I like to think that I am defining my own thing in the mix I present the world. We are all a mix - I wouldn't touch a power tool, but can be extremely logical and mathematical and have excelled in some traditionally masculine fields. Am afraid of bugs. Can lift heavy things. Etc. I have actually found the disparity between my hair color and my internal sense more challenging to navigate.

I don’t understand why some people take “girlie” to be a pejorative. I know some women proudly proclaim themselves “girlie girls” — they love pink, ruffles, bows, etc.

I personally don’t identify with that at all, even though I don’t consider my style to be particularly masculine or androgynous either. There is always an inherent femininity in my style afforded by my body type and my choices in hairstyle, makeup, etc. And even though I like a bit of toughness in my clothes, they aren’t necessarily mannish or boyish. And no one has ever mistaken me for a tomboy, even though I love the outdoors, hiking and camping, cheer loudly at baseball games, and can wield power tools.

I don’t feel any disparity or discomfort in the balance of these yin-yang elements in my style. I think most of them have been pretty stable in my style ever since I was quite young. Even as a child, I didn’t care much for bows or ruffles or hearts on things, etc.

The word sounded perjorative when Rachy used it in her sentence, to me. It doesn't in girlie-girl, it seems more descriptive there, like we all know they mean they like pink, makeup, etc etc.
This is a really interesting topic Suntiger! And I like your take on it, Shevia.

I would say that my personal style generally reflects my inner character. I used to wear a lot of boho-inspired clothing, but over the last couple of years, it has started to feel a little sloppy to me, and I have been wearing more "French chic" clothing, for lack of a better word.

I should say that I think that if I had a job in a traditional office setting, it would be more difficult for me to be true to my inner self in my dressing. I would probably end up wearing ususual-colored blazers with matching pants or something, so the silhouette would be more masculine, and I would inject more "me" into it with the colors to try to balance it out. It would be tricky for sure!

Honestly, I don't think about it. I know my own style would be considered very feminine, but I don't particularly feel feminine - I don't know what that would be like. I just feel like myself. I feel complete, and like my personality has enough room for all the aspects I need to get through this life.

If anyone looks at me and sees something different, that's their problem, not mine. I'm not very interested in how other people respond to my appearance, it's too hard to control for and would probably send me batty. I'm more interested in whether my look is satisfying to me.

I've always found work dressing much easier than casual dressing-but I've been working for nonprofits, not in a bank or other formal environment. No blazers required!
As much as I love the outdoors, its hard to find appropriate clothes that aren't androgenous

What a wonderful topic. I have so many thoughts on this; I’ll do my best to add something useful.

In reply to Synne’s observation: I’ve had the same shift since becoming a mother. Isn’t it interesting what that does.

I’m also with Astrid, in my pursuit of finding balance between my feminine and tomboy side. Last week I only wore slouchy trousers. This week only fitted dresses. So it’s more of a going back and forth between the two. But when I wear a tomboy outfit I need to add something feminine (a low heel, dainty earrings) and when I wear a dress, I’m inclined to add shoes and accessories with more of a yang quality.

My own interest in fine-tuning the yin-yang of an outfit has to do with my body as well as my personality. My body is very yang and I need to balance that out somewhat because I don’t want to actually be mistaken for a man. Which happened a couple of times when I was a teenager and we all wore wide-leg jeans and hoodies (and my hair was short). I also have a big masculine side to my personality (see how I’m bragging about it already :)) that I tend to tone down a bit to make life easier for myself. The Sheldon Cooper kind of masculinity (boyishness?) though, definitely not the McGyver kind!

(EDIT: PS: I applaud Angie's attempt to scratch the words from her speech. In writing this down I'm seeing how hard it is not to use masculine/feminine and how, at the same time, using those descriptors affirms existing stereotypes about our identity.)

What a great discussion! It is interesting how the mix of masculine and feminine is so different for everyone. I think I tend to go slightly more masculine in my style, maybe because I'm short and very feminine looking so like to offset that somewhat.

Speaking of terms, the phrase "man up" always bugs me. Why is that a good thing?

Yes, fascinating topic! These days I am consistently yin in dress and pursuits and sense of self. My outfits always contain something boho- flowy and sensual with a bit of sparkle. I spend my time doing traditionally nurturing activities: cooking, housekeeping, crocheting and making art which I have been told looks very female in terms of its rounded shapes and color choices.
That said, I appear more unadorned than many of the women in this southern town because I don't wear much makeup, don't do nail polish, don't blow dry my hair, and don't wear heels. I wear denim nearly daily for practical reasons, and rugged shoes so I can walk to my destinations.
Also, I am attracted to menswear because of the beauty of the fabrics. There have been entire decades when I wore vintage men's jackets in tweed and houndstooth and sharkskin, without really caring whether or not I appeared masculine, but just for love of the materials and quality. I
guess in general my style has always been in very close alignment with my identity as an artist and the yin-yang balance within.

Recently I stopped wearing heels and now when I wear workwear pants and blazers without heels I feel completely out of character.

Suntiger, back to say that I LOVE that you're dressing in a way that feels right. You go girl. Pick up that power tool in heels and sheath and you show them! I'm cheering from the side lines.

Lesley, thank you. I'm committed to the change.

Thanks And the porch repair will not be done in sheath or heels!

Such an interesting thread! It's been on my mind all day . It has also made me a bit sad, in that I realized that my style and it's iterations over the years is entirely based on how I feel about my body. I am almost always uncomfortable in my own skin and do not care to show my body or reveal its true shape through traditional/stereotypical dressing. I dress to hide myself as I don't care for the way I look. Simple as that. Traditional feminine style leaves me distinctly uncomfortable and I have waited for years, really, to have the rest of society "ok" with those of us who choose short hair, looser fitting clothing or less revealing clothing , but yet don't wish to be judged as butch/androgynous/even masculine looking. I feel I get away with it because I do have fairly feminine features and make sure my short hair is on-trend and makes a style statement but I often feel somewhat defensive in choosing the kinds of clothes I do.

I don't ever want anyone to feel bad about their bodies!
Starting body gratitude thread!

I don’t either ! It’s years of ingrained thought patterns .

I was thinking I have always dressed more feminine to feel pretty, since I never did. If I dress pretty, people will think I am? Late bloomer...
I don't think of you as butch or masculine looking at all-or think you seem to be hiding. What you wear always seems harmonious on you. And your rebellious nature at work makes me smile

Great topic, Suntiger. And Angie -- thank you for that. My child thanks you also. It's going to be interesting to see where we go with the language in future.

I am with Shevia on this -- I think we're all a mix. I have a straighter (or at least flatter) body type...and short "boyish" hair...and I often wear "boyish" clothing like blazers, shirts, jeans...but funnily enough, I feel very feminine in those items -- maybe even more so than I do in a dress! I do love wearing skirts and dresses, but not if they are frilly. I tend to go for clean lines.

" That's so girly "
" You throw like a girl "
" Pussy "
" Icey bitch "
" What a slut/tart/harlot, etc. "
...and the glory that is the " C " word

There sure are some horrible types in society who love to throw that crap around with callous abandon.

That kind of language is a reflection of our culture, where violence against women is a terrible and ongoing problem. Don't know if a change in pejoratives would fix the violence problem, but it would be a good place to start.

I think this is why some women (and I'm one of them) choose to dress on the less feminine end of the spectrum. "Feminine" has come to mean weak and helpless, even though we perform incredible feats of strength and endurance, like childbirth. Go figure.

My girly side usually manifests in the form of makeup and perfume rather than ruffles and bows. It seems like a nice balance for my tee shirts and jeans and power tools!

Grr! We always have to tread this line between being nice (then though of as pushover or easy mark) and taking no bull/being forceful (then we're cold or a b).

Interesting, I never put it into the definitions - is my style feminine or masculine? I don’t usually wear dresses but I don’t consider myself a tomboy. When I was younger, my clothes was more fitted. It suited me and was common at the time. I don’t care for it now. My winter wardrobe mostly consists of straight or wider leg pants and oversized sweaters, for example. I felt that I need to balance it with an occasional long necklace or bigger earrings and classic pumps. My idea of a successful outfit - an oversized caramel sweater, released hem cropped straight jeans and a pair of leopard pumps (1 inch heels). Now I think that may be subconsciously, I was adding feminine touches to my outfits. Even so, I don’t feel any pressure or care about judgement, not that experience any due to probably living now in a big, multicultural city. Our environment undeniably influences our style. I remember how I had to justify my androgynous style choices when I lived in more conservative town.