Seder 2023: WIW and what I realized - YouLookFab Forum

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Seder 2023: WIW and what I realized

CarolS

Veteran

Last night we attended our first extended family Seder in four years. Two years cancelled due to Covid and last year by weather.

Thirty years ago these were quite dressy occasions, but with time and the passing of all but one couple from the most senior ranks, it has become much more casual.

The hostess (Dh’s cousin) always strikes the perfect casual elegant note, and I must admit I always feel a bit dowdy in her presence. I thought I my outfit wasn’t too bad IRL but when I photographed it after I got home I was a bit underwhelmed.

The goal: a mix of dressy-ish and casual. Cool - as in not too warm. Seder =wine=extra heat and red face (even with just a little wine). Outdoor temps were still quite cool and streets are wet, icy, and dirty.

The outfit I settled on was black wide leg pants with a white pinstripe, a short sleeved black tee shirt, denim jacket and white Ecco sneakers. I accessorize with white hoop earrings and a thrifted white and silver necklace.

I topped it off with my new to me thrifted black trench, a yellow patterned scarf, black and white striped micro gloves and black Blundstones for navigating the muddy distance between car and house.

I was reasonably happy with the outerwear part of the outfit - the yellow scarf made it feel alive, and the coat was a fun change of pace.

The indoor portion of the outfit did pretty much everything I needed it to. I wasn’t too hot. Didn’t feel vulnerable to spills. And felt I hit reasonably close to balancing slightly dressy with casual.

Looking at the outfit photos later left me feeling a bit less thrilled, I must admit.

It comes across as more casual than it felt while wearing it. Maybe because the white stripe of the pant felt more obvious IRL?

I can also see that my weight is up a bit, and I know I feel and look better when I carry a bit less. I’ve been saying I need to pay better attention to my nutrition and exercise but not following through. Time to get serious again about taking better care.

I also realized that even this little bit of extra weight has me falling back to black when I feel the need for some camouflage. Especially since this in between season is the hardest for me to dress for. I’m very limited in terms of lightweight layering tops that are a bit heavier than my summer shells and a bit lighter than my winter knits.

I had hoped I might find a few of these transitional tops on our NYC trip but nothing struck the right note.

Anyway, posting the outfit is a good way to process what I actually need to add to my closet, so thanks for reading if you made it this far!

Comments and suggestions always welcome.

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34 replies

Latest reply was from CarolS

Star

Veteran

This is a fab outfit. I think it is the mid-wash denim jacket that makes it casual. I have also gained after having kept my weight down for four years. None of my spring/summer clothes fit and I am struggling to get back into a healthy routine. Good for you if you can catch it in time IYKWIM.

LJP

Veteran

I think your outfit looks great , albeit quite casual . The denim jacket and white sneakers give me that vibe - whereas a darker , dressier shoe with denim , or conversely a different jacket ( white denim ) with the white shoe might have dressed it up a bit .

Runcarla

Veteran

Well, this looks fab to me…and expect a copy cat soon, ‘cause I just got a pair of black wide leg trousers! The column of black is elegant, but the jean jacket dresses it down. A fab look, but not as celebratory, perhaps, as you wanted?

The column of black base is very good. I’d suggest tweaking with some silvery bling (more than you show in the pic) to bookend your gorgeous hair(!) if you’ve got it. Layered necklaces or a scarf with silvery glitter. No in-your-face colour, but some stealth luxe IYKWIM.

*Whenever I feel disappointment with an outfit I review: colour, pattern, texture, shine - and consider the addition of one or the other as a possible improvement. (Not all 4 are needed!)

CarolS

Veteran

Star -- I almost went with a long green cardigan as my topper, but (rare for me) I decided I liked the shorter length better.

Lisa -- I find it interesting that it didn't FEEL as casual as it looks on reflection. My dressier shoes are mostly sitting under the desk in my office, but I suppose I could have kept the Blundstones on. Not exactly dressy, but at least dark.

I think if I had a slightly dressier top it might also have helped tip the balance. I am still on the hunt for the right lace blouse. I did try it with my white linen jacket, but the linen was TOO summer and the jacket seems to have shrunk (or I've put on more weight than I think I have!).

CarolS

Veteran

Thanks, Carla -- yes, more bling might have helped, too! After wearing virtually NO accessories through the pandemic a necklace and big earrings felt like a LOT -- but I see your point. After I thrifted this necklace, it occurred to me that it would have paired nicely with one I had considered a couple of weeks before that was a bunch of silvery circles. Oh well. I def could not have worn any kind of scarf in that scenario -- the heat factor would have been too much. (I do covet a version of Trinny's long silver scarf, though...)

slim cat

Veteran

It works and looks great on you! However tee shirt and denim jacket =casual feel especially with sneakers. I have similar sorta problem dressing for work and trying to look less casual - rayon or any silky tops usually the key for me. Something that reads as a blouse takes the same outfit on another level. Unfortunately finding the right tops are difficult and time consuming.

Roberta

Veteran

When I read your description I thought, this is exactly what I would have worn. Although, I might have switched the jacket out for something a little more dressy. Maybe a blazer with a little pattern to go with those Fab side stripe pants. (I own a pair just like those.)

Or perhaps a jacket with a little drape in a solid color. But all told, I think you look wonderful, especially with the silver jewelry picking up the highlights of your hair.

CarolS

Veteran

Thanks, Roberta and Slim cat -- I suppose I could have used one of my menswear blazers, but I worried they would be too heavy. But, I think you and the others who've commented have pinpointed the problem -- the outfit needed at least one other "dressy" piece to keep from skewing so heavily casual - whether it was more bling, dressier shoes, a dressier top, or a dressier jacket.

Because my shoes almost always skew more casual, this suggests I need to bump up my dressier top count to "some". (Hardest category for me to shop for and justify as I need them so seldom, but when I need them, well, I need them....)

DonnaF

Veteran

Looks great to me. I might’ve added a neckerchief because I run cold, but maybe you could have added another necklace? The black and denim jacket are great choices when wine might be splattered and spilled. I’m going to a “port and pie” celebration to remember a friend who recently passed away, and have rejected a number of items that might get ruined due to my clumsiness since we will all probably be standing.

CarolS

Veteran

You get it, Donna!!! I don't need to spend the evening showing off my red wine spills and gravy dribble!!! I didn't really have another necklace that felt right to add to this, but I agree it would have helped. I actually played with a few strands of faux pearls, but I didn't like the way they were sitting.

Minaminu

Veteran

Agree that the outfit is fab and maybe next time a blazer could provide more structure / formality. Must say that you hair are gorgeous!!!!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Carol -- love the new necklace! Fun easy bling!

I'm sorry you did not feel fab in this outfit in retrospect. Do you think that might have been influenced some by how the other guests looked?

Like others, I see it as a fab outfit, albeit what I would consider a very casual one. And you've had great advice for dressing things up in future iterations. I think your own observation that casual-skewing footwear means you can stand to bump up the other elements (tops and toppers) for such occasions is correct.

During the pandemic, we hardly ever went anywhere but if we did, it was to a friend's house for a very casual meal. Or we had people over for same. However...there were times when these were semi-celebratory -- holidays, birthdays, etc. Similar to your seder dinner, maybe. (We didn't host or go to one of those this year, but we have in the past.)

I felt very lucky in the first year of the pandemic to pick up two tops that really helped with this amorphous capsule. Unlike you, I don't run hot, and our needs and climate are not the same, but the principle I adopted might also work for you.

I chose a style that works for me extremely well and has a (to me) casual feel -- for me, this was the button front shirt. For you, it might be a tee type top, like you are wearing -- but with a difference.

Anyway, I bought my shirts (on sale) in "fancy" fabrics -- one very dark navy and one in a cobalt. These are machine washable tops, don't need a lot of ironing (just a touch up if anything), and they manage to feel a bit "festive." I would wear these with a pair of navy wide leg crops or (for the navy velvet) with jeans at home -- and this was my "casual dressy" solution. I felt festive and easy. When I needed a jolt of femininity and colour I went with the lace. When I needed a feeling of luxurious ease, I went with the velvet.

I own some lovely silk shirts that in theory could have served the same purpose but if I'm cooking and serving (even with an apron) it doesn't feel safe to wear them, and if I'm walking around holding wine etc. it's also potentially a risk. So in your case, you might be looking for rayons or high quality viscose or recycled poly (though I know heat might be an issue with that.)

I don't really have anything the fills a similar role in summer, so for hot weather I'm still looking -- but in hot weather I can often wear a dress or skirt, so that fills the "dressy" part of the equation more easily.

I will wear a denim jacket with a skirt or dress or very dressy pants to dress those down. But I won't wear it with items I'm trying to dress up -- in that case I'll add a blazer or a tweed jacket.

Classic-fit shirt in drapey velvet

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rachylou

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I too say cute outfit, but casual for the occasion because blue denim and white sneakers. My first thought was a coloured sneaker - red or light blue or something. The same for the topper.

I have a cousin who I think is quite natty and I admire her style. My parents never agreed with me, lol. She’s just so and I’m titillating tbh. The funny thing is, when we were children, our parents dressed us alike and furnished our rooms with the same furniture. It’s impossible for us to hit the same note even wearing the same thing. Anyways, there’s also this sort of thing to consider.

Dee

Veteran

Its a nice casual outfit, but I agree that when you had the yellow patterned scarf on it became more dressier.

As others have mentioned, you likely only needed to switch out to one more dressier element to bring it to where you thought it should be.

It’s kind of funny that in the old days when everyone dressed up, you kind of knew what to wear but now it can be a bit of a challenge trying to get the right balance when things are so much more casual.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

Carol I hate to mention it but are you actually half wanting to *be* this more dressy cousin? That’s been a trap for me in the past but not for a long time.
As far as does the outfit look casual, to me it does. 3 elements: denim jacket = casual, looser wide pants, sneakers. The outfit otherwise accomplished everything you wanted from it though so that counts as a success.
I am not a casual dresser overall which may partly be why I have never owned a denim jacket.

CarolS

Veteran

Aww, thanks for the kind hair words, Minaminu! I was trying to branch out from the blazers, but you're right -- it would have helped skew things to the dressier side!

Thanks, Suz. The good news is that I didn't feel under dressed during the event itself. Only later upon taking photos of the outfit. There were people there who were both dressier and more casual than I at dinner, so it wasn't that I wasn't appropriately dressed--just that when I saw the photo the outfit read more casual than it had felt.

The wide leg pinstripe pants read dressy to me (even if not to anyone else!) -- they make me feel a bit elegant, even in sneakers.

I really do need a version of your formula! am always on the lookout for the dressy top or two but never quite land on the "one". I am such a hard fit with a large bust, broad back and thick waist but slender arms, which doesn't help. Have lost count of the number of blouses I have brought home and then ultimately rejected as simply being something I wouldn't get enough wear from -- except for maybe ONE seder!

I actually tried on a little silver metallic tee at Anthro today, but while the colour was great, I didn't care for the cut. Went elsewhere and bought a short sleeved tee shirt with a lacy insert to toy around with -- but it's still black, so not sure if it's really moving my agenda forward.

LOL -- yes, Rachy, we are who we are!

Thanks, Dee. Yes, it's a bit trickier to navigate the casual/dressy realm. This is a good exercise in evaluating the wardrobe holes I need to fill!

Jenni -- Oh, I'd love to have this cousin's budget and time to pull herself together. (She also sets the most beautiful table in town...) Even when she's super casual she is always somehow just right! I don't feel bad about myself in comparison anymore, but I am certainly aware of wanting to feel somewhere in the ballpark.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Maybe this cousin could help you find the right tops!

I do think "dressy" tees are probably the way to go -- woven or knit with special details. But it's always hard to find that kind of stuff when you most need and want it!

CarolS

Veteran

lol Suz -- Maybe! But yeah, I'm a tee and knits gal from way back. I do have the odd fantasy of a nice crisp button through shirt, but buttoned shirts always feel fussy on me. And they usually gape.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Carol you look great to me. Dressed up enough is more a feeling than a fact so I will not comment. My main consideration for seder is comfort, wine stain tolerance, and warmth because we eat our meal outdoors (we sit around the living room until the meal reading the Haggadah). Anyway, happy holidays!

CarolS

Veteran

Thanks, Jaime! Happy Pesach to you, too!

Brooklyn

Veteran

You look great Carol. I agree with you that the wide leg pants look dressy. (I actually think dark slim pants can skew more casual looking because of the similarity to leggings.) I think you might have felt better in a dressier jacket or top (or both). I’d favour keeping the sneakers because it gives you that hip juxtaposition look.

I’d keep an eye out for a metallic top. Or a lace top. Or a mesh top. Or, dare I say sequins? Or a silky wrap top. Or a silky v neck top with a mandarin collar if you don’t care for shirt collars. I don’t think it has to be formal, just something that reads a bit more “night-time”.

BlueJay

Veteran

Awww Carol, I think you look great! I love your silver jewellery and how it complements your fabulous silver hair! Lots of ideas for how to make the outfit feel dressier!

(I must admit, I am rethinking wearing a denim jacket over a dress for tomorrow's family dinner...!)

CarolS

Veteran

Thank you, Brooklyn! I've been hunting, but the prey is elusive! Will keep on it.

Thanks, Blue Jay. I felt good wearing the outfit -- was just curious when I realized it read more casual in the photos than it felt while I was in it. So my advice is do a photo test of the outfit before you decide! The denim jacket might be just perfect over a dress.

Sal

Veteran

You look great and it sounds like very appropriate. But I agree sometimes reflecting on your look can help you move forward.

I went to a fashion show today and there were some rally great outfits which gave me some inspo for smart casual with my own wardrobe.

Olive Green

Veteran

I know for me that shoes are very directional, by which I mean that they tell me or the viewer what direction the outfit skews, more or less formal, or sporty, or a sly joke. Same with accessories or a third piece.
Would a longish, perhaps arty, vest have helped? They make great ketchup catchers when they have a pattern, and up the game immediately. And different weights can be very useful for varying temperatures, inner and outer.
I love the jacket, actually.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

It’s a great outfit, but I understand— I think a little switching out with the jacket and shoes would make all the difference when you want to skew dressier. The yellow is great!

Agreed with the suggestions about denim jackets — they do tend to dress down whatever you’re wearing. I wore mine yesterday with this dress from Anthro (with black leggings underneath) for a slightly chilly spring day, to casualize the dress, which I had previously only worn “dressed up.” But when I wear a jeans or casual pants and tee combination, I tend to pair it with a blazer or a more polished jacket. It’s just about finding the right balance or juxtaposition. Either way, you look great!

L'AGENCE L'Agence Janelle Slim Raw-Edge Jacket

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Anonymous

It looks good, and I think the wider pants make it dressier than skinnies would have. This time of year is tricky to dress for for sure! That said, I personally use any excuse I can to dress up- and really don't care about the environmental norms

I think of my wardrobe as 2 ranges- more casual to more formal AND more conservative to more festive. So for example my gold Birks and my sari skirt are festive casual ( festival wear), and my silk blouses and velvet skirts are festive but dressier (would wear the church on Christmas). A simple black blazer or black sheath dress would be conservative but more formal (formal business or funeral appropriate).

Sounds like the seder would be festive casual-midrange to me.

CarolS

Veteran

Thanks, Sal -- What I realized is that I'm really short on transitional pieces -- which makes sense because our transitional seasons can be pretty short. But I still need to find a piece or two that work. Had I kept one or two blouses I had purchased last spring, I probably would have had that slightly dressier top to pull out. Lesson learned - I hope.

Olive - yes, shoes are my achilles heel, so to speak, because my problematic feet generally put me in shoes that are going to read as casual. My challenge is how to add enough dressiness to an outfit while staying true to my highly pragmatic side. I wouldn't call this outfit a failure, but a learning opportunity. A vest is an interesting ideal I'd have then needed a long sleeved top underneath, but that concept would help with the "too warm" issue. Something else to keep an eye open for!

Janet -- yes, a bit of play would have made a difference. I knew I wanted to combine the white sneakers with the pinstripe pants. A different top or topper could have taken it into a higher realm. But really all I can think about now is your amazing boots. I really miss wearing cowboy boots.

Suntiger -- Yes, festive casual is a good descriptor. I think I have less range in my wardrobe than you, and need to find ways to make the same pieces fill multiple roles -- meaning I need the right supporting pieces to help these pants be a wee bit more festive.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Carol, thanks! Those boots are sooo old! Probably 18 years old? They have patina for sure.

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