Pep talk needed. I don't know if I can do this. - YouLookFab Forum

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Pep talk needed. I don't know if I can do this.

Niki Lea

Veteran

I'm think I'm in a slump. For a few months I've been coming here every day, reviewing WIW posts, and reading the blog...and I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing. This isn't meant to be a slight against Angie's great advice, or any of the other beautiful women who post here. But is it possible that I'm just not meant to be fashionable?

I don't have a lot of time or money to devote to shopping. And I want to look good, I really do. But I feel like I just suck at this! Can I ask the ladies here, at what point did you feel like this "clicked" for you? Because I still feel like a dumpy mommy who looks like I just tossed a bunch of cheap clothes on before I jumped on the bus to work.

p.s. My husband just saw me writing this and is laughing his butt off. That has sort of put my pity party into perspective...

General

27 replies

Latest reply was from Niki Lea

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

((HUGS!!!!!!!!))

It is NOT possible that you were not meant to be fashionable! You just haven't discovered your personal style yet! And because you want to look good, I know that you can do it! It took me a very very very long time and very very very many WIW and lots of encouragement from everywhere here to feel fab

If I can do it, you can too!!! *Hugs*

Aww; I don't have a lot of money or time for shopping either, because I'm a student, so I make my favorite stores send me emails whenever there are sales; and I also get membership cards to the stores if it means I can get special discounts.

MsMary

Veteran

Aw, hugs from me too, NIki Lea!

I swear, for me there was nothing like taking and posting WIW photos to really put things into perspective. The ladies here have such great suggestions and I would never, ever have come up with most of it on my own!

The other thing that I love, love, love is copying outfits either from here or magazines or other blogs or whatever. I did it today, in fact! It gets me going, you know?

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

No slight taken

You have amazing hair, a beautiful smile and I love your new shades! I think you are hard on yourself, Niki. You are really pretty and it's a question of attending to the small details to make the difference.

Start by devoting attention to pant lengths. I have noticed that you wear long trousers too short. Cropped pants are hard to wear with flats - shorten them. Try to get the fit right on jackets.

Take it one outfit at a time. Post it - and we will hold your hand every strep of the way. Style can be learned - it's why we have a YLF!

DON"T WORRY!

Niki Lea

Veteran

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your support. Angie, I was thinking about getting dressed for work tomorrow and, for whatever reason, got myself stirred up into a major tizzy. In my 20's I could get away with not dressing up everyday, so now that I'm in my mid-30's I feel like I'm learning how to do all of this a bit late. *big sigh* I'll take a deep breath and carry on.

I have a pair of jeans that need to be hemmed. Maybe I'll refocus and take them into the tailor this week. Actually, I should probably start buying all of my pants longer and getting them hemmed.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

*chuckle*

Rest assured we have all had tizzies like that

One step at a time. Start with your bottoms and have them hemmed to the correct length.

Take a picture of your outfit tomorrow and we'll help you feel fabulous.

MsMary

Veteran

And don't worry about being a late bloomer! I'm 52 and just now really getting into the swing of things! Hubby says I'm going through a delayed adolescence!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Mary, I thought I saw a rebellious teen streak in your style.

Niki, it is NEVER to late to bloom. I am working with a new 70 year old client who wants to look the best she has ever looked. Love it.

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

take a deep breath! Just keep it simple and focus on what makes you feel good about yourself.

Aunty

Veteran

Oh lovley hang on in there!
You are being very hard on yourself, I am the same so I know how you feel. I have been in a strange place since my body started to change when I turned 50 a few years ago, but I am getting there.
You are fabulous as you are and you can only get more so with the help of Angie and the wonderful ladies here. Now chin up and get back out there X

puffenstuff

(website)

Veteran

Big hugs Niki - I think we've all been there so you'll find many sympathetic ears here mine included. I remember feeling so frustrated, I had these new clothes that I had brought but still couldnt manage to put a decent looking outfit together. I decided to go back to basics, sat down and analysed what I wanted to look like and got tonnes of help from here and inspiration from other fashion bloggers. Here is an old thread of mine about having a lightbulb moment, some of it might resonate with you.
http://youlookfab.com/welookfa.....ulb-moment

Like Angie says, take it one step at a time, dont try to rush yourself and it will come to you eventually. Style is a never-ending journey and we're all in it together

Polly (thunalata)

Veteran

Make sure you wash the jeans before you hem them! They tend to shrink a little bit.

I found PPL was an important start for me. Most of my pants were too short and the first pair of PPL pants I wore made me feel amazing. Then it's a question of trying things and posting WIW or asking questions. It took me a few tries to get belts sorted, for instance, (and a hint from Angie to try a stretchy belt got me on the right track) but once I had found a belt look that worked, it was easier to make other looks work - and I don't just wear stretchy belts now.

rute

Veteran

We all have moments like this! Don't worry!
No one can say that "I'm just not meant to be fashionable". We deserve that as women!
Some have more budget then others but that doesn't matter!
When shopping you have to look for quality fabrics and perfect fits and that makes all the difference. In every store thare are item that can be cheap but have a great fabric and cut. You can also thrift, or shopping during sales.
It takes time but you'll learn and we are here to help!

April

Veteran

Niki, I just wanted to chime in and say that you are not alone in feeling that it's taking a long time for things to click for you. I find, after several years here, that for me it's more like a series of small clicks than one magical "aha" moment when everything comes together.

PPL and well-fitting jackets are, as Angie wisely suggested, two of those little clicks.

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

I can really empathize, on so many levels and I have gone through similar stage as you. This place can feel overwhelming, especially when you see other forum members who enjoy putting their brilliant outfits together. But, the way I see it - you are here now, there's no turning back girl Things will take turn for better. I too felt maybe it's too late to start all this style-whatever... who was I kidding, at 38 I surely should know what I should wear or hang my head in shame for not being fluent in style and fashion?

And that's when the magic of YLF kicked in. Read back Angie's very first blog post: it's all in the details and knowing a few rules. And then practice, where better than here. There's not patronizing here, just encouragement and constructive comments.

And money is the least of the issues. Although it looks like having an easy option of buying what you need would be a solution, it is in my view not good approach in the long run unless you know how to shop. Check this thread about post-YLF spending habits to get an idea of what everyone thinks.

I am looking forward to seeing your future style journey.

Jennifer

I completely understand your frustration. I get discouraged too. One thing I find helpful is I copy outfits. I have a file where I have copied great looks I love, and in the morning, when I think, "Oh god. What should I wear?" I have a quick look at my file and copy something completely. Lately, there are some looks that after copying for a while, I feel more comfortable with, and I'd say they are just apart of "my style" now. It's a journey, but worth it. You do look lovely in your posts, though.

Marigold

Oh, I can so relate! I'm a mom (SAHM to boot so no dressing up to work), and have struggled to find my style for a few years now, I'll be 33 in a few months and feel like I'm stuck in a rut! I've started coming here about 6-7 months ago, posted a couple outfits, then just 'disappeared' as my efforts didn't seem to go anywhere (and I had a lot of stuff coming up to get my mind off dressing, unfortunately).. Now I'm tentatively back, but still unsure if I can find my style. I decided to branch out a little out of my usual styling of shorts and mini skirts this summer and look for long shorts and fuller skirts and flowy shorts (I feel like I'm stuck in my 20's dress-wise, nothing wrong with that when you're 20 of course, but I feel like I want sophisticated style now!), and I hope I'll have enough courage to post pictures here asking for critique and advice when I aquire those new items... I feel like the process takes a long time, to find one's style and transform it, and I hope we both succeed!! I'll be looking forward to your posts

Cilleena

Veteran

Hang in there, Niki! I asked the same question about when did fashion "click" for you about 2 months ago. Little things start coming together a piece at a time. I am definitely still fumbling a lot, but it's getting better.

Queen Mum

Veteran

Niki- I just went through all your WIW posts and you look great! You don't look like a dumpy mommy at all. You look young and fresh.
Keep up the WIW's and you will start to refine those areas that you don't feel as great about. Keep reading and you will continue to learn mantras that will help you when shopping and dressing.
I think I was here a full year before I really felt that I was getting my groove on. I just keep plugging along, learning from my mistakes and learning to pay attention to the smallest of details.

rae

(website)

Veteran

You can do it! Most of us here were all in the same boat when we started, and we're all constantly learning. Just focus on one outfit at a time, and before you know it, you'll feel 100% better. Keep up the WIW posts; they have helped me immensely.

thimblelina

(website)

Veteran

Yeah... What they said!! I have good days and bad at this; everyone does it would appear. You know what I fall back on: reminding myself that even though Uberstyle still feels like a faraway foreign country I might not reach, I think I have escaped the borders of that gawdawful totalitarian regime Nadastyle. I am incrementally a little more stylish. So I try it again. Then I take a few days off to scrape paint or hike trails in stretchy pants. And when I get back from that, I just try again. Personal image is a lot like the newspaper biz; you're only as good or bad as your most recent effort. So get those jeans hemmed posthaste and send us a picture! We can do this! L

catgirl

Veteran

NL, there are many days when I feel the same way, believe me. I am a slow and defiant learner. But being on YLF has been like learning to read - now that I know certain things, I can't go back to not knowing them, no matter how much I feel like slacking. Just this weekend I pulled out a pair of jeans that I thought were still okay - turned out they were way too short, even in flats. I almost wore them anyway, but I just couldn't take the lack of PPL, so into the consignment bag they went.

Some of this comes joyfully, and sometimes it's a bit more difficult (for me, anyway). When it gets hard, I try to be kind to myself. My husband says he wishes he'd never learned to read nutrition content panels because now he can't just eat whatever he wants in blissful ignorance, and I have times when I feel that way about getting dressed. Just remember it's supposed to be fun, and when it's not, take a deep breath and give yourself a little space.

With the help of the lovely ladies here, you will get to a different place!

Heather

Veteran

Super Hugs from me, too.

NL, don't stress. You could have an entire wardrobe filled with gems, but just need a little inspiration to boost you back on your style journey.

We are here for you. <3

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

Niki, hugs! It is never too late, you know. I have not even thought about style and how I look until my mid-thirties and even then it was a huge leap for me after I found YLF last year.
Money is not an obstacle to be stylish: half of my very best finds for the last year are from thrift stores.
I would suggest to do more WIW - they were extremely helpful for me. Post an outfit you do not feel fab in and ask for suggestions, then try to apply some of them and see if you feel any different. Also take a lot of pictures even if you are not going to post them here. I found that going through my picture archive helps me to understand what works and what does not work for me.
Style is a journey, not a destination and should be fun! Don't be too hard on yourself and ask for help here on the forum as often as you need. We are here for you!

taylor

Veteran

I have always thought you were quite lovely!
Hang in there...!!

SW Ann

Veteran

One thing that helped me before I found YLF (much easier since then) --I went through magazines and when I found an outfit I liked, I tried to analyze "why". If it was just because she was cuter or younger or thinner than me, I discounted it. But if there were elements of the outfit I liked I found it helpful to figure it out and then try to find a way to put that element into an outfit of my own. For example, if I see someone in a color I like, how is she wearing it? Or do I like the scarf that woman has on and why? Is it the way it's tied, or what it's with, or the whole outfit? I also do this when I am out and I see someone I think looks good, and write it down to try myself. This really helped me hone in on how I wanted to look. That's why YLF is so helpful--we can learn from each other, and we are all REAL Women!!!

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Ah I remember going through a similar stage, I look upon it like this, you join YLF, you acquire knowledge and a more critical eye, you then have to disassemble your wardrobe and overall look before you can rebuild your new and improved style. It takes patience and a little guts but there are rewards for your hard work. I hope you are feeling a little better today.

Niki Lea

Veteran

Wow, I sure wasn't expecting this kind of response! Thank you so much, ladies. I dug into my closet this morning with a little more confidence and less anxiety.