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Purging, purchasing, and being an empty nester

viva

Veteran

Our whole house is in purge mode, as we are planning to list our home for sale in a couple of weeks, now that DD #1 has started her life in NYC, and DD #2 is headed to Portland, OR.

My feelings about clothing seem to be going through their own shift, and the more I think about it, the more I think my closet is preparing for empty nest syndrome as well.

My closet wants less stuff. It wants to shed the "workable" items I have held into for years and keep only the ones I love, even if I have to re-wear them frequently. It also wants to invest in some very new kinds of things -- like date night clothing! Case and point: the NAS Haute Hippie dress, which arrived yesterday. I will post pics of it, but it's staying. DH was with me when I tried it on, and he loved it. So did I. I realized it's a HEWI for me: a real, honest-to-goodness grown-up date dress. (I always think of Janet as having the best date-night wardrobe.)

We do live in a more casual area, but I am not a shrinking violet,
and I will wear a dress to a fun restaurant no matter what everyone else
is wearing. And DH and I are likely to more frequently indulge our passion for visiting cities for quick weekend getaways. So I think there will be more opportunities to wear this dress.

In that same vein, I am likely to order the NAS Vince dress, which would be another one of those date dresses -- although much more versatile, I think. I would wear that during the day with skinnies and booties.

(Of course, I am using up my budget for the next couple of months, but that's okay.)

Has a life change spurred a wardrobe change for you?

Haute Hippie Floral Print Silk Shirtdress

$425.00 $169.98

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6

Vince Double Layer Shirtdress

$395.00 $157.97

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29

Dressing

27 replies

Latest reply was from Lyn D.

carter

Veteran

Loving this post! I will be you this time next year. I'm already starting to feel the pull of downsizing. Hoping I can start early and finish early.

Jeweled

Veteran

Purging, downsizing, and honing your closet for the new chapter of your life sounds lovely, Viva! Is DH also inspired to do something similar with his wardrobe?

Anonymous

Interesting post, Vivian. It must be as exciting as it is scary to begin the downsizing stage. I agree that beautiful dresses - especially these two- are worth the money, and can turn out to be the most-worn pieces in a closet. I remember when CM (say 4 years ago) used to have great knee-length dresses in easy silks - and I had at least 3 or 4 that although dressy, were worn ALL THE TIME. Like, to casual restaurants etc. , just as you described. Anyways - I can't wait to see the HH dress on you - I LOVE it. Can you imagine it with a cool leather jacket too? Sigh. Does your future home have less closet space too?

Susie

Veteran

I am so glad that you got that dress and that you love it because it looked so perfect for you. Please show us.

My interest in de-cluttering and minimizing stuff coincided with my daughter being pregnant with my grandson. Sort of a reverse nesting instinct! It has been an ongoing project and I've gone through most rooms in my house. Even my husband got in on it and did a major clean out of the garage. We still have way more stuff than 2 people could need but I will keep at it.

I used to do a once or twice a year purge of my closet but there were always those things that I'd think 'oh that's fine' and just leave them in there. I started tracking what I wear a couple of years ago and that really helped me focus on what I actually wore and what I liked to wear. I stopped hanging on to things just because and got rid of the extras and the orphans.

JamC

Veteran

I am in the same place as you; empty nester, youngest just graduated and moved for a job in Washington DC. large house that needs decluttering. Need for more grown up date and travel clothes. We met at the Boston meet up and know we are close to the same size. Do you mind telling what size you ordered in the HH dress? I love both your choices. I wasn't thinking about more dresses but these both call to me loudly! Thanks in advance!

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

Joining YLF triggered the change for me. The need for buying for my real life....not my imaginary life. I'm struggling with the purging and decluttering and have a long way to go.

We're entering a new stage in life as we've almost paid off our house loan and will have a lot more financial bandwidth....which means that we'll travel a lot more very soon. In the past, I've over-shopped to fill a hole in my life. New items are way cheaper than traveling to new countries!

But as a result, I have an over-abundance of 'perfect' items. Now that I'm starting to travel more, I really need to get into wearing/using everything to find actual favourites that score a 10 on every front. Without that, I have a hard time packing because I love everytime and want to carry everything with me!

I hope the purging will solve 2 things - give me a manageable wardrobe & drill it into my head that over-buying is as good as throwing your money away because you only have xyz days in a season.

Joy

Veteran

LOL, some of us look at being an empty nester as opening up more closet space. We have been in the same house 35 years. It's over due for a huge purge. Did your children take all their things with them?

viva

Veteran

Thanks all.

Lisap: You have been a real inspiration for ratcheting up my look a bit. With your great use of accessories -- jackets, scarves, jewelry -- you always look gorgeous and more pulled together than I do, and I am striving for a bit more of that now. So I am both glad and not surprised to hear that you love casual dresses. Please share when you find good ones!

JamC: I'm so glad we met! I ordered a Small in the HH dress and it fits perfectly, with a very close fit in the upper arms. I can't gain a lot of weight in this dress, but I know the next size would be too big. It's just perfect as is. If I had a bigger bust or were hippier, I would have to go to a medium. But my small chest and straight hips kept me at a small. I will post pictures later today.

Jeweled: DH is starting to feel inspired to get in shape...which is more important than addressing his wardrobe. (It's not bad, just not interesting -- rumpled JCrew.) So I am hoping he follows through on the weight loss, for his health if nothing else. I have been very successful in finding him a great hair stylist, so I have won that battle. One step at a time.

Susie: Exactly! It's all the "oh, that's fine" stuff that finally has to go.

Carter: Start early! Take a closet or a room every rainy weekend. Save yourself from this mad rush I am in!!!

Maneera: An over-abundance of perfect items is one of those wonderful problems. But I know what you mean, you can't possibly wear them all. And you are still attracted to the season's newest items.

Joy: DD#1 took only what she could fit in her studio apt (not much!), put aside a box or two for storage with us, and told us we could toss everything else. We actually put up two or three more boxes for her, because we knew she'd want some of her things. But we donated and sold a lot. DD#2 is still here, preparing to move. She was not the sentimental one growing up, but she is having a bit of a harder time letting go of things. Still, we're making progress with her and are about halfway through her stuff. Lots of discussion about needing to accumulate less to begin with, which is useful to us all. They will probably each leave behind 4-5 cartons in our storage unit, which is not too bad, considering.

catgirl

Veteran

Well you know mine - the BIg Old Growout. Sounds like you have a communicative closet and a good plan.

Astrid

Veteran

I got rid of a lot of things in general when I started reading about minimalism and also when I read Marie Kondo's book and went through my things afterwards. But I still have a lot of unused stuff and my basement storage area is full with things I can't get rid of just now because I don't have a car. But I thought of doing a very clean cut if I moved the next time - truly only take the essentials and loved items and sell or give away the rest.

unfrumped

Veteran

Great time for reflection and making new empty-nester plans!

I've done some noodling posts in this vein.
My biggest aha!, for which I give credit to Gaylene, is to run a leaner wardrobe regardless, so that it's more "agile" and so it's easier to update than if I'm heavily invested in a lot of similar items. I'm not where I want to be on this yet,though. Also looking at items as to whether they can be versatile, multi-use pieces--part of the same process, can one thing work for 2 venues., especially as I have opportunities to be with different groups of people at times, so less likely other folks are keeping tabs on repeats of my outfits! Am having some success in this area.

If I were to translate that to your current post, it might be to get some date-night dresses, but not loads of such--get a reasonable amount of wear out of several great ones and update/replace as you may evolve, like different things, different dresses, different fabrics, other "date night" looks. Or suddenly want to move to a different city/climate. Or look for dresses that you can wear to several different occasions. Important to think of good quality for your $$, but not long-term "investment" in the fashion world, I think.

Your post is very timely with the several other posts on "stuff" and expenses, savings, and so on. Enjoy some fun stuff but have less of it, so you may be open to new adventures.

Elizabeth P

Veteran

Great post Viva. And two great dresses.

UmmLila (Lisa)

Veteran

We aren't in empty nest mode (DD is still in high school), but we moved about 5 years ago. Moving and prepping the former residence, and keeping it prepared to sell was hellish. But it felt really good to shed a lot of un-needed stuff and settle into a new place with extra room on the shelves and in the closets.

All I can say is, whatever the size of your next home, make sure it has good closet space.

Maybe you can have a walk in closet with a murphy bed for your daughters.

And I like that Vince dress and will look forward to seeing how it works for you.

Anonymous

umfrumped has made some very insightful comments.....I'm paying attention

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

What a great post. Such clarity, Viv. Can't wait to see the HH frock on you. Wooohoooo Date Night Dressing.

I've also used up a few months of budget on the NAS - and usually do.

chouette22

Veteran

I am in a very similar spot. Our son is already at university and our daughter will be a Freshman in about a month, thus empty-nesters here as well. We will be moving into our new house exactly one week from today (this is just a little break from basically around the clock packing, purging, organizing, planning, etc. etc.!). The house we are moving into is 40 years newer than the one we have lived in for 18 years. We had wanted something more open and modern a while ago, but the school district here is the best in the region and our kids (and us) had great friends in the neighborhood, so moving was not an option as long as our daughter was in high school. As soon as she held her diploma in hand, we were on Zillow! Our new house is just 30 minutes away, walking distance to a lake, which we think will change our life-style quite a bit as well.

For the first time in my life I will have a walk-in closet! I have no idea how this may impact my wardrobe and I am curious to find out. At this point I am not even thinking about date-night outfits, I figure it'll take me a few very busy months to unpack and organize / decorate everything (since I am going back to my teaching schedule in a few weeks).
Are you moving far from this house? Are you down-sizing or just changing the location?

Maneera

(website)

Veteran

Unfrumped, I had a lightbulb moment reading your comment. I love how you put this:

"get some date-night dresses, but not loads of such--get a reasonable amount of wear out of several great ones and update/replace as you may evolve, like different things, different dresses, different fabrics, other "date night" looks. Or suddenly want to move to a different city/climate. Or look for dresses that you can wear to several different occasions. Important to think of good quality for your $$, but not long-term "investment" in the fashion world, I think."

What a wise way to have fun with fashion....update your closet but still make sure you get 'value for your money'.

viva

Veteran

chouette22, your new house sounds wonderful! I love the idea of walking to the lake. Does this mean your new wardrobe will include more fleece?

We actually have no idea where we are going. I know, it's crazy. We thought we were a year away from selling, but when we met with a realtor in June and took a look at what was happening in the local market, we knew it made sense to sell now. The market is very hot and with interest rates likely to rise and the election in 2016, it's the right time. We're in New England, which we love but which is expensive, especially if you want to live in town or walk to town/city, which we do. (We've been 22 years in the rural suburbs with 2 acres of upkeep and a lot of house.)

But DH just moved to a new school (he is a teacher) so he needs some time in his job (I have my own business, so I am portable), and we really don't know where we want to be. With daughters on both coasts -- and really, who knows what their futures will bring -- we are not sure where we want to go next (likely our last move). So we are selling now with the plan of renting locally for 2 years. During that time, we'll explore several possibilities (including Seattle, which I love despite the potential for gloom) -- and then, I hope, in two years we will be ready to move into a small place (condo or townhouse) in a location where I can walk the dogs, and where we can walk from home to coffee and dinner, and where there is a vibrant independent film and music culture (pretty much our main requirements).

But first -- sell the house!

JamC

Veteran

Viva, thank you for the feedback about sizes. I went ahead and ordered both dresses! I hope one or both work out! And the. Maybe I will purge a few okay dresses. I have enjoyed so many comment son this thread! Good luck with the purging and moving!

AviaMariah

Veteran

I'm actually going in the opposite direction as I have two little at home now. I can't wait to see that dress on you. I will live vicariously through you.

jenanded

Veteran

Sounds a plan! We did the same thing a few years back. The more you get rid of, the easier it is to keep going. We moved to a very old cottage with not a single cupboard, not even in the kitchen. So when DH built the first cupboard in the hallway I knew exactly how much room a spare towel and shhet each took up, the vacuum cleaner etc. It is very liberating and allows you to be more responsive to the moment.... like more date nights. Purge and enjoy.

Sal

Veteran

Exciting times Viva!!
I think your plans sound great with respect to your life, and wardrobe. I love both new dresses and look forward to seeing you wear them.

SandyG

Veteran

I wish there was a way to implant notes from everyone's comments straight to my brain, all permanent and highlighted, and they'd kick in the next time I stood in front of my closet wondering what to do That's the movie of my life.

Anonymous

Talk about upheavals! It must feel very liberating to have a world of possibilities open to you -- kind of like being a kid again.
Good luck with the purging, moving, and so forth.

E

Veteran

I downsized everything except my closet several years ago, and I really love being able to fit everything I own comfortably in my studio apartment! I'm not an uber-minimalist, but I also don't have anything extra, except in the clothes & books departments. I like the voluntary simplicity movement & am interested in environmentalism and social justice, so it's easy for me to limit my consumption (of goods and services) in pretty much every area of my life outside of my closet. I still can't decide how I feel about the maximal wardrobe & new clothing additions being an exception to my general lifestyle; I go back and forth on that. I stay within my budget & ethical & storage restraints, so is it an enjoyable indulgence or a sign I've bought into (no pun intended) the whole 'I buy therefore I am' philosophy of consumerism? I answer differently depending on the day it seems!

Anyway, to bring it back to the topic, my closet & style changes tend to be more gradual than abrupt. But I also haven't really had a big lifestyle change a la your empty nest; I did move last year but since my studio has a walk in closet & built in drawers, I didn't have to let go of any clothes. It sounds like an exciting time for you & that your closet has a good head on its shoulders. ;D

viva

Veteran

e, I want to give your reply tags for therapy, boost, AND wisdom!

Lyn D.

Veteran

Good Luck with your move Viva!
I adore those dresses- looking forward to seeing pics