Purging - Mental Blocks - YouLookFab Forum

I didn't care about clothes for most of life (wearing unremarkable jeans, overly large tees, and combat boots through all of college and then trying to figure out how to dress like a professional adult after that... and now, looking back from a distance of some years, not always succeeding).

So now I'm in the midst of trying to define my style and figure out how to arrange my wardrobe to be (1) true to that, (2) practical for my lifestyle, and (3) lean enough to suit my minimalist preferences.

There's a big section of my closet that hardly gets touched... and when it does, it's out of guilt that I haven't worn anything from it in a long time, and then when I wear those things, I don't feel as awesome as I'd like. It's silly... I have things I *do* love, so why not just wear the heck out of those and pass those other things on to homes where they'll be used and loved?

I've already culled and donated quite a bit... those were the easy victories. Now I'm into the harder stuff: the things that are quite nice (not necessarily fancy or expensive, but nice), and I like them in a vacuum, but they just don't suit my coalescing style sensibilities.

I had every intention of eBay'ing a pile of things today, and a few items made it up there, but I balked at others, so they went back into the maybe pile. Argh... I'm not normally sentimental about things, so why can't I just let them go?

Anyway... enough whining. I'm guessing I'm not alone... right? Oh, well... these things *will* go. Just maybe on a day when I'm feeling more ruthless.

8 years ago

unfrumped

Veteran

Sometimes if I can " make" myself wear something, then i have a little epiphany to either toss it or start wearing again.
I started rotating in some things almost ahead of season instead of waiting. That way I could tell better what I needed or had enough of. Wearing is different from trying on- it means out- of- the- house commitment which I sometimes need to prompt a real decision.
I'm also trying to be more discerning and realistic- not sure HOW, though. But I was packing for a short trip and tried on 2 pairs of sneakers and just thought, no. These just don't look like what I want to wear now and I could actually tell that would be true next month and next.
I would also let fit be a strong guide. That helps me with shoes for sure.

Barbara Diane

Letting go is hard.

I was going to go through spring/summer clothes today but the rain has greatly lessened the desire.

I like Angie's guidelines and unfrumped's ideas also.
If you don't want to wear something and don't want to let it go, try to figure out why. Sometimes it's because good $ was spent on it, etc. Sometimes it's because you haven't quite figured out how to make it work. I've had items I was thinking about purging become useful once Angie showed a combination I hadn't thought of. Or I tried something new on top of them. And I've let go of a lot of clothes that I've never missed. I do have a few items that I haven't quite let go of due to the $. One's made it into the car trunk, so that's progress.

Bijou

Srah, you are not alone with this and it seems to me that you have made great progress. The holding zone works well for me, put it out of sight and see if I miss it. After a while, I find that I have already "let go" and so putting the bags into my car and driving them to the Goodwill Store is not difficult at all.

MovingFashionForward

Active Member

Unfrumped, this is so true:

"Wearing is different from trying on- it means out- of- the- house commitment which I sometimes need to prompt a real decision."

Srah, you are definitely not alone! In this situation, how about putting those items in a holding zone and giving yourself a set time after which you will donate/sell them if you aren't loving them enough to actually wear in real life?

If you have been wearing them but not enthusiastically so, ask yourself what it is about each item that makes part of you want to hang on to it. What problem does that item solve in your wardrobe? Is there a different, more loved item that would do the same job? What problem would be solved by getting rid of that item? Is your style in flux such that you don't feel you have a good enough handle on your style to make the best decisions about what to let go at the moment? If so, how do you feel about keeping and wearing those items? Would wearing them more help you decide? How about experimenting by taking one of those items you are dithering about, and wearing it 3 or 7 or x ways in the next week or month, and see how you feel after that?

If you are wearing clothes that are nice but somehow don't feel right when you actually wear them, keep a detailed outfit diary, stating how the outfit made you feel, and what would have improved it, etc. That can be super helpful in helping people let go of clothes that aren't quite right for their real life and style now.

If the items are placeholders -- items that aren't perfect but they do serve a needed function such that you would really need to replace them before getting rid of the particular items -- write a list of all such items under the heading "Wardrobe holes to fill" and refer to that list when shopping for clothes.

At some point, something will probably change such that it becomes easy to edit your wardrobe more ruthlessly -- at least, it did for me! In the meantime, try to relax, experiment, and have fun in this process rather than forcing it.

Sarah

anne

Srah - all the best. You have had some great advice here!

Anonymous

Srah, you are certainly not alone. I come from a family who saved and reused everything, even clothing. Sometimes it ended up in quilts or colorful woven rag rugs, but it was used. All this history makes it hard to get rid of things. I find it helps to visualize someone finding my cast offs at a thrift store and loving them. I also try to find people that I know who could use them.

I have this same exact issue with a few choice items in my wardrobe. I will watch this post carefully for advice on how to deal with it.

By the way, you are in no way whining. This process is challenging. Anyone that has actually done it knows just how hard it is. You sound like you have fully grasped the multiple layers of complexity.

Summer

It sounds as if you have already made a good start, Srah, so don't be too hard on yourself. At least you know where the problem area lies.
I agree that putting the difficult items in a holding zone - with a realistic time limit - would be the best next step for you. .

cindysmith

Sometimes, it just takes round after round of editing and purging. Even people with well defined style sensibilities evolve their style as time marches on, and Rome wasn't built in a day, and all that happy bits of wisdom. I always find the first round of editing/purging is the easy one. I know what needs to go and why. The next round is more difficult, because I might think something should go but can't pinpoint why (if that makes sense).

It's a process. You don't have to do it all in one round. Everyone has made great suggestions that I can't improve upon. I just wanted to say it's ok if it takes time to figure it out.

rachylou

Your are sooooo not alone! Lol. I'm maintaining a fantasy lifestyle in my head - that I will go to work daily in an office. Haven't done so in nigh on two years. I can't bear to part with my suits and little dresses. Or my Target fake fur (fear of PETA). And also, summer fancy tanks - none of which are me, but do get worn when it's scorching.

Sadly, you know, it doesn't help that oh say purging blouses wouldn't make more room. Can't hang knits... need more drawers...

Christina F.

I too have some mental blocks with purging, though I do quite a bit of it! The problem is that I can't stop myself buying for a more dressy lifestyle than I have, though I have gotten better about it. I'm currently trying to figure out how to dress down those dressy pieces a bit, but I keep going to work in jeans because it's comfy. Yet I buy a lot of skirts and dresses, especially for summer. I think it's an ongoing process, as people above have pointed out.

I think I have finally completed my purge. I have been working on it the past few years and am quite happy. It is a long and tedious process, but I feel enormously good right now and can clearly see what I lack in my wardrobe and can concentrate on just that right now and eliminate any impulse buys.

Nomad

Thank you, all! Great advice, and it does help to know I'm not alone (and not whining!), and that it's a long process. I'm getting there... a couple more things up on eBay today (granted, some are scarves I'm listing for a friend... must resist urge to buy them myself... or at least not *all* of them...). It's progress.

danusia, I'm jealous! I'm looking forward to joining you at the end of the road.

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