Restorative change vs. Change by preference - YouLookFab Forum

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Restorative change vs. Change by preference

nuancedream

Veteran

I was recently speaking with an acquaintance who is aware that I have Graves disease. I mentioned the Graves disease is currently in remission but I also have been dealing with the effects of Thyroid Eye Disease. After a series of low dose radiation therapy treatments and steroid injections to my eyes, I informed my acquaintance that I'm scheduled for surgery at the end of March to fix my right eyelid, but she accused me of vanity and wanting to look perfect. Needless to say, I was taken aback by her comment. I explained the course of action I'm taking is not to look more youthful by preference, but to restore what has been changed due a disease process. I have over 30% loss of my peripheral vision in my right eye so I'm hoping surgery will improve that. Sorry for the rant but I had to get this off my mind.

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31 replies

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Suz

(website)

Veteran

Wow. That sounds like a very invalidating response by your friend.

People can be extraordinarily insensitive about others' chronic pain conditions, disease processes, and other health concerns. I honestly don't know what goes on in people's minds! Anyone who has dealt with an ongoing condition or illness seems to get these ill-judged comments and also lots of advice they haven't asked for (usually entirely useless or even harmful).

I'm sorry you had to deal with that and especially sorry you have lost some vision. I hope the surgery helps! I do think they are so much better than they used to be with issues of this kind and Seattle has some wonderful physicians.

nuancedream

Veteran

Suz, thank you for your insightful and compassionate comment. I am blessed to have a wonderfully skilled and empathetic oculoplastic surgeon who has reassured me that my peripheral vision and appearance of my right eye will be markedly improved after surgery.

Anonymous

Good grief. I have almost NO patience nor tolerance for ill-considered comments like that. She cannot be that good of a friend - hope you don't waste another moment's thought on it. You do what you need and want to do

nuancedream

Veteran

Lisa p, she's an acquaintance and I made the decision to discontinue further interaction with her. I just don't need the negativity.

Anonymous

It sounds like she has "issues" that she's dealing with. Good idea to discontinue interaction with her as you move toward a better and healthier life.

The Cat

Veteran

I am sorry to hear that you had to deal with so tactless comments.

I agree with what others have said here. Some people are incredibly insensitive to others' serious ailments.

I have learnt from experience that I have to consider which information I give to whom regarding my family's and my own health issues. Generally, I don't want to discuss personal health issues with people who are neither health personnel nor close friends of our family. I simply have to protect myself from hurtful remarks and odd advice. Luckily, we have trusted friends who support and encourage us, and I hope you have some, too.

I wish you all the best for your surgery.

Vildy

Veteran

My experience is that people who blurt out this kind of "advice" or admonition to you are frequently talking to someone else who refuses to listen to them.

Gigi

Veteran

As I read this, I yelled, "WHAT?!" out loud at the screen. (I'm not joking.)

This really makes my blood boil. I would love to know what course of action she would take if she were in your situation. All you are trying to do is get back to normal, to undo what the disease has done to you. I'm sorry that you had to be on the receiving end of such a comment.

Marilyn

Veteran

Wow! That's very insensitive and completely out of line.

I hope the surgery goes well for you.

slim cat

Veteran

Sorry about that unpleasant conversation. I agree with @The Cat who mentioned that health issues not to be shared lightly with some of our friends and acquaintances. Sometimes people have no idea what certain health problems can do to you but ready with their advice and judgment.
I hope the surgery will be successful and your vision will improve afterwards.

Sal

Veteran

What a thoughtless incorrect comment. I would be flabbergasted and annoyed too. I wish you all the best for the surgery - sounds like you are in very good hands.

smittie

Veteran

What a silly woman.
I had Graves, now in remission.
My eyes were alright, thank goodness.
I’m sorry you have to have this surgery, but it’s a good thing, and I hope you view it as a positive thing for yourself and don’t think of this stupid woman.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh no, what an insensitive and misguided remark! I’m glad this is someone you can avoid in the future. Sometimes I just don’t understand people.

I wish you well with your procedure. I had to google to learn about Graves’ disease, and the eye disorder sounds so unpleasant! I hope you get relief and feel better.

rachylou

Veteran

I’m outraged for you. People are so bad this way. I wish, as a professional patient, I could say it was because they are ignorant and inexperienced; however, I’ve learned knowledge is no cure.

Kathie

Veteran

So sorry you had to deal with that! Good vision is such an essential part of quality of life. Hope the surgery goes well and you recover quickly!

nemosmom

Veteran

What an insensitive woman! No wonder you are upset! I am sorry you are having to go through so much. I hope you have a successful surgery and am sending healing thoughts your way. Keep us posted!

Joyce B

Veteran

I wish you good results with your procedure and an easy recovery.
As far as the commenting woman goes, it is none of her business if someone else is having a medically indicated procedure or is voluntarily going for plastic surgery. It is good that you are not interacting with her any longer.

NancyW

Veteran

So glad you can avoid this person in the future. I can imagine your shock at her ignorant, boundary crossing comment. I had this surgery in November and am so pleased with the results. I do not have Graves, but my lids had become so heavy that they sometimes blocked my field of vision. My close vision and peripheral vision are remarkably improved. Good luck with your surgery.

Jules

Veteran

People project their worries... I wonder if she was mentally cataloging all that you have gone through, having a bad reaction to the thought of those treatments, and when you mentioned the eye surgery, her mind went to "well that's cosmetic, I don't have to put THAT in my worry box' and so lashed out (in a totally rude and inappropriate way, to be sure). No excuses though, I would also choose not to engage with that person again. Good luck with your surgery.

taylor

Veteran

Oh , wow! People are so disappointing.
i fully support anything that makes one feel better about themselves. Until one has suffered an illness such as yours , they cannot possibly understand the toll it can take emotionally.
I am wishing you the very best outcome for your surgery and complete remission regarding this condition. Best wishes❤️

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh, sweet Andrea. ((((HUGS))).

People can be soooo UN-self aware, un-empathetic and insensitive. Shrug it off!

IT IS YOUR CHOICE to have surgery, and that's that. You look and are beautiful. Hope the surgery is successful, and that you regain as much vision as possible. Sending healing thoughts, and much love. xo

Style Fan

Veteran

I am so sorry you had to experience this. I hope your surgery goes well. You have enough to deal with at this time. Suz is so right about what people with chronic illness experience.

kkards

Veteran

people can be so rude...glad you're in remission and hoping that the surgery goes smoothly and provides you with the relief that you are looking for.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

people never fail to underestimate just how tiring dealing with a chronic illness is and comments like this from friends do not help.l hope that your surgery is successful and gives you the result that you are after.

Sisi

Veteran

First of all best wishes for your surgery! The world is full of people who speak without thinking. Sometimes their comments are so foolish that we should just laugh at them.

Bijou

Veteran

Glad you posted this, because you are justifiably outraged. She clearly has no idea about this issue. Vision is important. Wishing you a very good outcome on your surgery. If I was in your shoes, I would not hesitate for a second to have the surgery too.

Helena

Veteran

Echoing everyone else here - your health, your body, your choice. Clearly you have health and quality of life issues that you are trying to address, but even if it was (so-called) "vanity" - still, your health, your body, your choice!

Clearly this individual has issues of her own that she is projecting onto you; you are 100% right imo to set healthy boundaries when someone's negativity is infecting your life.

Hope it all goes well xx

kellygirl

Veteran

That's appalling behavior on her part. Sorry you had to listen to her. I'm constantly amazed at some of the things that people think and say. I'm not perfect, but I at least know when to keep my mouth shut. Good luck on the surgery!

RobinF

Veteran

Wow what an insensitive person! I agree with the other comments, you do what you need to do and ignore those opinions. Good thing you can avoid her.

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