Coming back to say I was discussing this thread with my husband and he said "I like it when we're on vacation and they call me Mr. Yourname because that means it's your credit card on file!"

This has been such an interesting thread and I believe too Khris that you should do what feels right for you and not societies expectations.

I have been thinking this over on the train, I've been visiting my father and returning home to my husband, and I've realised I do not hold a great attachment to either my maiden name or my married name, it's just one of the many labels I wear on a daily basis. This is in no way a reflection of my love or commitment it just doesn't feel particularly important.

Fun discussion! I was young when I got married and took my husband's name without too much thought, although I did expect to have kids and wanted to keep things simple for them. I've never really regretted it and now that we've been married for 36 years it's more my name than my maiden name was. My only regret is that I didn't make my maiden name my middle name when I was changing it legally. I don't have a legal middle name so it would have been perfect.

My name was and is very important to me. It's the name I was given at birth, and it's the name I first knew myself by. As such, it's an integral part of my identity. My mother hated it that I wasn't planning to take my husband's name—though he didn't care—and we fought about it literally up until the day I got married. I caved at the last minute in the spirit of peace.

I loved my husband, but for four years I mourned the loss of my name. So, I hired a lawyer to manage all the insane paperwork my birth state required of a legal name change, and then had to appear before a judge who signed off on the name change request. He questioned my decision, wondered why I wanted to ditch my husband's name, and delivered his thoughts on the issue. I was furious. My female lawyer grabbed my hand, a move fortunately disguised in the folds of our dresses, drove her nails into my palm, and I remained silent. We laughed at it, wryly, later. But the important thing was, I had my name back. Joyous day for me! My husband was happy. He had warned me when I agreed to take his name that I would regret it. He knew me well. We are still happily married 42 years later, and like MsMary's husband, he's always delighted when he's referred to by my name because he knows it's my credit card on the table!

Today is my third wedding anniversary. Before we got married, I made the decision to change my last name but I kept my maiden name as my middle name. I wasn't going to do the hyphenated name because it sounded sort of awkward, at least to my ear.

This is an interesting discussion. I didn't mention in my previous post that when I got married the first time, I took one of my first husband's names as my middle name. I didn't have a middle name, and it always bothered me. When I was a child, I imagined having a wonderful middle name that would sound amazing.
So, when we got married, I took one of his names for my middle name. It was not the wonderful, magical name that my child self would have chosen, but I finally had my middle name. And now, for the rest of my life, I have a part of him as part of my identity. And that means a lot to me.

That is a lovely tribute Style Fan. It actually makes me rethink my decision not to take my husband's name from a new perspective (that of loss I haven't experienced but may someday). And it's not something I've ever had second thoughts about after the initial thought process and decision.

I've only been married once, but changed my name twice!
First I hyphenated, because of my music career, which I quit about 8 years ago. I dropped my entire original name, chose one more fitting, and just kept DHs last name. Best decision I ever made
*DH is Celtic and I do hear "YOU don't look Irish" regularly though*

I was thinking about this today, and while I cannot say I am particularly attached to my last name (Dh's last name), it DOES rhyme with "scary." As a teacher, that's kind of fun! It's all in good fun because the kids who know me know I am not scary, but those who do not generally follow directions without being told twice!

Oh, my SIL also teaches, and she was substituting in a room where I went to get some students for their reading interventions. We share the same last name (by marriage), which the Middle School students noticed. The students asked why that was, and she explained that we had married brothers. Their comment was, "Isn't that illegal??" It makes you wonder what they're thinking sometimes!

I hyphenated my surname and like that my name retains my maiden name but also includes my married name. Our son has DH’s surname. My surname is long but it works well together and I like it more than either name individually.

I married at 40 and kept my name as my professional / business name, and legally took DH last name. My YLF username is the mashup of both names, which is what my family refers to us

There’s no rush to decide.

Fascinating discussion! I love DonnaF's suggestion to consider getting creative! I married once and kept my last name. When we had kids, we created a new last name for them that combined a few letters from my last name with a few letters from his, thus breaking the fathers' last name tradition. Of course, people were puzzled ("can you DO that?") and there continues to be some puzzlement about it, but I love that they have unique names derived from both of us. The bottom line is to do what feels right for you and your new partner, stay true to yourself, and don't be afraid to get creative!

I kept my last name and did not take my husband’s last name. We have a son and have to admit I feel a pang when I get cards from ‘The Patel family’ or get invited to a party at ‘The Marshall Manor’. On the plus side, I feel connected to my paternal roots because none of my all female cousins kept this last name .

I kept my ex's name as the kids were young and it was just easier on them, also I had made a career with that name. Then he remarried and I thought I should change it back to my maiden name, but his current wife is a doll and she told me it didn't matter to her at all, so I didn't.

Then a few years later I remarried-- and I have now been married to my second husband aka current and last husband-- longer than my first.

But back then remembering what a hassle it was the first time to change all the documents, when I remarried I filed to be legally called Shiny *middle name* *maiden name* *ex's name* *current husband's name.*. Lengthy, I know. But this means I can use all and any of the names legally and did not have to change ANY documents at all!!! Including I can sign my checks any which way.

Professionally I continue to use ex's name even though my kids are nearing 30 now. In personal life, I use current husband's name. It's kind of nice having the two split like that. If a coworker and I are close enough, they know my married name and can find me on Facebook. But if we're just coworkers and not that close, they have no idea and can't find me on Facebook--- and I'm perfectly fine with that!

I changed my name at young first marriage which ended in divorce. Several children. Did not revert to maiden name. When I remarried years later I had a career under current name and never considered changing. My second husband was easily placated by a work related reason, but the real reason from my perspective was that my family identity had to do with my children and their surname, not with him and his. Years later that was borne out since all of my children, daughters in law, and grandchildren have the same surname.