Don't worry, be happy.

Learning to adjust to changed colouring is an interesting part of life's journey.

These are some of the things I have gradually realized as my hair has turned from dark to salt & pepper to silver:
● Clear cool colours definitely suit my present colouring better than beige, brown, blush, olive, rust, etc. Muted colours might still look nice as (minor) part of patterns I wear. But generally, I no longer want to wear them as solids. Taupe works if it looks harmonious with the clear greys (light, medium and dark) that are my primary neutrals now.
● Clear strong red makes me look pale. Slightly softer blue-reds are much better.
● All purples, including lilac, look even better with my present colouring than they did when I was darker.
● Teal, which I never wore when I was younger, looks interesting with my present colouring and is an easy match with lots of colours in my wardrobe.
● I want to add deep blue to my neutrals. (My other neutrals are white, silver, greys and black.) For many years, I found deep blue a bit boring and prefered black. Now I find that deep blue looks perfect with my colouring, is softer than black and emphasizes the blue colours in my eyes.
● White footwear and white bottoms (jeans, pants, skirts, etc.) kind of bookend my hair. I no longer feel the need to repeat the white colour somewhere on my upper body or near my face, as I did when my hair was dark. But of course, I still wear white blouses, white pearls etc.--when I want to.
● While most black&white prints/patterns used to serve me well, this is not automatically the case now, so I feel the need to be more careful when selecting prints and patterns. For instance, some black patterns on white background now look either uninteresting or harsh or distracting. (I want ME to wear my colours and patterns--not THEM to wear me. ) Interestingly, if just a little amount of grey is included in such patterns, they work much better. Generally, medium-contrast patterns now seem to be more flattering than high-contrast patterns in black & white. However, small and medium-scale patterns with equal amounts of black and white (e.g. tweeds and checks) still work.
● Charcoal often looks surprisingly better than black. Charcoal items with white pinstripes are versatile and look amazing teamed with non-neutrals in clear cool colours like pink, blue and turquoise.
● White or silver/grey patterns on black background soften the black and look harmonious on me, provided they are not too large or busy.
● Though I still like to wear solid black, I don't want it in large amounts near my face. So no more black turtlenecks, scarves, hats, etc.
● I look and feel best when I wear a non-neutral somewhere near my face. It has become natural to me to include at least one non-neutral in every outfit.

By the way, I can't say I feel invisible, as I almost daily get compliments from younger colleagues and sometimes from complete strangers too. A few days ago, when I was seated in a bus, a woman around 40 years younger than me rose from her seat and came up to me to tell me how much she liked my outfit, while other passengers smilingly agreed. (In case you are wondering, I was wearing a silver lurex skirt, black riding boots, icy white puffer jacket and a patterned scarf in purple, blue, white, grey and black.)

My hair color started as black (but not jet black) and is now salt'n'pepper in front and pepper'n'salt in back -- which is a different type of transition than those who started with brown or blonde hair.

Charcoal now looks amazing on me; I don't think I ever wore it when I was young. Same with black'n'white and black'n'cream. Bookending laziness, I must admit.

I steer far, far away from prints, especially in drapey, flowy fabrics that I associate with old ladies. The time has long passed for that to be an ironic look!!!

I don't notice much of a change in skin color, although I suppose I have brown spots where none existed in the past. I haven't developed roseacea or anything like that.

Last fall, I started to use Revitalash on my eyelashes, and having thicker eyelashes makes me feel like I can wear stronger colors. . .

I look forward to when I am substantially silver white. Then, I envision myself wearing lots of cream, white, and pearl gray. White footwear will then feel right -- and by then will probably have disappeared from the market!

Very interesting thread! I have noticed that I have been drawn to more makeup as I get older - is it to combat invisibility? I hadn't thought about it precisely that way.

My color story: My hair started out in life as very dark brown, nearly black and stayed somewhere around there through hair dye until my mid-40s. My salt and pepper hair gets a lot more attention than my dye jobs ever did. (I recently realized that I actually still have a fair amount of dark hair especially in the back and sides and am a true salt and pepper rather than a grey for now.)
Anyway, my colors have definitely shifted because also in my late 30s and early 40s I started taking skincare seriously and try very hard to not tan. I have the kind of skin that tans very easily and when I was younger became very dark in the summer and most of the year. I am still olive but a much lighter olive than I used to be.
Also, and this is just a feeling, but I think my eyes are more green than they were in the past. Thus, a somewhat new palette. I prefer more muted colors, but still like cobalt and black and white. Very pale colors are not as good as they used to be. Purple/burgundy/wine is better than I remember. Bright pink is better than pale pink usually. I sort of play it by ear though!

I miss my very dark brown, almost black hair. I used to have high contrast coloring, and pale skin.

My skin is both a bit darker and has some redness in the center section of my face, and my eyes are not the very dark brown they used to be.
I miss the contrast. I miss having my black pants and often shoes bookend my hair. I do feel less visible, although I was not someone who felt that visible.

My gray has a bit of yellow in it, so the clear grays I like often make my hair look muddy, so they haven't become my new neutral.

I wear mostly the same colors-saturated cool blues, reds, purples, etc. I no longer look good in a certain shades of red that I used to wear, and I do look good in a somewhat dark pink berry tone that I only bought something in because it was on deep sale and online I mistook the color.

I look good in navy but do not feel as much like me in it. I had a few pastels that I could wear but now I feel washed out in them.

I think feeling washed out is the hardest change for me.

I might color my hair if I felt that I could get the color I want, dark brown with no red, I wouldn't have to go ever 3 weeks, and the time and money weren't a consideration. But probably not, as there is something about having my natural coloring, and also a fear that it wouldn't look right.

I guess I haven't adapted psychologically, even if I have wardrobe-wise.

Interesting that the idea of dressing to retain visibility comes up so often with greying- especially when people start with high contrast. My coloring has always been low value contrast-but have noticed in the last few years I need to darken my brows, and need mascara even if no other makeup.

Just before this thread started, someone in a different forum I’m in wrote about feeling invisible as a person after a certain age, and being ignored. Lots of women jumped in to agree with her. She wasn’t talking about physicality, but it makes complete sense to me for appearance to go along with that feeling.
Suntiger, I’d like to hear your thought more. My guess is that as you age, you may become more high contrast, with grey or white hair. So physically you might have more punch than this fading away to all grey/white. The woman who wrote the post in the other forum is vibrant and funny and witty. We’ve gotten together a couple times irl—she does not have a striking presence the way I expect you do. But dammit, those of us who know her primarily through writing know what a powerhouse she is. You are very different people, but share that vibrancy and power. I’m just musing here, wondering if you will experience that same “invisibility” in ten years.

Thing is FashIntern, I've been so visible in life that I'd rather let other people take the spotlight now. I did music professionally through my 20s and 30s, plus theatre, dance, writing etc-its only been in the last 7 years (and late teens) I've had a 9-5. Even now, my job is out in the community half the year. No matter my appearance, I don't foresee being able to be invisible while being fully present with life.

ST, I can’t imagine you not being fully present with life! The woman from the other post I mentioned either. She is partner in a law firm, has started CrossFit in the last few years and made astounding progress, is vibrant and funny and awesome She has dyed her hair blue, which ups the contrast—yet people literally run into her and excuse themselves by saying they didn’t see her. Just interesting to me to puzzle out what effects that. I’ve always had “stage presence” even though I’m not an actress—people notice when I walk in a room. I don’t know quite how that happens.

Maybe cause you're tall? Not sure, but I'd notice the blue hair and compliment it Not enough people have blue hair where I live!