The topic of this thread caused quite the discussion among the women that I work with earlier today. It was a pretty even split between those that thought it was offensive and inappropriate, and those that saw nothing wrong with it at all. Much like the postings about it here.

One thing I really like: when an elderly man calls me "young lady." That totally makes my day!

Maybe I'm much too overly sensitive to this (I'm a seasoned car salesman so I automatically assume I'm leather-skinned). When we had our own dealership and sales staff I would have had a talk with an employee who called a customer hon, especially a younger to an older (none ever did as far as I know).

Please don't misunderstand me; I don't assume evil behind the intentions. I assume disrespect and a careless attitude and was curious if this bothered anyone else when they shop. Maybe there is a social shift happening, much like when society stopped calling everyone Mrs. Last-Name and started going to first names.

Ok, ok, I admit; I do assume some malice sometimes!!!! Looking back, I've been given the "Hon Sandwich" more than once where a clerk is clearly hot and bothered by what I am asking and still refers to me as hon. And that is why this bugs me! It leaves me guessing if the term is genuine or not. I promise I'm not a weirdo who looks for things to be irked by. I don't mind it a single bit when an older man or woman calls me hon; I never walk away from that wondering what it was all about.

As a SA, I call everyone 'darl' - it is a word I picked up from a girl I previously worked with and became a habit that I just couldn't stop. I was horrified by it at first and thought it was very small town of me to say that, but then I realised I AM in a small town and everyone calls each other 'darl' around here!

From SA's point of view, it is not really a term of endearment to anyone, it is just a way of saying a friendly hello, as in 'Hey darl, how you going today?' to people that you don't know their names. As soon as I find out someone's name, then I will always address them by their name and then try and remember something about them that they have told me in conversation, so that next time they come in I can ask them about their job, husband, holiday etc etc. I just think it's showing that you appreciate your customers and you want to give them a personal and welcoming experience when they are shopping in your store. Yes, some SA's may have other agendas and they've probably had their fill of rude, unappreciative customers that day and there may be a barb in there, but I would suggest for the majority of SA's, it would not be the case.
What gets right up my nose is when I say hello to a customer and I get grunted at - that is WAY ruder than being addressed as 'hon' or 'sweetie' to me.

Interesting conversation. I'm not so much bothered by terms such as hon, but what does bother me is being treated in a condescending way, especially from someone younger than me. This happened in Blockbuster today. I noticed the salesman speaking to an older woman in front of me in an exaggerated, overly solicitous tone. I was a little turned off by it, thinking he had no right to treat her that way just because she was older. Wouldn't you know, when my turn came he acted just the same way with me! Ouch!

nicole 470..Amen sister.!

I wonder if terms of endearment towards strangers is more of a regional thing. I can't remember that last time I was called 'hon', 'sweetie', etc. by a stranger! (Unless I am somehow sending out "back off" vibes?)

I think I'd first be startled, then I'd ignore it. I wouldn't let the wording bother me, if the interaction was appropriate.

I do recall being called ''dear" by some much older lady. At that time I figured it was a generational thing. Maybe when I'm that old (she was MUCH older than me!), I'll resort to those words too

I wonder if it evokes a different emotion if coming from a man rather than a woman?

Have you been to the American South? They use all sorts of endearments there.

Chewy, yes, I would wager that gender and age are both relevant here! I remember when I was in college, I worked at Denny's as a hostess (a crappy job, with no tips). Most of the waitresses were women who were in the 50-60 years old range, and the manager was a man who was probably mid-30s. I remember we had to wear these awful brown polyester skirts, but there was a discussion about getting new uniforms. Many of the waitresses wanted to move to pants, because they were always leaning over tables to clean them, etc., but the manager said "I like my girls in skirts." To my ears, and to the waitresses, this was very offensive, though I'm sure he wasn't intending to be offensive/sexist/inappropriate.

Chewy and Jonesy, yes gender matters a ton! Context is everything. In high school a male friend (who is one year older than me) asked if I would "be a doll" and do something for him. My response was along the lines of "sure, but I'm not going to be a doll". Dolls (very literally) have no agency or power, and so to be asked my a male to be a doll and do something for him really rubbed me the wrong way. However if I had done the task for him, and then he had said "thanks, you're a doll" I probably wouldn't have thought twice about it.

I think perceived sexual orientation could also be a factor; I can imagine things that I would be offended if a straight man called me, but ok with a gay man calling me the very same thing.

After spending a few minutes with the Sales Associate, I always ask their name, so I can address them by their name and they usually ask for my name so for the remainder of the time we spend together we are each called the name we prefer.

Tina, I grew up in Balitmore too! And yes, "hon" is very common in Charm City so I never think twice when someone uses this term. I've been called everything from ma'm to darlin' and the only thing that has ever bothered me was being called "girl" or "girlie" when I lived down south. Hated that. But I have to say, when I left the south, I remember talking about how sick I was of the fake politeness and I just couldn't wait to get back up north where people were genuine. Now I think I'd rather have fake politeness than genuine rudeness!!!

I don't know. Yeah, people can be rude, but my reaction and my feelings are my own responsibility. No one can offend me if I don't decide to be offended, so I generally try not to make that decision. Hon has never bothered me, but "ma'am" really skeeves me out - I don't know why - but I know that in some places it is seen as a perfectly polite (and even required) way of addressing a woman. So, I try to take ownership of my dislike of that word and not be offended when others use it.

There was a time when being addressed by certain terms would have sent me over the edge. I have come to be of the opinion that word choice is so much more about the individual experience of the person using the word than their attitude toward me. I also work in the service industry and it has taught me a lot about interactions with people. Whatever their word choice, when I go to shop, if their demeanor is friendly, they smile, and they want to be helpful, I know I'm going to enjoy my shopping experience. And I'm going back to that store and looking for that SA again.

"Hon" doesn't bother me at all, particularly if it is coupled with a genuine(ish) smile. Ignoring me, sneering, scowling or being surly most certainly does.

After reading comments thus far I'm fascinated to read a couple of negative comments regarding the use of the term "ma'am".

I must say "ma'am" is a form of address I use all the time at my work. I'm now wondering whether there are any other (or better) generic forms of address I could use - I'm dealing with strangers, English as a second language, all ages and nationalities?