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Please tell me what was I thinking

Debbie

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Last year some of you may remember that we closed in our patio and My husband and I fought like crazy over what to do with it. Well this year after many years of nagging he agreed to redo the master bath. What was I thinking? We can"t decide on anything. The contractor has been getting his dose of entertainment off of this project. The walls are being demo Friday and we still haven't picked the tile. I am sure the tile store had a good laugh after we left yesterday. I am going by myself later and get some samples. Whatever next years project is the answer is NO!

I admire anyone building a house. We would end up divorced.

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24 replies

Latest reply was from Isabel

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

LOL

Just make sure the floor tiles are easy to clean (no textured surfaces which is quite modern here) and are in some colour that will not show dust that easily.

Honestly? Picking tiles was the easiest thing for us. We could have gone to zillion stores and debated which size, shine, matt, whatever... We could have spent weekend after weekend on that. Instead, we went with one of the first options we liked and stuck with it. I absolutely did not care what else is available. Still don't. I know I chose wisely

In the end, you walk on that and it has to be easy to clean.

carter

Veteran

Oh Debbie, I feel for you! My husband and I struggle with this too. He likes ugly stuff in weird colors. I like great-looking stuff in neutral colors:-). We're just finishing several remodeling projects that I was sure were going to be disasters. I knew the shower tile would be the biggest hurdle, so I waited until I knew he had a super busy week to tell him that we needed to order the tile that week. Since he was so busy, he said I was going to have to go to the store and bring home some samples for him to choose from. Well duh! That's why I chose that week! I brought four home that I liked and let him make the "choice". The marble selections also had to happen on a day he wasn't available. I texted pictures along the way. Same "inconvenient" situation for the color of the wood floors. Fortunately, he loves it all as I knew he would, because he felt like he was involved in the whole process;-).

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

carter, I just got tummy ache from laughing. "He likes ugly stuff in weird colors. I like great-looking stuff in neutral colors:-)."

biscuitsmom

Veteran

(((HUGS))) I wish you luck... DH and I hardly agree on anything w/the house. I moved in long after he found, bought and decorated it, and doesn't want to change a thing- even after many, many years Hang in there, hon

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, I hear you. In my time working for an interior design firm, we swore we needed to become certified as marriage counselors!

And yeah, we've been talking about redoing our bath for over three years now, but haven't pulled the trigger yet. I know it's going to be a massive PITA, even though hubs and I have very similar tastes. He always wants to do something drastic and highly impractical.

rachylou

Veteran

Listen, I want to tell you something. My mum insists I go with her all over the place for her house redos because "one day it will be mine." I do not know why she says this. Because even, for example, with birthday presents when I was little, I would only get to choose between two things she liked and approved of - and then I'd get what she wanted to give me. Also, my mum took FIVE YEARS to decide what colour to paint her house and she had it painted the SAME COLOUR.

We meet with the architecht about the kitchen tonight. And talking about stoves, I think I'm wrong. I think my mother will NOT get the glass-top stove with front controls - which she should, because she is short and getting older. I think she'll get an open coil, electric stove for her own secret reasons and only cook on the one burner whose controls she can reach from the side.

Right. But don't tell her this.

fern

Veteran

I'm with Carter - too funny.
I pick my top 3 and DH chooses from those (tiles, stoves, whatever).
But we have loved what we've done, after the dust & stress settled. I think(!) it's worth it.

April

Veteran

Oh my. DH and I decided to buy a house that will be "our" house (rather than my moving into "his" house next year when DS leaves for college) because we wanted a shared project.

Perhaps we were crazy? Oh well -- too late now.

I will say, Debbie, that my first husband and I could have never gone through a renovation together. If I wanted to change the location of a spoon in the kitchen drawer, it was a major ordeal. So I feel for you.

Maybe the two of you could sit together and flip through photos on Houzz (blog where people paste design and remodeling photos) and just react to them viscerally: "No, no, no, no, yes, no, no, no..." Literally, if you enter "Master Bath" in the search box, there are half a million photos: http://www.houzz.com/master-bathrooms There's a way on the site to save things you liked.

ironkurtin

Veteran

Luckily, my husband and I usually agree on furnishing and building. We fight over things like parties. When we were getting married? WORST FIGHTS EVER. So happy we're not getting married again!

If it helps, try not to take things personally... sometimes you just have to make a decision. And at the end of the day, no one ever died from white subway tiles.

Echo

Veteran

I've known so many couples who had a heck of a time agreeing on building or remodels! It is a really tough thing for a lot of people.

Interestingly, when we gutted and remodeled our kitchen, DH gave me free reign on almost everything - cabinet finish and design, flooring, wall colour, trim, etc. You know what he didn't agree with? The kitchen table and chairs I had chosen. So he allowed me to choose all of the PERMANENT structures and then held up the works by not being able to agree on the changeable aspects - go figure! In the end he agree to try the table and chairs I had chosen (counter height) and found that he really liked them.

But we have a bathroom being installed this summer, so we'll have to see how that goes!

missvee

Veteran

Our main bathroom was long overdue for a remodel but we couldn't agree on a direction. ( This is not unusual btw...). By chance we found a vanity that we both liked, and afterward I contacted a designer and paid for a one hour consultation with both of us to determine what wall tiles, floor tiles, etc. to choose. It was the best decision we made in the whole project. She gave us quite a few options, and we could go from there. Good luck!

Classically Casual

Veteran

Can you ask your contractor if he sometimes works with a designer? That worked wonderfully for us. She had us each submit photos from Houz of what we liked, and then presented us with a small number of options from which to chose colors, tiles, faucets, etc., etc. It was fun, unstressful and we really like the finished product. She also did the basic design from which the contractor worked. I have never aspired to be a faucet expert.

Aida

Veteran

Hah Debbie I feel for you, it's tough when you don't agree with your partner's design aesthetic. My husband's preferences are much more limited than mine, so for most things I go with what he's interested in except for a few things that I feel strongly about which he understands and makes concessions on. If we had to do it all from scratch, it would take a long time indeed

cheryl

Veteran

Sending you hugs and hoping everything goes smoothly from here on out.

Jules

Veteran

I think it's really difficult trying to do it as a team and much easier when one person takes the lead. I have finally worn my husband down so that person is me, but it's because I'm the one who takes the time to research and consider the overall look, and actually goes out and buys curtains, tablecloths etc. As well as getting trades in etc most of the time.
When I pointed out to him that I was taking his veto and two-word suggestions (ie, he wanted to paint the house trim a "bright colour" and vetoed my carefully considered neutral) and spending hours looking at colour palettes etc, trying to accomodate him while he did nothing more about it, he eventually had to concede I just cared more, and possibly even knew better. Thank god. It took 10 years of a barely decorated home. Still crawling along but at least I know it's in my hands.
Still going to have a battle over redoing our deck. He wants to do it ourselves, I want to extend it and get the deck I really want rather than a compromise. Which probably require hiring someone.

Windchime

Veteran

Oh, I feel for you! There is an insane number of choices about everything, and, as Classically Casual points out, most of us aren't faucet (or tile) experts!
DH and I have learned that it's better for us to defer home improvement projects until we agree about how the project will take shape. And usually there has to be compromise on both sides before we can move forward.
Good luck with the remodel; it will be very worth it in the end .

Debbie

Veteran

Thank-you! Y'all have make me feel better. I went into Houzz and found something's I like and went by the tile store and picked up some samples I liked. The funny thing about all of this is usually all the decisions in decorating this house are mine until the remodeling starts.
Carter you made me laugh out laugh. That is exactly how I feel.
Janet I know what you mean My husband wants to build cabinets going up the sides of the vanity to the ceiling. Where the mirror and lights would go I have no idea. I nixed that idea.

TraceyLiz65

(website)

Veteran

I remember my sister asking me how we decided on things for the kitchen remodel without killing each other.... I didn't understand that at all because we just looked at things and both agreed... I did compromise on the granite color as he knew for sure he wanted black and I didn't feel strongly about another color, so let him have that one.... I sense have realized how common it is for couples to get stalled and never agree.... I guess we've done that in our den where he wanted a darker color which I hated so he has two wall painted in the primer, which is more my speed and two painted the darker which i hated... We gave up and have kept it that way for a few years now... We laugh about it whenever we explain it...

celia

Veteran

Oh Carter, our husbands are kindred spirits because mine also chooses ugly stuff in weird colours :), and after much fight he 'comes up with a brilliant idea" that is basically doing what I told him to do in the first place. And he takes full credit for it too.
Debbie, I am sure in the end you will have a beautiful and practical master bath. Just breathe.

Marlene

Veteran

I have one word for you RESALE VALUE. OK...two words. Everything I do to the house I evaluate by resale value. Will this add to the value of the house when we go to sell? Will it be acceptable to a large number of potential house buyers? Will potential house buyers want to rip it all out when it becomes theirs? I tend towards going neutral and then making furnishings carry the burden of adding drama.

Also...my husband has learned to let me be the primary decision maker on all things renovating and decorating. It has worked out so far...

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Oh, Debbie. Hugs - and you crack me up. Hang in there. xo

Debbie

Veteran

The tile is picked and the demo is started. On to fixtures and lighting. Fixtures should be easy. Lighting will be difficult. Husband mentions doing the guest bath last night. Oh my!

Jeanie

Veteran

Oh dear! My DH & I had our worst fight in a carpet store. It was so bad we waited 4 years to buy carpet and had to live with some ugly, gray, stained carpet. Remodels should come with designers who are skilled in counseling. I think there was and HGTV show that addressed this issue once. Best of luck you you!

Isabel

Veteran

Debbie, FWIW, my husband and I are the same way. When we redid our bathroom, the man at the tile store said to us after all the bickering, " Don't worry, I had to get a degree in marriage counseling to sell tile. " !!!