Oh Tanya, I am tearing up just reading this, and I am so happy that this phase of your treatment is over. You have been so strong and brave throughout it all, and I am in awe of your grace and courage. Hugs and continued warm wishes for a smooth recovery! xo

So glad for you that this part is over. Wishing you all the best as you recover and get back to health.

Hooray, Tanya!
I'm so happy for you that one more phase is behind you!
I'm hoping that the next couple of months aren't as bad as you fear, and that you can begin to feel better soon.
Thinking of you, and sending you my all my best thoughts and prayers for strength and healing!

Yay, Tanya! so happy for you! I also want to say that I am always late to your threads nowadays, but that's because of the time difference:)

Tanya, thank you for sharing your journey with the forum. Your experience is teaching me a lot and I hope as a result to be more compassionate to love ones if the need arises in the future.

I am sorry things are likely to get worse, I guess each day ticked off is a day closer to the new normal.

Your kindness never ceases to amaze me. It is a always a wonderful feeling to read all these encouraging words.

It is such a pleasure not to hurry anywhere and have a relaxing day. I had a long visit from a friend today ( and two other ones on Sunday). These are almost the first in-house visits I had in the past two months (with one or two exceptions) and I was beyond thrilled. However, I am fairly annoyed at myself. During all the visits, particularly today's one, I talked and talked and talked. Mostly complained and talked about various cancer related things. And also, even tough I did not want to do it, ended up also talking about my loneliness and how hurt I was some friends disappeared (obviously not the ones that visited) and how I don't know how to deal with it and so on.

Now, I am partly excusing myself since I know that I am literally starved for human contact and attention, so once I had it the flood doors opened. Nevertheless, I was told in the past and I am aware myself that i talk too much, Over share. Than regret it later. And I know it is disrespectful and ungrateful to complain about the people whose disappearance hurt me to joint acquaintances - I should leave that for my counselor and people who do not know them. Yet I can not seem to help myself. And now I do not like myself much for doing this. I wish I could change, talk less and control more what I am sharing. Every time I say I will be better next time, and every time I fail in some manner. I am afraid that if I continue with this annoying and inapropriate behaviour I will drive these few friends I have left away as well. Sigh... How do i change and overcome these tendencies?

Tanya, I think you are more than entitled to share your disappointment and pain with your friends and loved ones! They are there to support you and I know if I were in their shoes I would be honored that you felt close enough to let loose and let some of it out!

That said, I am a gigantic over-sharer myself so I know how you feel. A couple of suggestions: Can you tell the people who visit you, up front, that you are in a very vulnerable position and although it really helps to share your difficulties, you hope that they will keep your sharing at this time confidential?

And this is crazy but it's something I might try: Set a timer for 10 or 15 minutes and when it goes off, say "Okay, that's enough of me complaining for now. Your turn to tell me what's up with you!" I actually did something similar when I had houseguests visiting a few months ago, right when I was in the thick of filing for divorce -- set a 5-minutes-at-a-time limit on divorce talk. It worked really well and even when I went over time, it lightened the mood.

Tanya, it is absolutely normal to be a tiny bit self-absorbed after a life-threatening illness especially when you are quite young. Your friends will understand that and continue to support you. Do not worry about this at all.

And if they are your friends, then they already know you are an over sharer and love you anyway.

Well, I can't speak for everyone but I can tell you that I for one do not mind at all if my friends whom I have not seen in a while want to over share, especially if they've just gone through a life changing event. I think it's probably good for you to talk about what you're going through anyway, and I think your true friends will understand.

And you know you can always share as much as you want here, right?

I am glad you are over this part of the journey. As you said you are tired physically and emotionally so falling into old habits can happen. Be kind to yourself right now. You need it and deserve it.

Thank you for making me feel alittle better ladies, but I am still pretty upset at myself. Mortified actually. I am currently thinking of sending a good apology and thinking of inviting the friend in question to a movie (during which I would have to be quiet), but I am not sure if this would make the things better or worse and if she has had enough of me for a while. Urgh...

Tanya, I think many of us have been in a similar situation!

I have literally chewed my friend's ear off with frustration over the lack of support when issues arose relating to DD's autism but I have since been able to repay her tolerance and kindness and our friendship is stronger as a result.

Tanya, are you going to therapy at all? If not, let me urge you to give it a try! I've been in therapy for quite a while now, and it's so helpful because not only can I bend Dr. Shrink's ear about all the things I would otherwise bore my friends with, but I can bend his ear about how I'm so mortified about bending my friends' ears about all my problems! (And for the record, he assures me that I'm not nearly as horrifying as I think I am, and I'd bet a million bucks you're not nearly as horrifying as you think you are, either.)

Thanks ladies, much appreciated.
Mary K, I am in therapy, though I need to find a new therapist. I have been seeing a specialized cancer counselor (social worker by training) throughout my treatments, who was very nice and helpful. However, I can not keep seeing her anymore as that hospital is over an hour drive away and I do not drive. It was one thing to find drivers for radiation therapy - I will never be able to repay them as long as I live. But it would be very impractical and impossible to keep doing that for therapy, and I wouldn't want everyone knowing I am going there anyway. So now I need to find a good local psychologist that I can see discreetly on my own.

Yay! I'm so happy your past this hurdle!

Tanya,

Please don't be upset AT ALL with yourself. You have been through an extremely traumatic situation.

It is a privilege to be a confidante--to be there for someone and to truly listen to their concerns.

We are here to help each other.

I really think most people feel this way.

Things are very emotional right now. Please cut yourself some slack and completely excuse yourself.

Happy healing thoughts to you.

So glad to hear that is complete and wish you the best these next few hard weeks of recovering and taking time for self care. Sending you hugs and healing prayers.

Tanya,

I agree with the others, don't spend any more time regretting anything you said to your friends - they are your friends and letting a friend vent is part of friendship, you know? We all do it to some point, esp. when we are stressed.

As for trying to change the habit of saying too much (if you really think it is a general problem and not just related to the past few months), you likely can change that habit. I once met with a business counselor as part of the senior business mentor program. He stopped me at one point in our discussion (as I was blurting on and on about our business plans) and said "You want to know one of the big secrets to success in business?" And of course I did, and he said something like "Stop talking so much and wait for the other person to say something." Then he proceeded to give me some examples of how this works. I began using it as a negotiating tool right away and to my amazement, it was so helpful. I had been guilty of trying to answer questions I hadn't even been asked - which was likely leading to all sorts of insinuations on my own part in my own head. By practicing the act of being quiet, purposefully, it slowly became a habit and I've used it all my life since that one meeting many years ago.

Hurray, Tanya! I am so happy for you and wishing you strength for the difficult times still ahead. You have been so brave and strong.

Yay so pleased the treatment is finished. I think a good friend will understand and let you have a moan, you've been through a very difficult time. I'm sure there'll come a time when you can repay the favour and let her chew your ear off!