I'd like to share one of Autumn's posts that really resonated with me, since this is exactly what I have been feeling as well.
http://www.the-beheld.com/2015.....mment-form
"How you look, your stance, your hair, your makeup, whether you appear pretty, your sex appeal: all of these things that coalesce in my brain, and maybe yours, to form a hum so low and so constant that I take it as a state of being—and when you want, they disappear. When you want, the want goes to the fore. The you can take a backseat."