Please help me choose a funeral appropriate dress! - YouLookFab Forum

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Please help me choose a funeral appropriate dress!

banananutmuffin

I'm a SAHM and haven't worked in an office for years, so I don't really have "workwear" (and what I do have is way outdated for my age).

I'm 37 years old and a mom of 2 kids. My style tends to be casual (jeans/skirts and tees) BUT showy (cleavage, legs) because Hubby likes me to show skin. As a result, most of what I own isn't funeral appropriate.

I would like an outfit that is appropriately conservative without being frumpy. I am short, so anything that doesn't skim my body has a tendency to make me look very wide and frumpy. I have a really round face, so I prefer v-necks for sure. (I learned that a v-neck is the most flattering neckline for me about 2 years ago, and haven't bought anything except v-necks since). I have cleavage but no booty. lol I am looking for a dress that I can wear to a funeral (I anticipate a family funeral soon), but also perhaps for other conservative occasions. Even though it's for conservative events, I would like it to be figure flattering. I am not really comfortable in super conservative clothing because I feel it doesn't look good on me, but I also realize funerals are not about me (not yet at least), so maybe I should just wear something that makes me uncomfortable and let it go at that.

I've attached some photos so you guys can see what I mean. Thanks so much for any help you can give me!!

The tight black sweater dress is to give you an idea of my figure. It's obviously not funeral appropriate, but it is the type of thing I'd wear to dinner (although a little long for my taste).

The button-up shirt and black skirt are an example of how something that doesn't skim me can make me look dumpy. I have a hard time finding button-ups anyway, because if it fits my chest, it usually doesn't "hug" my waist.

The black dress and sweater combo is "just ok" in my book. I would prefer a v-neck.

Both gray dresses are from my younger days. They're probably too tight, too short, and too young looking for me now. And, again, not v-necks.

The pantsuit fits me nicely, but it is a little too "business-y" and buttoned-up for my taste. Of course, funerals aren't fashion shows, but I want to be comfortable and still feel like myself.

Any suggestions? Like I said, I am looking for something appropriate for funerals and other conservative events, so I would definitely prefer to find something that makes me feel comfortable.

Thanks so much for any insight!!

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Dressing

20 replies

Latest reply was from Mellllls

nancylee

Veteran

I think your assessments are spot-on. I agree that #1 isn't appropriate for a funeral, and that #2 isn't very flattering.

For funeral attire, I'd go with the #3 look or the grey pantsuit in #6 (although I would definitely have the sleeves shortened).

Carole

Veteran

You have a darling figure and agree with nancylee. I would opt for 3 or 6. But maybe its time to shop for a LBD (little black dress, or navy blue or gray) that you can dress up or down. I know Macy's has several to choose from. Jones of NY had a simple vneck sleeveless style awhile back that would be so versatile. You could add a blouse under or a jacket over. I will look and see if I can find it.

banananutmuffin

Thanks! I am also open to buying something new. Obviously, my "conservative" clothing needs an update for my age and body (which has changed a lot since I've had kids lol).

lyn67

Veteran

Sorry to hear...but better to be prepairred!
Nr 2 but tucked in?

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I bought a black dress with matching long jacket at Ross for under $10 or something crazy for my Gma's funeral years ago. Ross always has a ton of dresses.

banananutmuffin

What about this one? Too sexy?

http://www.jcpenney.com/jcp/X6.....4294936939|little+black+dresses&NOffset=2&x5view=1&N=4294936939&Nao=23&PSO=0&bcCat=3&CmCatId=external|80145&sa=1

Queen Mum

Veteran

I really like outfit #4, but the dress seems a tad short. #3 or 6 would be great options, but I'd go out and start looking for something that you feel good in so that when the need arises you will have something that is appropriate, but also makes you feel fab.

And I might add..there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel fab at a funeral. Often you see people whom you haven't seen in years and you might even end up taking family photos. We did that at my MIL's funeral... hey, we were all together for the first time in years and we were all dressed up... may as well take advantage of the photo op!

Queen Mum

Veteran

yes, that JCP one on you would most likely show too much cleavage. I honestly think you need to bite the bullet and invest in a flattering but simple sheath dress that skims your curves but doesn't hug. Or, what about a black pencil skirt and a pretty blouse tucked in?

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I agree with Kim on this one - and I'm not the kind of gal who has use for a sheath dress in my life. But I bought one just for the occasion. True, I never wore the dress or jacket again, but I felt it was just right for the need at the time.
You can't see it because I'm seated but you can tell that the neckline is quite appropriate. Also note that none of the other attendees are in black - so it's not that big of a deal, color wise.

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CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

I actually think #1 is fine for a funeral. It's fitted, but not overly sexy IMO. Especially if you wear a jacket over it, it is not too much. This is the perfect silhouette and length on you. If you feel the sweater fabrication is the problem with it, choose another dress like this but in a different textile.

I also like #3 and would like #4 if it were longer and more fitted to your legs. I would avoid pants for a funeral. Even though you are all covered, pants look somehow casual, not dressy enough to me. I did not like how many people wore really casual clothing to my Dad's funeral, it doesn't feel respectful (although first and foremost it's important that people show up). My Dad had his casual days but he was always one to dress up if the occasion called for it.

Shu

First, I'm so sorry to hear about the family funeral you're anticipating. Since it is your family, you'll probably have more insight than us as to what the rest of your family feels would be respectful - which is my number one goal at a funeral.

I think 3 looks perfectly appropriate, and cute even, with the buttons on the sweater adding a point of interest. Its hard to see from the photo, but would a thin -maybe black patent or gray - belt at your natural waist work to help the lack of body-skim you're concerned about? I also think 4 looks like a possibility with a qualification: I would say that it is definitely too short for a bare leg, but I wonder if you wore a thick black tight and a conservative shoe or flat black boot, or a thick gray tight and a cognac flat boot with maybe a thin cognac belt that it might be appropriate as well as something you are comfortable in.

In my (humble, imperfect) opinion, between the dresses you're drawn to (which all seem to be pretty and very flattering to your body), and the way your husband appreciates your body in clothes, you might end up buying a funeral-appropriate outfit that you don't love and won't wear much - and you already have one or two that seem to fit that category - or would if tweaked a bit.

If it were me, I might spend money on acessories to make what you have great (that you can wear with other things) rather than buying a dress you won't wear or feel comfortable in. On the other hand, if you can find a 10 dollar dress as Mo suggested and feel TOTALLY appropriate, there's not much risk in that.

If you go the route of looking for something new, I agree with Mum that a pencil skirt might be something that would be appropriate and figure-flattering, and could look pretty sexy on a date if you styled it differently. Good luck, and I think it's awesome that you're so open to asking for help.

Christelle

I'm going to preface this by saying take what I say with a grain of salt since I'm a newbie here, but I wanted to ditto Shu in saying only you know your family and what they will expect of you. I would also add that only you know the deceased loved one and how your attire will best represent your feelings for them and the life they lived.

What I mean by that is this: not every funeral has to be a morbid all-black affair. In fact, more often than not these days you will see alot of color at funerals, people trying to represent the life of their loved one through a color or style they wear.

I lost a young cousin a few years ago. I remember looking around the room during the funeral service and noticing that, while most people WERE wearing black, there were VERY FEW people wearing ALL black. Every single one of us had chosen to add a pop of color somewhere in our outfit in memory of my cousin's joyful personality and the happy memories we had of her. That was displayed in various ways either through close friends carrying a fresh daisy in honor of her and others of us wearing dresses with a subtle floral print. I wore a dress with a black background with pale turquoise daisies scattered across it. My sister wore a black skirt and jacket with a colored blouse. Other relatives chose similar attire: black slacks and a colored shirt, black suit with colorful tie. NONE of it was planned, yet we all had the same idea: black in honor of it being a funeral but with COLOR because my cousin was anything but a morbid person and we wanted to remember that and share that with the other people at the funeral.

Later, we all joked that we SHOULD have worn jeans and sweatshirts, which was her favorite outfit ; ) That's what SHE would have worn and would've wanted everyone else to wear.

So I say that to say that my personal opinion is that I'd be looking for a dress that will be serious to show your sadness but also choose an element that will help others to remember the life your loved one lived.

Funerals are sad, saying goodbye to someone you love, but they are also a time to celebrate the life that was lived. I just hesitate to be TOO morbid and severe for a funeral. I think a nice LBD would be good with a pale colored cardigan or shrug or even something in gray with a colored necklace or belt. Of your choices you currently have, I like 3 best, but it needs a touch of color, IMO. It looks a tad severe on you. A black sheath dress with a gray wrap would also work.

Kristine

Veteran

They're not inexpensive but JCrew has a nice line of dresses that go with their suit line. The keynote dress for example would be perfect for a funeral (in black or grey). I've seen the Super 120s material in stores and it's very nice. It's an investment but I'm sure you'd have it for a long time and it looks very versatile.

http://www.jcrew.com/womens_ca...../53845.jsp

sopranomom

I agree with Shu. #3 is your best bet. I really think #1 shows too much chest for a funeral. It certainly is perfect for dinner with hubby.

I just returned from a funeral where I wore the Adrianna Papell dress referred to below. (Sorry I don't have a photo - gotta work on a system for sharing.) I, too, feel boxy if a dress doesn't skim my body. Good luck in your quest to be appropriate for the occasion so that you and your family can honor your loved one.

http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/ad.....tback=1311

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

First of all, my condolences for your loss.
I tend to agree with the others here, but specifically with Christelle -- something conservative yet fresh strikes just the right balance, imo, since most funerals I've attended aspire to be a celebration of the person's life. I have to attend and sing in one tomorrow, and I'll be wearing a black sheath with a cream pattern near the top. A black jacket/hose/shoes will keep it grounded in funeral land, but I think the touch of lightness, plus the red lips and bag I'll sport, will keep things from being overly sombre. I'm pasting the outfit below.
I'm also pasting a picture of a sheath I own that I find tremendously versatile. It has a low v-neck, so you could probably use it for your more traditional bombshell style on less formal occasions if you had something similar. Would this kind of style appeal?
Also, it doesn't need to be black!!! I'd still go for a neutral, but any shade that works well on you is entirely appropriate short of a blindingly bright hew, I'd say.

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Deborah

Veteran

The last thing you want to be at a funeral is a distraction or the centre of attention so I am going to suggest that hemline and cleavage really need to be considered when choosing an outfit for a funeral. If you are happy to purchase something new then something like the dress Sopranomum linked to would be perfect IMO. Stylish, feminine and appropriate. You then have a fabulous dress should other occasions arise as this dress could worn to other functions, weddings, christenings etc.

banananutmuffin

Thanks for the advice! My family (actually, it's Hubby's family) is quite casual in general, and very used to seeing me showing lots of skin. Nonetheless, I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing my typical garb at a funeral. I was taught to be respectful on those occasions.

As for black... well... I am ashamed to say that the majority of my wardrobe is black or gray! It's a running joke in my family that I never wear color, so it would probably look odd if I went for a pop of color at a funeral.

I like that J Crew dress but the neckline just wouldn't work for my face shape. My face is very round, and I feel like I really need a v-neck to flatter me.

If it's a winter funeral, I will probably wear black tights and black boots.

What do you think about these choices? Keep in mind that these will inevitably be longer on me than the models. I have short stubby legs and usually have to hem even petite sizes.

http://www.loft.com/loft/produ.....Color=6477

http://www.anntaylor.com/ann/p.....Color=6600

Queen Mum

Veteran

that Ann Taylor one looks perfect BNM. The first (loft one looks good too, but the way they've designed the bust part with that empire waist band makes me wonder how much room it allows for "the girls"
I think both are worth giving a try.

Anonymous

I would go with something along these lines: appropriate for a funeral, but still really wearable for lots of other events:

http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/su.....ltback=858

Mellllls

Veteran

i actually think #3 or #4 would be perfectly appropriate for a funeral. if you think you can get away with wearing either of those, i'd go for it. sorry to hear of your loss.