Partly OT - A Little Shocked by my Dad's Flippant Remark. - YouLookFab Forum

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Partly OT - A Little Shocked by my Dad's Flippant Remark.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

My Mum and Dad are adorable and spoil Ben, the girls and I rotten every time they visit, for an early Christmas present this year my parents bought me a sheepskin gilet with a faux fur collar ( I have to admit it has come in very handy in these sub zero temps) but my mouth is still aghast after the following conversation;

Mum 'Oh that's lovely, it looks trendy, is it trendy Julie?'
Me 'Yes it is Mum, I'm glad you like it too'
Dad 'Oh Renee, what does Julie want with trendy, she is married with children'
******Silence follows for feels like forever*********************************************

Do you think this is a generational thing? My Dad is not a misogynist at all, he has always encouraged his girls to be all that they can be. Perhaps it is his misconception of the word trendy, as he likes the gilet and will often say I look nice or put together. There is always the third suggestion that trends in Wigan are vastly different to the trends sported on YLF, perhaps he thinks my look is not trendy in the Wigan sense.

Anyway I have not taken offense at this comment as he does not have a bad bone in his body BUT I would love to know his reasoning, what do you think of this remark? Would you be offended? Do you dress differently as a married woman/ mother?

My head is boggling....help!

General

18 replies

Latest reply was from Patience

Christie

If its a gift from them, and your mum picked it out, could this possibly be a statement he's making towards her, and less towards you? Either about her style or about the price of the gift?

But to answer your question, no, I don't think I dress differently as a married woman or mother. I do love my husband's opinion, and do want my kids to be proud of me. I think my likes and dislikes in style are who I am and wouldn't be different otherwise.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I do think he's equating 'trendy' with the teeny bopper crowd. Sure I dress differently as a wife/mother than I did as a young single women. I am a different person with a different body and lifestyle. There's nothing wrong with that.
By the way- I wouldn't take it to heart. My dad often says *much* worse, and he does not even have good intentions or spoiling behind it

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

Oh Goodness Julie!

Fathers! Goodness me, sometimes their logic absolutely escapes me (at least that is most certainly the case with my own dad). Did your mother give him one of "those" looks at the time? If so, I wouldn't worry, all is already sorted! <tee-hee! at least it would have been in my household>

I agree that I don't think that there was any malice in his comment, just that this is one of those (hopefully rare) moments where the intergenerational gap becomes quite apparent! Sometimes I forget that my own Dad isn't actually that young anymore and that his perception of the world can vary quite differently from mine. (Like the time he told me to put honey on my childs dummy a couple of years ago when he was teething.....!)

I can say I do dress differently as a mother now. I don't wear as much cream or white and I make sure my tops cannot be pulled down easily to expose my breasts. I had to stop wearing a skirt for a while. (You may recall some of my stories from earlier posts as to why this may be the case - all I can say is that toddlers can be very determined and can be very strong when they want to be!)

In terms of dressing differently, I think my style is evolving, but it is related far more to the fact that I'm getting older <sigh>, not because of my marital or parental status.

I hope you feel better soon!

x

[PS - I must confess I had to giggle, because I would say his comment seems to be a very close relation to one of my own favourite little gripes- being told (usually by an older lady - maybe yours was the "male" version?) that "But, my dear, you don't look like you have children, let alone *three* boys!" (because of course, mothers (and particularly mothers of boys) are meant to look a certain way, aren't they?! ;-)]

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Christie, that is a possibility I had not considered.

Khris, you always put a smile on my face, thank you.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Oh Katiepea, I can't think of the purple pants incident without thinking of Teah escaping the changing room and me having to fetch her in my undies. But to answer your question Mum's face probably did help resolve the issue, which could have added to the extended silence.

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

[Tee-hee] Oh, I have to confess Julie I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall watching your mother do the "eyeball" to your father and watching the realisation dawn on his face "Uh-ohhhhhhh....."

(I miss that with my mum - she did the *best* direct "eyeballs bulging, eyebrows raised" look at my dad. I've been practicing on my hubby and hope to one day perfect the look! :-))

Another way to think of it is that sometimes, silence really is golden - I'm sure that got the point across far more than anyone ranting or raving. Now what time is it over there? It's 8.30am here, so surely you need to go to bed?! Sweet dreams!

In advance, I can tell you that Sunday is going to be a great day (it's already started with lots of smiles and hugs and kisses and my hubby making pancakes for breakfast on my end!). x

qfbrenda

Veteran

Quote:

"But, my dear, you don't look like you have children, let alone *three* boys!" (because of course, mothers (and particularly mothers of boys) are meant to look a certain way, aren't they?! ;-)]

Unquote...

Welcome to my life. LOL After having 5 boys, it seems that lots of people expect me to look a certain way. Worn out? Haggard? I have no clue. My mom has passed on "compliments" from her friends to me... "Wow... Brenda looks good!" Very nice to hear... but it's said in that tone that really means, "Wow... I expected her to look bad." Ummm... thanks, I think. LOL

I did dress differently for many years because I spent 10+ years nursing and/or pregnant and had little money for updated my closet. Now that I'm done with that and am planning to stay one size while I raise my boys, I'm changing my wardrobe quite a bit as I can afford it.

I will add that I think it's easy to find yourself dressing differently as a mom with lots of little ones. You are busy and tired! LOL Time to spend on one's wardrobe and "look" can be hard to find. It's easy to find very simple combos and wearing them over and over because you don't have time for anything else.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Yep. it's 22:42 so I'm going up the stairs to Bedfordshire very shortly.

Brenda, I do love my uniforms and I'm very grateful for under eye concealer.

Bookarella

Veteran

This sounds like something my dad would say just to needle me. Of course, I would call him on it, too. Do you think your dad was sincere or just saying it in jest? Either way, do not worry about it. It sounds like a fabulous gift that he obviously did not shop for, right?

I really think that I probably do dress somewhat differently now that I am a mom, but it is due more to the fact that I am older and a little more sure of my style now. Also, before my kids came along I was out in the working world so now I wear much more casual clothing on a daily basis than I did way back then.

Jonesy

Veteran

It sounds like he might have a separate category in his brain for "young, trendy, non-moms" and "older, settled, non-trendy moms." Nothing personal or judgmental about you in particular, he just views "trendy" as something for women who aren't moms. We here at YLF know this is crazy :), but from his point of view it might make some sort of sense.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Bless Mum and Dad for spoiling you, Julie.

*chuckle*. I do not mean to laugh at your expense, but our parents are hilarious! Don't you think? I'm 100% sure that Dad's perception of trendy is different to yours/ours. Perhaps Dad thinks of clubbing at night in platforms and short shorts as trendy

Anyway, your gillet is 100% trendy. And I know you wear it with style - both married and with children!

Queen Mum

Veteran

honestly, I wouldn't take any fashion statement from my dad with even so much as a grain of salt. I don't want to come across as "what do they know" but really...my dad wouldn't know a trendy item if it hit him in the rumpus

yublocka

(website)

Veteran

Haha I totally agree with Queen Mum. Just imagining my dad trying to define or pick something as trendy makes me laugh. He was totally bemused by the black & white oxfords I got them to bring back from the US for me.....couldn't believe I was going to wear them to work!

Maya

Veteran

I'm in Kim and Tam's boat. I don't even think my dad could conceptualize what trendy is. When it comes to fashion, I think dads exist solely for our amusement.

Isabel

Veteran

I think that it is great that they were trying to get you something stylish. It seems that your mom wasn't sure what it was, so I am willing to bet money that your dad had no idea what that meant. I am with the other ladies on this one. Chock it up to a funny holiday remark that you will remember forever. From what you said, he sounds as if he would be deeply upset if he thought he hurt you.

Refugee

Veteran

I think this one one of those comments by a loving father who just doesn't get it. Give him a mental squeeze and a pat on the head and think you are so cute, Dad. This comment has nothing to do with you, don't sweat it.

rute

Veteran

oh.. you don't need to get offended is just their way of thinking. Mine also think that a married woman and a mom should dress in a more demure way (skirts bellow the knee and no cleavelage). Well, they didn't had lucky with me.. my passion for fashion is still intact, I take time for myself, but I know a lot of women that since they had kids, they changed, they just use jeans, flats and a t-shirt.

Patience

Veteran

Julie, I'm sure your father must be thinking of something else too.
Well, between this thread and Angie's papa thread, it has got me thinking about how men are exposed to fashion. I don't want to make generalizations but it seems like in a lot of cases fashion is an area in which men are trained by their wives? We always say that dressing well is important for our kids because it shows how we take care of ourselves, but what about our significant others? Unless a man is specifically interested in following fashion (and I know my husband is not) how is he exposed to what's fashionable? More importantly, how does he learn about style? It seems to me it's the women he knows and popular culture. I hope that by dressing well and occasionally discussing my interest in fashion, my husband gets exposed to more and is able to make his own preferences. (I'm not really serious about setting out to "train" a man but I think there are some things in which people do want to be trained sometimes.)