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Real Life vs. Shadow Style

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

We've often talked on YLF about our "shadow style" - you know, the one we secretly look at, put their items into our carts, and then never buy 'cause it really isn't us? Can that shadow style actually become our real life style???

Structure has always been part of my style. I like how it can give my body shape that it doesn't have naturally and in a strange way, makes me feel more empowered. But I secretly peruse and drool over Eileen Fisher's website and long to look that comfortable and at ease with myself, while still being stylish and wearing great quality.

I have dipped my toes into my EF style alter ego with the purchase of my metallic drapey tee (the one I'm wearing today), my "chicken soup" cascading cardigan, and now two of the EF draped front dresses. The fact that her clothes come in petite makes me happy and I find the feel of the fabrics delightful on the skin.

I'm even looking at a few other EF items for the near future..of course, always mixing a wee bit of structure into the ensemble. I also think my recent realizations regarding footwear have something to do with this shift and my seeking physical comfort in a more deliberate way.

I feel that my style is suddenly having a significant shift and I'm not really sure what to do about it...

Shopping

22 replies

Latest reply was from Kat

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I find that a balance of drape and structure is the happiest outcome for me. Too much of either doesn't feel quite right as when I strike that balance. BF shorts with blazer last weekend, for instance. Even in one piece - like my most recent jumpsuit - has the lapels and tuxedo styling top, but drapey harem type bottom.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Ditto what Mo said.

What was your recent realization re. footwear?

Aida

Veteran

Shannon in answer to your initial question, yes I think that's possible. But I'm guessing that it's a cyclic thing, I mean if both styles are things you love the other style isn't going to just go away. I am not sure that that unstructured vs. structured is a shadow style thing, but more of a shift in what fit you prefer which of course can change over time. I have a hunch that if you explore this style direction, you'll still find many elements will hold true to what you like to wear now even with the more soft and drapey look; as you said, you still add in some structure And as Mo said, finding the balance is key. When I decided to pursue "soft" as a direction a couple years back it did take me some time figure out what that meant in terms of my style, and even though a lot of the strictness I favored before isn't currently present a lot of the same elements are still there.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Shannon, I think EF items have a lot of structure or they'd be a big mess. But I know what you mean, and I do think you're successfully incorporating it all into your style.

Anonymous

Dip your toe Shannon, but always find your structure sweet spot with each outfit that has a touch of drape and drama. No reason why you shouldn't keep trying.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Mo - I totally agree that it has to be a happy medium of drape and structure for me. All drapey makes me droopy - lol!

Aziraphale - footwear has to be comfortable before it's anything else. I've developed very fussy feet and I can't just pick shoes that are "kind of" comfortable anymore.

Aida - hmmmm....great food for thought here..."fit shift" rather than "style shift". Could very well be. And I do bring in some structure to pretty much every outfit whether that is by the topper I choose, or the handbag, or even the amount of skin shown.

IK - I was so hoping you would chime in! You are a major reason I even started to explore EF clothing. Every time you posted an outfit I would admire the EF items and when you spoke of the comfort or the fabric, I would think to myself "that sounds so fab to wear". I agree, the EF clothes do have structure, I guess just in a different way than what I am used to like a strong shoulder or a stiffer fabric. Maybe it's the flow of the fabric that makes it so different rather than the fit, if that makes sense? I'm just loving how the items feel on me and I'm wanting that more now.

Diane - like I said to Mo, it's making sure I have a happy medium. For example I wouldn't wear my EF drape front dress with the EF cascading cardigan - that would be just waaaaay too much drape on me.

Karie

(website)

Veteran

I agree, it's the balance of drape and structure that makes an outfit feel right to me.
I think style shifts happen all the time. The more I experiment and become aware of what looks good on me, the more my style preferences shift in that direction. I also usually feel a style shift that comes with the change of seasons - sometimes last year's items just don't speak to me any more, and sometimes they just need tweaking.

deb

Veteran

I think the shadow style can work its way into real life style. Structured and soft flowy silhouettes have always been in my closet but I usually kept the structured for work and the flowy for home and casual. I have started to merge the two and feel really good about it.

shedev

Veteran

I never thought of a shadow style as being something you don't do. I have several shadow styles, like sporty or post punk, that show up ocassionally and compliment my style persona but don't replace it. I feel a little more sporty in the hi-nesses than the steve maddens. They both feel like me. Head to toe sporty would feel much less like me. I think it is just about finding the right balance. On the other hand, if you are really having a significant shift, is that really such a bad thing?

Caro in Oz

Veteran

As someone who loves drape AND structure I agree that finding the balance (for you) is key. In my experience the more drapey the clothing the better the actual material & cut have to be. I see a lot of knock offs of Eileen Fisher & European designers who do similar pieces & mostly they just don't work on my body in the same way. The cheaper fabric doesn't drape as well or the cut is just off enough to make the clothing stand away from or cling to my body in a bad way. So in that sense their "structure" is in the cut & drape.

Your words: "(I).......long to look that comfortable and at ease with myself, while still being stylish and wearing great quality." really resonate with me. I know comfort is key for me - I don't mean trackies & flip flops comfort. I mean putting the clothes on & forgetting them type of comfort -very empowering imo. I find the older I get the more important quality becomes too.

Peri

Veteran

I don't see much wrong with a person liking variety or having a few difference styles in their closet. Isn't that supposed to be fun...to not fit in a box? You always look great...I've never seen you in something that didn't look like you, even it wasn't the same thing day after day. I think we can go too far in developing our "style"...all these descriptors, style words, the perfect wardrobe...and just end up stuck instead of free.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I agree with Mo, and sometimes I feel like our preferences shift in a cyclical way that isn't always indicative of a big long-term change.

I am another one who likes some ease and drape but definitely balanced with some structure -- otherwise I feel frumpy and ungainly.

And it's funny -- I have tried on a few EF items and they just don't seem to suit me! I did buy one basic white tank with a bit of metallic shimmer. And I considered a skirt but I didn't love it enough to justify the price. But I'm thrilled that it works for so well for many of you!

abc

Veteran

I relate to this a ton. I'm also in the secret admirers club of EF. I own none and haven't event tried any on. Yet it's always on my list of ideas of how to branch out. I just fear the drape to be honest. Like Shannon, I too get lost in too much drape. I need to experiment to find how to keep structure with drapey silhouettes. I could use a step by step how to or an outfit breakdown I'm that dense.

Gigi

Veteran

Oooh. I'm so jealous. I'm sized out of EF, and I love love love her clothing!

I think you just have to keep trying things to see where your style balances out. Sometimes it's like finding a new favorite food or spice—you eat lots and lots of it at the start, but then you go back to your old favorites and add just a bit of the new food in. But you can't always know that you've gone far enough with your new style detour (or food/spice) until you've maybe gone a little *too* far. So I am excited to see you keep exploring this new style.

As far as a "shadow style" becoming our real style, I do think that it can happen. We are drawn to shadow styles for a reason. There is a part of our psyche that wants to express itself in that style. So it's not completely divorced from ourselves. I think also sometimes it takes us a while to "grow into" our true style. We are used to feeling a particular way in the clothes we already have; plus, friends and co-workers and spouses might be surprised at seeing this "shadow" part of your true self. Changing your style is kind of like letting other people into a deeper level of yourself, and that can be scary.

Beth Ann

Veteran

I know "what to do about it." Play! Get enough EF or EF-like (which will help the budget go farther) to make a capsule and have fun with fashion! Your eye is so well honed that you'll know how to boss your clothes to get a happy result!

Years ago, I expected that, by this point, I would be dressing very EF myself -- like an arty Diva. Every time I try it just doesn't feel like me and I look like a tourist starting a week long cruise. Sigh. Still, I keep eyeing those loose silk trousers and linen drapey tunics! Show me how it's done!

shiny

Veteran

Interesting thread, Shannon, and I can so relate. I was in exact same mindset a few months back. I went to the store determined to add some EF pieces. They fit me just fine -- I love the quality, the feel of the fabric -- but something was still "off" and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I didn't buy any pieces. And I would have. I am still not sure what it was. And I still would, if I found just the right pieces. But that experience tells me that I'm probably never going to be EF head to toe, more likely maybe a piece here or there, added into my overall mix.

Ultimately & instead, I added two CM sweaters and a Vince sweater that fit the exact same role I had envisioned for EF, and for footwear the Naot sandals. We can count in here some new looser fitting, relaxed, fluid jeans. I think I look comfortable and at ease - I *know* I feel comfortable.

Isabel

Veteran

What an interesting question, Shannon. Hmmmmm.....for me that would be impossible right now. I am a SAHM as you know and there is not much life style that I can change. Maybe when the kids are older. But the truth is, that for me, 99% of the time it just doesn't work for me. I kinda feel that way about Keanu Reeves. I ADORE him, but I know that he would never work. He travels too much, is followed by the paparrazi, and so on. Beautiful, fanciful, not applicable to my life. : ) Though I was completely wrong about skinny jeans.

abc

Veteran

Lol Isabel!!!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

All drapey makes me feel droopy too! I don't feel right without some structure as much as I love drape. Like Mo and others said, it is all about balance and evolution. No need to define the outcome before the experiment!

Deborah

Veteran

Shannon this is a great conversation and I promise to go back and read all the comments fully. I wore corporate and structure for such a long time while secretly craving as slightly more alternate style. YLF gave me the confidence and encouragement to move toward that and I would say that I have pretty much now embraced my shadow style which has nicely morphed into my real life style. Your comment of wanting to "look that comfortable and at ease with myself, while still being stylish and wearing great quality" communicates my own journey. .As you know, I love drape and flow BUT I still want to look polished and professional for work and generally modern and stylish. And I have made a commitment to myself that I will no longer wear ill fitting or uncomfortable shoes or clothing.

For me it's been creating a balance, as others have mentioned, between the structured and the unstructured. All flow and drape and I feel sloppy. Today I am wearing an oversized black dress but it's been 'anchored' by the structure of my leggings and patent booties, and I think my hair style.

Wearing a drape dress and popping a tailored jacket over it offers the best of both worlds and still feels like me.

Play and experiement and do it your way.

Look at how fab your suit looked with the EF metallic top. Structure + Unstructure. Your recent marble midi outfit. Structured looking skirt and the untucked tee, and your recent olive and pink ensemble. I personally think you have been gently been heading in this direction for some time.

MsLuna

Veteran

Shannon, with your style, I think you can definitely work with balancing structure with drape. All it takes is having one strong structured piece and one particular draped piece! Play around with combinations and share them with us!

As for shadow styles and real life styles... I think I have MANY shadow styles. I find that I let my modern classic dominate my wardrobe and all my shadow styles are expressed through accessories. For instance, my once dominant Victorian/Goth tendencies are now expressed through jewelry alone. There's no way the steampunky stuff could be comfortable for me anymore! Another shadow style I have is very similar to yours: that drapey Eileen Fisher look. It makes it's way to my wardrobe during the colder weather, but now that I've tried on Eileen Fisher, I'm reconsidering!!!!

Kat

I also groove on drape + structure, and a great idea to dip your toe into your shadow self style by trying a couple of new pieces. I love the feel of EF natural fabrics, too. I hope you have fun!