Shoes for a Funeral

Echo

My sister's SO passed away on Wednesday and the funeral is on Monday. My mother is wondering if it is appropriate to wear sandals. Knowing that it will be almost 100 F degrees, that she is 73, will be wearing black slacks and that her sandals will be low and comfortable (with no bright toenail polish), I said yes.

However, I see so many conflicting opinions on various sites about this. Are low-heeled, conservative, dark coloured sandals appropriate for a funeral in 100 F degree weather? Or would closed-toe shoes simply be better?

13 years ago

General

12 replies

Latest reply was from Echo

Kari

Veteran

Echo, I'm so sorry for your sister's loss.

I think honestly it depends on how formal the funeral is likely to be. I went to a memorial service where the immediate family of the man who passed away were wearing 4" strappy heels. At my grandma's memorial service, which was held in the spring and where it was essentially a life celebration, I wore red shoes. So far, all of the funerals I have been to have been far on the relaxed side and held in a community center or outside, not in a church.

I'd think that unless the funeral was going to be in a venue or in a social setting known for its formality, and given the extreme temperatures, low sandals that are dark/muted in color wouldn't be amiss.

13 years ago

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

I think low-heeled dark sandals, given that it's the middle of the summer, as long as the rest of the outfit is appropriate, would be perfectly fine.

Sorry for your family's loss.

13 years ago

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

I think it would be more inappropriate for your mother to be uncomfortable.

13 years ago

Deborah

Veteran

In agreement with the others here Echo. Your mum's sandals sound perfectly appropriate. I am sorry for your sister's loss.

13 years ago

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I think that sounds quite appropriate. I've worn simple black wedge sandals with a black patterned dress for a funeral before, and I felt just fine.

I'm sorry for your family's loss.

13 years ago

JennyAnne

(website)

Veteran

So sad.
I think the sandals sound fine. I'm with others that I don't think of sandals as inappropriate at all. As long as they're not Birkenstocks or something, I think a nice sandal can be as dressy as a pump or loafer.

13 years ago

Veteran

I think the key thing at a funeral is not to look festive or to try to draw attention to yourself. Unless the families involved are hyper-sensitive about protocol, and the kind of people who look for ways to get offended, I don't see anything wrong whatsoever with sandals.

13 years ago

Jonesy

Veteran

I am very sorry. I feel like most people who are sad or grieving don't even notice what people are wearing, truly! Unless it's something outlandish, of course, and I would not put dark sandals in that category, especially on a scorching hot day.

13 years ago

Sheila

Veteran

I agree with all previous posters regarding the sandals. As a former church organist who has played for many funerals, I think the biggest no-no these days are:

- cleavage
- mini skirts
- jewelry that is ostentatious or makes a lot of noise, like jangly bracelets
- too much perfume

The above excesses are out of place and are noticed by others at a funeral.

13 years ago

Echo

Veteran

Thank you all so much for your replies. My mom and I will be leaving to drive to the location tomorrow and the funeral is at noon on Monday. I barely knew the man, but my heart breaks for my sister.

13 years ago

christieanne

Veteran

My thoughts are with you and your family - it's hard to see a loved one go through such sadness.

13 years ago

Echo

Veteran

My mother and I drove there yesterday and the service was today. I need not have worried about shoes. The service was in a beautiful Episcopalian church, but the attire (and shoe styles) were all over the board. Still, it was good to see so many in attendance.

13 years ago

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