Second and Third Impressions?

Peri

BrieN posted First Impressions, about when you put something on and don't really like it, but change your mind after awhile and start to like it. Angie chimed in too! Angie's response and her blog post was mostly related to new silhouettes, and warming up to them quickly or slowly.

Several of us on the thread (I was one) said we find the opposite happens much more often...liking something at first and not liking it later. I think we were talking about individual items.

It got me thinking and I've mulled it over for a day trying to figure out why I do this and how to get better at avoiding mistakes. I am so picky I don't make a lot of mistakes, but I've got two from this summer mocking me right now. I've narrowed down some reasons in my case:

1) When we are just a bit into a season and I've been looking at some new things and just not liking them I start to feel a bit of worry that I won't find anything. Then I get too soft on the first few things I find that I do like. Just by comparison I see things as 10s when they are really maybe 7s or 8s. Like I get this feeling that they are the best I'm going to do and they get the benefit of rose colored glasses. In reality I usually find better things later and regret the early decisions, but it's hard to be objective after a run of fails.

2) When I love something right away for some element of it...color or fabric or artistry...but after a few more try ons I get more critical of me in it. Not so much the item itself this time, just body issues surfacing once the love of the item settles down. Or even just reality, not hang-ups...realizing something isn't flattering once I look past the shiny.

3) After wearing, if something turns out to be fussy or less comfortable than was apparent at first. I don't know about this one...sometimes you just can't know this until about an hour or longer into wearing it.

4) Getting tired of something too quickly. Usually I don't get tired of things, but I have noticed that most things I've bought from Anthropologie I am tired of in record time. I've mostly stopped buying from there.

I know one solution for #1 is to take longer to cut the tags. For me, I have to wash something before I can wear it, so I'm usually too eager to get that done and get it in my closet. I think I should be more cautious. But for the others, I welcome any thoughts and suggestions. And if this second or third impression mind switch issue happens to you, I'd love to hear your thoughts on why you think we do this.

7 years ago

General

13 replies

Latest reply was from Joyce B

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Very interesting observations, Peri.

I do sometimes also have the experience of falling out of love too quickly, too. And for similar reasons.

For problem #1, besides not cutting the tags too quickly, I've found two additional solutions, if you can call them that.

a). stop shopping. That way you won't find anything you like better! It sounds a bit silly, but truthfully? It sort of works!

b). Remember -- the perfect is the enemy of the good-enough. Sometimes an item doesn't have to be perfect to do a job that you need done.

I bought several tops this year that for me are not 10s. They are 8s. They are my most worn "outside the home" tops! And I'm enjoying them, in their way. Do I wish I could have found better? Well, yes. But I didn't. And I had a need, and they filled it. So there we are. (Exhibits A, B, C.) I'm wearing the heck out of them this summer, and it's probable I'll wear them next summer, too, but hopefully less as I phase in their "10" replacements.

For #2 -- this is actually pretty easy to deal with over time...you just get better at paying attention to the body type modifier issues that are relevant to you and purchase with those in mind where you can. And try to accept JFE where you can't find super-flattering. For instance. tops A and C are JFE on me -- not truly flattering. It's not ideal, but it's okay -- their lower necklines do make them cooler, so that is a plus. I try to look at the plusses.

3). Exactly what you said. Sometimes we don't know...we just have to do our best on the basis of the experience we have, and forgive ourselves if we fail to recognize that fuss factor sometimes. It's not always possible to tell in a try on.

4). I hear you on Anthro. I think what might be happening here is that the clothes speak to "the old Peri" -- a side of yourself that you are evolving beyond, stylistically. You see them and feel a vestigial pull -- they are "cute" -- but then they don't speak to your deeper or more current style aspirations over the long haul. Again, this probably happens to all of us and the solution is, as you say, to look at different makers and just stop shopping there except on rare occasions for needed core items if you know the fit is good for you there.

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7 years ago

BrieN

Veteran

Oh! I hear you on #1. I have definitely had that experience--it may be the only shopping hazard that has been more of an issue for me since I joined YLF. Everyone else is having such a great new season and looking wonderful in their new silhouettes...and I get a bad case of FOMO.

In fact I have just done it with the Teddie pants from J Crew. I put them on and thought "ugh" ((see thread on first impressions)) but then warmed up to them but can't decide if they actually look ok on my body type or just that I think it's the best I'm going to do. And then there is the little voice--Fall is just around the corner! And I have so many wardrobe holes!

7 years ago

Aziraphale

Veteran

Peri -- aaaaargh -- I hate it when #2 happens to me. I love the look of something, I think I can pull it off, then decide later that maybe I can't.

I think I've had #3 happen too, where something about the fit bugs me but I didn't notice at first.

No solutions, just commiseration. Suz's suggestion of shopping less seems like a good idea.

7 years ago

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Those are really cute 8's.

7 years ago

Gigi

Veteran

Peri, I am the same way. And it's with Anthro too! I bought a denim dress from Anthro early this summer, and although I have been wearing it lots (it is practical and works amazingly in this hot weather), I'm just not "feeling it." I think it might be what Suz said: the Anthro style speaks to an older part of our style, and there is a newer side that is trying to show itself.

I realized the other day that I used to have a lot of "gamine" traits in my style, but I am getting tired of that—which is why I'm tiring of Anthro. Do you perhaps feel similarly, as Suz theorized? I recently did the style descriptor exercise where I listed descriptors of my wardrobe as a whole currently, and then I listed what I *want* my wardrobe to be. I discovered that I want my wardrobe basically to be what it is but without the gamine, "cute" influence.

Even though you like to wash items before wearing, would it be possible for you to wear items for just a couple of hours around the house to see if they become uncomfortable? That might help with some of the dissatisfaction due to comfort issues. Or is your skin too sensitive for that? I used to have a lot of problems with sensitivity to off-the-rack clothes, so I know what a pain it can be.

7 years ago

Beth Ann

Veteran

Oh, I know these struggles well, Although I think I have a big dose of body image issues in the mix, and probably coloring my feelings about my wardrobe. At the moment, I'm already tired of my warm weather clothes. In my case, I think it's related to a transitioning style and, well, a transitioning life!

More importantly, shopping with a list of your priorities for fit, comfort, and style -- as well as notes about wardrobe holes, might help keep you focused.

When I think about your style, I think of jewel tones in beautiful fabrics, with lovely accents near the face (jewelry and scarves). In my experience, the fabrics at anthro are less than stellar (and I'm pretty tolerant -- lots of my items are from Kohls). By contrast, EF has marvelous fabrics. I wonder if focusing on the drape, color saturation, texture and feel of the fabrics in your garments would make you love them more.

For shopping, I could see you in Ted Baker florals, and I also think that Soft Surroundings might be worth a look -- it's a bit J. Jill or Chicos in certain ways, but they do a great grown up romantic look.

7 years ago

Peri

Veteran

Thanks all, I'm not alone!

Suz...less shopping? When I've finally grown to tolerate it?! Funny! Well, it's an idea, but I've been happier lately because of the don't give up, keep trying mentality. I think I just need to not abandon my pickiness too soon. If I realize I'm vulnerable early in the season I need to ask myself if I really love something or if I'm just giving up.

BrieN...yes, that's a big part of it. I never used to shop summer until mid-June about. Hey, it's hot, I need some summer clothes. Now I'm thinking of summer in April and worrying what I'm missing!

Aziraphale...yes, this one is hard! Is it lack of confidence? Or is it wisdom telling us something really isn't right?

Barbara Diane...be kinder to the 8s?

Gigi...I agree with you and Suz. I think I have outgrown Anthro and all the cuteness. One of my style words is easy, and Anthro most of the time is just too much. But no, I need to spend as little time in the unwashed things as possible. These allergies are definitely part of #2, because I don't give myself as much time to live with something. I used to be able to get dressed intending to wear the new thing, and then I'd either still be happy or feel like I didn't want to wear it and then I would know. Now when I do that it is already washed and tags cut. I need to do that a few times on a pretend basis I guess, before I wash something.

Good education going on, thanks!

7 years ago

Peri

Veteran

Beth Ann..cross posted! I can relate to body image woes for sure, after a 10 pound weight gain. And that's without all the upheaval you've experienced lately. I hope things settle out for you soon!

I went in a Soft Surroundings store but had pretty much the same reaction as in Anthro. It was all just too much. I'm for cleaner lines these days I think. I do love Ted Baker florals but they just don't fit me right. Like Boden...I think those British lines don't get IT. No one in England has broad shoulders?!

7 years ago

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Ted baker does not fit me well either. Better for a curvier hourglass.

Yeah, I take your point about the shopping and it makes sense. I guess another strategy is just accepting that a few mistakes each season are probably inevitable especially if silhouettes are in a big change phase or if you are undergoing a major style shift and trying new styles.

7 years ago

catgirl

Veteran

Totally agree, Peri. This is a problem for me too and why I have some things with tags still on in my closet... Sigh. Ted Baker is a bad fit on me as well. Maybe the Olympic gymnasts will bring shoulders back in vogue and more things will fit us.

7 years ago

unfrumped

Veteran

I do all of that!

I think more when doing Want, not Need.
And as Suz says about shopping-- and Joy often repeats- if I get this, will I stop looking? Or my phrase is, I need to dance with the clothes I bought, or break up completely and start over.

7 years ago

skylurker

Veteran

I don't relate to BrieN slow warm up, don't think that ever happened to me. I'm more familiar with what you describe here.

#2 esp. For years I bought things I liked, but didn't feel good. I did try on the clothes before buying, but somehow I just saw the item, not the harmony between item and body. It's when I actually wore the item that something felt off, alien.
I'm much better now at selecting things that suit my body type, lifestyle and personality. It came with experience and lots, lots of shopping mistakes.
The only shortcut to that costly education would be to post k/r of the styled item and ask the collective opinion of the forum.

#3, well, is difficult to avoid. Mostly happened to me with shoes, and once you've walked with them, you can't return them. I've learned to stay away from some designs and brands.

#4 was linked to #2 for me, it came from the inadequation between the image of the item in my mind (often linked to the image of someone else wearing the item, some gorgeous actress or model most likely) and the look of the item on me.

#1, well, I'm still in trouble with #1.
I'm often too impatient to have my wardrobe complete and ready for the season and too easily caught up by the new shiny things in stores at the start of the season. I should take more time to compare and benchmark before buying.

7 years ago

Joyce B

Veteran

1 and 3 are the ones that happen to me the most.
I take a while to decide so I keep the tags on. After a while I realize that it was a purchase for my imaginary life or maybe I love how it fits others but it is really not for me. The other thing is, if the item is not for my dominant seasons it has a higher chance of being returned, particularly when I think about it for a while. I also hate when it turns out to be fussy or the fabric has an unfriendly feel when wearing the garment.
What works in my favor is that I don't cut the tags before I am sure. I used to cut the tags too soon and regretted it.

7 years ago

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