Query: Are you always equally confident in all your clothes? - YouLookFab Forum

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Query: Are you always equally confident in all your clothes?

catgirl

Veteran

I was going to return the beloved Carven dress, but decided to give it one more try. Well, today I felt fab enough in it that I wore it to work (with a jersey cardi because a) it is a bit bodycon for work and b) the heat is off in our building due to construction). Nothing changed except my confidence level, for whatever mysterious reason. I have not lost 10 pounds and I'm not wearing Spanx. I just felt better today.

Do you feel like all of your closet should be wearable every day, or do you have days when certain items are a challenge? And if so (leaving aside things like being bloated or actual weight loss/gain), why? Is it as simple as mood shift?

Carven Print Jersey Dress

$350.00 $209.98

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43 replies

Latest reply was from Deborah

catgirl

Veteran

Oh, and also an apology for not being around as much. Have been busy and not so inspired - but am hoping to check in more. Miss you all!

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

Glad you gave it a second chance. I sometimes "hold" a new item for weeks or even a couple of months before really wearing it. Indecisiveness? Maybe. But I think in general for me, mood is a huge indicator of what I will reach for from day to day. When I'm not feeling particularly "up" I choose my most comfort oriented clothes - muted colors, no pattern, loose fit. Those aren't the days when I will reach for something new (well, not unless it meets the other criteria). When I'm feeling good I choose my brighter things or patterns and have more fun with wearing new items, adding accessories, etc.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I think any variations in confidence for me are mostly situational. I can feel awesome in a maxi dress in a FL beachtown and completely conspicuous in one in Tahoe, for example. Ditto, a tighter or more bodycon look to a nighttime venue or concert when in other situations I wouldn't carry it nearly as well.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

There's definitely "non bloat" clothes for me - I don't think you have to wear every piece every day - think of them as special occasion things

rabbit

Veteran

What Mo says, it's all about where I wear it. Actually I can feel a bit more conspicuous when I'm hanging out with people who know me, like relatives or coworkers, than when I'm running errands on my own, where I don't feel any subconscious pressure to dress casually or consistently.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Q). Do you feel like all of your closet should be wearable every day, or do you have days when certain items are a challenge?

A). Yes, All of my clothing is wearable everyday. There are very few items that are not everyday wear. People say I am dressed up all the time even at work in jeans and boots. But I feel comfortable in my own skin and I feel even more fabulous in all of my clothing even on a bad day.

Q). And if so (leaving aside things like being bloated or actual weight loss/gain), why? Is it as simple as mood shift?

A). To me, I think of my clothing as battle gear from my shimmy fringe dress to my hard core clothing to my everyday work wear. I'm out to do battle with whatever the world is going to put me through, be it the great, the mediocre or the just the not so good. I do not let things like weight or financial circumstances dictate how I dress or how I allow myself to behave.

My grandmother used to say just because your broke or don't have anyone to love you or just because your sick does not mean you have to look like it.

And by the way. I think that dress is great.

cciele

Veteran

Glad you hung onto the dress Una! I really liked how it looked on you. In fact, I might be copycatting you on this one

Anyhow, I'm also in the situational camp. Many of my clothes do not overlap in their capsules (I guess you would call it that, since I don't do capsules). For example, most of my going-out clothes would not fly at work.

Also, I never discount how hormones can wreak havoc on self-confidence, mood and dressing *shakes fist at darn hormones*

milehighstyle (Linda)

Veteran

No, I'm not always at the same level of confidence in all my clothes. Like Rabbit, sometimes I'd rather wear something when I'm not going to be around people I know, or when I'm with certain people but not others. For example, I'm planning on wearing a pair of polka dot pants to work for the first time tomorrow - it's casual Friday and a lot of people are out of the office on Fridays in the summer. Not that they are inappropriate at all, but they are the kind of thing that will get attention and comments. I certainly don't dress to blend in, but don't like being a distraction either.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, Una, I'm glad you gave the dress another chance! I love it.

I am a very emotional dresser. One day I'll be feeling pretty awesome and will wear something that on another day I feel, for some unknown reason, is too tight, body con, or otherwise conspicuous. And I hear you -- it's not like my body magically changed overnight, but for some reason I just feel lower key some days and more comfortable with something more attention-getting on another. I don't know if hormonal changes or mood or bloating have anything to do with it -- I suspect that may be the case, but sometimes I think my mind just messes with me.

catgirl

Veteran

Cathy, two things about the dress (and you shoudl try it!). One, it runs very small - I'm in a L which I think fits like a 6 if it were made of something other than jersey. Two, it has a kind of folded flap at the bust, almost like a shelf bra on the outside. I like that because it contributes to the ruching illusion and helps it be more flattering. It is also a wee bit sheer, at least with my skin tone. It may have made a difference that I wore a slip, which helped me feel smoother and less lumpy even though it's not shapewear.

Love the answers here - Janet, I so relate!

Alassë

Veteran

First, congratulations! Second, we're just glad to see you when you drop by. And third, to get to your questions, I think it's okay to have a limited number of "not every day" items. If one has too high a proportion of these, I'd assume one is easing oneself into a new style.

I think you're right that it may be simply a mood shift - when you feel confident enough to wear __, you either forget that you're wearing something farther from the norm (because it feels so you) or decide you don't care what people think.

Joy

Veteran

I often do not feel confident when first trying something new. Posting here really helps me gain confidence and enjoy the clothes. The first time that I wore a moto jacket in public, I thought the sky would fall. Playing in my closet and finding how I like anew piece styled is also important to my feeling good in it. I dress up much more than the people around me and that used to lead to anxiety. Now we are all used to it.
I' glad that you kept the dress and it has found favor

cciele

Veteran

Una, thanks for the tips! I like that folded detail at the top. I remembered you ordered an L and seems like L is the largest size available... I think I will fit an L but it will be much more bodycon on me than on you We'll see, though -- the dress (and the tank dress version) should be here tomorrow.

Astrid

Veteran

Yes! It's totally depending on my mood. On some days I just don't feel great in things I normally love. I get dressed and after half a minute have the urge to take it all off again. I can't really say why either. But I try to take it in stride, wear something else and wait until I feel like wearing that first piece again. It always happens sooner or later.

Peri

Veteran

Completely moody here! I have a few things that always feel great, but even then, varying degrees of great just depending on if I'm happy or blue overall. Or if it's a good hair day. Or if I notice my age spots in the morning or not. Or those up and down 3-4 pounds. So many things!

So then take the bigger part of my closet that I'm working on, that is still btw 5 and 7 on the love scale, and those little mood twists can make an even bigger difference. And it's an odd thing that happens with purchases lately...I will like something the first few times I wear it and then the shiny wears off and I wonder why I even bought it!

I'm glad that went the other way around this time for you! Now you can think of it as your confidence dress.

rachylou

Veteran

That's a really good question. Today I feel like everything in my closet is wearable, but I don't know if I feel like this every day (ignoring bloat/weight issues) or when I'm trying to get dressed and the rubber meets the road. In repose, if you will, I suffer from intense self-satisfaction. (I told y'all how my mother's guru wouldn't work on my self-esteem with me 'cuz I had enough of that. Haha. So sad.)

Anyways, I'm trying to think what's in my closet that I have to be feeling like I'm the bees knees to wear. You know, I don't think I face this with clothes, but I might face it with hair. I have to be feeling super cute, all that, and a ball of wax to have done hair.

MsLuna

Veteran

I'm still working on my comfort level with many of my items, particularly my white hi-Lo sweater (I just don't like wearing light coloured tops), my ruched tube skirts (which ride up - the black will be replaced by a VC or self-sewn tube skirt), and anything that involves pants. I'm wondering if I should give them another shoe or just do away with them or stick to what works...

Aida

Veteran

Woo I'm glad you kept the dress, and wore it out today Una! I think it's fabulous on you.

Do you feel like all of your closet should be wearable every day, or do you have days when certain items are a challenge?

Separate from environment dictating what needs wearing, I think body con, fitted, and ultra classic clothing pieces are the ones that give me challenge. Definitely have to be in the right mood for those things. The rest of my closet though, pretty much always wearable (weather allowing, of course!). I used to think it wasn't a requirement, but turns out there are just those days when you don't feel like experimenting and want to be able to just put something nice together and get on with it. Happily I've now got a good selection in my closet that fits that category, so I'd like to go back to shaking it up a bit with some more unconventional (for me) pieces. That said, except in a few body con instances, whatever I'm wearing I'll sell regardless of actual confidence

And if so (leaving aside things like being bloated or actual weight loss/gain), why? Is it as simple as mood shift?

Shanon's post about Style-Life Parallel has got me thinking about this. I mood dress, yes. But I am now not sure exactly what that "mood" is. I'm pretty even in mood with changes being more like quick spikes than long curves (you've met me, you probably remember this). So I don't think that type of "mood" is what drives me. The weather, for sure, affects my overall mood but again it's a more subtle thing. So what then, an artistic mood? Perhaps it's whatever it is that causes me looking at something one day to think "that is nice", and another day to think "oh wow look at that x-y-z!". Something I need further pondering upon...

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I've felt like Janet says that it's to do with the mind not the body - I know we could discuss whether or not they are the same thing but you know what I mean. I have really strict limits on things that I have to feel a certain way to wear. Sure I may look good in a particular item but if I don't feel right then it seems like a drain on my energy to wear it.

Vildy

Veteran

I'm kind of an emotional dresser but I try to be like ladywone's grandmother.
Now here's something weird: I finally decided to color my hair. I hate light colored hair on me because it makes me feel blurry, contrast level too low.
I went back to my natural red/medium dark auburn and let the stylist do it copper (some metallic sheen) because what the heck. What I found out, besides that I am never going to have light hair again (shakes fist like Scarlett) is that I'd been unconsciously shopping for a redhead. I kept straining to make some clothes work and make me look/feel good. I like them, why don't they like me? Fighting to not look headless because of level of contrast I like, etc. And my aim is to always focus on the face no matter the strength of the outfit. Now it works. Headless Housewife no more. Suddenly I find that instead of my clothes making me look good, my new coloring makes the clothes look good. It brings out a corresponding depth in many of them. I find that my browns look luscious now instead of "neutral."

ETA: in other words, this may just cure my mood dressing. I also find that I could never fit into any of those style types, usually falling into Classic because it had the least distractions. After I saw myself with my new/old hair, I realized what I was looking for was not style type but "vibe." That silky narrow pleated skirt filled with small circles of sherbet colors hadda go. I feel too strong for that. Maybe I'm moving toward Urban Ladylike Warrior Queen (nod to ladywone's grandmother)

Vicki

(website)

Veteran

I'm so glad you're keeping this dress as I said in your previous thread. You look amazing in it and today it came down to "attitude" and your pleasure with wearing it which raises the confidence level. I love it that you love it!

As for the way we feel about these things, I don't always have the same confidence level every time and it does come from mood, whether I'm tired or didn't get enough rest, etc. But, interestingly, I do retain those pleasant times in my memory bank so that this strange fashion DNA is stored in reserve to remind me it will look and feel great on.

You know it's always good to see you here whenever you can stop in.

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

I'm with you and your grandmother, Ladywone. Clothing is the armor in which we meet the world. Even if the BDU is pink silk. My modifications are really weather-based and that's it ... Because I hate to be cold.

Aquamarine

Veteran

I am absolutely an emotional dresser on so many levels....if I feel sick or didn't get enough sleep or if my hormones are out of whack...and then there are those 3-5 lbs. that come and go. They REALLY do a job on my perceptions of how I look in my clothes.

Kristin L

Veteran

I've had that feeling before as well. Somedays, I feel like a million bucks and other days I'll change outfits 4-5 times before work. And I like having a few things in my closet that are for special occasions only. It helps me feel prepared, at least a feel prepared clothing-wise.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I'm so glad you kept and wore that gorgeous dress. I can live vicariously through you. It's fabulous and you look amazing in it.

Also -- don't neglect the possibility of wearing one of your fab drapey pullovers over top of this dress to casualize it a bit and give it a different look. It would be amazing with the print showing up in a V neck and then at the bottom as a mock "skirt."

I was going to say that everything in my closet is always equally wearable -- but it's not completely true. On days when I am feeling low, I reach for certain colours that always perk me up. And/ or I reach for my NEWER high quality items, because I love them so much and it feels so great to wear them that it gives me a boost.

Apart from that, I think it's situational for me, as Mo said. I will never feel fab in an outfit that feels completely wrong for the environment. I don't mean that I won't push the environmental norms -- I do push them, albeit subtly; I have no problem with looking a bit more dressy than my peers, a bit more trendy than my peers, etc. But I don't like to dress in ways that others might find disrespectful or clueless. And if I feel like my outfit appears that way, I'm going to be a lot less confident.

deb

Veteran

I am so glad you kept the dress because you can feel fab in it and will always remember that feeling about it. My goal is to have everything in my closet make me feel that way. I do not know if I will ever reach that goal but I am going to work on it.

Sara L.

Veteran

Interesting question. There are definitely days I just don't like how anything looks on me. My weight doesn't change much so it's not that. I always try things on at least twice and at different times of day. I'm definitely a morning person and have more energy and confidence before lunch. By late afternoon/evening my energy levels are lagging and I don't have as much enthusiasm. Basically it means that if I get home from work and have a package waiting and don't like anything in it, I make myself try on and re-evaluate in a morning.

Beth Ann

Veteran

I so relate to this. I find, on bloaty days, I avoid my smaller, more fitted item,s of course, but, more than that, my environmental norm often makes me feel out of place. I live in a typical suburban community, where fashion is forgotten, except for yoga pants and expensive skinnies. The young (under 22 or so) are more fashion forward, but that's about it. Now, I in no way expect others to dress to please me, but I wish I didn't feel so conspicuous.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

Mood dresser here. My goal is to make all of my clothes sometimes wearable at least. And wear them.

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