the next 3-6 months could be helpful to you. The stores will refresh for the holiday season and there might be some different choices at that point. Also, if you can manage it emotionally, just try on everything and see what it all looks like. There might be some surprises.

Jane

Veteran

Sounds perfect! I would love that. Ready when you are, in all seriousness.

anchie

Veteran

Jane - it will not happen before next spring most likely. We have to do one conference yearly as part of our professional development and this year I got Seattle.

Jane

Veteran

Of course, as and when.

L'Abeille

Veteran

Do you expect to be staying around this weight for a while? That would help to determine how much to invest, ie a spare transitional size wardrobe à la Toban or a larger permanent one.

Some thoughts: Pants must for sure be the hardest item to fit through weight changes. Skirts on the other hand are much more forgiving; add a belt, maybe move a dart, and they look fine, so can work over a bigger range of weights.

Would you consider having some of your favourite pants altered to fit you now?

When I lost enough weight to make a difference in pants fit, it was the heighday of low rise styles, which aren't my favourite, but as the next step after mom jeans, flattered my relatively slim thighs while not caring about my waistline measurement. As I lost, though, the jeans slid down constantly and I depended heavily on belting. Since the silhouette involved longer untucked tops, the belt had to be carefully chosen not to add back more bulk right at the tummy.

One thing that made it easier for me to keep wearing slightly too-big pants is the fact that they are largely covered by a white coat, so the baggy thigh and seat can be my little secret. This extends to duster coats and long jackets as well. That lovely blue silk coat you showed will draw attention away from the fit of your pants.

I guess the other thing is silhouettes. I have mostly seen you in high waisted bottoms with a neatly tucked in top. Perhaps you could flex to untucked tops, tunic length tops, slim stretchy bottoms like Ponte or even elastic waist styles? This seems a shame as these are going out of favour and fashion is moving back to your preferred look, but with time more of that should reach retail giving you better choices.

Good luck, and congratulations on the payoff for your hard work!

anchie

Veteran

L’Abelle - so much to think about. I do hope that I will be able to stay at this weight. I did loose weight before and gained it all back, so I am cautious. I think it is different this time because it is not much a strict diet like before but lifestyle change - giving up alcohol namely. All this years of my jo jo dieting I hesitated to invest in my wardrobe because I never new how long I will be at particular size, and especially when I was at the heaviest, I was hoping it is just temporary so I went with the cheapest options. So now I want to build my new wardrobe with the quality items, hoping that it will also bu further motivation to maintain this weight. But I don’t want to go crazy expensive either, just in case Maybe it could be the source of my frustration- I am not used to buying clothes in more expensive price range and I am afraid of making a costly mistake. And regarding a different silhouette- I must admit I never liked long over lean and I am happy this era is over:) I always felt like a shapeless blob in tunics and never owned any. But skirts and tailoring - all great ideas.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Anchie,you are on!Next time you are coming to London let Jane and I know.
In the meanwhile l would suggest taking the pressure off yourself.l know that if I feel I have to find something to wear I will never find it or I will make expensive mistakes.So step back and breathe.You have enough to dress yourself respectably each morning so that’s ok.Yes you probably could do with more for variety and laundry purposes but you can afford to take your time and not panic .I always recommend trying things on so bricks and mortar and as Jane suggested a really good,selfless friend who will be a runner for you back and forth from the changing rooms is a better way of trying on a lot of stock than mail order.
Trust your instincts,you have a great appreciation of what suits you and you won’t have lost that just because you have lost weight you just need time for your mind to catch up with your body.

Inge

(website)

I feel your frustration Anchie, and lots of good advice already from the other ladies.

One thing you said also caught my attention: "dismissing everything based on color, feel of material or shape on a hanger."

You know, I always find judging style and fit of trousers on a hanger extremely hard. I have to try them on before I can tell whether or not it's something I like (and if they fit right). Maybe that's the case for you as well? There might be gems waiting for you in the store but you would never be able to tell just from looking at the pants on their hangers?-)

Perhaps next time you're out shopping, go to one or only a few stores and actually try on all the trousers in the store (I know, hard work and time-consuming...). Even a small difference in cut or style can make a big difference once you are wearing them.

Just thinking out loud here.

SarahD8

Veteran

Archie, I sympathize so much with the frustration of the order-return cycle and feeling that there is just nothing in the shops that I want.

My suggestion is to take a step back from shopping and really methodically assess what outfits you can make with the clothes you have that currently fit. Then you will have a better sense of what you need to add right now to get you through the next 3-6 months.

Congratulations on reaching your goal weight!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

My dear Anchie, this is how it goes. Lower your expectations and don’t worry! You can’t rush it, or you will end up compromising. You have to be patient with your style because you can’t buy something that isn’t there

When this happens with my clients, we focus on building with a few capsules at a time. Not many outfits, but enough to get them through the work week, and a weekend. We repeat in small increments throughout the year. Relax into it. Keep on at it with a smile and try not to get frustrated. It does not help. It’s not defeat. It’s being discerning and careful. That’s how I want you to be with new purchases

anchie

Veteran

Cardiff girl - looking forward to it already:)

Inge - Maybe I should have been more open minded, lot of the styles I could tell from looking at the hanger that it is not what I am looking for - paper bag, pleated, very wide legs etc. I did try in COS one of those non appealing on hanger pants and was intrigued but at the end decided against it.

SarahDB - I will go through my closet and try to build few outfits as per your very wise advice

Angie - you words are calming. If your kind offer to meet me in Seattle still stands, maybe you can help me build one of this capsules in person?

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Sure! Do you have dates? Please send them.

anchie

Veteran

Yes I have dates, hope they work for you. I have updated my Seattle conference thread in off topic with the dates

Greyscale

Veteran

It can be hard when you have a sudden large wardrobe hole because styles and trends go through cycles and what’s in the shops at this exact moment might not be the best match for your personal style.

I agree with others who said you might find one store with cuts that generally fit you and focus your effort there at first. (For me this was always the Gap until their quality went downhill. Their fit models had the same curves as me.)

Have you been taking photos when you try things on? Photos can really convince me that a new style looks good on me (or bad) even when my eye hasn’t adjusted to seeing it in the mirror yet. Like high waists.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Have you tried on paper bag pants? Now that you have less volume there, maybe pants that have more will work better.

anchie

Veteran

Grayscale - I used to have a go to brands that fit me well, but something happened there, not sure if my shape changed or they changed their cuts. I am looking for a new brand that will work for me.

Fashinter - I did wear paper bag pants during the summer when I could tuck in the shirt or blouse, but in winter I wear sweaters exclusively and don’t like tucking them. That is limiting my options considerably at the moment.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Try these:

Malden Tweed Pants

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anchie

Veteran

Angie, I was thinking about those pants, especially after seeing them on you. What is stopping me is that most of my winter blazers are patterned- plaid, tweed, flowers , and most based on black and grey so not sure how much different outfits I could get from them.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

The new suit is BLUE, right?

anchie

Veteran

Yes, blazer from the suit will go, hm.. You are tempting me Do you tuck sweaters in them?

Runcarla

Veteran

Save up your $ - shopping in Seattle is pretty amazing!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I do semi-tuck, but you don't need to. They look great with these types of untucked pullovers too (my pullovers).

Round-neck Cashmere Jumper

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17

Antonia Sweater

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18

Cashmere jumper

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14

View Info

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18

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