semi-OT situational body dysmorphia. - YouLookFab Forum

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semi-OT situational body dysmorphia.

annagybe

(website)

Veteran

I'm a member of a local single activity based club. As far a meeting the opposite sex a total bust, but they do have activities which get out and about. Recently I went on an eight mile hike. After reviewing some group photos I realized I was the largest female on the hike. But then with the same group (only one person besides me overlapped on the two activities) they did a pub crawl, and I was one of the slimmer ones there.
Or am I being to comparisonal ( I know, not a word, but can't think of anything better)?

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14 replies

Latest reply was from Janet

Aida

Veteran

Anna, yes too comparisonal (I like your word ^^ )! It's not worth worrying over; we know we're all different shapes and sizes, and isn't one of YLF's goal to help us to appreciate all bodies? One could drive themselves batty!

Did you enjoy the events? Maybe try to think of that instead?

AJ

Veteran

Ditto Aida!

rae

(website)

Veteran

One can always find some one larger or smaller, no matter how large or small you are. I had to tell myself that after a trip to the Japanese area of town for sushi this weekend... college-age Asian girls make me feel like a hulk, but it's not like I can do anyting about my age or Polynesian genes, so it's not even worth the comparison.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Oh yes, Rae, so true! At our hotel this weekend there was a raucous party going on at the pool while we were working out in the adjacent health club. It was 2 generations and all the 20 year old kids were slim and tanned while their parents/uncles/aunts etc were all heavy and quite unfit (smoking and drinking up a storm). So I could feel large compared to the younger generation or small compared to their parents (my age). Or I could just feel content in my choice to be on the treadmill instead of drinking shots out of the Captain Morgan's bottle with a cigarette in the other hand!

Isis

Veteran

Not worth worrying about! Someone will always be the biggest in a group and someone will always be the smallest.

Why compare?

Someone will have the longest hair, someone will have the curliest hair, someone the bluest eyes, etc.

Vive la difference!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

It's a slippery slope comparing yourself to others, although I understand that it's a natural tendency.

Yes, Anna! You are being too comparative. Style is a celebration of individuality and that's the heart of it. Style is NOT an age, budget, lifestyle or dress size. That is at the heart of YLF.

Love what Aida, said.

Now go be awesome-ist-ever-Anna!

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Anna, I will confess right here that I too tend to be "comparisonal." I am getting better about it, but I almost always notice where I fall in a given group of people and tend to "judge" myself accordingly. I'm not proud of it, and I stop as soon as I catch myself doing it, but there it is, and I think it's very, very common in our culture.

I usually chalk it up to being raised by a mother who was very conscious of weight (although never anywhere near "overweight" in her life, in fact, she was a very slim person). Her mother struggled with weight, and I guess the message was ingrained in her from an early age... and so the pattern continues.

As soon as I catch myself going down that mental path, I turn my focus back to the activity at hand. Being present and enjoying what's happening are the best cures I've found for such unhealthy mental distractions!

catgirl

Veteran

Yes, too comparative, although we can't help ourselves sometimes. I have a similar issue - I'll feel fab here and then go visit my sister in New York where everyone is superstylish, and I'll feel like a frumpy out-of-date doofus.

A very good friend of mine is of stocky German heritage. She told me once how hard it could be be for her, being friends with a group of genetically small-boned, slender women, even though she could hike and bike us into the ground and we were all jealous of her incredible muscles. So there you have it - the grass is always greener...

bj1111

Veteran

anna, it's selection bias! it's a reflection of how interesting you are that you have a wide range of activities that you enjoy and in which you participate. perhaps in this club, the women who go on hikes do not go on pub crawls and vice versa. more's the pity.

re your original question...does making the mental comparison make you feel awkward on the hike? if so, then stop it, stop it right now, because you are fab. seriously, i would want to hang out with you because you are so interesting and interested in the world.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

First, you are very healthy, and you know that you do not need to worry about your size, although I doubt that's really what this is about?

Secondly, I doubt very much that OTHER people would have been thinking anything of your size in comparison to the group average. Honestly, did you keep track of the SMALLEST person in the group? Probably not. So if you are concerned about other people thinking of you in an unflattering light because of how you are in comparison to the group I think your fears are unfounded. Someone has to be the biggest, and someone has to be the smallest...Really doesn't matter whatsoever, and 98% of the time no one is even noticing these things (unless it's extreme or unhealthy as in Mo's example).

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

I guess it's human nature to compare, but I know that whenever I do, it makes me feel awful and then I start feeling insecure and suddenly needing more reassurance from my SO. I don't have any answers only empathy as I do this from time to time. It's usually not about size it's usually about jobs and economic status. But I am getting better at stopping myself because I know it will lead to these bad feelings.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Pictures lie, as well. All is takes is one bad angle and suddenly you can feel like Godzilla - or one good angle, and you have a flush all day. So I'd ignore the shots. Size is irrelevant. It's health that matters IMO!

Anonymous

In my bachelor class I was in the top 5 dorks. When I embarked the Masters degree I was suddenly the wild child, the defying one. I didn't change, it was the surroundings that changed. I was no better or worse person. So I so get your tendence to compare all the time. But it doesn't really matter how you compare to others, but how you feel with your self. And I bet you feel great, bc you look and sound like a fun and interesting human being.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, and I'm reminded of the song "Losers" by the Belle Brigade:

"There will always be someone better than you
Even if you're the best
So let's stop the competition now
Or we will both be losers

And I'm ashamed I ever tried to be higher than the rest
But brother I am not alone
We've all tried to be on top of the world somehow
'Cause we have all been losers

I don't wanna be laid down
No I don't wanna die knowing
That I spent so much time when I was young
Just trying to be the winner

So I wanna make it clear now
I wanna make it known
That I don't care about any of that shit no more

Don't care about being a winner
Or being smooth with women
Or going out on Fridays
Being the life of parties
No, no more, no

There will always be someone worse than you
Sister don't let it get to your head
'Cause you won't be on top of the world so long
In constant competition

This ain't about no one in particular
But I could list a few
I'm removing myself from the queue

Don't care about being a winner
Or being smooth with women
Or going out on Fridays
Being the life of parties
Don't care about being harder
Or being Daddy's favorite
Or if you think I'm a mimic
Or if I am a loser

No, no more
No more"