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Page 2 in the conversation "Pushing against the inevitable urge to shop" by viva
I thought I posted earlier but it disappeared! This is a great thread and I am right with you. I am not in a real shopping mood right now (can you say "12 year old and orthodontic bills"?), but I know I will feel that itch soon enough.
I'm currently working on learning to browse - which I enjoy and find relaxing - without having to buy. I tell myself that everything is out there somewhere, and there is always more new stuff just around the corner. I also find that a small purchase gives as much of a little pick-me-up as a large one. The other day I was in a local boutique and bought a $20 cuff instead of a $150 blazer, and walked out just as happy.
Finally, I now ask myself "where the heck will I PUT this?" I'm at the point of one-in-one-out simply because I have more than enough of everything.
I don't think I could stay away from YLF altogether - THAT would be asking too much! It's still fun to check what everyone else is wearing and follow some of the more academic threads here. It's the same way that some of my friends have more time to exercise than I do, but I still hang out with them when I can! XO
I love fashion and shopping and updating my wardrobe. I am not going to apologize for this passion or frame it as a pathology (compulsive behavior or addiction). Now, if your life becomes truly unmanageable due to shopping, you may need help. Unmanageability in various recovery circles is defined as either one or all of the following: loss of job/income, relationship, home and health. The main drawback of too much shopping is debt. That is why I pay cash or debit for everything, in other words I do what Staysfit does. I also try to buy quality because the quality pieces increase my happiness and look better. Quality does not have to cost a lot.
In the past I've practiced one-in, one out. Unfortunately I fell short of that goal in 2015 as I resorted to big purges instead of one at a time, but I hope to get back with that program for obvious reasons, to prevent the overstuffed wardrobe.
Viva I hope you stick with YLF, I too noticed your absence. I would love to see more of your WIWs. You have great taste and I want to see how you remix your fabulous closet. I don't work by myself, but YLF is my place for a lot of female companionship. Also why I try to attend as many meet-ups as possible. I'm not constantly on the forum, and will be off for a few weeks in January due to travels, but whenever I see a thread from you I take note, as you're one of those members I want to hear from. I hope you see how much affection we have for you here, and how valuable your participation is.
I'm with CocoLion - from a purely selfish standpoint, you need to keep posting. You have a poetic way of writing that is very engaging. (There are several great writers on this board.)
I spend ALL of my discretionary income on things that make me happy, so if it's not clothes, it's furniture, art, a trip, or some sort of home improvement. There is a pool of money for spending, and it just depends on what fun thing I want to allocate money to. So I guess my (bad?) advice is: Find something else that's equally joy-inducing to spend your money on!
So many great ideas on this thread! I use several techniques already, but I've gotten inspiration for several more!
As someone in of a creative bent, I tend to live in project cycles, and I notice that there is a natural ebb and flow to creative work. I'd put YLF and wardrobe building down as a creative hobby -- I live in sound as a musician, and fashion is a great way to explore self-expression visually, rather than aurally.
As I've observed forum members, it seems like the first cycles involve more "exploratory" purchases than subsequent cycles. Deborah, for example, is in a bit an exploratory phase again, but she has a much deeper sense of her own style now, and is buying for her "real life," which happens to involve fashion retail at the moment.
For me, I'm also in a "pause." It's working well at the moment, since the stores are still ravaged from the hollidays, anyway. I've learned to enjoy remixing, and will often choose a "remix focus" for each week. Next week, for example, I'm trying to explore new ways to wear my olive green pants. Now that I have a well-functioning wardrobe, remixing is something I look forward to! I will do a small bit of end of winter refreshing (I'm craving some cozy pullover sweaters), and may replace a pair of booties on clearance, if I find them, since my winter footwear is an aging infrastructure!
Such great ideas on this thread.
I definitely shop too much. Shopping is a social outing each week with my mother and sister and it can be hard to resist the shiny new things. I also find myself doing online shopping in response to sale alerts in my email inbox.
I'm hoping that my recent purge (too many items with tags still attached) and the fact that I have pinned down my style influences will help.
I love the one in, one out idea too.
I have no worthwhile suggestions, but I hope you keep posting viva.
I'm feeling a lot of love from this post and also just the warmth of collective wisdom. I've been on the forum for the last few days and it has really felt great -- especially because my work is at a frantic pace right now. It is an absolute joy to know that I can come here for 30 minutes with my morning coffee and find all of you before I dive into another day.
While I have not posted anything else, I have enjoyed reading and contributing, and this morning I had fun "shopping" for suggestions for Astrid's party dress, and that completely satisfied me. So that's another idea: shop for someone else, even virtually, on YLF.
I will post a WIW once I have several outfits to show, if only to express some thoughts about this remixing process. Yesterday I found myself being very thoughtful about what I chose and also very analytical about each piece. I already have questions for the forum about my pants. So, it turns out I really need you all.
Nice to be back, friends.
Yay, Viva! Glad to have you and your wise advice. We need you too :). And I agree on the little self-indulgent distraction that 30 minutes in the morning on YLF can provide, when time affords. I often change up my planned outfit for the day when I see something inspiring here. If only I weren't always running too late to snap pics!
Same like Una "I thought I posted earlier but it disappeared!" (???:-()I think I said something like:-Having enough of some perfect items in your wardrobe is a great place to be! :-).
I am having pants issues as well. Interested to hear what's going on with yours. I'm glad that you are feeling you have a place here - and I know what that's all about too. Again, we live in a parallel universe I'm drinking my tea and doodling around here before I launch into the work day and find I really enjoy it again . Post about your pants soon?
I can totally relate, I'm back in the office, and I LOVE browsing the blogs on my Feedly when I'm working...and all it makes me want to do is buy new things...even though I resolved this year to try not to buy new things :).
So, I've been staying away from here, when I should be doing the opposite, I like looking at what people who aren't always wearing c/o clothes are doing, and how people work with their favorites and working in new pieces here and there. It's more inspirational "in here" than "out there", that's for sure. There will always be people buying shiny new things, but I just have to resist the urge to buy shiny and new just to have shiny and new. What do I NEED right now?
Hmm. Nothing, I don't think. What do I WANT right now? A few pairs of nice work slacks (but I usually wear dresses all winter to show off my boots!), some true winter boots (um, it was 77 degrees here last week, despite it being in the 20s today...By the time they got here, it would be warm again), A nice pair of Ugg boots (it's been unseasonably warm, and I can't really get away with them in the office, Do I justify the price for some sometimey-Saturday boots?), A new Longchamps bag in Purple (I just got a fab leather bag for Christmas...and my old red Longchamps is still good for bad weather, despite a few stains), Black Frye Patty Booties -- the sister to my favorite brown booties from last year (Um, Frye KNOWS I want these and they refuse to lower the price...and I do have some booties that work for now).
My point is, we just have to be better at reasoning with ourselves...and be strong about it, because even though I know all of the reasons why I DONT need something...my weakness is a sale on ANY of the above items. My problem is all of the sales emails I get daily, and I am always working to unsub and filter them so they aren't in my face every time I go to email (But there when I need to search for a coupon).
I really relate to this, Viva. So glad you put it in words.
I've always been a big shopaholic. I'd buy and buy and not give a damn about where I'd wear the thing. Then YLF happened....and I got more conscious of my shopping habits. I started to care about "Where will I wear this" and "Will I even be able to wear this considering that I have 10 other options already sitting in my wardrobe"
I am surprised myself, but I haven't gone shopping in a while. I haven't even browsed online in a while. A few weeks back I was at the mall and couldn't find A SINGLE THING I could justify adding to my closet. Shocking! I came home with a hat!
I guess what I'm trying to say is ---- when your wardrobe is in a happy place and you already have more than enough options, the pull of something 'new & shiny' loses its power. These days I can look at something awesome and yet easily convince myself that I already have something better in my wardrobe. It's really become that simple.
But but but...when I see something that I love and feel drawn towards, I know that I will still buy it. If I *can* justify it and I can afford it, I will indulge myself. That's the point - to not be too hard on yourself. If you're serious about maintaining your wardrobe and keep feeling *happy* about your style, a few style refreshers every other month aren't too bad. Don't be too strict with yourself
Wish I could "like" what Manny just said!
Von, I wish we could go out to lunch. I feel like we would never stop talking!
Lisa, I will definitely post about pants soon. But I need to try a few more pairs (I'm going for a multi - WIW). I'm worried the pair I wore yesterday need to go, though. Too 80s. And I've got fit questions for you all.
Maneera, I know you are right, and I have definitely had those shopping trips where I come back empty handed. But my real trap is feeling a spark on YLF and then zipping into the online space ... woah, there is just too much out there! So that is what I am holding off on. I actually miss the UPS guy. haha!
Wish I could add some sage advice, but instead I wanted to say you are not alone. I often find the urge to shop and sometimes struggle to tame my shopping beast myself.
I have been away at the beach, and while I read some threads in part I did not post much, partly due to lack of wifi and 4G network costs and partly due to not being in a clothes/fashion space in my head.
I have a few bad habits I would like to break so I empathise. At the moment mine are eating and work related rather than spending related. And I think being Southern Hemisphere removes some of the YLF temptations - I am not that great at shopping out of season, nor at shopping online when returning is expensive and hard. So I tend to look at what women my age/shape/who share a similar style wear and see how I can adapt it for me. And I show WIW for myriad reasons from excitement over a new look, advice over a dodgy one, or, hopefully, to give others some ideas about how they may remix their own closet.
In terms of resisting temptation, I did take a two and half month shopping break last year for budgetary and philosophical reasons. While this is not that long, it did help me gather my thoughts at the end of winter. I am trying to shop minimally here now too until winter stock comes in because my needs this year are autumn/winter items which are more expensive.
I am delighted you will continue to be around as I love your style, your writing and seeing your work travel looks.
I have resorted to shopping my closet. Nothing out there has excited me enough to buy anything. But I have so many projects going on right now that it is keeping me out of clothing stores. So while I am not spending money on fashion, I will be spending it on getting my master bedroom repainted (need to get those paint chips soon) and doing a total kitchen remodel which will be a bit pricier than getting a whole new wardrobe.
So I have not stopped spending altogether; just channeling it in another direction. But I do live all fashion buys vicariously through all my YLF friends.
Hah, I would probably adopt Una's idea for asking myself "where the heck will I PUT this?" before any new purchase, as "I'm (too) at the point of one-in-one-out (...) I have more than enough of everything...."...SO TRUE for me, too:-(.
The urge to shop is indeed inevitable. I broke down and bought some Dansko booties to go with trousers that still fit me (for work). That made more sense than buying more trousers to go with my low-heeled shoes, as I would need enough pairs to get through the work week.
I also ordered 2 pairs of jeans (1 white + 1 indigo) because almost all of my jeans are now too big.
I will need to buy more jeans at some point, and more sweaters. I'm trying to be picky about my purchases, and thinking things through before ordering. So far, I've stuck to my budget, so it's all good.
Browsing without buying is a learned skill, lol. I bought a lot of clothes in 2015, too!
FYI, this is an old thread.
I don't know that it matters, but I didn't notice, lol.
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