Rant: I feel like a shopping failure - YouLookFab Forum

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Rant: I feel like a shopping failure

Kirti

(website)

Veteran

So I got my two blazers today - the orange one that I tried in store and a striped one in the same size. They seemed to fit well, but once I wore them around the house a bit, I realised they are a little too small, I couldn't even type comfortably in them! And of course, the size up looks sloppy due to large shoulders.

This happens to me so much and I don't know why. I window shop a lot more than purchasing and try everything on before spending, but somehow something is always wrong with my purchases.

I have a specific list and a designated budget, but somehow I am finding it difficult to find the perfect pieces - the perfect spring coat (single breasted trench), the perfect coloured/patterned blazer, the perfect pair of summer sandals! Coats look too overwhelming on me, blazers never fit 100% and as for sandals, I just realised that the soles on most are so narrow that my foot always sticks out.

It's not like I don't have any clothes or like I have to start from scratch. But I do have a tiny closet that I would like to build upon little by little! It's not like I'm splurging, you know? I'm pretty okay about being on a budget and I never shop when I'm bored or angry or anything like that. All I want is to find THE pieces I'm missing. And I suck at that. I don't know if it is me or if it is the shops, but I am pretty frustrated right now

Rant over. I'm sorry I'm venting over here, but I don't think anyone else would understand. Thanks for listening.

Shopping

20 replies

Latest reply was from Astrid

Sarah A

Veteran

totally understand! no need to apologize for venting i am very frustrated with myself for wasting time going thrifting today when i should have gone for a bike ride on a beautiful spring day!

ETA: i hope you didnt feel like i was hijacking here... it has been an emotional morning for me and upon rereading i felt i should add this. i hope the blazer and trench hunt will come to the perfect solution soon for you!

christieanne

Veteran

Vent away! YLF will understand that frustration completely. Most of us can relate in some way. I went through all of last year not finding shoe style I liked or that fit me and having to rely on my closet for old standards.

Was the next size up jacket too large all over or just in places? Is tailoring an option?
It does help once you find brands that fit your sizing to gravitate towards them (and pray that they never change fit models and come out with color groups you love).

Sending vibes to France that your next shopping expedition yields a success.

Jilly

Kirti, don't worry about venting - it's fine! I have a suspicion you might be built like me - busty with narrow shoulders. If that's the case you may need to buy a larger size to fit your bust, and have the jackets tailored to fit your shoulders. Don't get discouraged just yet, maybe ask around for a good tailor

gradfashionista

(website)

Veteran

Are you open to tailoring clothing? Or viewing tailoring as a necessity rather than a luxury? What about choosing a pattern and having it made up for you? I had a few shalwar kameez (Indian tunic/pants) garments made up years ago and the cost of the fabric and having them made by a local shop owner was much cheaper than what I saw in the popular stores in Toronto.

Sunita

Veteran

Oh no! {{{hugs}}}

I know shopping can be really frustrating! Before you give up on those blazers...are you wearing them unbuttoned or buttoned? If the latter, can you try moving the buttons closer to the hem to give you a little more room? Are they worth getting altered?

If they are too tight even unbuttoned, then I think you might need to size up and have them tailored. Have you looked for really structured knit jackets? I have a couple boiled wool ones for the winter, and might get another knit jacket for the warmer months.

As for sandals...is the selection in wide too limited? Could you try an online store? I'm a huge fan of Zappos, but don't know if they ship to France or have a European counterpart...

Hang in there Kirti; we've all faced frustrations at some point!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

HUGS!!!

I understand completely. I struggle with shopping, too, and feel terrible at it. And if one is on a budget it feels especially important to get pieces that actually WORK as opposed to pieces that end up making you feel uncomfortable.

Tailoring might be the solution, for sure. But it also might be a question of figuring out which manufacturers design best for your body type, and perhaps going for softer fabrications or fabrications with a bit of stretch in them at first if you are unused to wearing jackets. Some people ALWAYS find a jacket uncomfortable (no matter how good the fit) and they take it off to work. I am the type who finds jackets super comfortable (as long as they fit well) but even I will take off my jacket at times. For example, the one I was wearing yesterday has more fitted sleeves and is a closer fit than most of my others. It does have a bit of stretch. I can wear it to type, but prefer not to wear it if I am doing other things around the house.

Sometimes shopping is more difficult when we have specific pieces in mind. It's a real paradox, because without a list we will end up with a mish-mash of orphans, but WITH a list, sometimes, we end up with nothing! Angie advises not to "settle," which is excellent advice, except if you have nothing to wear, LOL! In which case settling for the "almost" at a reasonable price point might be best. If the single breasted trench in the colour you want doesn't appear, maybe another style coat in that colour will, or you can forget the colour and just go for the style, meanwhile promising yourself that you will JUMP if the item you're looking for does show up?

I am still quite overwhelmed when I shop and sometimes wander around in a daze not really seeing a thing. It's hard work!!

Meredith1953

Veteran

Kurti,
I feel your pain! Vent away!!! Shopping with an eye to find something we truly love and loves us back is exceptionally hard work. Just don't try to do too much at one time! Take your time and maybe give yourself a treat when you start to get discouraged. My treat is to stop for coffee and maybe a biscuit!

As far as sizing is concerned, I get discouraged about blazers for the opposite reason! I have narrow sloping shoulders but I also have a healthy bustline and I am struggling to find blazers I like! I also have NARROW feet size 9 1/2 and flat and it is hard to find shoes that I like that don't kill my feet. I have recently fallen in love with online and catalog shopping. I still am disappointed if things don't work but not as much as I would be if I spent a lot of time at the mall and came home empty handed.

You look so awesome in all the things you wear that maybe you just set higher standards for yourself then I do. Just take your time. Remember that you are doing an elimination process on your way to finding awesome things.

I am not trying to sermonize but a final thought. Shopping is a celebration of self! It should be fun!
As Jimmy Malone in "the Untouchables Movie" says... "Thus endeth the lesson"

ManidipaM

Veteran

So sorry you feel so sad. It's definitely the shops, and not you!

First, a few practical ideas:
(1) Seconding Sunita's suggestion of a well-structured knit jacket, particularly boiled wool, if that doesn't sound too casual to you. They have more 'give' where it counts. I got a purple one for about Rs10 (yeah, seriously; I daresay you know where!) my first winter in Delhi; that was 10 years ago and I'm still wearing it after having gone up a whole top size! The stretch factor will also do away with the binding in the arms if the fit isn't perfect.
(2) Alternatively look for a ponte knit. Looks just like a normal blazer, but again has just a bit more give (though less than the normal knits) and drape. I had to remove the shoulder pads from mine to make room for my wider shoulders, and a normal blazer would have given the game away; this one actually remoulded to *my* shape after a few wears. Very helpful and comforting!
(3) Erm, have you tried taking advantage of your smaller size to check the GIRLS' section of the shops for your coat? I suspect France is not all that eager to put young females in especially frou-frou outfits, so you might find something nicely grown-up there! At best, it will be oversized in only the shoulder (when it fits at the bust), which is at least a simpler alteration than nipping and tucking all over.
(4) For the sandals, are you looking at flats or heels? If the latter, look for almond-shaped soles. The wider angled front will often offer more room than regular pointed (spoon-shaped) wides.

Finally, the philosophy module:

You know, it's partly the fact that you are shopping with a clear idea of your budget and requirements that is causing you frustration, I suspect! If you weren't being so beautifully focused, by now you might have bought a bunch of off-the-list things to help you feel more productive at shopping --- which in the long term is no good. So congratulations on having the will power to stick to your guns!

Yes, a clear aim and restricted budget also reduce your options; but that makes sure you are really happy with your purchase when you DO find something.

At the same time, maybe you should consider shopping more suspiciously (as opposed to cautiously, which I will *not* advocate) and getting more energetic in the changing rooms! If you think it's fine in the shop and it disappoints at home, you probably need to move more and challenge the garment before you buy it. So jump, stretch, touch your toes, squat, lean over from the waist, stretch ceilingwards, cross your legs and sit etc --- after all, the door is shut! Who's to know you're bicycling on your back to confirm jeans fit?

And remember, as Angie says, that you need to be patient and persistent when you are shopping to a plan. It's not you! Shopping with focus actually takes more time than more impulsive buying!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Manidipa gives EXCELLENT dressing room advice! I can't believe I didn't know enough to do this before YLF, and I STILL sometimes forget to move around when I am trying stuff on. It's really, really helpful.

rae

(website)

Veteran

The other gals have posted great solutions, but I just wanted to chime in and say that I don't think you are a shopping failure! I think this is success, really, as you are not wasting $ or space on items that aren't perfect. Even Angie says that she can wait years to find the *perfect* item. If you were really hurting for variety or numbers, I would say to get an inexpensive stop-gap piece that will tide you over until "Mr. Perfect" shows himself, but it sounds like that is not the case.

Transcona Shannon

Veteran

Kirti - YLF is EXACTLY the right place to vent your frustration! We all have a fashion nemesis that we have to deal with - yours is jackets, mine is pants. You've received all sorts of fabulous advice and I have nothing new to add to it. Rae has an excellent point - it is successful sometimes when you DON'T buy something.

HUGS

san

Veteran

I say congratulations for being picky about what you buy! Things must be comfortable and fit well. I have a similar problem with blazers, if they look like they fit I cannot move my arms properly and I can't accept that. Also I agree that feet hanging over the edge of sandals is not the best look. You are doing a great job of trying to find your brands. I have decided to always have some stretch in the fabric of blazers for myself. We are all here learning and you are on the right track. It's the journey!

catgirl

Veteran

Isn't frustration the definition of shopping sometimes? I feel the same way, especially because my shoulders ARE so hard to fit. Most of what is out there is made for "everyone" and thus rarely fits ANYONE perfectly. Manipada's advice should be mantra here!

krishnidoux

Veteran

So sorry you feel this way. What a bummer. You have received excellent advice here. May I add: is it possible in any way for you to return to the store and explain the situation, and maybe get one size up at least? Then you could get it tailored.

I just checked out your latest pics on your blog, your outfits are so cute! No one would know you have the fitting issues you talk about.

Since you are in France what do you think of Kookai and Etam?

Kirti

(website)

Veteran

Thank you all for chiming in with support, advice and so much love. I am so lucky to be part of a community like YLF

Sarah A: Thanks! I hope so too!

christieanne: The bigger size looks weird in the shoulders and doesn't taper in as nicely on the sides or the curve of my back, if you know what I mean. And since I don't buy very expensive clothes, alteration would be 2-3 times the price of the blazer! Thanks

Jilly: I'm built EXACTLY like that! Tailoring is really expensive here, so I may consider either getting one or two custom made (in India where it is cheaper) or then, just buying a slightly large one and getting it altered in India.

dissertante: Actually most of my Indian clothing is either tailored for me or, if I buy it off the rack, is altered to fit me perfectly. But that is because clothing in India is inexpensive and tailoring is practically free! Here, alteration would totally take up my entire budget, since it is so costly. Sigh!

Sunita: They're unbuttoned ;( so yes, I will be on the lookout for knit jackets now! As for the sandals, in France we don't have special 'wide' or 'petite' or 'tall' sizes like in the US. So I will just have to keep looking, hopefully I can find something! Thanks

Suz: I actually love jackets! I'm not a cardigan person at all and I layer only with jackets. I do have a few that I like, so it's not like I'm starting out with nothing which is why I don't want to settle. I will try finding something with stretch - hopefully it won't be too tough! I already have an 'almost' trench - a camel one. So I'm still hoping the perfect one will just pop up one day.

Meredith: I have the same problem! Narrow shoulders, large bust! And yes, shopping should be fun! And for the most part, it is! I just think I expect too much from the clothing I buy but seeing as I already have some great stuff, I guess I can afford to keep looking for the PERFECT items, right? Thank you

Kirti

(website)

Veteran

Manidipa: Thank you! I love all your advice, especially the one on sandals - I have tried just the 'spoon' shapes so far, hopefully I will find some almond shaped soles too! And yes, I really should remember to thoroughly test everything in store. Thanks again

Rae: Aww thank you! That is so encouraging! I really don't want to settle since I have some basic stuff that I do love, so I'm hoping I find the perfect pieces

Shannon: Thanks for commenting I feel so lucky to have friends like you!

san: Exactly! Here's hoping we both find our perfect blazers!

Una: Oh it is! And thanks for saying that, it's nice to be reminded that it's not just me, it's actually the manufacturers!

krishnidoux: For now, I'm just returning both. I really can't justify €100 or so on tailoring a €50 blazer! And thanks I haven't tried much in Kookai, since I don't have a store near me. But I do like Etam - they have a lot of really nice jeans and a lot of really trendy items at inexpensive prices.

Astrid

Veteran

I completely understand and I'm often feeling the same! I haven't much in my wardrobe at the moment and have a list of things I really want and need and I haven't been that successful with it yet. Joining YLF resulted in me wanting a much higher standard for quality and fit and I'm on a student budget! Add to that that I would like to keep my wardrobe small and versatile and you understand why I have problems. I've been trying to slowly replace some stuff over the last 16 months and I sometimes feel like a shopping failure because I think this should have been much easier and faster than it is. But then I have to remind myself that it's a good thing - a success even - to be more discerning. Although it's difficult to be patient sometimes...
Just wanted to say that you are not alone!

Anonymous

It happens to all of us. I just culled my closet of a few things that didn't work for me and I knew I wouldn't wear. I figure it's best to give those items to people who can use them rather than allowing them to take up valuable space in my home. I take comfort in the fact that I rarely have to do this type of purge. I make a lot less mistakes than I used to.

Take heart and move forward! It can sometimes take quite a while to find that specific item you're looking for.

Kirti

(website)

Veteran

Astrid: You sound like my twin in this post! I'm in the exact same boat, discovering YLF has made me scrutinise every potential addition to my closet! Even I feel like I'm falling behind sometimes, be it on getting basics or adding in the latest trends. It is so nice to hear that I am not alone. I'm sure we will both succeed in building up a great wardrobe. Best of luck to you!

Astrid

Veteran

Thanks! To you too! I'm sure it'll all work out, with having all this wonderful help at our disposal.