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Rapidly approaching the big 50

alityke

Member

Please help. I'm 5ft 1 (just!) with broad shoulders a 36D/38C bra size with a tiny bottom half. I'm a UK 14 top (US10) and UK 10 bottom (US6). I've always tended to dressing tastefully younger than my years as I've held up pretty well until the last 12 months.
I'm rapidly approaching 50 and still have slenderish defined legs and a flat tummy but have started to see a little creping on my cleavage, elbows and knees and have the family double chin.
I feel I've started to look a bit "mutton dressed as lamb" but have no idea what to change without looking like I'm ready for putting out to grass.
HELP!

Body Type

17 replies

Latest reply was from sinead

rae

(website)

Veteran

This is always a tough subject -- and honestly, it makes me sad when women think they *have* to dress a certain way simply based on age! IMO, it really depends on how young/bubbly/whimsical your personality is. I knew women older than 50 who looked perfectly "right" in Hello Kitty graphic tees. I'd say definitely continue to show off your slim tummy and legs, and add in more classic, sophisticated pieces to your outfit until you feel more comfortable.

Aunty

Veteran

I turned 50 a couple of years ago. I thought about the "dressing your age" thing, then forgot about it!
I try to do the old smoke and mirror trick on the bits I don't like anymore, but keep what is holding up well shown off.
So don't panic!! and stay off the grass!!

jwomack

I just turned 43 and I totally disagree with the theory that you have to dress a certain way at a certain age. I love the theory of embracing trends and mixing that with classic pieces. I also think that the areas you are worried about and make you uncomfortable are easy enough to downplay or disguise. Avoid the lower necklines, wear 3/4 sleeves and dresses/skirts that hit at knee length or pants if you really can't stand any exposed leg. Highlight those areas you love and draw the attention there. I don't think you have to change your style -- confidence is key. If certain areas are draining your confidence, I think you can cover or downplay them with your clothing and still look chic and pulled together.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I'm only 40 but started thinking similar thoughts last summer when the high temps mean more skin exposed. From my perspective, if you are starting to doubt a few of your wardrobe choices then perhaps that's a sign that you might want to take stock of what you've been doing up to now, and how you might want to change that to reflect your new comfort level. Sounds like that's exactly what you are doing. As long as you aren't feeling like you need to automatically change because of what *they* say (whoever they are) you should or shouldn't be wearing. Not as tight, not as low, and not as short are the mantras I keep hearing But I have decent legs and wear minis. Conversely, I'm not at all comfortable in low cut tops, despite having a smaller chest. Do what is right for *you* and your particular body!

Oh, and if you aren't already, buying better quality, better made clothes will make you look more pulled together and will lay better on your frame. (I'm slowly learning this one myself)

thimblelina

(website)

Veteran

You've gotten good advice here already. I'm going to be 48 in a few months, just as my oldest daughter turns 15. We shop together a lot and I am developing my own set of road rules as we go along.

I like to look my age, but I like for my age to look youthful. Does that make sense? I think of it like an i-pod... I'm always adding new music to mine; but I also like to have the music library of a 50-year-old. And I don't want to waste time on musical drivel just because that's what everyone else is listening too... My personal playlist is very nuanced and quality driven. But it keeps moving along with the times. It is relevant. That's how I would like my closet and my personal style to feel.

Plus I think everyone has to honestly assess their aging bodies. Youthful is not young. Everything changes a little. The quality of light on the skin... the underlying muscle structure holding the skin in place... (That's why lots of plastic surgery is such a waste of money and time and ends up looking so weird up close and in person!) The people who have already talked about quality are right on. You can slap any flimsy little F21 black micro mini on just about any 16 year old and they will look winsome. You and me? Not so much maybe, even with great legs... Our skirts could even be the same length in inches, but I'm sure we would benefit from better fabrics, better tailoring, etc.

In brutal economic terms, young women in our society are given a lot of leeway to dress to attract capital. Older women in our society are thought to look their best when they display the accumulation of capital. (Feel free to disagree... I'm just sharing what I have observed over time...)

There was a thread here the other day about Clinton Kelly's remarks on this topic too.

I'm feeling like 50 is a real life milestone... 40 came and went for me without much thought. And I don't mean milestone in a bad way, either. 50 feels like the moment you get your game right, and then you get to play at that level the next 50!

I can't wait to hear more of what others have to say on this... Thanks for starting this thread! L.

MsMary

Veteran

Alityke, I'm a couple of years older than you, 5'2", with a similar body type (inverted triangle). You might want click on "view forum posts" under my name to the left of this post, and look at some of my WIW posts to look at how I'm handling some of these same issues. (Click on "view forum posts," then scroll down to "Threads Started.")

Coming back to add that yes, spending more money on better-quality pieces has been a great help to me. Even if it means having a smaller wardrobe, at our age quality is important!

tarzy

Veteran

Okay - the opinions expressed here are my own and not intended as any kind of rule for anyone else.

I always sense a certain fear related to the topic of "mature" dressing, and an almost reverse discrimination about aging. No one wants to think of themselves as "mature," as if it's a dirty word.

Well, I'm 53 and I'm mature. I definitely have changed the way I dress because of my age. It's a very personal leg of the style journey. Certain things just do not feel right on me anymore. To be blunt - they feel too young - too girly. I'm not a girl any more. I know this is a very hot topic and it gets everyone all rilled up whenever anyone mentions age and how it relates to fashion, but for me, there has been a definite shift. I feel like a fool when I'm dressed in anything too frilly, short, tight, or "youthful."

I've lived for 53 years, and I have a certain amount of wisdom and experience - I don't want to deny that. Being young is fantastic, but you can't turn back the clock. My body has changed, my face has changed, my hair has changed. I am trying to embrace these changes, rather than be fearful of them. I WANT to look mature. I WANT to look a bit more sophisticated. I DON'T want to look like I'm trying to recapture my youth.

"Dressing my age" doesn't imply elastic-waist polyester pants and theme sweatshirts. It doesn't imply "ladies who lunch" pastel colored jackets. I just bought a black leather moto jacket. But I don't look 23, or even 33. I'm 53. I'm not exactly sure what that looks like, but I'm excited to find out.

But as I said, I believe this is a very personal journey. I've attached this picture of the actress Helena Bonham Carter with her mother. Here are two mature individuals who dress as they please. I wouldn't dress like this, but this picture makes me smile. I love their individuality.

EDIT - Don't know why the picture isn't showing. Hopefully Greg can fix this bug!

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Ginkgo

Veteran

Yes, I know that fear of mutton dressed as lamb. When I was 40 there was a woman (probably mid-50s) at my company who dressed in very tight, tacky clothing and it made a huge negative impression on me and I really wanted to age gracefully. To me, "age gracefully" should still mean attractive and stylish.

Like the advice above, more coverage but the style should still flatter the feminine body but not display it overtly. Still wear the flattering v-neck or wrap neckline but not so deep or with a cami, or create a v-neck look with a long pendant necklace.

I'm 57 and just recently have shown more signs of aging; it seems to be about five years after menopause that the process has accelerated. So much now for hoping to look ten years younger or even five, now I just want to look good for my age. YLF has been a tremendous resource and I've already done some serious boosting of the economy in the last month, mainly shoes and higher quality items.

Thimblelina, I love your post, especially the idea of attracting capital vs. displaying capital! How true.

Claudia

Veteran

I'll turn 50 this summer. I wasn't going to post on this topic but Tarzy's and Thimblelina's posts really resonated with my way of thinking about this topic and inevitable life event (if you are lucky): aging. Tarzy, you fired me up!

I don't see age appropriate dressing as a punishment, but as empowering and dignified. I also WANT to look my age -- hey, I am even allowing my gray hairs to come in. I am perfectly okay with my maturity, too. And I think my 22 year old daughter and 23 year old son appreciate that.

Barbara

Veteran

Mutton dressed as lamb is indeed the biggest fashion faux pas for 'grown up' gals, but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and already realize this. Tweaking your style will be easy with all the good advice already posted here. I'm hoping our lovely Miss Angie will chime in, since she has mentioned that her most fashion-fearless clients are 50 and older!

I'm 56 and have become that fearless fashion-wise gal! Living in Europe for 12 years opened my eyes to a gorgeous world of style wonder. My fashion style is sassy-classic with a LOT of Euro influence thrown in the mix.

My advice: try everything within reason! Your gut reaction when you look in the dressing room mirror will tell you whether something is 'you' or not. This approach always works for me.

The number one rule according to Angie: have fun with fashion!

thimblelina

(website)

Veteran

Okay... you gals are makin' me laugh now... I know what you mean by "mature" dressing... ugh! JJill pulled this a few years ago. They had some cute artsy pieces when they first launched and then all of a sudden it went all middle-aged looking almost overnight. My daughter and I call it the "I'm in menopause! Don't touch me!" look... Like that old Saturday Nite Live skit about "mom" jeans ("Because nothing says 'I am no longer a woman' like mom jeans!") You guys are funny. Funny muttons. Funny lambs. Call yourself what you want. You're funny! I likes it! L.

MsMary

Veteran

Thumbelina, I LOVE your "attracting capital vs. displaying capital" analysis and think it is spot-on. I'm thinking of Angie's blog post about her 70-year-old client last winter: http://youlookfab.com/2010/12/.....-ensemble/. This is a totally classic look that a woman of almost any age would wear, but the older you are, the more you want to luxe it up: cashmere sweater, silk scarf, premium denim, v. expensive leather boots, etc.

The other thing is that I think we need to be more restrained about participating in trends. Last Christmas I went to a ladies' luncheon and one of the ladies was wearing a beautiful olive sequined tank, a fab olive military jacket with brass buttons, and amazing camo skinny cargos. It was all obviously expensive and fit her perfectly, but at 65-plus, even with a perfect figure, hair and makeup, she looked a little silly. She would have looked much better if she'd dispensed with at least one of those three very trendy pieces. Whereas a twentysomething would have rocked the full-glitz-military look.

nancylee

Veteran

So glad you started this thread, alityke. I, too, am facing 50 this fall and am doing a lot of thinking about my wardrobe and how to tweak it. You can count me among those who don't mind the whole "dressing age appropriate" concept....not at all! It's only natural to make changes along the way as your body and lifestyle change. Just as you have to listen to your body with regard to what foods to eat, you need to listen to your style "gut" to know which styles still work and which ones no longer "nourish" your look.

A few thoughts on my own recent evolution (which is still in progress!):

* Empire-cut tops suddenly feel juvenile and wrong on me (although this may be because they are no longer on trend), but my empire dresses still flatter and feel right.

* Knit shirts suddenly feel wrong, as they cling to all the wrong places! Except for my cardigans, basic tees, and a couple of forgiving black knit tops, I am moving toward more forgiving woven tunics, shirts, and blouses.

* Premium jeans (particularly Paige Hidden Hills) are now a necessity in order to "girdle" and flatter my softer middle.

* Fussy layers no longer feel right. They add bulk and further complicate the decision-making process, which is getting tougher as I age. (haha) The fewer pieces of clothing I have to think about coordinating at one time the better!

* Quality matters more than ever. Better-made clothes are simply more flattering to mature bodies.

* Comfort matters more than ever. HOWEVER, the danger here is not to sacrifice attractiveness for comfort a la "mom jeans" or the dreaded potato sack dresses some stores (that shall remain unnamed) offer up for women over 50. I've found that quality clothes usually offer the comfort I seek.

In short, I seem to be moving toward simpler, more streamlined looks accented by somewhat bolder accessories. Neutral classic basics with artsy/creative details thrown in (like interesting shoes, necklaces, scarves) and a few outstanding items (a great tunic or stunning coat) on the side. This really isn't that much different from the look I've always worn....but I am sensing a subtle difference happening.

This is a great thread. I appreciate everyone's wisdom, honesty, and insight.
Let's keep the conversation going.....

taylor

Veteran

Everyone has made really valid points! And I have enjoyed reading them...such wise women here!

Also 53 , and those of you who have been around awhile now my view on this. I think there is such a thing as age appropriate dressing and agree it is empowering rather than dowdy.
I wear a 00 and quite frankly I am not limited in style or fit. I could easily shop the Jr. dept and wear just about every trend out there...but why would I.You never really fool people NO matter how good one looks at this age! I would much rather look classy , and sophisticated rather than super trendy and tarty...and that is just the way one looks when dressed that way when older...trendy is fine as long as quality, fit and sophistication goes with it hand in hand.
How does a 50 something dress...Just look at Greenglove,DebbieK , Kyle, MaryK ,Taylor Tarzy, Marley,MNSara, Carole, Debora, San, and Joy...not a frump in sight

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I turn 46 this year and must confess, when I try something on, I rarely think, "is this too young for me?" I also don't *feel* 40-something. I feel pretty much the same, in fact better, than I did in my 20s. But I'm aware that I can't pull off the styles I wore 20 years ago.

Sure, when I look in the mirror, things are changing: I'm starting to see the hints of crepey skin on my neck, etc. My jawline is the only thing that really bothers me. Sucks because no fashion will cover that except a burka!

At heart I'm still very much a rock'n'roll chick. I listen to the same music my stepsons do, I'm an artist, I love clothes with a little edge or boho twist. Just because I'm now closer to 50 than 40 doesn't mean I'm going to go all pastel and JJill (no offense intended to anyone to likes pastel and/or JJ, it's just not my style). I know that my style and taste is evolving and will continue to refine as I get older, but it doesn't mean we have to abandon what we love.

So, alityke, what do you love, stylewise? What are your favorite outfits and pieces? What makes you feel good? I think that may be a good place to start.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Aunty, LOL at "keep off the grass", and thimbelina, I love your music analogy!

Great comments in this thread. You all are the best!

sinead

I've really enjoyed reading these responses. Such insightful, wise women on this forum!

Alityke, I can only add the suggestion to spend some time in your closet, put together outfits you're wondering about and take pictures. It seems like a lot of trouble, but I've found it to be invaluable, at least for me. I can see an issue in a photo that isn't apparent in the mirror. (why is that?) And then post some pics here for great feedback on the things you're not sure about.

For me, my style evolution (I'm 54) has gone from too classic to too trendy/fast fashion clothing to ... now finding the balance. This may have been said already, but Angie recommends 'structure, polish, quality' when we shop and when I deviate from those things, I invariably regret it. But I'm making peace with the fact that while there are some things I'm not comfortable wearing any longer, there are LOTS of beautiful clothes and outfits waiting for me. And I'm having fun finding them! I'm not talking about buying lots (I can't afford that) but about finding what does work. Or finding a look that is right for me and creating it out of what I have or with a few key pieces I can find. Over 50, 60 or 70- we still get to have fun with clothes!