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Questions To Ask Before You Buy

Gaylene

Veteran

I know that Passage des Perles' blog can incite controversy on this forum, but I really found today's topic hit home for me: http://passagedesperles.blogspot.ca/

It was her first question "What am I DOING when I'm wearing this?" that really caught my attention because I am so guilty of buying for my fantasy lifestyle if I find something I love. I know that Angie tries, in her own tactful way, to keep reminding us of this principle, but sometimes I need the equivalent of swift kick in the butt to remind me. And the Duchesse does not mince her words, as so many of you have pointed out in other threads.

Do her questions resonate with anyone else?

Shopping

17 replies

Latest reply was from ManidipaM

milehighstyle (Linda)

Veteran

I think these are great questions to ask. I've gotten better at the duplication and just feeling ok about something as opposed to fantastic, but really good reminders here!

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I ask myself, "Would I wear it today?" If I wouldn't then it has to be for a specific event or a replacement. This keeps me on the straight & narrow.

Makrame

Veteran

Gaylene, this question reminded me of this blog post http://amidprivilege.com/2011/.....-wardrobe/

And then I realized that you were the one who originally posted a link to that on YLF.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Gaylene, I loved this post! Thank you for linking to it. What a great reminder. I think that asking myself how I FEEL in an article of clothing will be a wonderful aid to shopping. Of course I do ask myself that question, in a way, but I don't think I've done so this explicitly. It would really have made a difference when I bought the dress that I eventually passed to Mo. I knew how i WANTED to feel but not how I really felt. Interesting to reflect on this.

The one point I disagree with a bit is her conception of coherence. For me, coherence isn't about meeting others' expectations. My concern with coherence is all about wanting to look consistently like myself. So in my case, I might ask if this article fit my "urban prince" descriptor or was a wild veering off course. Small variations, fine...but a complete about face is not likely to make me feel elegant, clever, happy, or to make any other positive associations -- much as I might dream of that in a fantasy life.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Yep, I'm on board with the "What am I DOING when I'm wearing this?" suggestion. I'm occasionally guilty of buying for a fantasy life too.

Thistle

Veteran

I like these questions. I need to jot them down and keep them with me!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Maybe I am being picky, but I don't see how she answered the question of what she does in her item whatsoever.

["What am I doing when I'm wearing this?

I imagine real-life scenarios, and they'd better flow freely.

Useful corollaries: Do I have at least three things that go with it? Will I need to buy new shoes? Is it a duplicate?

The reversable sari-silk stole at left made the cut; it goes with everything from jeans to a dress and rolls up to nothing in a bag. It's from a private sale held by Toronto's Kalabandar.]

All of that said absolutely nothing about where and how she would wear the scarf. I must be lost . . .

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I took her simply to mean that if she could not imagine fitting the item comfortably into her actual life, it wouldn't work so she'd leave it. You know...she didn't SAY exactly that she would wear that scarf tucked into the neckline of her grey wool coat when going out to meet a friend for a winter lunch in Montreal, or as a shawl (pashima substitute) when at the opera, or to bookend her bright coloured skirt....but you can imagine she might have said something like that.

And if she couldn't....if, instead, she was left standing there scratching her head about opportunities to wear the thing....or realized that instead of elegant and happy she would feel costumed and ridiculous in such an oversized scarf...or realized that in fact, she was moving away from Montreal and planned to live in a rustic cottage in the deep Laurentians where she'd be chopping wood more often than she'd be lunching with the ladies...well, then, maybe this scarf would not be such a clever purchase.

Similarly, you or I might ask ourselves where and how we'd actually wear the LBD that we so dearly desired, or the bright sandals, or whatever item had hit our fancy.

ETA: this is nothing Angie hasn't been suggesting what we do. For me it was more her emphasis on imagining how she'd feel in an item or just dwelling on the feelings that came up that was a bit of a different emphasis.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

yeah, I guess I can be too literal sometimes. But if she says, Imagine just what you are doing when you wear it, but then drops it, I lose interest honestly. I like Angie's approach better

Mia

Veteran

Yes, her questions are similar to the conversation I have with myself in the fitting room.

Where am I going in this? That's what I ask myself. If the answer is to my "imaginary life" back it goes.

I also do the does it make a part of at least three outfits with existing pieces, is it on my "list" and do I want to wear it tonight or better yet right out of the store. I have literally had tags clipped off and worn items immediately. No going back then

Beth Ann

Veteran

My mom and I have a saying....."I could wear this to the 10:00 news!" This means the item is beautiful, but for a fantasy life! I would find these questions helpful, I think

I do think these questions work better for someone with a strong imagination and sense of self, which this blogger clearly has. Some women would keep buying appropriate, but dull and frumpy items because they could see themselves wearing them to walk the dog and go to their casual offices.

Anonymous

These are good questions to be reminded of this time of year when there are so many tempting clearance sales. I've asked variations of these questions for years, but the ones that help me most are Angie's. Like Mia, I need to think, "Do I want to wear this immediately?" and "If I buy this, what in my closet will I get rid of?"

catgirl

Veteran

My problem is my imagination.

Why is this blog controversial?

Adelfa

Veteran

I can use constant reminders in many forms to focus, focus, focus. I think of myself as a careful shopper but lately I've realized I actually do buy multiples (that is, items that serve the same function as ones I already have) more often than I realized. Also, for example, I have several lovely bags, but I don't carry bags much--they live under my desk at work all day. So time to put fewer fashion dollars toward bags. I liked pp's list as I like all lists that help me buy intelligently and joyfully.

Gaylene

Veteran

Linda--reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who duplicates. I sometimes ask myself if hoarding T-shirts is really necessary; chances are good that there will be more available next summer.

Caro--good question; in most cases, my answer would probably be "no" and I'd save a bundle. And then I could travel to Australia which I've always longed to do.

Makrame-- obviously the point about being precise about when and where you'd wear something really hits home with me. It sounds so right when I'm making my resolutions, but then I'm in a dressing room…

Suz--the coherence thing was interesting because I do like to use my work clothing to create an specific image which, I suppose, is meeting other's expectations in a sense. I still want to FEEL like me, but just a toned-down work version of an UWQ. I really don't want to scare my students.

Elisabeth--well, if our fantasies ever become a reality, we'll be all set.

Thistle-- I'm thinking of putting a note in my wallet next to my credit card.

Mo--Hmm, good point. Come to think of it, I can't think of a single thing that I'd DO in a reversible sari-silk stole. PdP obviously does different things than I do.

Suz-- giggling at the image of chopping wood in my reversible sari-silk stole. Actually, it would be more like shoveling snow on the driveway.

Mo-- we all like Angie's approach better; that's why we hang around here so much.

Mia--can I take you shopping with me?

Beth Ann--love that "I could wear this to the 10:00 news!" And you're right that a LITTLE fantasizing is probably not that bad, otherwise I'd never buy anything but jeans and Ts if I was being totally realistic. At least I look good in my cashmere sweater walking the dog.

Joy--yes, the sales that make me think a pink wool coat is an investment.

Una--I think the Duchesse can be a bit outspoken in some of her musings. She can get some people riled up by her definitive statements because she does not suffer from a lack of confidence. But I always enjoy her thoughts, even when she is being provocative.

Adelfa--would you like to join Linda and me in our Duplicates Anonymous rehab session: I am Gaylene and I buy multiples of the same #&*!# thing.

Mia

Veteran

Sign me up for the "duplicates club" as well At least all my shoes aren't black anymore and I have not bought another black blazer for awhile.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Like Una, I have to confess my overactive imagination can be a problem. So can remembrances of lifestyles past!

I can tell myself very convincingly that I will wear the dress on a nice dinner date and a movie --- except I rarely go out for either activity and am way more likely to have a movie night over a homecooked meal curled up on the couch or bed or even the floor! I can also assure myself I will wear the suit to press conferences overseas...

It helps to follow it up with the cross-question: 'So, do I have nothing else I could wear instead?'

I realize this is the corollary of duplication as well... I'm also a serial duplicater when I find something that's a perfect fit for my body and style. I do try to stop at 2 or at most 3 instead of getting carried away!